K K K (boo Phil Ivey) - my 3k post

YULETIRED

my 3k post. I'm very bored and confined to da sofa so I thought I'd do a 3k post. I know nothing about poker except for the below. So here is my entire knowledge of poker in ABC format.

it might be hard to read but that's how it pssted and I don't like editing as much as waffling

Aggression In poker agression is very important, especially LIVE poker, at the braek sometimes it can be difficult to get at the chicken, player X may hog the plate what you need to do here is push him in the face with your palm and grab the chicken. If you don't do this he will bully off the suasages

Bab beats: Nobody cares about bad beats, NOBODY. now what is your favourite TV programme. btw, spend more time on yer bad breath.

Card dead: Nobody is card dead as we all get two cards dealt to us, you can only be card dad if you play online max the credit card and then try to buy a delux bra in Marks and Sparks

Dealers : Dealers do an important job and it's rude to stare at their boobs, especially if it is a bloke. If they snigger at you it's because you are either funny
or a donk. I'm hoping it's the former.

Erections: it's best to refuse to stand up and leave the table until the ol erection has calmed down, if the TD insists, flash him a look at your groin,
this should buy you a few minutes composure time, of course in some cases this can have a different result and the TD may extend the break and
take you for coffee, not naming any names

Folding: There is no harm in folding some rosy cheeked big blind will say to you. What he really means is, 'raise me and I fold' he'll
show you 7, 2 and call you a bowsie.

Game selection : this is important, don't sit down with 2k at a 5-10 game at a regular casino game, instead save it for the game at the national ploughing championship

Helmuth and Hendrix : How can one be alive and the other dead,

Ivey : A cowarldy poker player, I challenged him to a game of golf for 100 dollars in the Bahamas and he laughed nervously and declined.
(to play for lower would be redic imo)

Jennifer Harman : I can't make my mind up if I would or wouldn't , feck it I would, when yer beat yer beat sometimes you have to give it up.

KK v A rag : the most annoying beat in poker in my view, and has haunted me since I took up the game, well that and fried chicken belly.

LoLliverpool: This thought Helps me contend with my many bad beats FHaCT

Moderators Meh

Norman X ; The smigel of live poker in Dublin

Oover the top : I was explaining a hand to someone in work when a colleague walked by overheard me say, he came over the top of me, he looked
a little startled, wtf, it's a standard poker move, especially if I was as active and I had said i was.


Padriag Parkinson ; just got married to a fine womanz and lost me 20 euro as I was convinced he was boning Jessie May, hmmmmm?

QQ (da ladies) iike all ladies, the can seduce you into thinking you've got the world in your hand, you are mostly fkd at this stage

Reads : some reads I've picked up, when Phil ivey is looking straight ahead and breathing normally, he is bluffing, but when he is
looking straight AHEAD and breathing normally, he has a monster, remeber this. Anyone singing during a hand is usually singing to help them get over the trashy hand they have.

Snap call : never snap call, even if you have da nutz, ONE MORE PEEK AT THE HAND , this is advice for people like me who are going slowly blind
and oft mistake EG a 6 for an 8. I had Quad 8s one time that was demoted to two pair when vision adjusted

Trapping : The best way to trap someone is to sing, people always mistake this as a weakness.

Under the Gun ; means you are officially the 1st to act , however this doesn't stop plyers in the fitz, SE and jackpot throwing in thier hands before you
and moaning about card death .

Vicky Cowen ; now presentS Univerity Challange, I'd give her a starter for 10 so I would , so I would

Weddings : We had parky, next I bet will be Flushdraw and WES, (I know how this reads)

X-rated potty mouths : they are everywhere, you call them down with A high and they say they will fk you for that later on, I prefer the term 'make love'

Yankees : What ARE they talking about?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, wake up what did you expect I'm not Hector jelly I'll have you know

dougee19

You forgot M, very nice though!

Jayminator

I think its Vicky Coren not Cowen but either way i deffo would.....

YULETIRED

dougee19 wrote: »

You forgot M, very nice though!

corrected. So there are 26 letters in the Alphabet. cool

5starpool

Very racist thread title Willie...

RoadSweeper

What about solskjaer's posts? More than 3k imo

YULETIRED

5starpool wrote: »

Very racist thread title Willie...

feel free to edit it if it's agianst the rules.

KevIRL

YULETIRED wrote: »

Moderators Meh

5starpool wrote: »

Very racist thread title Willie...

YULETIRED wrote: »

LoL liverpool

obv

Gillybean72

YULETIRED wrote: »

Weddings : We had parky, next I bet will be Flushdraw and WES, (I know how this reads)

What a way to find out that these two were uhm.. together?

califano

Who said Irish players are just not 'cutting it'.

MartinPride

I rofl'ed

Enzo Scifo

Oover the top : I was explaining a hand to someone in work when a colleague walked by overheard me say, he came over the top of me, he looked
a little startled, wtf, it's a standard poker move, especially if I was as active and I had said i was.

My mate was reading a text I sent to him at work about how I got sucked out on , 1 girl had heard it was about poker, the other 2 which become 42 have a different image in their mind.

Whyno

Ivey soul read you willie and new u were a golf hustler...Playin golf for heads up 4rollz v u would defo be -ev

eagle eye

Ugh I lost my muse, sorry Willie I was gonna do a rap but its not complete. Maybe I wil get to finish it later.

Hitchhiker's Guide to...

That's excellent Willie

Tar.Aldarion

Helmuth and Hendrix : How can one be alive and the other dead,

If I was drinking something while I read this it would have come out of more orifices than I know of.

bantee

Great post, WP WP sir

smurph

I actually cried reading this.

You are indeed a genius

El Stuntman

you forgot the sections on 'poker nicknames' and 'lending $$$ to degens'

other than that, great work

Theresalwaysone

Seems like Im the only one to not find this at all funny.

YULETIRED

thanks folks for the compliments, I agree with Theresea a little, it not hugely funny but It was just meant to be a bit of fun, sorry for distracting you fromm your normal japery Theresea.

and don't worry you are probably not the only one, deffo not, they probably just don't feel the need to post about it. at least a fail pic please.

will do better next time when Im not shingled out of my head

eagle eye

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Seems like Im the only one to not find this at all funny.

Actually you are, maybe you should see a shrink.;)

hotspur

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Seems like Im the only one to not find this at all funny.

Show some respect for the dead will you! Yuletired did die of shingles right? I just presumed that was posted posthumously and all our thanks were a mark of respect for the passing of a funny man.

*Remembers last time I did this kind of thing - back in secondary school a friend took a day off to go to the dentist and I told everyone it had been orthodontic surgery which had required a general anesthetic and he had died under it. Everyone pretty much believed it but not many cared because he wasn't that popular. The next day after school when I was with him a guy came up to me and started chatting to me and after about 30 seconds he looks at my friend furrows his brow and says matter-of-factly "I thought you were dead?".*

YULETIRED

hotspur wrote: »

Show some respect for the dead will you! Yuletired did die of shingles right? I just presumed that was posted posthumously and all our thanks were a mark of respect for the passing of a funny man.

*Remembers last time I did this kind of thing - back in secondary school a friend took a day off to go to the dentist and I told everyone it had been orthodontic surgery which had required a general anesthetic and he had died under it. Everyone pretty much believed it but not many cared because he wasn't that popular. The next day after school when I was with him a guy came up to me and started chatting to me and after about 30 seconds he looks at my friend furrows his brow and says matter-of-factly "I thought you were dead?".*

I thought the same when I saw Derek Davis last year in Dalkey.

I actually died last Friday and posted it in the paranormal forum, the mods moved it here due to lack of proof. They are welcome to come smell the body . 2 showrs a day and still I stink of death. muhahaha off to a midnightish Harry Potter film (not my bag but it's an outing)

hotspur

YULETIRED wrote: »

off to a midnightish Harry Potter film

Midnight? Are you sure you're not gatecrashing a special screening for paeodophiles, gotta have something to talk about on the car journey home to the dungeon imo.

YULETIRED

hotspur wrote: »

Midnight? Are you sure you're not gatecrashing a special screening for paeodophiles, gotta have something to talk about on the car journey home to the dungeon imo.

i'm not part of the harry Potter fan club, my 1st movie to see , I'm being briefed beforhand but I expect not to be listening 100% i would nt mind I have to go see drag me to hell alone, probably for the best.

Icarus152

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Seems like Im the only one to not find this at all funny.

This is not unusual for you.

hotspur wrote: »

Show some respect for the dead will you! Yuletired did die of shingles right? I just presumed that was posted posthumously and all our thanks were a mark of respect for the passing of a funny man.

*Remembers last time I did this kind of thing - back in secondary school a friend took a day off to go to the dentist and I told everyone it had been orthodontic surgery which had required a general anesthetic and he had died under it. Everyone pretty much believed it but not many cared because he wasn't that popular. The next day after school when I was with him a guy came up to me and started chatting to me and after about 30 seconds he looks at my friend furrows his brow and says matter-of-factly "I thought you were dead?".*

Hotspur,I like your poasts alot but sometimes I do wonder if you are a patient in psychotherapy with delusions of being a student.



P.S. Sorry to hear about your death Yuletired

bops

YULETIRED wrote: »

Game selection : this is important, don't sit down with 2k at a 5-10 game at a regular casino game, instead save it for the game at the national ploughing championship

and i thought you had learned nothing in all your (waisted) time here


btw it's the coursing not the ploughing you pale chimp

toHex

Theresalwaysone wrote: »

Seems like Im the only one to not find this at all funny.

There's always one.