Question for host families with au pairs.

StormWarrior

I'm going to start a job as an au pair this week. There's one thing I'm especially nervous about. Before accepting the job, I told the host parents that the only meat I eat is chicken and fish and they said that's fine. I assumed that they just eat normal food for dinner like rice, veg, and meat, or something similar. But I've been speaking to their current au pair and she has been telling me that the mum is always cooking strange and exotic food that they have for dinner most nights. Firstly reindeer (but since I said I don't eat red meat that shouldn't be a problem to get out of) but the au pair also told me of everything else the family regularly eats for dinner. She gave me a list of all of the pies with weird ingredients, unusual animals and seafood, all kinds of spicy foreign dishes, and just a load of stuff that I would never touch in a million years.

As host parents, if your au pair was not keen to eat what you were having for dinner, would you have a problem with her just preparing something else, like chicken and vegetables, for herself? I'm really worried that they'll think I'm rude but I seriously cannot bring myself to eat the things their au pair has been telling me about. I wonder if maybe I should just tell them that I have food intolerances or allergies and therefore can only eat certain things?

Also, the family have dinner later than I am used to. As host parents, would you be ok with your au pair making her dinner and eating it earlier and then just not having dinner with you?

Please do not say, "Just try new food" because that's not going to help me. I am really worried about this. I just want to find the way around it that will cause the leat hassle/offence.

Also, if your au pair had a few favourite food that you didn't usually stock, like a few favourite types of fruit or vegetables, would you be prepared to buy them for her?

Kildrought

When I had au pairs here, I would prefer them to eat with the family if she was home. On occasion she might be going out and would eat something earlier, but generally she ate with the family.

I used to bring them shopping w. me for the first while and encourage them to choose familar foods; once I knew what they liked it was easy enough to get their favourite (within reason - one girl had a taste for more expensive things and I told her she'd have to get them herself as my budget didn't stretch to it).

Part of being an au pair is to experience new things, there's not much point in going into it with a closed mind.

I had an au pair from Slovenia who was amazed at parsnips - she'd never had them before, but absolutely loved them & asked me to get them every week! :-)

I had another au pair from Italy, who loved to cook - and was a very good one I might add - so I happily let her cook the evening meals while I did the laundry.

dosed

i'm another au pair, not a host family, but thought i'd share my experience anyway.

I'm a very picky eater and honestly didnt like a lot of the family food. i spoke to the parents about it and what usually happened if it was some weird food was I would have a very small portion at dinner with everyone, and then later when the kids were in bed i would cook myself something else/extra (that the family had bought).

In a lot of families, dinner is a nice family time and it's part of the routine, The au pair, as part of the family, should really be present at the meal. and it just dosnt set a good example to the children if the au pair picks through her food or leaves a lot of it on the plate ( not eating red meat is different).

Hopefully your family will be understanding, but i don't think you should count yourself out of the family dinner. and i dont know how practical it would be for you to eat earlier, might be better to wait till th kids are in bed.

Wantobe

We're expecting our first au-pair in about a week.

Frankly I wouldn't be too keen on her making a separate meal for herself every afternoon. Plus as dosed said, if you're eating earlier than the family it may be tricky, cause the children might want some of yours etc.

I wouldn't have a problem in stocking fruit and veg that she likes though. And I wouldnt mind adjusting a little for her- a bit of compromise is fine, but it needs to be on both sides.

For instance, we eat quite a bit of fish, so if our au-pair REALLY didn't like seafood then we could just switch the fish in the dish for chicken.

Or maybe you could offer to cook a meal yourself for everyone one night a week? Obviously the family would buy the ingredients.

StormWarrior

What if your au pair told you that certain kinds of foods give her an upset stomach?

I hope it's not going to be too much of a problem, I had no idea they ate such odd food all the time, I'm wishing I had accepted another family who actually asked me what I would like to eat now. The way I see it, I'm there to look after the kids for them and as long as I'm doing that well enough it shouldn't matter what I want to eat. I think that when I get there I'm going to say I have irritable bowel syndrome and there are certain types of food I just can't eat. It's not like I'm expecting them to feed me expensive stuff or junk food, all I want is normal plain food every day like fruit, veg, chicken and eggs.

I would offer to just cook for the family, but apparently the mum and dad absolutely love cooking and want to do it themselves.

Part of being an au pair is to experience new places and people, but not to have to force down food you find repulsive every night.

How about weekends, the parents are home every weekend, would you expect your au pair to eat lunch with you if she was home too?

StormWarrior

Wantobe wrote: »

Frankly I wouldn't be too keen on her making a separate meal for herself every afternoon.

Why not?

What if she has a big lunch every day and is not very hungry at dinner time, so just picks at the dinner food a bit for the sake of appearances?

Or what if at dinner time she heaps her plate with the vegetables but doesn't touch much of the other stuff?

What if I say I'd prefer to stick with plain food because I need to lose weight? Would that be a better excuse? (it's true that I put on weight while at university and want to lose it now, I don't think the mum's creamy reindeer pies are gonna help me lose weight.)

The thing is, I feel I've been a bit misled. The family said I should ask any questions about them I want to their old au pair. I asked her about food and she said, whatever you want you can just add it to the shopping list every week. The mum said it's ok that I don't eat red meat because they mostly eat chicken and fish. So I accepted the job, but now that it's nearly time to depart, the au pair tells me that they mainly eat reindeer, spicy food, pies and a list of other things that I don't want to eat, and that I'll just have to try it and if I don't like it I'll just have to eat it anyway. If she'd said that at the start I wouldn't have accepted the job, I'd have gone with a different family.

I notice this alot with people offering au pair jobs, they make the job sound great and like they'll really accomodate the au pair, but as soon as she's there it's a totally different story. I've heard so many stories from other au pairs about this happening.

Wantobe

In our case we already asked our au-pair to be if she had any food intolerences etc. because I am a coeliac so it's something I am aware of.

My advice to you would be to be honest- don't tell them you have a medical condition just because you don't want to eat certain things. I DO have a medical condition and it is not something that I think should be taken lightly. It is a serious issue and I would hate it if someone lied to me about it.

So just be honest, tell them your preference is for plain food. Then I imagine they will either adjust a little or facilitate you making your own meals. But compromise is the key here.

In our house the only formal meal is dinner, for lunch and breakfast everyone helps themselves to whatever they want most of the time. Breakfast is cereal, or toast and egg, the usual. Lunch is usually either soup or sandwiches or simple pasta- whatever is handy. Often we all end up eating our own thing. But dinner is our family meal, when we all sit down together. I would expect our au-pair to eat with us most weekdays at least.

kizzyr

You really should try the family's food at least once. You could love it or hate it but you won't know if you don't try it. You can't in all honest decide you hate reindeer or venison or anything else without having tried it. You really are closing yourself off from lots of experiences by deciding something like that in advance.

StormWarrior

Another question: If your au pair wanted to be alone in her room for a few hours in the evening, would you think she was being rude/antisocial?

dosed

do you mean after the kids are in bed and kitchen etc tidy?

I'm sure they wouldnt care what room you want to be in :P

Personally I always stayed in my room in the evenings and went on my laptop. Usually had a chat if I came downstairs for a cup of coffee, but never sat with them to watch tv or anything.

It isnt rude to want some time alone.