Talking Dog

Big_G

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.



The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.



'You talk?' he asks.



'Yep,' the Lab replies.


After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'


The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'


'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'


'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


'Ten dollars,' the guy says.


'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'


'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.'

dilallio

A butcher was about to close up shop one night when a dog walked in, carrying a paper bag in its mouth. The butcher tried to shoo the dog away, but it wouldn’t leave. Instead it set the bag down and barked at it. So the butcher looked inside of the bag, and found some money and a note.
The note said:
1 lb Italian sausage
2 lbs Pork chops
So the butcher filled the order, made change for the dog, put it all in the bag and handed it back to the dog. The dog grabbed the bag in its mouth and left.
Well, the butcher was pretty amazed, so he decided to follow the dog, since he was closing up shop anyway.
He followed the dog down the street, where he witnessed the dog walk up to a pedestrian crossing and wait for the green man. When the signal came, the dog crossed the street.
The butcher, now thinking that this was the smartest dog he had ever seen, followed.
The dog ended up at a bus stop. Several buses went by, and the dog just sat there. Finally, when the number 32 bus arrived, the dog got on. So did the butcher.
After a while the dog got off the bus, and the butcher followed. The dog walked down a long street until he got to a house. He jumped up to the gate and opened the latch, then walked towards the house. When he got to the front step, he set the bag down and rang the doorbell with his nose.
The butcher, witnessing this, was now convinced that this was the world’s smartest dog. He was flabbergasted!
The dog rang the doorbell a few more times, when finally a man answered. “You stupid, stupid dog!”, he said.
The butcher then piped up, “What do you mean ’stupid’? This dog is a genius!”
“No, he’s an idiot. He forgot his keys again!”