He's just not that into you

Wibbs

OK folks lets all dial it back a little and agree to disagree.

Anna Molly

lazygal wrote: »

Let me tell you honey - let him go and let someone who deserves you do the chasing. Stop rationalising his behaviour because you can't do anything about it.
I cannot say it often enough MAN MUST PURSUE WOMAN.
That is all.

When I say pursuing I mean texting, I met with him recently at Oxegen..I honest to God just don't get him.
At this stage it is a mission, that I will fufill, eventually.
I stopped thinking about him for over a year, but then BAM!

lazygal

Anna Molly wrote: »

When I say pursuing I mean texting, I met with him recently at Oxegen..I honest to God just don't get him.
At this stage it is a mission, that I will fufill, eventually.
I stopped thinking about him for over a year, but then BAM!

Dear Anna Molly,
There is nothing to get. He is not interested. Sorry to be harsh but (from experiance) I bet all your friends are encouraging you to pursue this man. As the thread is about He Is Just Not That Into You, I call time on your texting and encourage you to wait to be pursued by someone who Is That Into You. Don't you want to be chased rather than worrying how Mr. Non-Texter is up to?

Anna Molly

lazygal wrote: »

Dear Anna Molly,
There is nothing to get. He is not interested. Sorry to be harsh but (from experiance) I bet all your friends are encouraging you to pursue this man. As the thread is about He Is Just Not That Into You, I call time on your texting and encourage you to wait to be pursued by someone who Is That Into You. Don't you want to be chased rather than worrying how Mr. Non-Texter is up to?

Ha its so true.
If he asked for a H&K as some folk put it, I wouldn't say no. ha
But yeah, moving on with my life! [:

Snowie

anna molly when you say H&K i think of guns

Holopimp

lazygal wrote: »

[Relationships can work out perfectly well when the woman does the chasing.

No they do not. Man must pursue woman-it's the way it always has been. When a woman chases a man she is setting herself up for a lifetime of insecurity and wondering how he really feels. When he does the chasing, she has security. Like I said, people can rationalise about the equality of the sexes all they like, but man must pursue woman.[/quote]

I usually chase. But my last ex chased me. Then 6 months later cheated on me. Being chased does not make one secure.

lazygal

Holopimp wrote: »

No they do not. Man must pursue woman-it's the way it always has been. When a woman chases a man she is setting herself up for a lifetime of insecurity and wondering how he really feels. When he does the chasing, she has security. Like I said, people can rationalise about the equality of the sexes all they like, but man must pursue woman.

I usually chase. But my last ex chased me. Then 6 months later cheated on me. Being chased does not make one secure.[/quote]
It does if you keep him running so much that he has no time to think about chasing anyone else. Also, one has to keep making the effort as no-one wants to chase someone who isn't making it worth their while.

itsallaboutheL

lazygal wrote: »

I usually chase. But my last ex chased me. Then 6 months later cheated on me. Being chased does not make one secure.

It does if you keep him running so much that he has no time to think about chasing anyone else. Also, one has to keep making the effort as no-one wants to chase someone who isn't making it worth their while.[/quote]


**** this chasing **** would be my honest opinion.

If you like someone tell them and stop playing games. We're not four anymore children

Professey Chin

lazygal wrote: »

Let me tell you honey - let him go and let someone who deserves you do the chasing. Stop rationalising his behaviour because you can't do anything about it.
I cannot say it often enough MAN MUST PURSUE WOMAN.
That is all.

Nonsense.It doesnt matter who initiates the relationship, if its meant to work itll work.
Maybe youre just too lazy to chase :rolleyes:

JC 2K3

lazygal wrote: »

they know they had to work for her so the payoff for them is much greater than some girl who offered it on a plate

???

Can you expand on this?

lazygal wrote: »

He might like it and might tell you so, but he won't marry you. Girls, we really do rule the world-by letting the men know that we are hard word and require a lot of effort to get.

I think I'll stick with down to earth, rational, non-game-playing girls, thanks.

lazygal

Ultimate Chin wrote: »

Nonsense.It doesnt matter who initiates the relationship, if its meant to work itll work.
Maybe youre just too lazy to chase :rolleyes:

And maybe you're too lazy to pay attention and know when to use an apostrophe.
It's not laziness-takes a lot of work to get all dolled up and maintain oneself when in a relationship-more work than booking a restaurant and buying flowers I think.

JC 2K3

lazygal, you're just one type of person.

Not everyone is like you.

Welcome to life, people are different and like different things, especially when it comes to relationships.

Holopimp

lazygal wrote: »

I usually chase. But my last ex chased me. Then 6 months later cheated on me. Being chased does not make one secure.

It does if you keep him running so much that he has no time to think about chasing anyone else. Also, one has to keep making the effort as no-one wants to chase someone who isn't making it worth their while.[/quote]

What is the point of keeping someone running when you are already in a relationship with them? There has to be a point when the games stop.

In his case he was a commitment phobe with serious issues. He is now in therapy for it.

iguana

How long are you married Lazygal? You haven't mentioned your husband at all so far, but you've obviously got a wonderful marriage seeing as how you are the expert. Why don't you tell us about it?

Zadkiel

lazygal wrote: »

And maybe you're too lazy to pay attention and know when to use an apostrophe.
It's not laziness-takes a lot of work to get all dolled up and maintain oneself when in a relationship-more work than booking a restaurant and buying flowers I think.

This is a wind up right?

lazygal

I am fully aware there are all types of people.
However, there are still men and women and they are different. I didn't think this would raise any ire, but I really think women do themselves a disservice when they make themselves too available and try to play the man's role in a relationship. Those who read my original post will realise that I did pursue men - until I realised it just does not work. I have watched female friends, colleagues and relatives pursue men and it has, without exception, led to heart ache.
I am not trying to talk people around, I'm just calling a spade a spade. Most heterosexual relationships simply work better and are more long-lasting when the man pursue the woman-it is a formula that has been in place since men hunted prey. We can call it playing games or manipulation but men are genetically programmed to hunt, and this is the way it still is, regardless of how feminists play it. I consider myself a feminist but that doesn't mean I want to sign up for the unsatisfaction of wondering how a man feels. If he is chasing me I know how he feels and I feel secure.

iguana

lazygal wrote: »

Those who read my original post will realise that I did pursue men - until I realised it just does not work.

And how long after you changed your dating strategy did you get married?

lazygal

iguana wrote: »

And how long after you changed your dating strategy did you get married?

I am in a relationship with a man I never call or ask out because he does all the running. I met him a week after my last pursuance of a man. If this is going to get people jumping on me (even mods) I don't really see how trying to explain my outlook honestly is of help when others here have their own pre-conceived notions that they have not been called on to defend. I don't think I'm saying anything particularly controversial and I can't believe how worked up some posters have gotten.

Zadkiel

lazygal wrote: »

I am fully aware there are all types of people.
However, there are still men and women and they are different. I didn't think this would raise any ire, but I really think women do themselves a disservice when they make themselves too available and try to play the man's role in a relationship. Those who read my original post will realise that I did pursue men - until I realised it just does not work. I have watched female friends, colleagues and relatives pursue men and it has, without exception, led to heart ache.
I am not trying to talk people around, I'm just calling a spade a spade. Most heterosexual relationships simply work better and are more long-lasting when the man pursue the woman-it is a formula that has been in place since men hunted prey. We can call it playing games or manipulation but men are genetically programmed to hunt, and this is the way it still is, regardless of how feminists play it. I consider myself a feminist but that doesn't mean I want to sign up for the unsatisfaction of wondering how a man feels. If he is chasing me I know how he feels and I feel secure.

So should we just go back to clobbering you over the noggin with a club and dragging you back to a cave?
Women aren't livestock, pursuing someone in a relationship is hardly comparable to hunting prey.

iguana

Ok lazygal, I'm not trying to take the p!ss, but I can see from your other posts that you aren't married and are in fact in a very new relationship which is only about a month old and not yet serious. You've only had one serious relationship before now which wasn't terribly stable, so do you not think that maybe you don't actually know it all when it comes to men and relationships and shouldn't really be advising people so definitively based on your fairly limited experiences?

I'm about the same age as you, but my "strategy" of being myself has me living with my husband since I was 23. That doesn't make me an expert on relationships it just means that when I met the right person we knew it, because we were being honest with each other. What I do know is that a relationship isn't worth it if you have to completely compromise who you are and play games the whole way through. Even the best of relationships are seriously hard work at times, you really don't want to introduce falsity and games into the mix.

Men aren't a bunch of cro-magnon throwbacks, hell I was walking my two male dogs this morning when a bitch ran up to them, gave them a lick and rolled onto her back for them to give her an erotic tongue massage. I can tell you they were completely delighted. There was no chase involved for them, but it didn't bother them in the slightest. So it's not as if "the chase" is even an anthropological need for males, just the preference of the loud-mouths, imo.:D

bangersandmash

lazygal wrote: »

I am in a relationship with a man I never call or ask out because he does all the running. I met him a week after my last pursuance of a man.

So you tried "chasing", it didn't work for you and then you happened to meet a man who prefers a more passive partner in a relationship. And from that you extrapolate that man must pursue woman? Sorry but generalising from your personal circumstances to all of humanity sounds like a stretch.

lazygal wrote: »

I consider myself a feminist but that doesn't mean I want to sign up for the unsatisfaction of wondering how a man feels. If he is chasing me I know how he feels and I feel secure.

You know it's not a good sign if you need to be chased to feel secure in a relationship. And playing games with a man sounds like a recipe for making him insecure and confused, hardly something you would do to somebody you care about.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

I am in a relationship with a man I never call or ask out because he does all the running.

I see how you got your username?

He might do all the running because either 1/ he has no life/personality/chance of meeting anyone else or 2/ will soon realise having a princess expecting to be waited on isn't actually that good and a relationship is about two equals, and will pack up and leave

valery

I think it is too restrictive to go with the men chasing after women only idea.
Women today are confident and assertive and are taking more control in all walks of life ....and yes, in relationships too. If a woman sees a guy and he is her "eye candy" then of course she should go for him .....before some one else does

MJOR

I think that some level of attraction is a must in relationship. I think the main ingredient in a relationship is respect for yourself and the other person.

I think sometimes realtionships are slightly unbalanced where one is more into the other..... but it's not always a disaster. It depends on the two people. As long as there is respect there is a good basis. And a sense of openmindedness too if there is trouble, by that i mean atteneding counselling or a course or whatever.

Oh ya and what my late dad always used to say " a good marriage is just a bit of give and take thats all"

iguana

MJOR wrote: »

And a sense of openmindedness too if there is trouble, by that i mean atteneding counselling or a course or whatever

Well to be fair most relationships go through some level of trouble at some point or another. I don't think two people can go through the majority of their lives together without sometimes diverging on a fairly serious level. My husband and I went through a particularly crap time in the last year for a number of reasons and I doubt it will be the last time in our lives that will happen. But we would never have gotten through it if we didn't have a solid foundation beneath us, and that was built on respect and honesty. And on the plus side I don't think you can ever be surer of someones love as you are once your relationship has come close to hitting the rocks but you've come out intact.

MJOR

iguana wrote: »

Well to be fair most relationships go through some level of trouble at some point or another. I don't think two people can go through the majority of their lives together without sometimes diverging on a fairly serious level. My husband and I went through a particularly crap time in the last year for a number of reasons and I doubt it will be the last time in our lives that will happen. But we would never have gotten through it if we didn't have a solid foundation beneath us, and that was built on respect and honesty. And on the plus side I don't think you can ever be surer of someones love as you are once your relationship has come close to hitting the rocks but you've come out intact.

That is good to hear! I think that you are so right... a good foundation helps you in rougher waters.

MJOR

MJOR wrote: »

That is good to hear! I think that you are so right... a good foundation helps you in rougher waters.

Don't be silly, why would you need a good foundation when you can just refuse to speak to him again to feel "secure"

MJOR

bluewolf wrote: »

Don't be silly, why would you need a good foundation when you can just refuse to speak to him again to feel "secure"

?

iguana

MJOR wrote: »

?

She's referring to the comment up thread that the only way you can feel secure in a relationship is to ensure that the guy is constantly chasing you.

MJOR

iguana wrote: »

She's referring to the comment up thread that the only way you can feel secure in a relationship is to ensure that the guy is constantly chasing you.

Ah right! sure that's poppycock!

Novella

Anna Molly wrote: »

When I say pursuing I mean texting, I met with him recently at Oxegen..I honest to God just don't get him.
At this stage it is a mission, that I will fufill, eventually.
I stopped thinking about him for over a year, but then BAM!

OMG, I don't know what I need to do to make you JUST TELL HIM!!!!!

At this stage, you have nothing to lose. Tell him, then you'll know what's up with him. Whoever was giving you that advice has no idea what they are talking about. I'm sorry but it's BS that he's not interested! I know the in's and out's, they are driving me crazy in fact haha so TELL HIM FOR ME!

If he doesn't like you, fine, we'll find you someone else!! If he does, wonderful! We'll have our happy ending!!

at fcuking last! :P