The Fear

Pighead

Male Pattern Baldness. It's a curse that has been in the Pighead family for at least 4 generations. Most probably longer. A curse that has affected the males of our noble family in cruel and horrible ways (Great Grandaddy's nickname at work was "The Bastard" which he didn't really mind as it sounded kind of menacing but once his hair fell out they started to call him "The Baldy Bastard" which he absolutely hated as it made him sound like he was hairless) The Pighead family has won numerous battles over the years but this is one enemy we have failed to overcome. And now it's Pighead's turn to face the unseen enemy.

The baldness is fast approaching. Like the 12 o clock train from Heuston Station to Limerick junction it hasn't left yet, and it most probably won't leave at 12 but eventually it shall leave the station and chug chug chug it's way to a town called sadsville. Papa Pighead's train pulled in many moons ago and he is as bald as the proverbial shaved fanny. Lucky for him he bagged himself a hot chick (AKA Mammy) before the curse struck.

As Pighead types this now he does so with a good head of hair and a lovely set of sideburns but the onset of baldness cannot be far away. The question is this. Should Pighead ask Miss Piggy to marry him now before the baldness sets in even though he has no desire to get wed or should he play the game of risk and hope she'll marry her baldie lover in five years time when he is ready? The problem with the second option is that there is a fair chance Miss Piggy will spurn her baldie lovers advances as last week when Pighead asked her who she fancied more between Brad Pitt and Phil Mitchell she immediately replied "Brad Pitt of course".

What to do?

togster

thomond2006

Yeah, Mars is better than Snickers.

petes

Ah, I went bald ten years ago when I was 19!!

wudangclan

take out the gillette,apply some foam and shave your head to the bone,get down on bended knee and pop the question.
if she loves the real pighead,the pighead inside,there can be only one answer.

fullstop

Dump her, go on holiday.

Kiera

Bald/shaved is sexy!

Quazzie

Shave her bald then everyone is a level playing field.

Its the only logical conclusion to this story.

joes girls

Maybe your the little piggy thats skipped the shiney head gene, and you will stay hairy until the day you snout it!!!!

But watch out for your little piglet, bet you will pass it on,then you can tell him tales of grandad:)

Bite the bullet and shave it off Pighead.

Or perhaps this swine flue will restore your one time flowing locks?

laoisforliam

Is Miss Piggy not your sister?

Pighead

wudangclan wrote: »

take out the gillette,apply some foam and shave your head to the bone,get down on bended knee and pop the question.
if she loves the real pighead,the pighead inside,there can be only one answer.

Thats easy for you to say from high up there on your pedestal with your full head of shiny hair. Bald people don't have the confidence to get down on bended knee. They barely leave the house for fear of having to speak to people. When was the last time you seen a baldie on the telly? Probably back in the 70's when for a brief period Kojak made hair seem overrated.

Pighead was talking to Papa Pighead and he said that life without hair was like having an invisible hand clasped around your throat squeezing all the life out of you. It's like Chris Brown sings in that catchy song of his "Tell me how i'm supposed to breath with no hair"

RxQueen

do what other baldies on top do... the comb over , just dont go out on a windy day!

spoofilyj

Thats a tricky one alright. Alot of my friends at the moment are going through the early stages of hair loss. I will thankfully not go bald but can understand the fear it causes.
A friend of mine even went to extreme measures where he had a surgical baloon insertted under the skin on the back of his head and gradually inflated over a couple of months and then the excess was transplanted to the top of his head, It actually looks pretty good. I reckon that getting married before your ready is not the best idea. So if/when your hair goes just make light of it. A good one I heard from a college who is bald is "I'm not bald I'm just taller than my hair"
I know its tough but your hair is not what Miss Piggy would be marrying you for... God my post looks like a personel issues type reply not an AH. :-)

Kess73

Baldness is not the problem here. The problem is the name Limerick Junction, when in fact it is in Tipperary.

Now one could argue that the name suggests that it is where you change trains in order to get to Limerick, but that hold no water as you have to change trains there to get to Waterford also, so why not Waterford Junction?


The trains there also continue on to Cork, so why not Cork Junction?


It gets more confusing as it was once called Tipperary Junction but was changed to Limerick Junction. Yet the racecourse beside it was called the Limerick Junction Racecourse but had it's name changed to the Tipperary Racecourse.


Maybe the problem is Tipperary, as it is the one thing that is present here at all times, and in fact it is not really such a long way to Tipperary when you are on this island.


Now if one were to ponder this for too long, it would lead to some head scratching, which may rub hair from the head, which in turn leads to a bald spot.

So maybe male pattern baldness is just a fancy term for what is caused by the Limerick Junction not actually being in Limerick, but by being in Tipperary.


Think about it.

petes

emo!! wrote: »

do what other baldies on top do... the comb over , just dont go out on a windy day!

That has to be the worst thing to do ever when you go bald. Shave it all off!!!

RxQueen

Insurgent wrote: »

That has to be the worst thing to do ever when you go bald. Shave it all off!!!

it is really! , but see soooo many people with it !! :pac:

Shryke

I read somewhere that male baldness comes from the mothers side of the gene pool. It was a news article some while back, I doubt I'd find it but it was interesting enough.
That's not stopping anyone going bald of course.

TheZohanS

Bruce Willis

Patrick Stewart

Vin Diesel

Billy Zane

Homer J. Simpson

All bald. I'm sure the ladies can come up with some more.

petes

emo!! wrote: »

it is really! , but see soooo many people with it !! :pac:

When I see people like that I so want to say something (from one baldie to another) but they are obviously living in denial.

Kiera

TheZohan wrote: »

Bruce Willis

Patrick Stewart

Vin Diesel

Billy Zane

Homer J. Simpson

All bald. I'm sure the ladies can come up with some more.

TheZohan?

RxQueen

Insurgent wrote: »

When I see people like that I so want to say something (from one baldie to another) but they are obviously living in denial.

aye.. somebody i know, recently has began loosing his hair... and has grown it long, but still is bald on top, i think thats way more wrong

TheZohanS

Kiera wrote: »

TheZohan?

No TheZohan has a full head of hair, wouldn't dare cut/shave it.

biko

Fortunately Pighead we now live in a time when it's quite acceptable to shave your head, young and old. Imagine being bald in the 60s.

Kiera

TheZohan wrote: »

No TheZohan has a full head of hair, wouldn't dare cut/shave it.

Crosses TheZohan off her "list".

Rented Mule

Pighead wrote: »

What to do?

Pork her !!

....and then get your soon to be bald ass out of there.

Pighead

Insurgent wrote: »

When I see people like that I so want to say something (from one baldie to another) but they are obviously living in denial.

Are you married yet Insurgent? If so where you a baldie when you asked and if not are you not scared shitless that there's a 50/50 chance that you will die alone and heartbroken?

Dancor

Kiera wrote: »

Bald/shaved is sexy!

Sup

Blazer

Get a star trek uniform and pretend you're Jean Luc Picard..all the women go mad for him..

although you might have a small problem

Smart Bug

Fyp

Pighead wrote: »

Are you married yet Insurgent? If so where you a baldie when you asked and if not are you not scared shitless that there's a 50/50 chance that you will die alone, heartbroken and bald as a cueball?

--Kaiser--

That's funny, I had a theory that guys generally pop the question when they realise they're balding and want to get hitched before it all goes down the plughole

Pop's Diner

Hi Pighead,

I'm afraid suicide is the only option for you now. It'll be best for all concerned, yourself, people who have too look at you every day and of course your future piglets who will no doubt also be cursed with your genes.

Baldies cite Vin Diesel, Patrick Stewart and Bruce Willis as role-models, but lets face it, they were all good looking with hair and are rare exceptions of looking good without it. Even Homer Simpson looked better with his hair and once even scammed his boss out of $1000's because he knew the truth about 'hair makes the man'.

Also don't mind these people who say a shaved head looks good. In reality all it manages to achieve is to make you look 'less bad' then you would otherwise. It's not a solution worth the word.

However if you decide to stay living there is hope for you. I am currently working on finding a cure .... and will become the worlds richest man as a result. Then you'll see how many of this shaved head brigade want to retain their egg-head look when a full head of hair is once again an option for them. Not a single one of them I'd wager.

In the meantime please don't entrap your girlfriend. She deserves better, hairier. Just hang tight in your room there til I find the cure and I will one day set you all free from your affliction for a mere $30 per month.

Alessandra

Nothing wrong with baldies.
Don't make the mistake of the dodgy comb over.. Shave it off now.

It does depend on the shape of your head though.. You don't have an egg head OP do you?

petes

Pighead wrote: »

Are you married yet Insurgent? If so where you a baldie when you asked and if not are you not scared shitless that there's a 50/50 chance that you will die alone and heartbroken?

No not married but I get by

Fratton Fred

Mods,

Can we change Pighead's nick from Pighead to Slaphead??

It would, I guess, be more appropriate.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Pighead wrote: »

As Pighead types this now he does so with a good head of hair and a lovely set of sideburns

Aren't you a ginger?
In that case going bald is an improvment!

ScumLord

I thought baldness slowed down by the time you went over 25? I like having a pattern on my head, full hair is boring and requires womany products to maintain. You can also never be mistaken for a woman and will always be called sir no matter how puny you actually are.

OldGoat

My dear Swine, the answer to your question is not a simple one. The state of your hairline is unimportant to your young piglet despite her choice of Johnny Depp of that Mitchell chap. What we have here is a classic example of what psychiatrists term 'Grooming'.
When faced with equally terrifying choices lab rats stop running, sit and proceed to wash. This is where you are now young Swine. You are afraid to commit yourself to your young piglet and at the same time you are afraid of losing her.

You need to take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and make your decision. It seems to be that you are worrying about her answer when you should be worrying why you don't want to ask her.

Marry her or move on. When you have made that decision you will find that baldness is not as important an issue as you seem to find it right now.


However I know that my words will have little meaning without an anecdote to give breath to the idea. I once had long flowing locks where I stored, Sampson like, my strength, manliness and devilishly handsome good looks. However Mrs. Goat pointed out to me one summers day that my head was shinning in the sunlight. A few moments later I was striding my way to visit the local barber. "A number 3 all over" sez I. Best thing I ever did.
Now I realise that my awesomeness was not in my hair at all, it was in me, just as your awesomeness is in you, not your hair. Mrs. Goat still tickles me under the chin and makes me cocoa. Even more importantly is that now I can proudly take a barstool in the local pub amongst the other manly men, bald and self assured and no longer considered one of the callow shallow vainglorious youth. No more investing large amounts of monies on products to shine, straighten, curl, lift, tint, colour, bleach, lengthen or bouffant your Barnett.
Check the credentials of previous posters Pighead. How many of them are bald? How many of them are even likely to go bald? How many of them are married? From one who has experience of hairiness and baldness and marriedness I can honestly say that Bald is Better.
HTH

Pighead

OldGoat wrote: »

My dear Swine, the answer to your question is not a simple one. The state of your hairline is unimportant to your young piglet despite her choice of Johnny Depp of that Mitchell chap. What we have here is a classic example of what psychiatrists term 'Grooming'.
When faced with equally terrifying choices lab rats stop running, sit and proceed to wash. This is where you are now young Swine. You are afraid to commit yourself to your young piglet and at the same time you are afraid of losing her.

You need to take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and make your decision. It seems to be that you are worrying about her answer when you should be worrying why you don't want to ask her.

Marry her or move on. When you have made that decision you will find that baldness is not as important an issue as you seem to find it right now.


However I know that my words will have little meaning without an anecdote to give breath to the idea. I once had long flowing locks where I stored, Sampson like, my strength, manliness and devilishly handsome good looks. However Mrs. Goat pointed out to me one summers day that my head was shinning in the sunlight. A few moments later I was striding my way to visit the local barber. "A number 3 all over" sez I. Best thing I ever did.
Now I realise that my awesomeness was not in my hair at all, it was in me, just as your awesomeness is in you, not your hair. Mrs. Goat still tickles me under the chin and makes me cocoa. Even more importantly is that now I can proudly take a barstool in the local pub amongst the other manly men, bald and self assured and no longer considered one of the callow shallow vainglorious youth. No more investing large amounts of monies on products to shine, straighten, curl, lift, tint, colour, bleach, lengthen or bouffant your Barnett.
Check the credentials of previous posters Pighead. How many of them are bald? How many of them are even likely to go bald? How many of them are married? From one who has experience of hairiness and baldness and marriedness I can honestly say that Bald is Better.
HTH

It's a lovely post OldGoat, even inspirational in parts but there lies a problem for Pighead with respect to shaving off his beautiful brown (not ginger) hair.

To all the people replying "Ah Pighead, sure it's not a big deal. Just shave it all off and everything will be grand" you're forgetting one important thing. Pighead absolutely loves his sideburns. A life without sideburns would be like a pen with no ink or a bird with no feathers. The sideburns are staying and that's absolutely non-negotiable. Have tried to look for images of bald men with sideburns but they all look ridiculous apart from this cool fellow. http://www.thefootballcardblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/1981-topps-garo-yepremian.jpg

That look wouldn't be too bad but Pighead's not sure if his head is round enough to pull it off.

Pighead

Alessandra wrote: »

Nothing wrong with baldies.
Don't make the mistake of the dodgy comb over.. Shave it off now.

It does depend on the shape of your head though.. You don't have an egg head OP do you?

To all the people replying "Ah Pighead, sure it's not a big deal. Just shave it all off and everything will be grand" you're forgetting one important thing. Pighead absolutely loves his sideburns. A life without sideburns would be like a pen with no ink or a bird with no feathers. The sideburns are staying and that's absolutely non-negotiable. Have tried to look for images of bald men with sideburns but they all look ridiculous apart from this cool fellow. http://www.thefootballcardblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/1981-topps-garo-yepremian.jpg

That look wouldn't be too bad but Pighead's not sure if his head is round enough to pull it off.

coconut5

If she can get over the sideburns, I'm sure she can get over the baldness!

Alessandra

Pighead wrote: »

That look wouldn't be too bad but Pighead's not sure if his head is round enough to pull it off.

Put up a picture and a poll and we'll let you know.


You could join the brotherhood http://www.brotherhoodofbaldpeople.com/blog/index.php?op=Default&postCategoryId=5&blogId=1

Pop's Diner

You could alternatively get a nice toupee Pighead. Think how happy Miss Piggy would be running her fingers thru your hair ..... and it is *your* hair? After all, you did pay for it!