Confused in Vancouver

LegacyUser

Hi,
My name is Brian and i would consider myself to be straight. I'm over in Vancouver for the summer and have been here for the past eleven weeks. we've become friends with the other irish students living in the local Frat houses. one of the lads living there is gay (although he has been with women in the past, but said he didnt really like it). i've become quite good friends with him and have been having sexual feelings for him.

i'm so confused. i've always considered myself straight. i've never really been around gay men before but now that i've become friends with him i'd like to take things further.

however i dont know what to do.

should i just go for it?
i'm so worried what all my other friends will say?a lot of them are very homophobic and im not sure how they would react to me going off with him. and what about my family?i dont think i could cope.

should i just go for it and try it out or put these feelings aside and continue to live life as a straight man? does having these feelings mean i am gay or is it just a phase?
any adivce really appreciated,
thanks
Brian

ding-dong

Hi Brian, sounds like you're discovering your sexuality at a somewhat later age age than usual. This is fairly common for people that are gay/bi. I'm in my 20s and I know what that's like. you should be true to yourself. I think it's unlikely that you're going through a phase and I'm sure somewhere deep down you know the truth. People aren't always either straight or gay, there's a grey area - so maybe that's where you fit in. Whatever you do, don't "put these feelings aside and continue to live life as a straight man". You need to confront your feelings, difficult as it may be. The fact that you took it upon yourself to post here is a very good sign. It's clear you like the guy and you want to "go for it". I'm sorry to hear about your friends - people should be able to be with who they want without feeling threatened. Having said that, they either like you or they don't. They're either your friends or they're not. You shouldn't have to twist your feelings in order to suit them. If they really are friends, it's unlikely that they'll be jerks about it. In fact, they may even find themselves embarrassed and ashamed about things they have said in the past. You never really know how people are going to react, so my advice would be - yes, "go for it". You don't need to worry about your family right now, you're in Vancouver. In fact you don't necessarily have to worry about your friends right now. Take your time and do things at your own pace. Stack the deck in your favour as best you can. It gets so much easier. Talk to the guy you like, he's your best resource right now. He certainly won't judge you and he can give you advice. I think you'll be fine - let me know how you get on. PM me if you want.

Marshy

Well it depends on the nature of your feelings for the guy. If you just have sexual urges for him then it might not mean you're gay. But it does sound like its more than that.

My advice would be to try and get to know him better, maybe invite him to do something by yourselves. At that stage you should know how you feel.

Dwn Wth Vwls

When you say "put your feelings aside" what you really mean is shove them deep down inside. That's no way to live your life and will only make you miserable. If you're interested in this guy then I definitely think you should pursue it, although it's worth bearing in mind he unfortunately might not be interested in you. Your friends are probably not as homophobic as they appear, but even if they are you can't live your life to suit them.

Jafin

Just try to get him alone sometime and explain that your confused by your feelings and you don't know what to do. In all likelihood he will have been in the same boat as you at one stage or another since you said hes been with women in the past and he will understand.

ixoy

Whoever placed the original post, cut it out. You're not funny and you're wasting the time of people genuinely trying to help out.