Scummiest thing you've ever seen ?

Grayson

Now I wasn't present for this one. But a mate swears it actually happened.

They were on the way home after being out on the piss on a bitterly cold january night. On of the guys sees a dead cat on the road. It's completely flattened at this point. So he pours some drink (coke or whatever) over the windscreen of a car, picks up the cat and puts it on the windscreen so it'll freeze there.

All I could think of afterwards was some guy with a kettle of hot water trying to defrost the cat to remove it in the morning.

WindSock

MikeC101 wrote: »

Sometimes when life gets me down, I like to sit back and read this post. I imagine WindSock to be Roy Batty, and I'm Rick Deckard...

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. A man sucking his own willy and spitting it out over the audience off the shoulder of Orion. I watched a woman fire things from her fanny and they nearly hit me. I saw 2 ladyboys having face to face sex in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."

And then I feel better about life.

Thank you, WindSock.

Haha. And whenever I think of these things that I have seen now, I remember this post :pac:

Wattle

Got on a 16 bus a few years back and the bus was completely jammed. Had to stand on the lower deck. Next thing we're approaching a stop and this lad behind me started have a sh1t fit because people were getting off the bus too slowly. He pushes a couple of people and starts swearing at them. I says to him 'look jaysus will you relax'. Bad move. He stands in front of me for a second then proceeds to gob all over my face. I was too shocked to react quickly and off he went on his merry way with his disgusting saliva dripping down my face.

GetWithIt

no1beemerfan wrote: »

A friend of mine is a door to door sales man and one day a man answered the door with a needle hanging out of his neck. Talked away to my friend as if nothing was there!

Wow, there really is nothing that will get rid of door to door sales people.

Squ

poisonated wrote: »

haha I think that story was told about three times already in this thread.

I've told it so many times for so many years, it's obviously entered urban myth status!!!

Squ

Squ wrote: »

poisonated wrote: »

haha I think that story was told about three times already in this thread.

I've told it so many times for so many years, it's obviously entered urban myth status!!!

That, or im not the only one with scummy mates.. And judging by this tread, i'm not.

Gloomtastic!

Our first weekend in Dublin, having moved from the UK. We'd rented a house in Killester and wife was starting work in Eastpoint Business Park the next day, Monday.

We decided to time the journey to work so got the Dart from Killester to Clontarf. We had our kid in a buggy so called the lift. The doors opened and a huge pile of turd was sitting in the middle of the lift. Cue lots of gagging. We carried the buggy down the stairs.

On our way home we purposefully avoided the lift and went up the stairs. We crossed the bridge and called the other lift to take us down to the platform. The doors opened to reveal two junkies having anal sex. The four of us just stared at each other before we politely excused ourselves and turned around to, once again, carry the buggy down the steps.

Needless to say, I always hated calling the lifts at Clontarf from there on. You never knew what to expect!

Targer

When my dog was a puppy she squatted down and dropped a single soft poo onto the kitchen floor, she turned around to sniff the poo then flicked out her tongue and licked it all up, yumm!!

Jonty

Targer wrote: »

When my dog was a puppy she squatted down and dropped a single soft poo onto the kitchen floor, she turned around to sniff the poo then flicked out her tongue and licked it all up, yumm!!

1 pup and no cup!!

Flaker

My sister told me a story of when she was on the bus from Belfast to Dublin and about half an hour into the journey, this girl who was with her mam or something, decided she wanted a sh*t and couldn't wait. So her mam gets an empty crips packet and the girl pulls down her drawers and in front of the whole bus craps into it. Apparantly the smell was horrific. The worst of it was that the girl was about 12 and wasn't "special" as far as my sister could see. She was chatting away normally before and after the deed. As my sister said could she not just have asked the bus driver to stop, hopped off and done on the side of the road? Still scummy but not as bad as inflicting that sight and stink on the rest of the poor souls in the bus. My sister got off at Dundalk as did the woman to deposit the "deposit" in the bin at the station. I'd say that stink hung around till Dublin though.....

Laika1986

I used to work in Penney's, one day there was a horrific smell in the shoe department and no one could figure it out, couple of days later we discovered someone had shat into an ugg boot and left it back

Sappa

Around a decade ago we were crossing through temple bar to the chipper when we encountered an Irish girl was squatting in the door step of a shop taking a huge poo.
Her friend was swigging on a bottle of alcopop and egging her on to cover the step in excrement,needless to say the chip shop was avoided after that sight.

RichieC

Skoby on the luas, scars all over his face with this awful loud mouth girl friend with a big red face and a voice that sounded like gravel. She was giving him guff (I'm siiiick jonnnoooooh)while he was on his iphone trying to score gear for the whole tram to hear.

Oh yes, almost forgot their poor child in a pram

sheikhnguyen

On a booze cruise before Christmas in the early 90s on the slow boat to Holyhead. Back then people would just get the next ferry back, anyway we hit some rough seas on the way back to Dun Laoghaire. The vast majority of people aboard were in a rotten state, cue mass puking, the sick was running down the stairs. It was ****ing unbelievable.

D.Q

A friend of mine had a polish student for a year. This guy was 18.

He had been wetting the bed, on and off since he arrived. He didnt have very good english, so my mates ma wouldnt bring it up, she'd just change the sheets, and say nothing.

Until his family came over. She mentioned it to his Ma, in private, just wondering what the story was. The Ma laughed in reply and said, "oh yes he is very lazy". The chap hadnt been pissing himself in his sleep, he just wasnt arsed getting out of his warm bed in the mornings!

kylith

Squ wrote: »

I've told it so many times for so many years, it's obviously entered urban myth status!!!

You must have been telling it for a very long time indeed. I first came across it in a book called The Big Book of Urban Legends about 20 years ago.

jayteecork

I was in Dublin last month and was queing at the counter in McDonald's on O'Connell street.

Anyway out of nowhere this Dublin female knacker darted up to the counter, closely followed by a Middle Eastern looking security guard.

She started screaming "was the managa. She dat security guard. he wa standin in da tolat watchin me change me SANITARY TOWEL"

It was busy and everybody just looked at each other in shock.

The manager (a female) said "yes madam lets talk outside and she was led out and basically told to fk off I hope"

(fair fks to her though I thought she would have said "fanny pad" or "cnt rag")

Higher

Heard from my mate who was traveling in Colombia that he was with this Irish guy on a 12 hour bus. For the purpose of this story we will call this Irish guy 'Wilson'. Anyway a few hours after the only stop-over on the bus journey Wilson gets the runs. The guy desperately needs to do a ****. He runs up to the driver cabin and starts frantically pleading with the driver to pull over but he refuses. Too dangerous to stop, need to keep to a schedule and so forth. Apparently at this stage Wilson was pouring sweat and was farting every few seconds. The entire bus filled with the most awful smell. Wilson is in near tears trying to hold it in and eventually he just couldn't hold back. He ran up to the driver cabin one last time to beg the driver to pull over. When he didn't Wilson simply pulled down his pants, crouched down and took the most awful **** imaginable in front of the entire bus. Everyone on the bus spent the next five hours holding their mouths, Wilson getting filthy looks from everyone. My friend said he was embarrassed to even be seen talking to the chap after that.

Stercus Accidit

Laika1986 wrote: »

I used to work in Penney's, one day there was a horrific smell in the shoe department and no one could figure it out, couple of days later we discovered someone had shat into an ugg boot and left it back

I lol'd hard! Talk about social commentary!

MiamiMice

Jade Goody

readyletsgo

Higher wrote: »

Heard from my mate who was traveling in Colombia that he was with this Irish guy on a 12 hour bus. For the purpose of this story we will call this Irish guy 'Wilson'. Anyway a few hours after the only stop-over on the bus journey Wilson gets the runs. The guy desperately needs to do a ****. He runs up to the driver cabin and starts frantically pleading with the driver to pull over but he refuses. Too dangerous to stop, need to keep to a schedule and so forth. Apparently at this stage Wilson was pouring sweat and was farting every few seconds. The entire bus filled with the most awful smell. Wilson is in near tears trying to hold it in and eventually he just couldn't hold back. He ran up to the driver cabin one last time to beg the driver to pull over. When he didn't Wilson simply pulled down his pants, crouched down and took the most awful **** imaginable in front of the entire bus. Everyone on the bus spent the next five hours holding their mouths, Wilson getting filthy looks from everyone. My friend said he was embarrassed to even be seen talking to the chap after that.

Ahaha! Brilliant discription! :eek:
Poor fella. , assh0le driver :eek:

Flaker

Stercus Accidit wrote: »

I lol'd hard! Talk about social commentary!

Yeah and the Ugg boots in Penneys aren't that bad...

rainbowdrop

sheikhnguyen wrote: »

On a booze cruise before Christmas in the early 90s on the slow boat to Holyhead. Back then people would just get the next ferry back, anyway we hit some rough seas on the way back to Dun Laoghaire. The vast majority of people aboard were in a rotten state, cue mass puking, the sick was running down the stairs. It was ****ing unbelievable.

I might have been on that very crossing, or at least another rough crossing like that one in the early 90s!

The seas were so rough that people were vomiting everywhere. I was only 13 or 14, but I will never forget the sight of a row of about 15 fellas (including my Dad:P) standing in a line up on deck, puking over the side of the boat. Because of the strong wind, all the puke was blowing back onto the deck and hitting all the fellas in the face!

Random fact: My Dad, and loads of others, were drinking with the comedian Brendan O'Carroll who also happened to be in the boat bar that night. He was having the craic and telling jokes, and everyone was buying him pints of Guinness. Never saw it, but heard that Brendan O'Carroll was supposed to have spent the second half of the crossing puking into the jax:D

housetypeb

rainbowdrop wrote: »

I might have been on that very crossing, or at least another rough crossing like that one in the early 90s!

The seas were so rough that people were vomiting everywhere. I was only 13 or 14, but I will never forget the sight of a row of about 15 fellas (including my Dad:P) standing in a line up on deck, puking over the side of the boat. Because of the strong wind, all the puke was blowing back onto the deck and hitting all the fellas in the face!

Random fact: My Dad, and loads of others, were drinking with the comedian Brendan O'Carroll who also happened to be in the boat bar that night. He was having the craic and telling jokes, and everyone was buying him pints of Guinness. Never saw it, but heard that Brendan O'Carroll was supposed to have spent the second half of the crossing puking into the jax:D

My brother must have been on that crossing too! He told me one crossing took eleven hours and he spent nine of them in the toilet puking and refusing to open the door for anyone,it was every man for himself.

Squ

kylith wrote: »

Squ wrote: »

I've told it so many times for so many years, it's obviously entered urban myth status!!!

You must have been telling it for a very long time indeed. I first came across it in a book called The Big Book of Urban Legends about 20 years ago.

Scumbags probably got the idea from your old book

mortarhate

Couple of scummy things for you all….
In a nightclub in Dublin a few years back and four bouncers were carrying out a youngone who had passed out locked. Each of them were carrying an arm and leg each, with the two lads in front carrying her legs. Apart from her wearing no knickers which was visible to all, she starts to piddle straight out as they try to get her out to the door. She was like a human firehose….
When I was a teenager I had a mate who was a scabby fecker and always wanted whatever you had. This really irritated some of the other lads so they pissed in an empty Budweiser can and let it go cold. When your man appears, they pretended to have a raffle for the can, you know pick a number between 1 and 10. Needless to say, scabby mate won the raffle, whipped up the can and had two or three big mouthfuls before he copped on….
…And finally, I was at a party a few years back and one of my mates asked did I know what a “****e screwball” was. I said no, at which point he disappeared. When he came back he produced a pint glass with someone’s car keys in the bottom and a huge semi-solid dump on top, with steam still coming out. That was my cue to get out of dodge and go home!

Drakares

1210m5g wrote: »

Another time i was standing outside Liverpool street station and this old man walked by me wearing a blue pair of hospital scrub trousers with a large stream of diarrhea flowing down the back. He then jumped in the back door of a crowed bus, within 30 seconds the bus was cleared.

My God that is ****ing hilarious.... :pac:

Seedy Arling

Someone dropping a smelly, guinness fart in a sauna. Perhaps the scummiest and most disgusting thing ever to do, to the other people in the sauna. Some bastard did it down in my gym.

Totally rancid.

Jonah42

Just got sent this, happened before xmas...

A fella decided to drop his jocks and take a dump on the dart, only the rail security guys spotted him. He jumped up and tried to run out the door onto the platform, only forgetting that his jeans were still down at his ankles. Ended up falling through the door and knocking himself out.

You stay classy Bray.

(Here's a pic)

mortarhate

One other thing, dunno if its really scummy or funny, but I used to work with this woman years back who wore a full set of dentures. Her party piece if you were in the pub was to take them out and drop them into your pint when you weren’t looking. Couple of unfortunate victims would be taking a mouthful when she would give them a big gummy smile and only then would they see her choppers in the glass!