Stupid things you say without realising

Carsinian Thau

Worst one I'm guilty of (recently at least) happened in a conversation a few weeks ago when a friend of mine was telling a small group of us about her holiday and happened to mention a guy she had met over there. This was followed by a lull in the conversation which was filled with me saying: "But I thought you had a boyfriend ******." Cue a sea of stormy faces glaring at me and her mumbling something about being dumped.

Later I was accused of being insensitive about her breakup and unfairly accusing her of cheating.

I get what they mean but at the time I was honestly just making conversation.

Any more interesting conversational faux pas' out there?

jester77

: Congratulations!
: eh, what for?
: the baby
*smack*

liah

Me: *drops something* "Oh shít!"
Woman: "Don't curse in front of my child!"
Me: "Oh fúck, sorry!"

:pac:

AnonoBoy

I was on MSN a few weeks back chatting to a friend of mine who is the leader of some country out in the Middle East somewhere. Told him it'd be gas craic to rig an election just to see if he could get away with it.

aido179

When i'm describing what I sell a work, I always end my sentances with "and that sort of stuff" for example:
"oh we do tshirts, bar aprons, polos, and that sort of stuff"
"next wednesday or thursday or that sort of stuff..."
etc etc...sometimes it doesn't even make sense...i think its a nervous reaction. i also tend to fold my arms and pinch my neck under my chin...it took a week of wierd red patches to figure out what i was doing.

dunnomede?

funniest i heard was when a girls watch broke and she said "huh when did that happen?"

Senna

<clicks View all Posts by Senna>

Yep plenty of things

PaulieD

As a young fella after a few beves,

Garda: On the beer laaads?

PaulieD: No, on the vodka ya dope!

Gards: Come here to me you, your going down de station.

TriceMarie

Was with a friend one time in town.
I had a brown belt on my jacket,
which in my state of boredom started to swing and says to her:
"Haha look,brown willy"
Just as I said it,a black man walks by with a look of horror on his face!:eek::o
I could have died!




One night with a different friend,
we were on our way out to the clubs.
Already quite drunk from peach snapps (which I got in Tenerife)
And trying to quote the Carlsberg ad,
I said to her:
"Oh man,peach snapps mmm...:p
If Tenerife did holidays...."
NUU!!!:o DOPE!!:p LOL

Dravokivich

Was walking down O'Connell street with a mate and a junkie came over to us with his hand's cupped... asked us to "help him out..." i promptly replied... "You're already out, run while you've got a headstart"

- Drav!

Pace2008

Waitress: Enjoy your meal!

Me: Thanks, you too!


...


(Oh ****, that doesn't make any sense).

sneakerfreak

"Cheers"

GlindaGale

Talking to a girl I know last week when she said something real smart ass to me (I forget now what it was) but I retorted with "that's what yer ma said". Then the horrible realisation set in that her mother had recently died. Oh god.

TheIrishGrover

Used to work in a arcade/funfair in Cork. Roads went either side of the building but at different levels so part of the funfair was at the level of the upper road and part was at the level of the lower road. Man comes in one day and asks me "Excuse me but is there an upstairs to this building" I replied, without thinking "No, but there's a downstairs" and walked away. 2 secs later: What did I just say?

Sleipnir

Girlfriend when working in Mamas & Papas: "When's your baby due? It must be soon"
Customer: "I had it 6 weeks ago"
"......"

upmeath

Most recent one would have been, "sure it's twelve of one and half a dozen of the other" I'd had a big night out the night before

Fink Goddie

Years ago was talking to a blind woman i worked with, she said how did your debs go, i replied yeh it was great, did you see my photos yet.

DOH!

Amy33

Was talking to a really straight laced girl I had gone to school with who had just had a baby, I said "oh I never knew you had got married", she hadn't...

Dovers

Well wisher- "Ah it's your birthday Dovers Happy Birthday!"

Dovers- "Ah cheers, Happy Birthday!"

Well Wisher- "Eh, it's not my birthday"

Dovers- "Oh yeah, sorry"

Abi

liah wrote: »

Me: *drops something* "Oh shít!"
Woman: "Don't curse in front of my child!"
Me: "Oh fúck, sorry!"

:pac:

I know I've done this before!


A kinda recentish one was on Fathers day. A friend of mine was working on this day and asked me to drop a card into her dad. Now I know her mum has been in hospital (still is) and ask her frequently how she is doing. So I left the car running and legged it in with the card. Her dad had some nice clothes on and the hair was looking good (normally all over the show).. And as fcuking usual because I'm always in a hurry and completely miss the finer details and generally come across as insensitive for it..

I said "Cool, so you going out for a few Fathers day drinks then?"

Him "Well no, I'm going in to see how the wife is doing"


It should have been the first thing that I asked ffs! Mightnt seem like a huge deal, but I felt fcuking stupid :rolleyes:

Aodan83

GlindaGale wrote: »

Talking to a girl I know last week when she said something real smart ass to me (I forget now what it was) but I retorted with "that's what yer ma said". Then the horrible realisation set in that her mother had recently died. Oh god.

Mate of mine did something like this once. Our maths teacher was out for a few weeks and we were told that it was because his wife had died. A few days after he came back, he was singing to himself or something (not in a crazy way) and my mate hears him and goes "I bet you serenade Mrs. X every night, eh" and goes back to what he was doing. I honestly couldn't beleive what I had just heard. Teacher seemed to kind of ignore it, and yerman hadn't a clue what he had just said. Was happy out til I pointed out his mistake.

Stench Blossoms

I wrote a card to someone in hospital

"Miss you like a hole in the head" completely forgetting they actually had a hole in the head.

jigglywoo

Last week I was at a pub quiz in aid of breast cancer. Got inside and I was feeling my hair to see if it was bumpy because I tied it up without brushing it.
Then I said to my friend "I found a lump", totally forgot about the breast cancer thing but luckily nobody else heard me.

Years ago we were in an opticians looking at a variety of coloured lenses. I saw purple ones and said "jaysus you'd look like a f*cking albino with those ones" Then I turned around and a little albino kid was behind me.

A few years ago coming out of school one day same friend was walking beside me but something was in her shoe so she was walking funny. I said to her "stop walking like a retard" but when I looked up two seconds later a little kid was walking towards us a couple feet away with a little zimmer frame.

az2wp0sye65487

orla wrote: »

I wrote a card to someone in hospital

"Miss you like a hole in the head" completely forgetting they actually had a hole in the head.

If I was in hospital with a hole in my head and got that, I like to think it would make me laugh.

Sure isn't laughter the best medicine after all! You probably aided in that person's recovery.

Stench Blossoms

Fletcher Tender Smooch wrote: »

If I was in hospital with a hole in my head and got that, I like to think it would make me laugh.

Sure isn't laughter the best medicine after all! You probably aided in that person's recovery.

Yeh he actually thought it was funny but didn't read it until 2 months later when he came out of his coma.

His family however thought it was very disrespectful

smileysurfer

really put my foot in it when my (black) counsin told me that she was going on holidays and it was 30 degrees there,
me : ''sur you'l come back black''!!
oh dear!! :eek:
Thanksfully She saw the funny side!

SeekUp

I used to work for a literary agency, and when the receptionist used to take lunch or take bathroom breaks, I'd usually fill in and answer the phones. One day during one of her breaks, I'm sitting at the front desk and reading when a coworker comes up to me and asks, "Where's Judy?" "Oh," I said, "she's in the potty."

Apparently I was three years old that day . . .

Busi_Girl08

One day I was with my friends in Penny's, looking at the jeans. One of my friends said something about the buttons on the jeans and if the have a hole in them it means they are cheap crap.

I looked down at the jeans I was wearing (ie the ones I already owned). What does Busi Girl say?

"Oh yay look I don't have a hole, I'm all class!!"

It took me about 10 seconds to realise...

My friend texted me a year later then "Remember when we were in Pennys and you said you were classy because you didn't have a hole? Good times...."

Not my brightest of moments...:o

Maddison

We at home love a nice Chinese takeaway.....son hates it though.


Was walking down Parnell Street in Dublin with the wee man himself.....he is sniffing the air saying ''Ughhhhh mammy the smell of chinese around here is horrible''......guess what nationality everyone around us was....................(well Asian anyway)




And no I do not condone racism of any sort....It was all innocent....It just didnt come out of his mouth that way...I was mortified....Oh and he likes to sing the Bodyform song at the top of his voice on packed buses when his with his dad(his auntie taught him for such occasions!!)

Oh and sitting beside elderly people on the bus is difficult also when he tends to proclaim ''mammy WHATS that smell''.

Thank god I have a car now....

batari

Like most lads, Im guilty of the 'when's it due' sentence.

Old School friend, hadn't seen her in years. Woulda been that sort of, hugs every day in school type of friend. Anyhoo, about two years after I'd last seen her, knowing she was either pregnant or had just 'popped the sprog', in the middle of a strange uncomfortable haven't seen ya in so long silence, I utter the deathly phrase 'when's it due' to the haunt you for years response 'I had him a month ago ya prick'.
Still see her around, strangely enough we walk past each other like we never met.

keefg

.......I Love You.

thealltimelow

your dieing nope i am looking at the wrong one

DazMarz

Working in a Post Office, it's amazing how many little gems you hear:

Customer: How much is a stamp?
Me: 55c anywhere in Ireland, 82c all other countries.
Customer: What about Australia?

(I take a very bulky and large padded envelope through the parcel hatch; as it's being sent outside the EU, they must fill in a customs declaration for it)
Me: if you could just fill that in and put what's in it on the form.
Customer: Ah, there's nothing in it.

-really? didnt realise empty envelopes weigh so much...

(while filling in a Dog Licence for a female customer; I need to know the name and details of the dog's owner... and without thinking I say to her: )
Me: So, is this dog licence for yourself?

(A customer comes tearing in at warp speed, brandishing an envelope at me)
Customer: This has to be there tomorrow! It's really urgent!
Me: Ok, Express Post is €5.50, Courier Post €12.50.
-pause-
Customer: Ah **** it, giz an ordinary stamp. It's not that urgent.

Customer: How much is a 55c stamp?

(a man is in getting a new passport with the Passport Express service; this is his first passport)
Me: so, you've never been abroad before, no?
Customer: Nah, I've always been a bloke.

(I was hungover and feeling quite scaldy when this exchange occurred)
Customer: Hello, what's the best way to get money out of a post office?
Me: with a shotgun and a balaclava.

Customer: Hello, I'd like to open a Post Office account please.
Me: Certainly, no problem.
-I hand him out the necessary form-
Me: Now, I'll need this to be filled in with all details of the account holders, proof of PPSN, proof of identity, proof of address and I need to witness you signing the form.
Customer: **** me, it'd be easier to buy a gun...

(there is a Garda in getting some PMO's for the local sergeant, when a little old lady comes rushing up; the thickness of her glasses indicate she is as blind as a bat.)
Lady: Ooh, I havent missed the post have I?
Me: No, no. Doesnt go out until 3.
Lady Oh good!
-She then proceeds to hand a pile of letters to the stunned Garda
Lady: if you wouldnt mind taking them with you, postie, thank you.


can be a bit of a laugh at times..

keefg

Just remembered another gem from when I was about 14.

Me & a mate were in a busy barber shop one Thurs (must have been school hols) and he asks me as loud as you like....

"What's an oap?"

Me: "Fcuk knows, why'd you ask"

Him: "Says up on the price board that oaps are half price on a Thursday"

Me: " That's O.A.P....... for Old Aged Pensioner you fcukin' idiot"

Lots of dirty looks from all the old codgers in the barbers.

BroomBurner

Unfortunately, most of what I say causes offence or is very stupid.

Randomer phoned our house looking for Joe Broomburner, told him that noone lived here by that name, but that he should try ringing the people in the house behind us, a Broomburner lives there.

In an old job I had, had to ring people to organise appointments. Rang one guy and there was a weird sound, like a cat's death miaow or something. Laughed so hard that I was crying hanging up the phone on him (hadn't said a word). Anyway, thought the laughing fit had stopped, so rang the guy back to apologise, only the laughing started again and I only managed to get the name of the company out before having to hang up on him again.

Oh, and while in primary school, made a card for my teacher who was in hospital. I drew a lovely car on the inside, with balloons coming out of it and "get well soon" written in the balloons. It was only when my mam reminded me that my teacher was in hospital after having to be cut out of a car following a head-on collision that I copped

GrumPy

Me: Can I have a hotdog and chips please?
Waitress: Yes no problem
<pause>
Waitress: Mustard and ketchup?
Me: Hotdog

brummytom

Was in an indian restuarant as a 5 year old. At this time, I was going through a phase of calling people by the colour of their shirts (red lady, blue man etc.); it was inevitable that the Indian waiters would be wearing a black uniform.

Cue me screaming "WHEREE'S THE BLACK MANNNNNN?!!"

---

Also as a young kid in an Indian, mom was explaining to me that "every lady has a baby inside them"... I pointed to a woman and asked (loudly) "Does that lady have a baby in her?"

She ran off crying

Caoimhín

I am always putting my foot in my mouth, for example; about ten years ago a cousin of mine (we shall call him James) died in a tragic accident, only his mother and brother left in the family. Fast forward five years, there was a family reunion and the party was in the same cousins house.

I walked in in front of everyone and felt a little awkward so i decided to run with some small talk. Without thinking i just blurted out, WHERES JAMES?

SeraphIRL

GrumPy wrote: »

Me: Can I have a hotdog and chips please?
Waitress: Yes no problem
<pause>
Waitress: Mustard and ketchup?
Me: Hotdog

ROFL

was there. can vouch that it was indeed legendary! lol

GrumPy

Caoimhín wrote: »

I am always putting my foot in my mouth, for example; about ten years ago a cousin of mine (we shall call him James) died in a tragic accident, only his mother and brother left in the family. Fast forward five years, there was a family reunion and the party was in the same cousins house.

I walked in in front of everyone and felt a little awkward so i decided to run with some small talk. Without thinking i just blurted out, WHERES JAMES?

Oh god,


*cringe*

Michellenman

Friend of mine was walking through town and saw a particularly attractive man wearing a brown jacket. She proceeded to exclaim 'Oh, I'd have that guy in the brown!!'

foxy06

After a really cold night my husband was telling me about the ice on his windscreen that morning "You should have seen my windscreen this morning, it was like glass!" :rolleyes:

Novella

"Can blind people cry??"

Abigayle

Abigayle wrote: »

A kinda recentish one was on Fathers day. A friend of mine was working on this day and asked me to drop a card into her dad.......... And as fcuking usual because I'm always in a hurry and completely miss the finer details and generally come across as insensitive for it..

I said "Cool, so you going out for a few Fathers day drinks then?"

Him "Well no, I'm going in to see how the wife is doing"

My father in law saw a guy he knows running down the street with a suit bag over his shoulder and shouted to him, off somewhere nice? The man was going to his wife's removal :eek:

TriceMarie

Today at starbucks:

Me:"I'll have a vanilla latte please"
Waitress:*mumbles something*
PAUSE
Me:"What else,is that what you asked me?"
Waitress:"No,what size"



Sometimes I honestly need volume buttons on peoples voices:o:p

red_ice

shut your mouth and eat your dinner

Whoze

My God I've loads:

Woman comes into our lecture to talk about voting for class president or something, she finishes by saying 'Thanks a million, Bye!', and then I said really loud (not looking up from my book) 'Ok bye, love you'. It was only when I'd noticed the place was silent that I realised something was wrong.

In the queue at McDonalds last week, I was telling my friend about the time I went into McDonalds and asked for a Mightymac instead of a Big Mac. I was just finished telling her when I got to the front of the line:
Cashier: 'Hi! How can I help you?'
Me: 'Hi, can I have a Mightymac please?'

On the phone to a friend:
Friend: Hello?
Me: Hey
Friend: Hello!
Me: I'm grand!

Friend: Name a famous Irish band quick!
Me: Shrek!

Got quite a few more...:rolleyes:

aligator_am

LOL some of these are well awkward, have been in the same situation myself, there's a guy I work with that only has 1 arm (he has a "hook" (don't know what it's called tbh)) but I was talking to him one day and he was opening a door and carrying stuff in his "good" hand, and I asked him if he "needed a hand", I wanted to laugh because it was so silly, but didn't. Another time he was telling me bout how he had a couple of girls on the go at the same time years ago, and I said to him "ah, sure you were only chancing your arm" I nearly withered, I really felt bad after that but looking back it's actually really funny, and he took no offence, lol his response was to hold up his damaged arm and say "yeah, I lost" lol, sound bloke :D:D

Synods

Researching accommodation for college one day my friend turned around and proclaimed "I can't spell NUIG!"

Nallandnanyways

In a sandwich bar with a mate waiting for our order one day. I had the newspaper up in front of my face, flicking through, we're chatting idly.

I come across an article on the Jade Goody/racism/Celeb BB kerfuffle, and say to him, "Ya see this thing about Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty?" He'd stepped across the other side of the (small) room to get a drink from the fridge or something, so hadnt heard me properly, "Who?" he calls.

"Shilpa Shetty!" shouts I, lowering the paper to look at him. 2 feet away from me, in a now-stony silent cafe, sits an Indian girl and her work-mates, starting icily at me. I wanted to climb into the bin.

Leftyflip

Walking through town one day and my friend kicked me in the leg,
"Oh My God!!!! My leg, why?!?!?! I think you broke it!!!"
Just as a man in a wheelchair (double amputee) went past,
I was like "B*LL*CKS!!!" and then a nun walked past, just as I said it...