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a few marriage jokes

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  • 02-08-2009 9:27pm
    #1
    smiley girl
    Registered Users Posts: 442 ✭✭


    ~~~~A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was doing 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
    “I was only going 40!” Said the driver of the car,
    “Not according to my radar”, replied the trooper.
    “Yes I was” the man protested, “no you weren’t” said the trooper.
    With that the wife leaned toward the window and said, “Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he has drink in him”


    ~~~~An elderly couple were sitting on their front porch one evening, when the wife picks up her cane and whaps her husband across the shins.
    "Alright woman! What the hell was that for?" he yells.
    "That's for 60 years of bad sex." she replies.
    A few minutes later, the husband picks up his cane and whaps his wife across the shins.
    "Ow!!" she yells. "What the hell was THAT for??"
    The husband looks at her and says, "That's for knowing the difference"


    ~~~~"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
    for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally"


    ~~~~A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
    the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'


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