Farmer John!

dak

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW...SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a
new sign:
SLOW...CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers? Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've
got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be
something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY

GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

Slidey

Farmer John had a Rooster that was forever trying to mate with anything that moved.

He told chris the rooster that if he didnt stop he would end up killing himself. That really didnt deter Chris and the very next day he was found hassling 2 cats over by the byre.

The very next morning the farmer looked out his kitchen window to see Chris lying on his side in the field and 3 vultures circling overhead.

The farmer is visibly upset and goes out into the field. Jesus Chris he says, I told you all that millarkey would be the death of you. Now that your dead, what will all my chickens do?

Will ya shush, says Chris, You'll blow me cover

dak

Farmer John was taking his cow and it's newborn calf to sell
in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by
thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and
tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John's
clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however, left the
newborn calf behind.

Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to
a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the third
day, some neighbors happened to pass by. They recognized
John and untied him.

When they did, farmer John picked up a long stick and
started whipping the calf with it.

'Why are you thrashing the poor calf?' his neighbors asked?

To which farmer John replied, 'I had to tell this beast for the
past two days repeatedly...I am NOT your mother! I am
NOT your mother!!!'