How do i approach this....if I can at all

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have a problem at work and the economy being what it is I need to resolve it instead of just up and leave which is what I feel like doing. It's a long one, bear with me please

I work in a small business, only myself, the owner/manager, their spouse and one part timer work there. The owner is a lovely person, not there much though, just me and their spouse. This person does not have experience in the area in which we are working, I do, but as I am a lot younger than them apparently this means I know nothing and my ideas or suggestions are never, ever valid in their opinion.

All of this I could take, I mean hey, it's a job right? But recently things have changed. For a while I genuinely thought I was getting worse at my job for no good reason, but i have realised what is going on. When myself and the owner's partner are working together he is very rude, obnoxious and mean to me. He asks me questions then cuts me off mid answer, jumps down my throat when he assumes I have made a mistake ( I say assumes because it is often the case that it was his mistake or I have done nothing wrong but he picks it up wrong and thinks I have). He only does this when it is just us there. Today, the owner was there too, for a second he seemed to forget this and started his usual treatment of me, only for his partner to step in to defend and agree with me. A few minutes after the owner left he snapped at me and questioned me about work that I had already discussed and finished with the owner, all of it fine, only for him to say the opposite, that I was wrong, yet again. I actually got the blame today for something that happened when I wasn't even there.

I realise now why my work is getting bad. When he is there, he watches me, because he doesn't trust me to do a good job, I know he's watching, which makes me nervous and I mess up, which confirms what he thinks, so he watches me more, vicious circle.

Anyways, it culminated today with me being shouted at for not knowing some information that he felt I should have known, but that I, hand on heart, was never told.

How do I deal with this? If it was a regular place with lots of employees (who weren't a couple!) I would go to the manager and say that I feel he treats me unfairly and unnecessarily harshly, but I know them and I know that professionalism will not happen, it will be held against me that I don't like the owner's partner.

They've mentioned before that not many staff have been liked by both of them......no wonder if he treats everyone like this.....

blaisec

Hey there,

I am in a similar position I have not resolved it yet, but I was going to go to my nearest citizens advice office and get some info on constructive dismissal.

yeahimhere

I was in a similar position, thankfully it was while I was travelling and didn't care about the job too much! I was working in a bar / restaurant where my boss was nice enough but his wife was a little battle axe - saying basicly the same things you mentioned above.

I approached my boss in a pretty casual way at the beginning and mentioned that I understood that people have different ways of doing things but sometimes I would get slightly different directions from him and his wife so I was left confused as to what was needed / who my boss was. So just for the record, I wanted to make sure who I should take orders from and what each of their roles were in relation to managing me. He said that he was the only one I should listen to as he was the boss. It made him realise there was an issue, without me having to go over board. I felt if I started off too formally it might make him take her side over mine rather than realising there was a problem with the management in his business.

From then on, any time his wife barked at me that I was doing something wrong, I'd just say this was the way I was told to do it, so she would need to speak to him as he was my boss.

It created a bit of friction in their relationship but made my working life a lot easier as I just kept on re-itterating the same phrase. However, I don't know what I might have done if it wasn't a job I planned to leave in a few months.

I would suggest approaching your boss and asking what her partners role is in your work. If you are honest about it and just raise your concerns they'll have to be accepted. Wait for a day where you are relaxed and not one where you've just had a run in with him!!

Think of the outcomes:

1. Stay there and go crazy putting up with it.
2. Say something and she might fire you - but she can't do that because it would be unfair dismissal.
3. Say something and it starts to get better.
4. Look for a new job. But the cycle in the company will continue, another reason why she should listen to you.

Hope that helps somewhat!