Does it bother you if your fella cries?

Das Kitty

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I suppose in our house you wouldn't really be encouraged to entertain self pity you would be expected to get on with it.

I was raised in a similar way, no one had any pity for anyone else. But I'm still a crier (mainly through anger and frustration), it's not my choice to cry, it's a physiological reaction over which I have no control. If I get to a particular level of annoyance my eyes are going to do their thing and I just have to get on with it.

Which is why I have a problem with the below:

But you have to carry things stoicly and solve your own problems. Crying about things is really for children. I mean its a way of telling the world you have a problem and expect others to solve it for you sort of, isn't it really.

Wheras adults should not burden others with their own responsibilities. I mean thats self pity then really isn't it!

I'm not telling the world anything by crying other than, I'm very annoyed and most people tell the world that anyway with glares, words and tone of voice. If I could control my tear ducts I would. I don't sit down weeping expecting to be comforted, I keep going through the tears and over the years have manged to be able to keep my voice steady and tone clear. I don't pity myself or feel sorry for myself, I'm just angry and my eyes are leaking, and you would be wrong to underestimate my getting my point across and articulately express my dissatisfaction due to a bit of saline dripping out of my eyes.

Some people are physiologically different, tears don't come easily to some, that's perfectly fine, but to judge people differently because their body reacts differently to emotion than yours does isn't right. I think a lot of people assume that because they don't cry much that people who do are putting it on in search of an easy way to win an argument or get attention, obviously some people are, but the truth of this is in these people's actions, not what their eyes are up to.

Malari

Crying is more than just tears coming out of your eyes though, in some cases. Babies cry without shedding tears and they are clearly in distress of some sort. If tears are coming out of my eyes in frustrated anger, it's not really an emotional reaction to match what people would expect from tears - hurt, upset, loss of emotional control, etc.

However, I know a woman who will cry when she gets clamped, for example, in the hope that she will not have to pay the fine. I laughed when I heard the story because I know I couldn't do that even if I tried!

I think whether we like it or not, tears are mostly viewed as letting a situation get to you so much that you are considered incapable of dealing with it.

Oh The Humanity

Thats it exactly!

I mean in a way I would LOVE to be able to cry so easily. I find it kind of morbidly fascinating actually.

If I get into a situation I tend to approach it logically. Like if I got clamped I would be thinking, when can I get down to pay the fine, where do I have to go etc....

I saw a girl getting towed due to parking illegally and she was crying. I mean yes its sh1t to get an €80 euro fine but its an inconvenience not dangerous or threatening. Its just a fine. Im not rolling in cash, I would be severely irritated probably but no I wouldn't cry.

shellyboo

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I mean.....if you are not hurt and the other people are not hurt, insurance will cover damage....what is the point of crying!

But... it's not a conscious decision for most people, surely? I don't calculatedly decide "this situation is too emotionally stressful for me, better start crying". It just happens. Was at my cousin's wedding last week and I cried buckets, even at the bloody rehearsal! It's not something you think about, at least it's not for me. Either it happens or it doesn't.

Otis Driftwood

shellyboo wrote: »

But... it's not a conscious decision for most people,

Nail,head,bang!

Its an involuntary reaction to a given situation.

Oh The Humanity

Yeh, I can see that. I think I am actually a little bit jealous/left out you know. I mean am I missing out?!

Why don't I want to cry?

Malari

shellyboo wrote: »

But... it's not a conscious decision for most people, surely? I don't calculatedly decide "this situation is too emotionally stressful for me, better start crying". It just happens. Was at my cousin's wedding last week and I cried buckets, even at the bloody rehearsal! It's not something you think about, at least it's not for me. Either it happens or it doesn't.

You're right, but was it emotional stress that made you cry? Because at a relative's wedding, I can't think of anything that would upset, anger or frustrate me that would prompt me to cry. It's got to be different wiring or something.

We have got so far away from boys crying

Das Kitty

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Yeh, I can see that. I think I am actually a little bit jealous/left out you know. I mean am I missing out?!

Why don't I want to cry?

You're not missing out!

What I would give to feel my emotions fully and have my eyes behave!

You also don't have to deal with people thinking you're being manipulative / unprofessional.

It took a lot of work for me to detach myself from my job just so I won't cry if stuff gets really stressful (only happened ever once), as a result I'm worse at my job, but at least I appear professional, eh?

shellyboo

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Yeh, I can see that. I think I am actually a little bit jealous/left out you know. I mean am I missing out?!

Why don't I want to cry?

It's not about wanting to cry, that's what I'm trying to say! I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I wanted to cry, more like I wanted not to but it was happening anyway.

I think you're better off, to be honest - it can really undermine you if you're crying in any situation. At work, it's a disaster, in your personal life, it can be seen as manipulative.

Anyway, this is a bit OT - we're talking about men crying. It wouldn't bother me, a partner crying, as long as it was in reasonable privacy. I value emotional strength in a partner, so it's attractive to me when men can keep it together in the face of stress or tough emotional situations - but of course, it's also appealing when they can let that emotion out later and vent.

shellyboo

Malari wrote: »

You're right, but was it emotional stress that made you cry? Because at a relative's wedding, I can't think of anything that would upset, anger or frustrate me that would prompt me to cry. It's got to be different wiring or something.

We have got so far away from boys crying

No, that was just tears of joy and happiness and emotion Love, really. Sometimes I cry cos I love people so much

(I'm a total sap, lol)

ciagr297

it doesn't really bother me tbh, as long as its not for every single little thing.

when a male has cried in my presence in the past, i do get a bit panicky cause i know its serious emotion but i tend to be a sympathy crier (which i hate:rolleyes: ) so although i try to comfort him, he ends up comforting me which is daft altogether

but does it bother me him crying though? no. i prefer to know he is not made of stone and is capable of the full set of emotions

gazmc

I have to agree with the post earlier on in this thread.

There are very few things men should cry about!!! Watching Marly and me is not one of them, thats just being Girly!!

1 Sporting events (watching Man Utd or Liverpool in the pub does not count, as Barstoolers are not real fans and only have a connection with their team through a tv)

2 Family Member dies or is born

Simple as....


As for guys crying during fights with their girlfriends OMG grow a pair!!

Acacia

gazmc wrote: »

I have to agree with the post earlier on in this thread.

There are very few things men should cry about!!! Watching Marly and me is not one of them, thats just being Girly!!

1 Sporting events (watching Man Utd or Liverpool in the pub does not count, as Barstoolers are not real fans and only have a connection with their team through a tv)

2 Family Member dies or is born

Simple as....


As for guys crying during fights with their girlfriends OMG grow a pair!!

And this is why I wasn't sure if waraf's post was a piss-take or not...

gazmc

Do you not agree?

shellyboo

gazmc wrote: »

Do you not agree?

I certainly don't. It's that sort of attitude that prevents men from expressing themselves when there's actually something wrong. Fear that they'll be labelled "girly" or "gay".

I think it's really sad that men can't express their emotions without being judged for it.

Gauge

I've witnessed my father cry three times in my whole life- when his mother died, when our dog died, and when he watched Marley and Me.

I guess that officially makes him 'girly' then. :rolleyes:

Novella

I wouldn't mind if my bf cried, I'd be sad and it'd probably upset me though but I wouldn't think any less of him, no way! If my dad cried though.... eek, that'd kill me!

Acacia

gazmc wrote: »

Do you not agree?

No, I don't agree that men crying makes them 'girly' or 'gay'. I don't agree with people repressing their emotions for fear of looking macho... well, I'm just repeating myself at this stage. Basically, just read the reply I gave to waraf a few pages back if you want to know my thoughts on the issue.

Handsome Bob

Hmmmmm I do feel highly embarassed when crying. Living in a house with 6 brothers and no sisters will do that to you. So I rarely cry, only when I'm insanely drunk and I need to get things out of my system will I possibly cry.

I really dread funerals, it's torture keeping it all in.

dfx-

Things I've learned:

• This thread got a lot deeper than I thought:eek:
  
• Waraf's post is the funniest although I'd argue that replace a major injury with a glancing blow to a very prone area
  
• Marley and Me which I haven't seen seems to have some ubiquitous power to make a lot of people cry:eek:

Of course there's nothing wrong with crying. When Rovers were relegated in 2005, there were a lot of young and old familiar faces weeping away to themselves walking away from the ground despite it being on the cards for weeks/months. When it finally hits, you may as well...

Manic Moran

I'm a bit of a petrolhead and love my toys, but I can't recall ever crying after crashing my cars. I was more irked, I think.

Can't honestly recall the last time I had a proper cry. The occasional welling up/lump in throat thing, but nothing beyond that in recent memory. Doesn't mean I don't sulk or withdraw to get some time to myself when required, from time to time, though. Still need to recharge, just different voltage.

NTM

smcgiff

Have cried in public twice since being an adult - One not a bit ashamed about - my mother's funeral cried like a big girl's blouse on and off for a few days. Didn't care if I was in public.

Second time was a lot more inexplicable. I cried (wonders if I should go unregistered for this) while at the cinema when the old woman dropped the diamond into the sea at the end of the film Titanic. Now, I've since watched it on DVD since and nothing - no emotion! I was mortified coming out of the cinema because my eyes were all red and got a good few looks. GF married me later, but she hasn't mentioned it since!

CoachBoone

Bollox to this not crying malark. I couldnt give a **** if I was labelled a "woman" or "gay" or whatever for crying.

Saying that, only certain things set me off. Kids getting hurt/being wronged in some way or another, think Mufasa dying in "the Lion King". Christ, the big fella up stairs was ordering a new ark off Noah.

And memorable Sporting occasions, wins and losses. I remember crying in '99 during the Juventus-United game when Keane showed the world how its done.

Oh The Humanity

dfx- wrote: »

Marley and Me which I haven't seen seems to have some ubiquitous power to make a lot of people cry:eek:

I really, really bet it doesn't !!!

People ALWAYS say that about chick flicks. My friend goes to me a while back 'ah ah, I know you hate chick flicks but you have GOT to see the Notebook....its different !!! ....you WILL cry blah blah...its not the typical predicatable chick flick blah blah'

She was most drunkenly insistant so I took it and watched it. Still no boo hoo !!! :mad:

Das Kitty

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I really, really bet it doesn't !!!

People ALWAYS say that about chick flicks. My friend goes to me a while back 'ah ah, I know you hate chick flicks but you have GOT to see the Notebook....its different !!! ....you WILL cry blah blah...its not the typical predicatable chick flick blah blah'

She was most drunkenly insistant so I took it and watched it. Still no boo hoo !!! :mad:

I didn't even cry at that!

Raze_them_all

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I really, really bet it doesn't !!!

People ALWAYS say that about chick flicks. My friend goes to me a while back 'ah ah, I know you hate chick flicks but you have GOT to see the Notebook....its different !!! ....you WILL cry blah blah...its not the typical predicatable chick flick blah blah'

She was most drunkenly insistant so I took it and watched it. Still no boo hoo !!! :mad:

anyguy that atches the notebook with their oh always gets some after! it's like a rule.

I don't think I've cried apart from the time I was in the room with my grandfather when he died of cancer, but movies never make me cry, I always wonder why people cry at movies since it's all scripted

Loomis

Xiney wrote: »

I think crying is just human.

Then again, it breaks my heart when I see my dad or my husband cry. Absolutely rips it straight out of my chest

I think it's a strange one when it comes to your dad.
The family pet had to be put to sleep recently after 13 years. He was a huge part of the family for so long and everyone was upset. (anyone who has had this happen will understand, lots of people don't because they think it's only a pet, but they totally miss the point).
I was probably the closest to the dog and was fairly upset but tried not thinking about it. I got home from work and my mam and sisters were in bits crying. Hugs all round and I was still fairly ok.
My dad came in later that evening from work and the minute I saw him crying it was wham! Was twice as strange because it was the first time I'd seen him cry - oddly enough I didn't see him cry when his brother and father died. (though probably did, just not in front of his children)

Malari

Raze_them_all wrote: »

anyguy that atches the notebook with their oh always gets some after! it's like a rule.

I think mine was more moved by that film than I was (I was turned on though ). He asked me in bed that night what stories he would need to tell me if I ever forgot him and he wanted to make me remember

994

Ok, i'm male and I cried today while reading "Little Women" ... sorry for letting the side down! jo's such a trooper...

SeekUp

994 wrote: »

Ok, i'm male and I cried today while reading "Little Women" ... sorry for letting the side down! jo's such a trooper...

I was so disappointed by that book.