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Why do some women do this??

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  • 26-06-2009 2:06pm
    #1
    blondie7
    Registered Users Posts: 582 ✭✭✭


    I'm not sure if this is the correct the forum or not for this thread so i apologise in advance mods! i want to know peoples opinion on this please. Why do women stop dads having regular access to there children after they split?? Surely these women can see there kids wellbeing is the main thing and not there personal feelings?? Now im not saying all women are to blame here, im well aware some men out there:
    a) run away from there responsibilities
    and
    b) arent capable of being a father.

    BUT there are some brilliant dads out there and these women are stopping them having a great relationship with there kids?? I once heard a women say she wouldnt let her ex husband near the kids because there her kids and nobody elses! Do all mothers think the same??


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    #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    No they don't is this personal issues you want help with or a discussion about parenting apart?
    If it about parenting then I suggest we move this to the parenting forum.


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    #3
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Fathers can apply to see their kids cant they ? .

    It's when I read about fathers who kill their children then themselves , sometimes because wife / partner has divorced or left them for somebody else then I think ,you selfish horrible B stad .


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    #4
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    Latchy wrote: »
    It's when I read about fathers who kill their children then themselves , sometimes because wife / partner has divorced or left them for somebody else then I think ,you selfish horrible B stad .
    It's when I read about mothers who kill their children then themselves, sometimes because husband / partner has divorced or left them for somebody else then I think, you selfish horrible B ch.

    Sigh.

    In conclusion, there are bastards on both sides of the fence which shouldn't even be there in the first place.

    Next?


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    #5
    Fiend-Foe
    Registered Users Posts: 481 ✭✭Fiend-Foe


    Have I missed something here? :confused:


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    #6
    blondie7
    Registered Users Posts: 582 ✭✭✭blondie7


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    No they don't is this personal issues you want help with or a discussion about parenting apart?

    No they dont what????


    If it about parenting then I suggest we move this to the parenting forum.

    It was just a general question ACTUALLY!!!!


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    #7
    stevoman
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭stevoman


    the law in this country greatly favours unmarried mothers.

    Example - me and my partner are not married and we have a child.

    If we break up basically when i can see my daughter is at the mothers discretion unless i go to court for access and you may only get access every secong weekend, which is crap for any man who loves his kids.

    If the mother dies the father, if unmarried is not a legal gurdian unless a contract had been made prior to death.

    The law is very very unfair to unmarried fathers in this country and IMO and from experience of some friends who are single fathers its a crap situation as you are left to the peril of the mothers attitude whatever it may be.


    Dont get me wrong some couples manage very well as single parents but there are some lousy cases out there.


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    #8
    partyguinness
    Registered Users Posts: 8,203 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    stevoman wrote: »
    the law in this country greatly favours unmarried mothers.

    Example - me and my partner are not married and we have a child.

    If we break up basically when i can see my daughter is at the mothers discretion unless i go to court for access and you may only get access every secong weekend, which is crap for any man who loves his kids.

    If the mother dies the father, if unmarried is not a legal gurdian unless a contract had been made prior to death.

    The law is very very unfair to unmarried fathers in this country and IMO and from experience of some friends who are single fathers its a crap situation as you are left to the peril of the mothers attitude whatever it may be.


    Dont get me wrong some couples manage very well as single parents but there are some lousy cases out there.


    An unmarried father can apply to the District Court for legal guardianship at any time. In fact it is recommended to do it while relations are good between mother and father.

    But yes, the legal system sees a childs place with their mother as being the natural state of affairs.

    Unfortunately, most of the fathers that go through the legal sytem are sihtbags and give the good ones a bad name. And yes, the mother can break access arrangments at will and there is not a hole lot the father can do..:(


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    #9
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    blondie7 wrote: »
    It was just a general question ACTUALLY!!!!

    Ok then, the Personal issues forum is not the place for general questions so I am moving this to parenting. LAdies and gentle men please keep your hands and arms inside the thread and prepare for forum move.


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    #10
    Kimbot
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 18,576 Mod ✭✭✭✭Kimbot


    Latchy wrote: »
    Fathers can apply to see their kids cant they ? .

    It's when I read about fathers who kill their children then themselves , sometimes because wife / partner has divorced or left them for somebody else then I think ,you selfish horrible B stad .

    You can apply, and it can be granted by the courts but then again if the mother doesn't want you to see the child they can still hold back regardless of the court outcome.

    Until fathers and mothers get equal rights in this country regarding children then it will always be the case that there are "scumbag" fathers out there.


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    #11
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Terodil wrote: »
    It's when I read about mothers who kill their children then themselves, sometimes because husband / partner has divorced or left them for somebody else then I think, you selfish horrible B ch.

    Sigh.

    In conclusion, there are bastards on both sides of the fence which shouldn't even be there in the first place.

    Next?
    Why thank you for stating the obious ( of course there are two sides to the story ) ....next

    jonny24ie wrote: »
    You can apply, and it can be granted by the courts but then again if the mother doesn't want you to see the child they can still hold back regardless of the court outcome.

    Until fathers and mothers get equal rights in this country regarding children then it will always be the case that there are "scumbag" fathers out there.
    Agreed


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    #12
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Anyone, male or female, who uses their children as a tool to inflict suffering on the other parent, or to get back at the other parent make me sick.


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    #13
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    Yes , it's called cutting of your nose to spite your face . Some men and women are very good at that game .


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    #14
    roadrunner 1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 85 ✭✭roadrunner 1


    nesf wrote: »
    Anyone, male or female, who uses their children as a tool to inflict suffering on the other parent, or to get back at the other parent make me sick.


    the best answer and most accurate well done that man


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    #15
    Latchy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 21,191 ✭✭✭✭Latchy


    nesf wrote: »
    Anyone, male or female, who uses their children as a tool to inflict suffering on the other parent, or to get back at the other parent make me sick.
    Specially when they take the childrens life .


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    #16
    Deliverance
    Registered Users Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭Deliverance


    nesf wrote: »
    Anyone, male or female, who uses their children as a tool to inflict suffering on the other parent, or to get back at the other parent make me sick.
    Do you have experience of this yourself? Or are you trying to propogate an argument?


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    #17
    deisemum
    Registered Users Posts: 5,588 ✭✭✭deisemum


    I think any parent who prevents the other parent from seeing their child/ren is a poor excuse of a parent, it's a really spiteful and nasty thing to do. I'm excluding those where there are genuine issues of abuse, not the made up abuse allegations that some start accusing the other parent of doing.

    My hubby and I separated for 6 months about 7 years ago. For practical reasons our children and myself stayed in the family home but their Dad had access to them whenever he wanted or was practical. Both my hubby and I did our utmost to minimise any distress on our children. They went to their Dad every 2nd weekend and on the plus side it was nice to get some time to myself.


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    #18
    nesf
    Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Deliverance wrote: »
    Do you have experience of this yourself? Or are you trying to propogate an argument?

    Not personally thankfully, have seen it with relations of mine. It's inexcusable in my opinion. My aunt's ex-husband once burned all the children's toys because she wouldn't give him money to go gambling with.


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    #19
    Ivona Tinkle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 124 ✭✭Ivona Tinkle


    A lot of times people are pointing fingers at mothers not giving access to fathers and maybe if people knew the real reasons in some cases they might not point fingers

    My friend split up with her ex 2 years ago he was never interested in the children only wanting to keep her under his thumb he was a regular drug user and used the children's allowance to fund his nights out while the children lived on the bare essentials

    The example he showed his young son was "the garda are scum went robbing shops with him and told this six year old baby that punching someone was right he beated and emotionally abused his mother in front of him everyday

    now this man stands up in front of the courts and claims she was unfit thankfully the judge sees him for what he actually is

    He seriously wants full custody to claim a house and the benefits to fund his criminal life

    What im saying is the courts are there for a reason, granted some great dads fall through the slips which is very unfortunate for the child, because sometimes the mothers of the children are vindictive and use their children in their personal fights and the children are missing out on a proper upbringing.

    Just remember the children will make up their own minds when they are old enough.

    Just remember sometimes children are at risk and the laws are there to protect them


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    #20
    blondie7
    Registered Users Posts: 582 ✭✭✭blondie7


    [quote= Just remember the children will make up their own minds when they are old enough. [/quote]

    All very well saying this but if the childs dad is barely around them when there younger that child will grow up thinking daddy isnt really interested in me and doesnt love me, when in fact daddy wanted to be there but mammy was a selfish cow who stopped him!!!


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    #21
    lalalulu
    Registered Users Posts: 186 ✭✭lalalulu


    blondie7 wrote: »
    All very well saying this but if the childs dad is barely around them when there younger that child will grow up thinking daddy isnt really interested in me and doesnt love me, when in fact daddy wanted to be there but mammy was a selfish cow who stopped him!!!


    Daddy surely will explain to the child why he wasn't around and how much he wanted to be around. He could write letter's saying how much he wanted to be there but certain circumstances didn't allow it! All children become adults and will realise what was going on when they were younger...


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    #22
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    I was that child, and let me tell you the kids suffer the most.

    My mum is Irish and my Dad is English,they married in England, had us,and then had an extremely bitter divorce.

    We,the kids, flew back to Ireland with my Mum. I was meant to go over to him every summer but often at the last minute she would tell me I wasn't going, because of something he had done to annoy her.This used to absolutely rip me apart. You want to see your Dad every day, I often wasn't seeing from years on end due to her whims.

    Eventually my Dad actually had a nervous break down from the not knowing and the last thing he sent me was a letter ten yrs ago saying 'I cant take it anymore I can only have peace of mind if cut off all contact'.That's the last time I heard from him.Ive tried contacting him since but he doesn't answer.

    My mum always treated me brilliantly but I was always angry at her for using me as a tool against him. I sat down and had this conversation with her recently. She said he treated her very badly and when you hate your ex partner so much its very hard to think from the child' s point of view or be civil to the ex. She says there is no hate like when love turns to hate and she's sorry but that's what happened. I forgive her cause I know he treated her badly and what she did was a human thing to do. However if I ever end up in that situation I will NEVER put my kids through that as it put me through hurt for years and totally ruined my relatonship with my father. Try to put the kids before your feelings for your ex.


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