Is Atheism bad for your mental health?

panda100

I've been an atheist for about two years after being brought up in a very strong Catholic tradition.
Last week I was having a very bad week and on waking up one morning I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I rememberd that back when I believed there was a God I would say a bit of a prayer and ask him (it was always a him ) to help me. I would always feel a lot better after doing this like there was someone there to help me. That there was a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Apart of me wished I could go back to when I blindly believed in a Heaven and a God watching over me to give me a bit of hope to get through the day.

Im just wondering If any other atheists out there have had similar pangs of sadness or hopefullness for the future that they didnt have before they were an atheist?
I dont want to generalise but If I look at my friends, my religious friends tend to be a lot more positive and optimistic than my non-religious friends many of whom have depression.
I'm just wondering what other people experience are with atheism and mental illness?

I remember reading Oliver James excellent book 'Selfish Capitalist' last year and he mentioned that religious people tended to be happier than non- religious people, with non religious people much more prone to depression and suicide. There seems to be numerous studies that show religious people are able to cope a lot better with crisis and daily struggles; with religion having a positive effect on pscyhological health.

Zombrex

Yeah I can understand where are coming from, it is like in secondary school when you believe a girl may fancy you and then you find out (after you have asked her out) that she doesn't. You wish you could go back to when you believed she might even if you never did anything about it because that was better when you knew she didn't

Unfortunately life doesn't work like this.

Try and view your atheism as an opportunity to look at what is actually causing you stress and unhappiness in your life rather than just passing it off to God to sort out. The old saying religion the opium of the people (paraphrased for any history buff about to correct me :pac:). When you were saying a bit of a prayer to God nothing was actually happening so you weren't actually doing anything to fix your problems. That realisation is now an opportunity to actually do something about it.

CerebralCortex

Opiate of the masses I think.

For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
Carl Sagan

I'm with Carl. My journey into atheism started at a similar time to when I also started to take responsibility for my life. Depression is horrible I've experienced quite a bit of it but the only being who helped me through was me. I'm for one glad I'm not taking queues from some imaginary sky god.

pH

panda100 wrote: »

I've been an atheist for about two years after being brought up in a very strong Catholic tradition.
Last week I was having a very bad week and on waking up one morning I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I rememberd that back when I believed there was a God I would say a bit of a prayer and ask him (it was always a him ) to help me. I would always feel a lot better after doing this like there was someone there to help me. That there was a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Apart of me wished I could go back to when I blindly believed in a Heaven and a God watching over me to give me a bit of hope to get through the day.

I can't help but feel that it's not religion that's good for your mental health, it's some form of denial and wishful thinking that you layered on top of your Catholicism that you found helpful.

Your old religion does not say that God will help you when you pray, your old religion does not say you're going to heaven, if you read between the lines it says that only a few go to heaven. If you truly believed in what Catholicism teaches, then none of that should make you feel better, in fact the stress caused by thought of eternity burning in hell cannot be good for anyone's mental health.

equivariant

I would say that if you are jealous of religious people for the consolation that they apparently receive from their faith, then perhaps you are not really atheist. I don't mean this in a critical way. However, I think that I can honestly say that no matter how bad I feel about something in my life, the idea of a god never crosses my mind as a possible consolation.
In fact, the idea that there might be a god would be quite depressing to me.

ChocolateSauce

Atheism itself isn't, but there is evidence to support that being an atheist is. Here's a letter I sent to the Irish Times shortly after the Iona institute published one such study:

[font='PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif']Dear Madam,
>
> A recent study published by the Iona Institute claims that religion
> makes us happier and healthier on average, and that people who are
> not religious suffer higher rates of depression and mental illness
> than ones who are.
>
> I suggest that this isn't because of some innate goodness that being
> religious bestows on our bodies, but rather that atheists live in a
> god-soaked society, where they often feel secluded, ignored,
> marginalised and even hated for their disbelief. In the US, anti-
> atheist discrimination is rampant. Here, you must swear an
> oath to god to become the President or a Judge, effectively barring
> atheists from these positions. Other studies have shown that people
> who are marginalised and derided for other reasons, like being gay,
> also suffer mental health problems. It is no wonder then that
> atheists are more prone to depression than theists.
>
> And even if it were true that there is some intrinsic biological
> value to being religious, to quote George Bernard Shaw, "The fact
> that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point
> than the fact that a drunk man is happier than a sober one".
>
> Yours etc,
Chocolatesauce
[/font]

Overheal

Interesting piece.

Not sure what to base the OPs feelings off of. Even as a kid I never had any established belief or disbelief in anything - religion and spirituality were for the most part foreign topics to me and had almost no impact on my daily life. So without this change from believer to non believer Im not sure I have a way to relate to you.

All I can say is Chocolate Sauce's article seems pretty solid and well founded. Being a member of a religion would certainly have its benefits for me on a purely social level. Unfortunately, theism being the central divider, its not like I would ever feel comfortable sitting down in a church randomly (occassions excluded, weddings and confirmations) nor would I expect any of the followers not to get a creeped out vibe from an atheist hanging around their church all the time :pac:

I have to agree that communities would be better served by more Secular activities.

ozzirt

I strongly doubt that Atheism can "cause" anything.

However, it will stop you from continually wondering about things like, why the god that supposedly loves you, does so many damned stupid, unreasonable and viscously cruel things to persons who do not deserve it, yet lets people who kill rape and plunder the earth and it's inhabitants live long, happy and often very comfortable lives.

It might also help develop your character as a better person, as you will have little alternative except to take responsibility for your own actions in life. You may also come to realise that you can pretty much control your own life within the boundaries allowable by society.

Being an Atheist is to take control of your life, and grow to be the person you would like.

Dades

If religious people are happier it might well be down to the sense of community or belonging to something.

The key to happiness, afaic, is being part of something, This can be a family, a team, an interest group (even a forum!) - anything that provides a sense of togetherness that can be forgotten if one dwells on the starker ramifications of our existence.

equivariant wrote: »

I would say that if you are jealous of religious people for the consolation that they apparently receive from their faith, then perhaps you are not really atheist.

On the contrary, I would think jealously of other peoples' beliefs - especially in times of hardship is a very common, and human, atheistic trait.

Malari

CerebralCortex wrote: »

Opiate of the masses I think.

Placebo of the masses! - House

Personally, I have never had a moment of sadness that came from my being an atheist, but I never had a moment of happiness either that came from being told, as a child, that god existed. It's probably because I never believed anything so I have nothing to miss.

Malari

Dades wrote: »

On the contrary, I would think jealously of other peoples' beliefs - especially in times of hardship is a very common, and human, atheistic trait.

Can't say I agree with this. If someone believes they are a millionaire you are not jealous of their imagined wealth? The only reason you would genuinely be jealous is that you too secretly believe the person is a millionaire.

jimbling

Ignorance is bliss*




*Note: I don't actually believe that, but the statement holds true for many people in many situations. Especially during tough times.

Dades

Malari wrote: »

Can't say I agree with this. If someone believes they are a millionaire you are not jealous of their imagined wealth? The only reason you would genuinely be jealous is that you too secretly believe the person is a millionaire.

I'm talking of the tangible effect of belief as applied during life. For example... an atheist and a believer both lose someone they love. One of them is comforted by the belief that they will meet again in heaven. The other doesn't have that luxury.

fitz0

I found it to be the opposite way to the OP. Since I became an atheist, I've read up on the natural world a lot more. It still amazes me when I think of the unfathomable vastness of space; the absurdly small chance that out of all the possible persons that could be here instead of me, I'm here. It really makes me value my life that little bit more, since it's the only one I'm going to get.

Gregor Samsa

panda100 wrote: »

There seems to be numerous studies that show religious people are able to cope a lot better with crisis and daily struggles; with religion having a positive effect on pscyhological health.

Well, it's equally true that many people who suffer from mental illness like schizophrenia tend to have very strong religious belief. Now, it would be redicilous to claim that religious belief causes or contributes to schizophrenia, so would it not be equally ridiculous to claim that the lack of religious belief causes or contributes to other mental illnesses?

Latchy

Atheist or nay ,there has to be a reason for our existence . There has to be an end result besides reproducing and death to explain why we exist in the first place .

Malari

Dades wrote: »

I'm talking of the tangible effect of belief as applied during life. For example... an atheist and a believer both lose someone they love. One of them is comforted by the belief that they will meet again in heaven. The other doesn't have that luxury.

I've never actually come across that tangible effect of comfort in reality. People die and the relatives and friends closest to them get upset. The belief in heaven seems to have little impact on grief. Almost as if they don't really view it as a comfort.

Mark Hamill

Latchy wrote: »

Atheist or nay ,there has to be a reason for our existence . There has to be an end result besides reproducing and death to explain why we exist in the first place .

Why?

Healium

Latchy wrote: »

Atheist or nay ,there has to be a reason for our existence . There has to be an end result besides reproducing and death to explain why we exist in the first place .

You can't make a sweeping statement like that.

patrickthomas

ChocolateSauce wrote: »

Atheism itself isn't, but there is evidence to support that being an atheist is. Here's a letter I sent to the Irish Times shortly after the Iona institute published one such study:

[font='PrimaSans BT,Verdana,sans-serif']Dear Madam,
>
> A recent study published by the Iona Institute claims that religion
> makes us happier and healthier on average, and that people who are
> not religious suffer higher rates of depression and mental illness
> than ones who are.
>
> I suggest that this isn't because of some innate goodness that being
> religious bestows on our bodies, but rather that atheists live in a
> god-soaked society, where they often feel secluded, ignored,
> marginalised and even hated for their disbelief. In the US, anti-
> atheist discrimination is rampant. Here, you must swear an
> oath to god to become the President or a Judge, effectively barring
> atheists from these positions. Other studies have shown that people
> who are marginalised and derided for other reasons, like being gay,
> also suffer mental health problems. It is no wonder then that
> atheists are more prone to depression than theists.
>
> And even if it were true that there is some intrinsic biological
> value to being religious, to quote George Bernard Shaw, "The fact
> that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point
> than the fact that a drunk man is happier than a sober one".
>
> Yours etc,
Chocolatesauce
[/font]

I am sorry but this is complete and utter rubbish, i have studied this area and there are major findings to the contrary. It was about two years ago and it will take me time to find papers on it. It was found that "believers" suffered a whole lot more mental problems than non-believers.

The Iona institute is a Catholic right wing fundamentalist group that have been "accused of disingenuously misinterpreting data coming from surveys"

It looks like they like misrepresenting data from surveys:mad:

Dades

Malari wrote: »

I've never actually come across that tangible effect of comfort in reality.

You don't have to come across it - only to know that there are people who do take great comfort in such things. I feel we're labouring what was really a small concept here.

Handsome Bob

panda100 wrote: »

I've been an atheist for about two years after being brought up in a very strong Catholic tradition.
Last week I was having a very bad week and on waking up one morning I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I rememberd that back when I believed there was a God I would say a bit of a prayer and ask him (it was always a him ) to help me. I would always feel a lot better after doing this like there was someone there to help me. That there was a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Apart of me wished I could go back to when I blindly believed in a Heaven and a God watching over me to give me a bit of hope to get through the day.

Im just wondering If any other atheists out there have had similar pangs of sadness or hopefullness for the future that they didnt have before they were an atheist?
I dont want to generalise but If I look at my friends, my religious friends tend to be a lot more positive and optimistic than my non-religious friends many of whom have depression.
I'm just wondering what other people experience are with atheism and mental illness?

I remember reading Oliver James excellent book 'Selfish Capitalist' last year and he mentioned that religious people tended to be happier than non- religious people, with non religious people much more prone to depression and suicide. There seems to be numerous studies that show religious people are able to cope a lot better with crisis and daily struggles; with religion having a positive effect on pscyhological health.

I understand where you are coming from OP and I was in a very similar situation to you. Basically no matter how bad things were when I was religious I always had hope. That hope gave me the strength to keep going. I'm not ashamed to say that I am a lot more unhappier now than when I was religious.

JC 2K3

If you once posessed the ability to make yourself feel better when down, there's no reason you don't still have it simply because you don't believe in a God.

It's a tainted and incorrect term, but it's the best I have: I think many atheists lack a 'spiritual dimension' in their lives.

By that I really mean that I don't think it's common for many of us to sit back and take a deep breath, reflect on life, introspect, focus on what we're feeling and why we're feeling this way.

I think the reason for this is that the above is rarely taught outside a religious/supernatural context.

Sam Harris, who practices Atheistic Buddhism, writes about this a good bit.

patrickthomas

panda100 wrote: »

Im just wondering If any other atheists out there have had similar pangs of sadness or hopefullness for the future that they didnt have before they were an atheist?
I dont want to generalise but If I look at my friends, my religious friends tend to be a lot more positive and optimistic than my non-religious friends many of whom have depression.
I'm just wondering what other people experience are with atheism and mental illness?

I remember reading Oliver James excellent book 'Selfish Capitalist' last year and he mentioned that religious people tended to be happier than non- religious people, with non religious people much more prone to depression and suicide. There seems to be numerous studies that show religious people are able to cope a lot better with crisis and daily struggles; with religion having a positive effect on pscyhological health.

I know that to be an atheist takes more inner strength than being a believer. It is easy to believe that a God will balance everything in an afterlife and that we belong to the "chosen ones" as every religion tells it's followers. Ignorance is bliss and knowledge does come with a price, i would rather not know some of the atrocities that mankind has commited on itself, but knowing makes me more aware and informed which results in better decision making.

I think anyone who leaves the crowd and walks alone is a strong individual, but that walk will make him/her feel weak as it is a greater responsibility to accept that this world is our responsibility and what is happening in it is our doing. not the doing of gods and devils.

We do not have gatherings, days of celebration, nor books to guide us, just reason and logic and that has resulted in there being 1.1 Billion atheists in the world and it is also the fastest growing "belief/non-belief" group in the world with Islam coming in second.

A very eminent psychiatrist I read some time ago said that any individual that looks at the world as it really is will be depressed by it. He said that people that live in a "cotton wool universe" believe themselves to be happier as a result. Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.

I know that I will try everything I can to make a difference in this world, to leave it a slightly better place than when i came into it, and I have faith in that goal, I believe that I have done so (and failed on some) and that i will continue to do so, without dogma, superstition, just cold reason.

I have faith in humanity, to do extraordinary things, both good and bad, but we crawled out of the caves and looked at the stars and now we travel there. I do not know what we are nor why we are here but i do know that we have a will to discover and learn about ourselves and that for me is the single most important thing, to learn.

patrickthomas

JC 2K3 wrote: »

It's a tainted and incorrect term, but it's the best I have: I think many atheists lack a 'spiritual dimension' in their lives.
.

Have to say that I have had many people from serious religious backgrounds tell me that I am very spiritual and I am very much an atheist and my work represents the spirit of atheism, that is if atheism has a "spirit" always gets confusing describing atheism:rolleyes:

People from these backgrounds have bought my work for this reason and on discovering that I was an atheist were very uncomfortable about it.

I am probably just thinking out loud here, the word "spirit" is that more to do with having drive and vision? conviction in what we do?

Malari

Dades wrote: »

You don't have to come across it - only to know that there are people who do take great comfort in such things. I feel we're labouring what was really a small concept here.

OK, agree to disagree!

JC 2K3

patrickthomas wrote: »

I am probably just thinking out loud here, the word "spirit" is that more to do with having drive and vision? conviction in what we do?

It's somewhat of an inner conflict in me. I don't want to call myself "spiritual" because of the supernatural connotations, but at the same time, my ideas on introspection/reflection would probably be quite close to what people who call themselves "spiritual" practice, except they do it because of a belief in the supernatural.

Handsome Bob

JC 2K3 wrote: »

If you once posessed the ability to make yourself feel better when down, there's no reason you don't still have it simply because you don't believe in a God.

I see what you are saying, but the reason "I don't have the ability to make myself feel better" when down is because my mood was directly related to the idea that God was there with me. It's like the poem Footprints in the Sand;

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

When that idea is taken away from you, then it is awfully hard to muster the ability to pick yourself up, especially if you are dealing with various personal issues. I'm not saying that I'm down all the time, I'm simply saying that I'm not as happy as I once was.

JC 2K3

No offence, but I think that's a cop out.

Handsome Bob

JC 2K3 wrote: »

No offence, but I think that's a cop out.

How so?

togster

JC 2K3 wrote: »

No offence, but I think that's a cop out.

I agree and i agree with the other posts you made here. The problem i have with atheism is that often an atheist will dismiss (to varying degrees) concepts which seem "spiritual" in essence. Moment awareness and meditation are things that we can all use to make our lives for joyful.

Being a skeptic however, many people will dismiss the notions out of hand because well that's what they usually do.

pH

togster wrote: »

I agree and i agree with the other posts you made here. The problem i have with atheism is that often an atheist will dismiss (to varying degrees) concepts which seem "spiritual" in essence. Moment awareness and meditation are things that we can all use to make our lives for joyful

How do you know that? I've never found them the least bit useful, I'm not for a minute arguing that they're not good for you, you say they are and I believe you, I'm just wondering why on earth you think that applies to everyone?

patrickthomas

JC 2K3 wrote: »

It's somewhat of an inner conflict in me. I don't want to call myself "spiritual" because of the supernatural connotations, but at the same time, my ideas on introspection/reflection would probably be quite close to what people who call themselves "spiritual" practice, except they do it because of a belief in the supernatural.

Yeah, I know what you mean, am going to take a look and see if other people have struggled with same concept of the word spirituality, seems to have been given very religious/supernatural connotations all right.

English-speakers use the word "spirit" in two related contexts, one metaphysical and the other metaphorical.
here

Sam Vimes

togster wrote: »

The problem i have with atheism is that often an atheist will dismiss (to varying degrees) concepts which seem "spiritual" in essence. Moment awareness and meditation are things that we can all use to make our lives for joyful.

Meditation is a natural function of the human mind, it's a method of distracting the conscious mind to focus on other areas. It's not spiritual or supernatural, it's a feature of your brain just like the feature that allows sight. Much like those tribes who take hallucinogenic drugs because they think it allows them to commune with ancestors/god/spirits/whatever, it's something that has been mistaken as spiritual by people who didn't understand it

Dades

LZ5by5 wrote: »

I see what you are saying, but the reason "I don't have the ability to make myself feel better" when down is because my mood was directly related to the idea that God was there with me. It's like the poem Footprints in the Sand;

I posted that story in a thread in the Christianity sections as something I thought demonstrated the power of religion. I specifically remember it from when I was a child - and think it is a perfect example of why people believe in religion.

That one story, the setting, the twist at the end, the way it can be applied to anyone's life - it's just brilliant.

I used to be incredulous as how anyone could believe in religion, but now I'm a bit older I can see how and why some people are (subconsciously?) willing to overlook what we see as glaring contradictions. That one little leather bound, black book you can clutch, with HOLY BIBLE printed in gold on the front holds words to explain everything. Sure, it contains a huge amount of dubious material, but that's not why people read it.

Maybe it's a cop-out, but a cop-out of what?

patrickthomas

Sam Vimes wrote: »

Meditation is a natural function of the human mind, it's a method of distracting the conscious mind to focus on other areas. It's not spiritual or supernatural, it's a feature of your brain just like the feature that allows sight. Much like those tribes who take hallucinogenic drugs because they think it allows them to commune with ancestors/god/spirits/whatever, it's something that has been mistaken as spiritual by people who didn't understand it

Way off-topic Sam, but watching TV produces a meditation like state in the brain, this is why people often watch tv and do not remember what they watched.

Sam Vimes

patrickthomas wrote: »

Way off-topic Sam, but watching TV produces a meditation like state in the brain, this is why people often watch tv and do not remember what they watched.

Happens to me quite often when I'm reading something. My eyes will still be reading the words but my mind will be doing other stuff, then I snap out of it and have to go back and re-read the last page :P

JC 2K3

LZ5by5 wrote: »

How so?

The idea that you need a belief to be able to make yourself feel better when down.

When you've no one else to turn to, there's always yourself. Your own mind is one of the most comforting things that you have access to.

If there was no feeling of comfort obtainable from your own mind, then prayer wouldn't work for the religious.

Belief isn't as powerful as its made out to be, it's just one way of obtaining comfort when you feel down and alone.

I find that taking time out for reflection/introspection has the same effect.

You're not doing yourself any favours if you believe that the religious have this incredible coping mechanism that you can never have because you can't bring yourself to believe in what they do.

Handsome Bob

JC 2K3 wrote: »

The idea that you need a belief to be able to make yourself feel better when down.

When you've no one else to turn to, there's always yourself. Your own mind is one of the most comforting things that you have access to.

If there was no feeling of comfort obtainable from your own mind, then prayer wouldn't work for the religious.

Belief isn't as powerful as its made out to be, it's just one way of obtaining comfort when you feel down and alone.

I find that taking time out for reflection/introspection has the same effect.

You're not doing yourself any favours if you believe that the religious have this incredible coping mechanism that you can never have because you can't bring yourself to believe in what they do.

In certain cases, it is. Take bereavement for example. I don't think there is a bigger coping mechanism out there than the idea that you will see your lost loved ones again.

togster

pH wrote: »

How do you know that? I've never found them the least bit useful, I'm not for a minute arguing that they're not good for you, you say they are and I believe you, I'm just wondering why on earth you think that applies to everyone?

Apologies. I didn't mean to infer that they work for everyone.

I'm talking about moment awareness. Not being distracted by the mind continuously. If it doesn't work for you then what does?

Sam Vimes

togster wrote: »

I'm talking about moment awareness. Not being distracted by the mind continuously. If it doesn't work for you then what does?

Mostly porn :pac:

togster

Sam Vimes wrote: »

Meditation is a natural function of the human mind, it's a method of distracting the conscious mind to focus on other areas. It's not spiritual or supernatural, it's a feature of your brain just like the feature that allows sight. Much like those tribes who take hallucinogenic drugs because they think it allows them to commune with ancestors/god/spirits/whatever, it's something that has been mistaken as spiritual by people who didn't understand it

I never said it was supernatural.

Continuous awareness and mind-control is very rare.

Meditation has nothing to do with hallucinogenic drugs tbh.

togster

Sam Vimes wrote: »

Mostly porn :pac:

I'm talking about continuous awareness not 2-5 min's Sam :pac:

CerebralCortex

togster wrote: »

Apologies. I didn't mean to infer that they work for everyone.

I'm talking about moment awareness. Not being distracted by the mind continuously. If it doesn't work for you then what does?

Oh here we go again!

togster

patrickthomas wrote: »

Way off-topic Sam, but watching TV produces a meditation like state in the brain, this is why people often watch tv and do not remember what they watched.

Not the same thing at all.

Ickle Magoo

I know what you mean OP & I have to agree with you.

My mother-in-law is religious and often she says things like "ah well, it's in God's hands now" or "I've said a prayer for x/y/z" and it sounds like she has someone or something to share her stresses and strains with. In some respects she doesn't worry as much because she believes her life is predestined by her God.

I think there are a lot of biblical or religious references toward God looking after his believers and seeing they are going to be looked after or they at least have his support. That would automatically give a feeling of having passed the problem on to someone who has the power to change the status quo against all odds - as an atheist I don't have that luxury, I have to look at my life or look at the odds in any given situation and make a decision that I will feel ultimately responsible for.

It's a more stressful way of dealing with life but never having had a belief in a God, not one I feel I have any choice about. I would certainly say I have been quite jealous on occasion of the comfort my MIL gains and personal responsibility she forgoes by having such a faith.

Zillah

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

"ah well, it's in God's hands now" or "I've said a prayer for x/y/z"

Ah yeah sure, that's way better than actually doing anything to help like.

LZ5by5 wrote: »

In certain cases, it is. Take bereavement for example. I don't think there is a bigger coping mechanism out there than the idea that you will see your lost loved ones again.

That's not a coping mechanism, that's a denial mechanism. If you disagree, then why do you think religious people cry at funerals at all? As an atheist, when I've lost people I've never had to deal with questions like "Why them? Why now? Why would God let this happen?" They sound like horrible, awkward questions, and risk turning a period of grief even worse by adding to it a level of existential angst.

drkpower

Zillah wrote: »

If you disagree, then why do you think religious people cry at funerals at all?

Thats a little harsh; people cry when a person emigrates because they wont be in your life much anymore, even though you'll see them at xmas each year.

Sure my wife's parents cried at the airport when we went away on our honeymoon; we were back in 3 weeks....

Handsome Bob

Zillah wrote: »

That's not a coping mechanism, that's a denial mechanism.

That's how you see it which isn't really all that suprising tbh.

If you disagree, then why do you think religious people cry at funerals at all?

Maybe because that in this life they won't see their loved ones again. Just because someone is religious that doesn't mean that they can't grieve for the fact that it could be a long time before they themselves die (which means they won't be reunited with their lost loved ones for a long time). I imagine that's why people cry at funerals.

As an atheist, when I've lost people I've never had to deal with questions like "Why them? Why now? Why would God let this happen?" They sound like horrible, awkward questions, and risk turning a period of grief even worse by adding to it a level of existential angst.

They are horrible questions and I have asked myself them questions. They have played a part in my own lack of belief. That's the thing about bereavement though isn't it? It can go either way, it can destroy your faith or it can reinforce it.

Malari

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

My mother-in-law is religious and often she says things like "ah well, it's in God's hands now" or "I've said a prayer for x/y/z" and it sounds like she has someone or something to share her stresses and strains with. In some respects she doesn't worry as much because she believes her life is predestined by her God.

I get the impression people use these phrases to comfort other people, rather than themselves though.

Zillah

drkpower wrote: »

Sure my wife's parents cried at the airport when we went away on our honeymoon; we were back in 3 weeks....

Significantly less than if you had died, I would imagine.

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Maybe because that in this life they won't see their loved ones again.

Do you honestly believe people collapse emotionally, slip into depression, contemplate suicide and question their fundamental beliefs about the world because they're upset that it'll be a long time before they see their loved ones? You don't think that part of it might be the conflict between the notion of an afterlife and the fact that on some level they know it's not true?

They are horrible questions and I have asked myself them questions. They have played a part in my own lack of belief. That's the thing about bereavement though isn't it? It can go either way, it can destroy your faith or it can reinforce it.

It introduces an unstable element to a critical situation. The last thing someone who is grieving (not upset at their loved ones going on a long holiday) needs to happen is to have their world view collapsing as well.