Stupid Self-Inflicted Injuries

az2wp0sye65487

So there I was, having my morning shower; giving the aul purple headed cyclops a scrub - gettin all nice and clean. When, all of a sudden, a frayed finger-nail edge scraped across the top of it! There was that split second of sheer horror where you're afraid to look; but all was well. There was no blood, but it could have worked out a lot worse.

So, what stupid things have you done to cause injury to yourself. Things that you instantly regret...

johnny_knoxvile

you have to lose the fake nails dude!

WeeBushy

Far too many,

Sprained my wrist by punching the ground after losing a pool match,

Broke my toe falling down the stairs completely sober (done that twice actually),

Pulled a muscle in my back picking up my three week old cousin,

And my personal favourite, thought i dislocated my finger in a rugby match so tried a little self treatment by pulling it back into place. Turns out i had actually broken a bone in my hand and just made it worse, the bone was sticking up. Being the eejit I am I played on regardless and needed an operation, six weeks before the lc and got the cast off two days before English paper 1. Four years later my finger is still at a wonky angle, I guess I probably regret that injury the most!

AnonoBoy

Using a scissors to trim one's pubic hair while very stoned can lead to horrendous outcomes...... that's all I'm saying on the matter.

Fajitas!

Microwaved a jam doughnut and burnt my lip and chin. Bastard of a thing to happen. That was 6 years ago and I've not eaten one since.

Das Kitty

I sliced my thumb open (I'm talking the butterflied chicken look) whilst trying to get a tiny bit of foil off a Muller rice tub with an old dirty Stanley knife.

The first worrying thing was that it didn't hurt, the second was that I could make out my thumb's anatomy down to the bone. I wiggled it to see if the tendons were OK, they were but it kinda made my thumb turn inside out and squirt blood on the wall.

They sewed it up but the knuckle lines don't match up with each other anymore.

hick

tore 3 ligaments in my ankle and was on crutches for 6 weeks after tripping off steps while doing a knick knack on one of those fancy Georgian houses off leeson bridge (3am and hammered )

az2wp0sye65487

Das Kitty wrote: »

I sliced my thumb open (I'm talking the butterflied chicken look) whilst trying to get a tiny bit of foil off a Muller rice tub with an old dirty Stanley knife.

The first worrying thing was that it didn't hurt, the second was that I could make out my thumb's anatomy down to the bone. I wiggled it to see if the tendons were OK, they were but it kinda made my thumb turn inside out and squirt blood on the wall.

They sewed it up but the knuckle lines don't match up with each other anymore.

ouch....

piby

I've said this before but I set my finger on fire using the microwave!

Also ****ed up one of my knuckles beating up an ATM machine . . .

Jumpy

Das Kitty wrote: »

I sliced my thumb open (I'm talking the butterflied chicken look) whilst trying to get a tiny bit of foil off a Muller rice tub with an old dirty Stanley knife.

The first worrying thing was that it didn't hurt, the second was that I could make out my thumb's anatomy down to the bone. I wiggled it to see if the tendons were OK, they were but it kinda made my thumb turn inside out and squirt blood on the wall.

They sewed it up but the knuckle lines don't match up with each other anymore.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG *pukes*

The Big Red Button

I got a long straight burn across my tummy taking a pizza out of the oven while tipsy. (It's one of those ovens where the door opens down the way.)

When I was younger (about 6-7) I didn't believe my dad about how dangerous Stanley knives are, so in a fit of rebellion I decided to run the blade across the palm of my hand. There was nothing for about 10 seconds, so I sat there feeling very smug and righteous, then my hand started pumping blood for aaaages. And I was too stubborn to tell my parents so I just waited for it to heal up by itself, don't know how they never noticed, I'd a scar across my hand for years!

Actually I tend to injure my hands and arms a lot (just through clumsiness, nothing intentional!) I've broken both bones in my right arm, got a massive infected burn from an iron on my right wrist, got stabbed with a Stanley blade (again!) and needed 5 stitches on my right arm, got a cigarette burn on the back of my left hand and had a huge painful allergic reaction to the aloe vera stuff I put on it, dislocated a finger, got a wasp sting on my knuckle which stayed swollen for months and is still there ... and those are just some of the more recent ones! I should just stay at home and wrap myself up in cotton wool

Zadkiel

Impaled my foot on a 6 inch masonry nail
The pain was biblical

Fajitas!

chatterpillar wrote: »

When I was younger (about 6-7) I didn't believe my dad about how dangerous Stanley knives are, so in a fit of rebellion I decided to run the blade across the palm of my hand. There was nothing for about 10 seconds, so I sat there feeling very smug and righteous, then my hand started pumping blood for aaaages. And I was too stubborn to tell my parents so I just waited for it to heal up by itself, don't know how they never noticed, I'd a scar across my hand for years!

That made me make that "fffffft" noise people make when they hear tales of other peoples pain. Christ. F*ck. Ouch.

This didn't happen to me, but christ, did it 's up there with the stupidest self injuries... One of the lads decided to climb over one of those 8 foot fences instead of taking the long way around. On getting to the top of the other side of the fence, and trying to jump off, he impaled his shoulder on the spikes at the top and got stuck up there. He wouldn't be the tallest of chaps and had to be lifted back off it to get him down. Stomach still turns at the thoughts of it.

IvyTheTerrible

Speaking of fingers, a relative of my OH has no index finger on her right hand. I'm dying to know what happened to it (morbid curiosity) but I think it would be rude to ask, seeing as I don't know her too well!

IvyTheTerrible

Zadkiel wrote: »

Impaled my foot on a 6 inch masonry nail
The pain was biblical

Fiddle dee dee, did that require a tetanus shot?

xzanti

Got pretty bad carpet burn on my knees once




I was a 6, it was from letting my sister pull me along the carpet..

bluto63

Funny, as i was reading this i was re-stringing my guitar and I managed to stab myself with the ends of one of the strings. It's currently bleeding

KTRIC

Sliced a lump off my thumb when working on my bike. It went down past the skin and I could see the fat :eek:

Did the same thing on my little finger a couple of weeks later.

Have a couple of nice scars on my hand now. Damn I'm hard :cool:

Wossack

have a scar on my hand from when I was younger. Cycling up my driveway on my raleigh burner and my right shoelace gets wound up in the pedals. Que me toppling over 'felled-oak' like, and grinding the top of my hand along the edge of one of the pillars at the entrance to the driveway. Didnt hurt iirc, but was all white and stuff inside


a friends brother was acting the maggot in a scrapyard, walkin over wrecked cars etc and his foot goes through a rusty hole in the roof of one, and tears his kneecap right off :eek:

Pyr0

bluto63 wrote: »

Funny, as i was reading this i was re-stringing my guitar and I managed to stab myself with the ends of one of the strings. It's currently bleeding

Did that with my fretting hand, right into the middle of my thumb. Couldn't rest my thumb against the neck for ages without it killing me.

Similar to what happened to a guy in a previous post, a mate of mine cliimbed up over a fence to pass through a field as a short cut, fell and had his shin impaled on the spikes so he hung there by it. Had to pull himself from it as there was no one around to help ! Painful stuff.

Killme00

Working in a bar in Edinburgh many moons ago, i was slicing Lemons, Oranges and Limes for the shift when the new Jenifer lopez video came on the tv. I proceeded to cut off the tip of my thumb while mesmerised by her ass. With all the lemon and lime juice all over the knife it was very painful. When i told the nurse in the Royal Infirmary what happened she laughed so much she couldnt stitch it back on and had to get soemone else to do it.

keano_afc

Any injury I've had has been self inflicted. Broke my ankle playing dodge ball, just by jumping up and catching the ball and landing awkwardly. Broke a finger by catching a football at a bad angle (hard to explain, this one). Got a very nasty burn on my hand in secondary school by having sword fights with soldering irons. And the best one, I used to work in a printers. One day I was watching plates go through the machine, and for some reason I decided to stick my index finger in between 2 gears. Nearly ripped the whole thing off and I was left with a mangled finger and a very red face.

I'm a lot more careful these days.

Aisling(",)

Managed to burn my stomach with the edge of an iron leaving a nice little scar before.Ironing a top before wearing it and me being the smart person i am leant over to unplug the iron not copping my stomach would hit the burning hot iron.

Have a dent on my shin where i split it to the bone and got 8 stitches in it.fell while jumping from bench to bench in a pool changing room.

Just above that ive another dent and scar which i got from walking into the corner of part of a waltzers rig.bled for aaages but i couldnt make a big deal of it because i was out with a guy I liked and was trying to appear cool.:o

On holiday three weeks ago managed to crash a quad into a pillar and gate taking them both down and thrashing the quad.if the grand and a half in damages wasnnt enough when i flipped the quad bounced my leg off the ground and cracked my head into the ground.Had to go to hospital 3 times over there and was covered in bruises and couldnt walk proparly for days.
lovely big sex bruise was left on my tigh aswell:rolleyes:
http://file049b.bebo.com/13/large/2009/07/10/21/911016142a11201338886l.jpg

Katarn1

Apart from the usual bumps and bruises the worst I got was I fractured tail bone twice. Both times slipped on ice.

First time fell back onto the sharp edge of a small wall that was about 2 foot high and hit it squarely with my tail bone.

Second was durin last ice we had, headin home locked from pub slipped and came down on the edge of the kerb, again, square on the tail bone. Only time I've ever blacked out from pain.....the drink helped though.

jebuz

Sliced my finger with a sheet of tinfoil last week, cut me deep, cut me real deep.

dsmythy

Now now people, self-harming is a serious subject...

When i was younger i jammed my finger in a door. It's a funny sight a finger with no nail on it...

Quazzie

I once accidentally my whole leg!

IvyTheTerrible

dsmythy wrote: »

Now now people, self-harming is a serious subject...

When i was younger i jammed my finger in a door. It's a funny sight a finger with no nail on it...

Ayyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeee :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

IvyTheTerrible

Quazzie wrote: »

I once accidentally my whole leg!

You once accidentally what your whole leg?? Chopped it off? Ate it? Come on don't leave us in suspense! :pac:

Leftyflip

bluto63 wrote: »

Funny, as i was reading this i was re-stringing my guitar and I managed to stab myself with the ends of one of the strings. It's currently bleeding

Pffft, sliced my finger open playing a solo, actually I did it again last night...
I'm off to play guitar...

LeTache

I went into town last night, wearing my usual attire of a beautiful brown top-hat and driving goggles. I was confronted by some drunk scobes in Mcdonald's who stole my beloved hat, seriously injuring my feelings. There's a whole other rambling thread on AH about it, it hurt that much.

petethebrick

Thought it would be a good idea to have a race against my mate on a running track after a night out. As it was dar didn't see that there was a chain across the track at waist level for some reason of other

=> split head open + puke

Thought it would be a good idea to kick what looked like a cardboard box after a night out. It was actually a steel crate

=> split side open + cracked ribs + puke

Jumpy

Zadkiel wrote: »

Impaled my foot on a 6 inch masonry nail
The pain was biblical

I bet you were cross about that

metaoblivia

Way back when I was a teenager, I was running across my room (for no real reason other than to run) tripped over a textbook I left on the floor and sprained my ankle.
Another time, I was in gymnastics class, dismounting the balance beam. First rule of any landing - never land with your feet together. Well, I decided to go ahead and try to land with my feet perfectly together. The insides of my ankles came together so hard it split the skin open on one of them. Funny thing though, I didn't even notice my legs were splattered with blood until about ten minutes after the landing, when I was still trying to "walk it off." I still have a small scar on the inside of my ankle from that.

PatB71

A few years ago cycling to work head down in the wind ,never saw the guy pull into the hard shoulder in front of me.I hit the back of the car and went over the handlebars ..shattered the back windscreen with my head and rolled off the back of the car panned out on the ground.Got around 20 stitches in my head and a hard lesson about wearing helmets.

r3nu4l

I remember practicing throwing my Swiss army knife in the air and as it tumbled around and around I would catch it by the handle on the way down. I did it 7 times in a row, on the eight occasion I caught it by the blade There was much bleeding! (Darwinism in action folks!).

One night after a bottle of wine I was washing up the wine glasses. I stuck the dishcloth into the glass to clean it out and there was a 'cracking' sound, followed by shar pain and the basin water going very red, very quickly. I had cut the ring finger on my left hand to the bone, thankfully not severing a tendon.

I ended up in St Jame's Hospital, a nurse saw me, put on some butterfly sutures and told me to go home and that the doctor could stitch it for me the next day and that it would be fine. The doctor told me the next day that it had started to knit back and she could do nothing. Now it's badly scarred.

Unbelievable the amount of men in their with their hands wrapped in bloodstained tea towels that night!

BlackandGold

My brother had one of those guns when he was smaller - ya know the ones where you can put caps in and shoot and it makes a pop/gun sound??

He was pretending to be a cowboy putting the gun into his trousers until one day, the gun got stuck on his willy! He was roaring in pain. Myself and my mum had a bit of a giggle about it [meanies aren't we!] imagining taking him to the doctor with a gun attached to his willy!!

We got it off, there was no damage done, I think. .. .. .

I was playing rugby at a neighbours house, got rugby tackled to the ground, walloped my head off their cement wall........walked home and showed my Mum who took me to the doctor - I needed a couple of stitches. The worst part was getting my hair cut off so the doctor could get in to the wound

Smart Bug

Lets see:

Got the top of one of my fingers sliced off (sowed back on tho) when I caught it in a door jam.

Sliced open my thumb with a Stanley knife.

Stabbed the same hand with the same knife several weeks later.

The worst has to be when I caught my purple helmet in my zipper once. It bled.

Zadkiel

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Fiddle dee dee, did that require a tetanus shot?

Yep :mad:

Having it irrigated was pretty horrible too

dsmythy

dsmythy wrote: »

When i was younger i jammed my finger in a door. It's a funny sight a finger with no nail on it...

Smart Bug wrote: »

Got the top of one of my fingers sliced off (sowed back on tho) when I caught it in a door jam.

You win this time Smart Bug!

ceannair06

I sliced the top of my finger off falling over drunk and landing on a dirty milk bottle.

That was unpleasant, particularly as I only cottoned on at 8am the next morning home in bed wondering why I was covered in blood and my hand hurt like feck.

The dumbest has to be getting wazzed on Stella and getting so trousered that I starting talking to my reflecting thinking it was my mate.

Wondered why he'd stopped replying and leaned over to him, falling off the chair and knocking myself clean out - not before hitting my chin and breaking two teeth and my nose.

That was not fun!

IvyTheTerrible

Zadkiel wrote: »

Yep :mad:

Having it irrigated was pretty horrible too

Ouch. I have had two tetanus shots recently (first when I cut my hand with a tin, the second when I was getting my shots to go to Africa and the doctor didn't believe me that I already got one in the past year). Arm got really swollen and sore. I feel your pain!

PS you do know I was quoting the Simpsons and not belittling your injury?

petes

Just reading the thread about the gun with caps in it.

I had a roll of caps and unravelled a few and while holding them with my left hand, I was hitting them with a hammer. I managed to hit the nail on my left forefinger with the hammer. Ouch. Went all black so a trip to the doctors was in order. He told me to look away (I was a wee lad) and all I could feel was loads of warm blood. He punctured the nail with a hot needle. Nail fell off about a week later.

lynchpin

I stood on an upturned plug many a time and bashed my toes of door frames and chairs etc.

Have a scar on my forehead from where I feel as a toddler in a doctor's surgery off all places

Zadkiel

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Ouch. I have had two tetanus shots recently (first when I cut my hand with a tin, the second when I was getting my shots to go to Africa and the doctor didn't believe me that I already got one in the past year). Arm got really swollen and sore. I feel your pain!

PS you do know I was quoting the Simpsons and not belittling your injury?

hehehe:D

xOxSinéadxOx

Das Kitty wrote: »

I sliced my thumb open (I'm talking the butterflied chicken look) whilst trying to get a tiny bit of foil off a Muller rice tub with an old dirty Stanley knife.

The first worrying thing was that it didn't hurt, the second was that I could make out my thumb's anatomy down to the bone. I wiggled it to see if the tendons were OK, they were but it kinda made my thumb turn inside out and squirt blood on the wall.

They sewed it up but the knuckle lines don't match up with each other anymore.

I know what you mean about not hurting, it's so weird! somebody threw a slate at me and I was like ooww. and it was sort of on the back of my arm so I couldn't see. about an hour later I was like hmm my arm is kind of itchy! and I twisted it around and I was just shocked. it was just this big massive slice, it and was just white with barely any blood. :pac: haha I had to get stitches. why the hell do they not hurt? I could have been going around with that for days without noticing

Gamesnash.ie: Pat

Well I used to be a butcher so I have cut myself countless times. Because your hands are numb from the cold you would rarely notice you had gouged yourself. Sometimes you would not notice you had a 2 inch cut until you stuck your hand in the pickle tank to get corned beef or similar - very salty water plus cuts = a very very painful realisation you must have cut yourself.

Away from work when I was a kid I jumped off a scaffolding and landed on a piece of wood with a nail on it. Nail went through my foot - plank of wood stuck to foot and had to hobble home crying with it still attached. I have to say though it wasn't pain of biblical proportions.

That goes to anyone who has caught their knob in their zip. Thankfully never did but a good mate of mine ended up in casualty when he was 14. :D

Ruu_Old

I got injured by a toilet, beat that one. I forgot to turn off the water mains before I opened took the top off the toilet, disassembled the fill valve which sprayed me in the face with ice cold water. I stumbled around and reached down to twist the metal tap to turn off the water and part of it broke and cut into my hand. I ran out and turned off the main in the other half bath.

Of course only after tidying up did I notice the large cut in my hand, piece of metal that had fallen from it and blood that had splattered all over the house and in pools of the water, my hands were so wet that I didn't notice. It was started like a scene from Laurel and Hardy but ended like something from Silence of the Lambs. The next day I was eating a Fruit Rollup and I read the trivia thing on the wrapper 'Odds you will be injured by a toilet his year: 1 in 10,000.' Smart bastids!

sdanseo

I was a bit of a careless child..decided when I was about 9 that I wanted a keyboard for the PC of the day, in the top press. So, naturally, I climbed on the computer chair to get it. Overbalanced a bit, swung 180 degrees and landed in a box of toy cars, mangling the back of my head. I had the wire of the keyboard in my hand so that of course cam tumbling down and hit the front of my head, in turn knocking the back of my head back into a nasty-looking toy bridge.

End result = about 8 jabs in the back of the head with a needle for the anaesthetic (bloody terrifying) 6 stitches (nicely painless), a tetanus jab and my mother spent the next afternoon cleaning blood spatter off the wall.

no scope

Zadkiel wrote: »

Impaled my foot on a 6 inch masonry nail
The pain was biblical

did that myself

went all the way through my shoe aswell

Lins

Lived with a very strange girl last year. She went for a walk one Sunday only to find the park closed. She climbed over two fences to get into the desired area. (What kind of park has two fences..? But anyway.) Had a lovely walk and then attempted to leave the park. Climbed over the first fence, fell and broke her leg. Called the ambulance, they couldn't get over the fence to get her so had to call the fire brigade and give her the pregnant woman gas to calm her down.

Oh how I laughed. (Very quietly in my room, she was weird enough to do anything.)