TAKING CHILDREN OUT OF SCHOOL

DAVE_K

My ex wife is taking our children back to Indonesia for Xmas....not a problem.
However the only suitable flights she can get go from 9 December to 20 January.
This is about 6 weeks. My boy though is starting school this year and I'm worried that missing a month of school (2 weeks for Xmas holidays from school) may
be good for him or secondly possibly the school won't like it. I might be making too much of it and based
on the situation i'm in it's hard to look objectively at it (because I will miss him and my girl for 6 weeks), so basically if
its cool as long as his development goes I'll live with it.
Has anybody any advice on this?

seamus

6 weeks does seem a bit excessive, especially considering that the child has 8 weeks free in the Summer - why can't she bring him then?

Maybe point out to her that she's not acting in the best interests of the children and perhaps she's only taking them along for her own benefit.

Moonbeam

Personally I do not think that it is acceptable.
It is too much school to miss and you miss christmas with them.

DAVE_K

If i mention Xmas and me not spending time with them - it'll be turned into "you selfish b*stard" thing. I will miss them and they'll miss Xmas (seeing as they are going to a Muslim family in a Muslim place, they will literally miss it).

She (says she) can't wait til next summer because she really wants to see her parents and they want to see her and kids (can't fault any of this). It irks me though when this is put above what is best for the kids, especially when it comes to their development..................but apparently everyone does it, her friends do it etc, etc. My son went back to Indonesia when he was about 2 1/2 before right when he was starting to talk for about 6 weeks then and *(whether or not it had any effect on him who can say) he had speech problems in the year after that and had to go to a speech therapist. He's OK now but just about and i'd hate to see his development effected because of this.

patchybaby

the school may have something to say about it coz i know they're clamping down....it's a lot of time for the wee wan to be off school....without getting personal....you do have a say in this you know.....i personally wud say something to your ex....

seamus

Ultimately you can of course prevent her from taking the child out of the country, but obviously you don't want it to go down that messy road.

I know a large number of people who work with children, and you are right - children who come from a largely non-Irish background can have speech/pronounciation difficulties because they are hearing one strong accent at home, but mixing with Irish accents socially. The same effect can sometimes be seen in children with native english-speaking parents but a foreign au pair or nanny who may have a strong accent.

Aside from convincing her that the child needs to spend time in school (does she plan on doing this every year?) or taking the extreme action of not giving her permission to take him outside of the country, I don't think there's much advice anyone here can give you unfortunately. There may be a limit on the number of days which a child can be absent from school (where the child isn't ill) before social services get involved. Maybe ask to the school about this. If you can say that the child is obliged to be in school for a certain amount of time, that would be your biggest bargaining chip.

It's very selfish of her to want to take the child away for six weeks.

DAVE_K

thanks for the advice guys..............just really wanted to bounce it off someone..........mates don't really want to know this stuff.......if i told my own family they'd be straight on the buzzer to her. It's hard to look at this things with any perspective when you're in the middle of the situation.

oh well

how about you investigating some alternative flights - is it really that impossible to have a shorter length of stay away considering the amount of daily flights to and from that area? If you can find flights which wouldn't necessitate such a long stay away from school, you could use the argument against missing so much school time with the proposal for the alternative flights you've worked out. After missing 20 days from school (certified or uncertified) that the school must inform the Dept. However, seeing as the Govt doesn't work too fast on most child welfare items, I wouldn't think that much would come of it other than it would go on the child's report. However, as long as it was a once off, I do also think that the experience of a long stay in another country and culture could be great. Best of luck.

rainbowtrout

seamus wrote: »

There may be a limit on the number of days which a child can be absent from school (where the child isn't ill) before social services get involved. Maybe ask to the school about this. If you can say that the child is obliged to be in school for a certain amount of time, that would be your biggest bargaining chip.

It's very selfish of her to want to take the child away for six weeks.

It's 20 days. If they are missing for a total of 20 days which they will by the sounds of it, and he could miss days between september and december as well, the school is obliged to make a report to the National Education Welfare Board who may choose to follow it up by paying you a visit. It doesn't matter what reason they are absent for, even if it is sickness.

http://www.newb.ie/faq/parents.asp
http://www.newb.ie/faq/schools.asp


Can she not go for a shorter period of time. Six weeks is a long time

BaileysComet

But if the children are going to a Muslim environment and will not be celebrating Christmas, why is it so important to take them at that time?

Regading missing school, would it be possible to bring some schoolwork with them? Could they bring some of their schoolbooks and do some work over there? Not enough to ruin their holiday but something to help them keep up a little.

sachamama

anything that happens from heron in is setting a precident for the following year. did you get to spend time with your children last christmas? will you get to see them next christmas? its not just christmas, its new year too. is this fair to your children to be away from you during this holiday period? you have to consider all these things as well as the school issue.

and if christmas time is not important in a muslim country, then I agree with the earlier poster, why not arrange for your ex take them during the summertime?

luckat

Can the school set work for the children to do, so they will keep up with the rest of the class?

A long visit to Indonesia is pretty educational in itself! Maybe part of the homework could be a series of reports on the Indonesian way of life and the differences from Ireland?

mymo

With regard to missing the days - my daughter missed 31 days a couple of years ago due to bouts of tonsillitis, (3 to 5 days at a time) she was quite ill and had been to doctor on each occasion. The school called me and told me they would have to report it even though I had kept her up to date with schoolwork. In her class is a child who goes to Australia for 2 months every winter to visit relatives. She also had two weeks off for holiday during year. The school referred to this as cultural enrichment.
So whether school allows this depends on school.
As a single parent, I would find it very difficult to have my child go away for 6 weeks, especially at christmas. 6 weeks is a long time to be away at any time, I would be asking ex to break it into 2 hols, maybe one in summer or at Easter.

byhookorbycrook

Mymo, it is not a question of a school "allowing" this, the school have a legal duty to report any child who misses 20 days, whatever the reason.

kizzyr

Is it not in any way possible for your ex-wife's family to travel to Ireland to see their grandchildren? That way they get to complete the school time they need, have Christmas and you won't have to be separated from them for so long.

BlackandGold

It is not up to the school to set work for 6 weeks for someone who is being take out for holidays!!!! It's not a course you know where work can be set for a particular time frame! The child needs to be at school. There's far too much work to be missed in this length of time. He'll come back and perhaps be a little behind and parents will wonder why!!!

I don't think it's fair she's taking them for so long, particularly at Xmas time when it's such a family orientated time. Speak to her about this. If she has flights booked at this stage there's little that can be done, but speak to her.

jmbkay

Schools have to report it to the National Education Welfare Board if a child misses 20 days or more.

pickarooney

BlackandGold wrote: »

The child needs to be at school. There's far too much work to be missed in this length of time. He'll come back and perhaps be a little behind and parents will wonder why!!!

I think this a little melodramatic given that the child is just starting school. I'm not sure how much 'work' they do at that age but i'm sure any adult would be able to teach them anything they're likely to learn in 6 weeks. What he'll learn in the same period in a different cultural environment would most likely outweigh the missed school time.

But, there are still two issues here - your ex's refusal to play ball (and calling you selfish?) and the aforementioned legal ramifications.

Nevyn

Geting a child which is new to the school routine is importnat and them missing that ammount of shool will have them unsettled and can unsettle and disrupt the class as a whole.

The Big Red Button

What age is he? Is keeping him out of school for another year an option? I know it's extreme, but missing that amount of school really could have a long-term effect on his social development as well as his academic development. I remember missing one afternoon in school when the teacher was explaining long division, I never ended up getting the hang of in since

Of course, there wouldn't be much point in keeping him out for a year if she's planning on doing this every Christmas!

PinkTulips

the new regs say if a child racks up 20 missed days it's automatically reported to the health board and you face investigation by them if there ism't a reasonable excuse such as illness.

not to mention that personally i think you should fight your corner about her taking them away at christmas... that's selfish of her.

she chose to live her life here and raise her kids here, she needs to learn to live with that choice. waiting until next summer to see the relatives won't hurt anyone, going away for 6 weeks in the middle of her childs first year of school could do huge damage

iguana

What school work the child will miss is pretty negligible at this age as long as the parent keeps up with their learning. However if the boy has just started school his friendships with the other pupils will still be new. Being gone for what is a very long time to children he could very easily return to school to find any friends he has made have moved on. He could find it quite hard to fit in again when he comes back.

byhookorbycrook

not the only teacher here, Black and Gold!

LegacyUser

BlackandGold wrote: »

As a primary school teacher myself I think I'm in a better position to judge whether missing this length of time is damaging or not.

Better than whom ?

Any parents on the forum will have a good idea of the effect of removing a child from school.

BlackandGold

Unregistered wrote: »

Better than whom ?

Any parents on the forum will have a good idea of the effect of removing a child from school.

Surprisingly, they don't! Then complain why little Johnny can't do long division, or is finding it difficult to make friends!

Nevyn

A fair few parents here have satated that it is not a good idea for a child to miss that much school, myself included so can we have no high horses or tarring with the same brush please.

LegacyUser

Dont remove your children from school is a ridiculous thing to do!!!