Mixed Bunch, dunno if they have been posted or not but thought i would share :)

GAAman

A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.


He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price



He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him

Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea.. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked return it tomorrow and get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.

So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.

The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is this Thursday.

_________________________________________________________________

Results of a recent research shows that there are

7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.

* This kind of sex happens when you first meet

someone and you both have sex until you are

blue in the face.


The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner

for a short time and you are so needy you will

have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.

* This is when you have been with your partner

for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and

you usually have sex only in your bedroom.


The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex

* This is when you have been with your partner

for too long. When you pass each other in the

hallway you both say "screw you."


The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.

* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun

in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)


The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.

* This is when you cannot stand your wife any

more. She takes you to court and screws you

in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Welfare Sex.

* You get a little each month.

But not enough to enjoy your self.

_________________________________________________________________

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother

2. He liked Gospel

3. He didn't get a fair trial




But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business

2. He lived at home until he was 33

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God




But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands

2. He had wine with His meals

3. He used olive oil




But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair

2. He walked around barefoot all the time

3. He started a new religion




But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature

2. He ate a lot of fish

3. He talked about the Great Spirit



But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.



But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

Podge2k7

Good stuff GAAman!