Unfit mother.

gavrilo princip

How does one go about reporting an unfit mother to the authorities?

To answer the inevitable questions; she sits around all day smoking weed, does not feed the child properly, has twice (that is known of) pushed the crying child's head into the couch in an attempt to stop the child crying, rarely washes the child, will leave the child in a dirty nappy for hours on end, and I could go on for hours.

The mother is 19 and the child is almost 2.
The father is around and is quite generous when it comes to money (he buys all the clothes and food), but is not capable of looking after the child himself.
His family are fairly helpful too, but at the end of the day the mother is not capable of looking after her child.

I can no longer sit back and watch this child be dragged from one house to another and left wandering around gardens while the mother gets wasted all day.

The mother had a rough upbringing herself. She was put in foster homes and the like because her own mother is a chronic alcoholic, but I don't see this as an excuse to drag her own child up.

The father is a close friend of mine and I would gladly help him help him, as would his family, but he seems unwilling to do anytihng about the situation.

The only option is to notify whoever deals with this.
I'd rather see the child in a foster home than under the care of a mother who seems not to care about the welfare of her own child.

Nevyn

You ring your local health care centre and you ask to talk to the social workers there and you make a complaint under the child health and safety act.

gavrilo princip

Cheers Thaed.

Yes, utils are correct.

lalalulu

OP please please go to social services. I have been in a similiar situation to you and i still regret to this day that i didn't step in and help the child. He's fine now but i am still racked with guilt. Maybe all this girl needs is help to sort herself out and maybe one day she can be a better parent. The child may not get a second chance to grow up if he stays where he is.
Best of luck. Let us know what happens...

Cabaal

Its crazy,
You need a license for a TV, for a dog, for a wedding, to drive a car or truck

But you don't have to in anyway do any sort of course in anyway before you have a child,

Ludo

I don't think any form of course or pre-vetting the suitability of a prospective parent will help really. Nothing can prepare you for it. You can get all the advice and lessons from others but when it actually happens it is a shock to the system.
People will handle it differently.
Certain cases would be obvious alright but there is no guarantee of how anyone is going to react to suddenly having this small screaming/pooing/spewing thing taking over your entire life. I am generally fairly level headed and slow to rise to a temper or get seriously annoyed but when landed with twins who had colic, I found myself having to leave the room, on the odd occassion, and count to a hundred to calm myself down before going back in to deal with it.
It is not hard to imagine how some people will take things too far.

Nevyn

There are support for parents who are not coping there are parenting classes and parenting workshops all of which parents who are struggling can access if they choose to.

kelle

who what when wrote: »

Its amazing that literally anyone is allowed to become a parent!
Surely there should be some sort of process which can be approved or declined by the relevent authorities. With only those who are deemed suitable being approved.
Its the only way to combat the scumbag epidemic we currently in the midst of!

What would happen is the criteria would get stricter and stricter, even an ordinary person would not be deemed fit to be a parent.

I do agree with you though.

Ludo

Thaedydal wrote: »

There are support for parents who are not coping there are parenting classes and parenting workshops all of which parents who are struggling can access if they choose to.

Yep...these are much more useful IMHO than anything before hand. Maybe suggest this to her although someone who is smoking weed isn;t going to beother with this kind of thing I guess.

PullOutMethod

I have been close to such a situation myself.
Social workers will do sweet f*ck all.
Welcome to Ireland where thanks to our constitution a child has NO RIGHTS.
Under Dev's catholic constitution the family is the natural unit.
This works fine if the family functions, but God help any child unlucky to be born with parents who are drug addicts / alcoholics / seriously psychiatrically ill.

Unlike in other countries for example Sweden - in Ireland they will just keep returning the poor child to the parents.

gavrilo princip

With regards to the parenting classes, this girl would not be bothered even thinking about looking into it.

She was seeing a councillor, but has stopped attending her sessions.
She really has no interest.

I remember when the child was just a couple of months old. She called around to the father, but he was at work. She just left the child in the pram and went drinking with her friend.
On of the neighbours called over to me and I rang him and he came home right away.

He's a panicky sort, so he drove to his sister's house with the baby.
At about 1 in the morning, the mother and her friend called to my house looking for the father and child.
Needless to say, I told them what to do with themselves.

I put that down to post natal depression, but it's almost two years on and this crap is still happening.
I'd just like to note that I don't know much about post natal depression. It may continue on for this long, but I am 100% certain that this is not the problem here.

The mother does have issues outside of the child and really needs to sort herself out before even thinking of trying to bring up a child.

I pleaded with the father to take the child off her and let her go and get wasted with her friends (one of whom is a coke dealer), but I really don't think he will do it.
I hate to take this course of action, but I just can't stand back and watch this poor child being dragged up and possibly suffer serious physical harm.

Mother and child are currently living with the father's sister. The mother won't go home because she says she's afraid of her neighbour, but I know she just wants someone else (in this case the child's aunt) to raise the child.

Were it not for the intervention of the aunt, the child could have been really hurt the other night.


Just one question. Who exactly do I contact about this. I'm really clueless about this. I've no children of my own, so I've never had any dealings with child welfare services.
I'm in North Kildare. Leixlip/Celbridge area.
A link would be really helpful.
Thanks.

Nevyn

Celbridge Health Centre, Maynooth Road, Celbridge, Co. Kildare
Tel: 01 630 3100
Fax: 01 630 3101
Opening Hours: Mon - Fri 9.30-10.30
Wheelchair-accessible: Yes

Leixlip Health Centre, Leixlip, Co. Kildare
Tel: 01 624 4931
Fax: 01 624 7670
Opening Hours: Mon - Fri 9.30-10.30
Wheelchair-accessible: Yes

Maynooth Health Centre, Maynooth, Co. Kildare
Tel: 01 610 6133
Fax: 01 628 9144
Opening Hours: Mon - Fri 9.30-10.30
Wheelchair-accessible: Yes

I suggest you ring any of the above clinics and ask to speak to the socail worker on call.
Not all clinics have them but one of those 3 is bound to.


http://www.hse.ie/eng/Find_a_Service/Children_and_Family_Services/Child_Welfare_and_Protection/Child%20abuse/How_to_report_abuse/

LegacyUser

PullOutMethod wrote: »

I have been close to such a situation myself.
Social workers will do sweet f*ck all.
Welcome to Ireland where thanks to our constitution a child has NO RIGHTS.
Under Dev's catholic constitution the family is the natural unit.
This works fine if the family functions, but God help any child unlucky to be born with parents who are drug addicts / alcoholics / seriously psychiatrically ill.

Unlike in other countries for example Sweden - in Ireland they will just keep returning the poor child to the parents.

Not true! I've been in this situation myself and after an investigation with a social worker the children were placed in emergency foster care (within the family, my mother took two kids and my aunt took two kids) until something suitable was put in place. My grandmother is now fostering all four children on a permanent basis. The mother still doesn't seem to be cottoning onto the fact that she's lost all five of her kids (another child born after this fiasco who is now placed with my aunt).

Please give them a call.

PullOutMethod

Guest - If the mother (or father) of those kids want them back they will get them back - regardless.
In the case I was close to the child was actually "lost" by the father several times - ended up in the gards / emergency fostering etc.
It doesnt matter who cares about the kid and wants to help them - if the parents want them back they will get them back - regardless.
Thanks to the Irish system such parents are actually a hindrance to the child - ironically they would be in a better situation without them.

Please report back on that situation if it changes.

LegacyUser

A Duty Social Worker is the person you need to report this to. The HSE Dept in your area would be the South Western Area Health Board.

Contact Info: Social Work Team, Swan Centre, Fairgreen Street, Naas, Co Kildare. Tel: 045 882 400

Bear in mind that the HSE Social Workers operate on a 9-5 basis unfortunately so if you were to report anything that was immediately putting the child in danger outside of those hours or at the weekend then the HSE has designated that reports be made to the Gardaí.

Another point to note is the Protections for Persons Reporting Child Abuse Act, 1998 which provides “Immunity from civil liability to any person who reports child abuse ‘reasonably and in good faith’ to designated officer of health boards or any member of An Garda Síochána.” Just in case you would be worried about the mother taking a case against you for reporting her or anything.

In reference to what has been said above, it is the aim of the HSE that children are brought up by a parent as this is generally in the child’s best interest, or at very least another family member. Foster care is really the last option. So they will examine every situation and try to see if there is any way in which the child could stay at home…providing this is a safe solution for the child. In this situation for example, it could be that the child is removed from the mothers care and put into the care of the father and that he is provided with training – parenting classes etc – to give him the confidence to bring up the child, with the support of his family. In the meantime the mother would be encouraged to clean up her act so that potentially down the line the custody might be shared once more.

HSE documents dealing with Child Protection Issues:
• Children First; National Guidelines for the Protection and Welfare of Children, 1999
• Our Duty to Care; The Principles of Good Practice for the Protection of Children and Young People, 2002


Best of luck with making the report - it will be tough but it really sounds like the child needs someone to make it on their behalf.

Klingon Hamlet

You'll need evidence so take photos of the roaches in the ahstrays and record if you can the interaction between mother and child. Mask it as if it were a joke video, aww look how cute you guys are etc, etc...

The child needs a loving mom and if the bio-mom can't/won't grow up, then the chil deserves better. The dad also needs to step upto the plate and fill his role immediately. Complacency in this situation is an absolute joke and he needs to stop being such a child.

LeoB

Nobody made a greater mistake
than he who did nothing
Because he could only do a little

Whatever you do pick up the phone. As foster carers my wife and I deal with the trauma of one child who was neglected. 2 years down the road and the child is only now starting to turn around. The sooner children are involved with the social services the better chance for everyone to turn things around. There is huge mental scars for these children if they are left without the supports of H.S.E and I.F.C.A. Irish Foster Care Association so pick up the phone

Our experience of Social workers has been good, excellent really. Maybe we were just lucky. They are so overworked its frightening. Their caseloads are growing and they dont appear to have a lot of support. There is also I believe an embargo on recruitment in H.S.E..............................................................

[/FONT]

CDfm

OP - the right thing to do is to report it to the duty social worker just as Thaed says.

eviltwin

gavrilo princip wrote: »

How does one go about reporting an unfit mother to the authorities?

To answer the inevitable questions; she sits around all day smoking weed, does not feed the child properly, has twice (that is known of) pushed the crying child's head into the couch in an attempt to stop the child crying, rarely washes the child, will leave the child in a dirty nappy for hours on end, and I could go on for hours.

The mother is 19 and the child is almost 2.
The father is around and is quite generous when it comes to money (he buys all the clothes and food), but is not capable of looking after the child himself.
His family are fairly helpful too, but at the end of the day the mother is not capable of looking after her child.

I can no longer sit back and watch this child be dragged from one house to another and left wandering around gardens while the mother gets wasted all day.

The mother had a rough upbringing herself. She was put in foster homes and the like because her own mother is a chronic alcoholic, but I don't see this as an excuse to drag her own child up.

The father is a close friend of mine and I would gladly help him help him, as would his family, but he seems unwilling to do anytihng about the situation.

The only option is to notify whoever deals with this.
I'd rather see the child in a foster home than under the care of a mother who seems not to care about the welfare of her own child.

You have no option but to contact social services but its not really your place to do it

Why isnt the father getting more involved? Why isnt his family more concerned? No offence mate, its great your concerned but if the dad is as involved as you say he is why doesn't he contact the social services himself?

Voltex

TBH...and I hope this is not taken out of context..but what happened in the UK ( Baby P) may have been a wake up call to ALL Authorities. Child Welfare has to take the highest prioritiy...I really do think that welfare officers need to be given far reaching and extensieve powers to observe and report and counsel families in distress and at risk.

Nevyn

eviltwin wrote: »

You have no option but to contact social services but its not really your place to do it

It is the place if not duty of every adult to make a report if they think a child is in danger.

eviltwin

Thaedydal wrote: »

It is the place if not duty of every adult to make a report if they think a child is in danger.

Of course it is and I would have no hestitation doing it myself if I was the OP.

I just find it odd that his/her "friend" the father of the child who seems to be involved in the kids life isn't taking a more proactive role...surely its up to him as the parent to step in a do something rather than wait for an outsider to get in contact with social services?

Its just a very strange set up altogether

CDfm

It is a serious problem. Recently I met a woman I knew who told me of the suicide of the daughter of a mutual friend (a divorced father). She had been brought up in similar circumstances to the ones you describe.

You may not like being the "snitch" but its very juvenile to take that attitude.

eviltwin

CDfm wrote: »

It is a serious problem. Recently I met a woman I knew who told me of the suicide of the daughter of a mutual friend (a divorced father). She had been brought up in similar circumstances to the ones you describe.

You may not like being the "snitch" but its very juvenile to take that attitude.

Juvenile how exactly? I didnt say I wouldnt contact social services, if I saw a child being raised in a way that caused me concern I would have no problem doing it.

I'm just raising the point that the father is in a perfect position to see whats happening and do something about it himself which I think is the better option all around if possible and yet for some reason he hasn't..just makes you wonder thats all

OS119

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm just raising the point that the father is in a perfect position to see whats happening and do something about it himself which I think is the better option all around if possible and yet for some reason he hasn't..just makes you wonder thats all

perhaps it indicates that he is just as unfit a parent as the 'mother' is, just in a different way.

she barely feeds it, leaves it lying in shitty nappies, and is smashed off her face while the kid plays with power sockets, and he buys it presents and does nothing about the fact that the kid is in real, serious danger.

one and the same to me...

CDfm

eviltwin wrote: »

Juvenile how exactly? I didnt say I wouldnt contact social services, if I saw a child being raised in a way that caused me concern I would have no problem doing it.

I'm just raising the point that the father is in a perfect position to see whats happening and do something about it himself which I think is the better option all around if possible and yet for some reason he hasn't..just makes you wonder thats all

ET - I meant at a general level and didnt mean you.I meant not complaining is like being at school and this is real life -if you get it wrong its not a bad mark but real consequences

Fathers who are seperated or divorced etc have very little influence on Social Workers and the assumption seems to be that fathers have an ax to grind. Thats life.

eviltwin

CDfm wrote: »

ET - I meant at a general level and didnt mean you.I meant not complaining is like being at school and this is real life -if you get it wrong its not a bad mark but real consequences

Fathers who are seperated or divorced etc have very little influence on Social Workers and the assumption seems to be that fathers have an ax to grind. Thats life.

No your right someone should say something but I imagine the father is in the house and can see first hand the kind of environment that the child is living in which is more than any neighbour or passer by does

People are often afraid to say anything. You can't blame them.

Its easy to see a child or the parent out on the street and make judgements and assume something is going on but if you see family members or friends going in and out day after day and they seem happy you do question whether or not your are being over the top and no one wants to put a family through that kind of ordeal unless there is a real problem

I think OS has hit the nail on the head that the father is just as lousy a parent as the mother and doesnt want to dirty his hands by having to get involved

CDfm

eviltwin wrote: »

I think OS has hit the nail on the head that the father is just as lousy a parent as the mother and doesnt want to dirty his hands by having to get involved

Its a balancing act really - I have been in a similar situation and its long past. As a father, my experience of dealing with social workers was awful and I found them very hostile to me.

Splendour

eviltwin wrote: »

I think OS has hit the nail on the head that the father is just as lousy a parent as the mother and doesnt want to dirty his hands by having to get involved

Indeed. Both of the child's parents should be reported.