man comes home drunk...

foxy06

A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen cooking. He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees one of his socks in frying pan.

'What are you doing?' he asks.

'I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk,' she replied.

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, 'I don't remember asking her to cook my sock......'

foxy06

Lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Donaldson. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Donaldson, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Donaldson's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Donaldson in room 2b. Nobody tells you f**k all in here..."

dh0661

foxy06 wrote: »

Completely puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, 'I don't remember asking her to cook my sock......'

Brilliant - I'm going to have fun with this.

Deserves stars

Bearhunter

Man comes home drunk from the pub, carrying a goose under his arm. he walks into the kitchen where his angry wife is scraping the remains of his dinner into the bin.
"This is the pig I've been f***ing," he announces drunkenly.
"Arrah Mick will you go to bed, you're drunk - that's not a pig," the wife says.
"Was I talking to you?" he replies.

MickyMoo

good jokes indeed!

boonen

lol keep em coming, good jokes

kmart6

Brilliant 1st post!

galwayrush

Best in a long time.:D