Girlfriend acting a bit strange IMO

YT

Could your girlfriend possibly be suffering from post natal depression?

hoochis

TheCityManager wrote: »

I think he means break up with her ???

I know what he means. I did not realize what else it could have meant until I saw your post. Breaking up with her is OTT. Its a pretty crap thing to refuse to let him out with her me thinks, especially seeing as he has anxiety issues. Thats going to boost his confidence no end telling him he would feel out of place in a club!

Oryx

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here again,

Thanks for all the replies,

Having read the posts on this tread, I believe that it is my jealousy that is causing the whole problem. Most posters here do not seem to have a problem with their OH flirting.

Anyway, she will be going out again this weekend so hopefully I can control my emotions afterwards. If I cant, I feel the best thing to do would be to leave her off the hook. She is still young and I cant drag her down with me. While it would tear me apart, it would probably be best in the long run.

This comment sounds quite selfish, imo, even though you mean it to come across as selfless. You seem depressed and as part of that, instead of tackling the problem within yourself thats causing the issue with your girlfriend, you prefer to flush the whole relationship down the toilet in an act of warped martyrdom.

If you want to break up, then do. But dont paint it as if youre doing her a favour, when who knows whether you are or not. Only break up if YOU want to. If you dont, then put your energy into sorting your problems and making your gf happy.

Martyrs may get good press in the bible, but in real life they are wearying to be around.

LegacyUser

dodgy - alarms ringin in my head
your OH isnt to be trusted from what I read

talking to guys and wants to stay in hotels then come home and sleep in her own bed
she is talking BS and I'd call her on it!!!!

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

Having read the posts on this tread, I believe that it is my jealousy that is causing the whole problem.

Has she explained the hotel issue btw?

I mean yeah the initial confrontation was problematic but the hotel suggestion was just way out there... has she taken that one back or what? because if she hasn't then you shouldn't beat yourself up so much tbh...

Moomoo1

OP - instead of deciding what the problem is by what a few strangers on a forum say, why not talk to your OH, explain your fears and reservations (rational or irrational) and go on from there?

It doesn't matter in the end whether your feelings are 'right or wrong', the fact is that you have them and your OH, if she's a decent person, has an obligation to at least talk them over with you, and hopefully act in a way that would not exhacerbate them (=the holy grail of compromise). Ie, she can maybe go out but come back by a certain time, not stay elsewhere overnight, etc etc.

Yes, it's bad to be jealous, but it's equally bad to be walked all over...

LauraLoo

"I can understand that she may feel that she has lost out on her youth and it is fine to make up for that now."

Whenever i need a "girls night" i just say it to him and make arrangements. All he asks is that i send him a text to let him know if i'll be late or not and when im hopping into a taxi- if im not too late he'll come and collect me. The same goes for him- when he needs space he goes very quiet and ill make plans and leave him on his own for a while. He also has his own social life where he plays his music with his friend and meets another for coffee or goes off doing arty things with a couple of his friends.


If this is how your OH is feeling, then it certainly needs to be discussed however, if you are currently going through problems yourself, she probobly cant bring herself to discuss how she is feeling when at the moment, in your grief, it all seems to be about how you are feeling. Maybe, in your grief, you have forgotten that she too has feelings and difficulties and instead of your relationship being 50/50, it has become 90/10. It would do you the world of good to try and talk about it without being ruled by your emotions of how you are feeling ie jealous. In your difficulties, it sounds to me that she is juggling motherhood, being a wife to husband going through emotional/behavioural difficulties, going to work. Who is she anymore? Maybe she has lost her identity at a time in her life when she should be discovering it.


"However I would be slightly worried for her going out getting very drunk without me present. Mistakes can and do happen when drink is involved. It would be such a shame to wreck a good relationship especially with a child involved, over a drunken blunder.I am a jealous guy. I hate the thought of my drunken gf flirting with fellas on a night out. Is this wrong?"

You have defensively come on saying you are not controlling. And i am not saying you are controlling, but your reasons for worrying is because you are concerned that she is out of control, and if you are present you can be in control to make sure she makes no mistakes while she is out of control. You are worrying, and you think that you can control that worry by being present with her so you can keep your eye on her behaviour. You are not trying to control her- but you are trying to control your own emotions which is causing perceived controlling behaviour.


"I am insecure too. I have a lot of problems that must drive my gf crazy. Ever since my father died, I have been suffering with some type of social anxiety disorder. Can’t pick up the phone and ring the bank/esb etc. Have to travel an extra 10 miles to get to an atm machine because the nearer one is in the corner of a shop that I have never been inside. Ya, I’m well screwed up alright! My GF knows this and we have talked about it many times before."


If your motives for going out together was to have a good time, rather than to keep your eye on her, she might feel more encouraged to go out and enjoy herself with you. But with your current "social anxiety disorder" maybe she really just needs a break from you? Also, with you feeling insecure because she spoke with men on a night out might make her feel uncomfortable when you are around and she'll be forced to conform to your expectations of her and therefore couldnt possibly let her hair down and defeat the purpose of going out.


"I really do love my GF. She is a perfect mother and great in every other way too. Maybe my insecurities are taking over and I am picking on little things that should not bother me???"

Its ok for some things to bother you i.e staying in a hotel. I completely trust my OH but would be a nervous wreck if he spent the night in a hotel when his home is only 15mins away in a taxi. Especially with work- there are some work places where everyone is sleeping with everyone and most people are already married- so you certainly do have reason to be concerned. At the same time, if I had to come home to a Q&A session at 5am, id want to go anywhere else.

Instead of speculating about whats going on when shes out, what you need to do is gently voice these concerns and accept that they are your insecurities. When you asked questions your OH told you the answers- if she had something to hide, surely she would make up lies and deny talking to any man? By openly discussing it you can hear her point of view.

What you are doing is having insecurities but trying to get her to behave in a way that will not highlight these insecurities. Instead, you need to work on releasing these insecurities and working on yourself. If she changed her ways and conformed to your idealisms then all you would be doing is living a false sense of security. Whats the point in that?

Your grief has triggered an anxiety that led you to display "controlling" behaviour. Although you may not like to be perceived as controlling, its understandable to try to take control of things when you are feeling mostly out of control (i.e your father dying) in order to get rid of the feeling of being out of control. Have you considered going to a counsellor? Maybe you could go to one on your own and then when you ahve your own issues sorted, you both could go together to discuss any underlying issues that are not being addressed?