5 yr old scared of wardrobes

clint_silver

5 and 4 yr old girls in same room. 4 yr old sleeps no probs. As soon as we finish the nightly story and settle them down, leave, turn the dimmer light down to low level (they like the light on), we get downstairs, wait 60 seconds and get the cries from the 5yr old that shes scared. Its the wardrobes and the monsters in them.

Its not every night, it may happen in the middle of the night too. We're fairly good with them with quieting time down before bedtime, no tv, reading stories etc, we've cut out any monsters from stories. Ive gone through the whole leaving wardrobes open, closed, checking them with her and on my own while she watches me. We even got a dreamcatcher for the nightime, didnt do anything, we then told her about it to see if that would make a difference, and she got scared of that.

Its so bad that shes wailing going to bed that she wants to stay up and I know its cos she doesnt want to be scared.

Lots on the web on monsters in the cupboards but more for 2-3 year olds. Thoughts on how to deal with it?

finishedart

Stop locking her in them!! :mad::mad::mad:

clint_silver

finishedart wrote: »

Stop locking her in them!! :mad::mad::mad:

oh yeah, thatd be great, then what would the monsters eat? sheesh.

Nevyn

finishedart I suggest you read the charter for this forum.

clint_silver fears are irrational and the grasp of the real, unreal and logic for a 5 years old can be hard. Some times we just have to find a way to make them feel safe.

I would suggest that you get something like a red ribbon or scarf and 'secure' the doors of the wardrobe after you have checked that it is empty. That way they know it's closed and if they wake up they will see that the doors are still tied closed.

run_Forrest_run

my little one started saying the same thing but it was then I realised she was a fan of ScoobyDo! So i put a stop to those meddling kids on the TV and any time the little one said she was scared I just dealt with it in the most light-hearted way possible. I started making little funny jokes that made her laugh and if you can relate laughter to a phobia then the phobia becomes a non-issue.

I also told her that if she kept going on about monsters she would scare poor teddy and then I made it her job to be the big girl and mind teddy in case he was scared.

di11on

Couple of interesting links on this one.

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/fears.html

http://www.drgreene.com/21_764.htm

I like the second one in particular where he talks about helping the child overcome the fear.

I get two main things from these links.

1. Don't try and invalidate the fear or talk your child out of it. They are genuinely afraid, and for them, that fear is real. Instead, acknowledge the fear and feed it back to them so your child knows you care and understand that that you take them seriously. Also reassure them of your protection and love.

2. Encourage your child to work through the fear with non-threatening version of it. In your case, it might mean playing with cuddly monsters or action figures, maybe in the wardrobe along with some good-guy heroes to defeat them.

Another aspect of irrational fears is that kids can project a fear of something on to something else. In your case, perhaps your daughter is afraid of bedtime, which seems to be common in children this age. I remember a Jerry Sienfeld sketch where he talks about kids dislike of bed time. He says kids don't hear "go to bed" the hear, "lie down in a dark room by yourself for 8 hours". It's funny, but when you think about it, you can understand why children would be less than enthusiastic about going to bed!

You could also do something silly like put one of her soft toys on guard in the wardrobe to throttle anyting that moves in there :-)

Hope some of that helps!

warrenaldo

Have you shown her the film Monsters Inc - its all about this sort of thing. Brilliant film - shes sure to enjoy it and it may make her think differently about it.

Mr Magnolia

I'd take them over to the wardrobe during the day and let them play with some toys in and around it. You could also just leave a teddy or 2 inside it, when they get scared you can simply point out that it's 'only teddy that's in the wardrobe'.

clint_silver

Hi Guys, thanks for suggestions.

My wife and I have tried lots of things, we were going to try maybe a big barbie sticker on the wardrobe. Will try the ribbon, thats a good one.

...the teddy in front of it has been tried. Id guess we're pretty understanding, in that we can put ourselves in the childs eyes and know that she's being scared, rationally to her, irrationally to us, but once we learned to accept that its easier to be understanding of it.

I'll investigate ways to make light of it as well and try that.

edit:
Monsters inc is known word for word.
and the wardrobe houses books, teddies and clothes so is accessed a lot.

foxy06

I don't know if this will help but I was terrified of the wardrobe in my room as a child. I used to just stare at it for ages when I was in bed thinking something was in there. All I wanted was someone to put a lock on it and eventually when my parents did I felt better. It was a small bolt on the outside that I could see and even open myself if I wanted to but in my head it was locked and nothing could get out. God I feel like a nut job now!

kizzyr

My nephew (turned 5 in March) went through a phase of being scared of anything under his bed. Like your daughter he was fine with going to bed, story time and so on. As soon as his mum or dad left the room the tears would start and he would tell them he was scared of going to sleep in case the bad dreams of what was under his bed would come again.
His mum and dad did the whole "look there is nothing under your bed" routine as you have done with your daughter to no avail. Then my other sister produced Badger Sleep Balm. Its completely natural and comes in a little tin the size of Vaseline. It has lavender, bergamont, etc in it and you rub some on the temples, just over the eyebrows and under the nose and really helps to calm fears. My sister put it on her son, telling him that it was a special potion that would protect him from bad dreams of any sort and that it was a secret weapon of warriors etc. Essentially she made him the hero of his own story and it worked a treat and now he heads off to bed happy as anything and stays that way too:)
If you're interested you can buy that Badge stuff in Boots, some supermarkets and other chemists.

rainbowdrop

When my daughter was 4 or 5, I had the exact same problem. Monsters in the wardrobe, and under the bed.
My brother happened to be going over to England for a holiday, travelling on the ferry. He pretended to her that he was going to put the monsters into his suitcase, and told her that he would throw them into the sea on his way over (and told her that monsters can't swim, so they would drown lol)
It actually worked!! He phoned when he arrived in England, and told her that the monsters were gone, as he had thrown them overboard. She was never afraid of them again.
It worked for my child, maybe it could work for yours? Do you know anyone going on holidays soon, that would pretend to 'take the monsters with them'?

Best of luck x

Anna Molly

I don't have any children but maybe show them Monsters Inc, show them that Monsters have a nice side??
Maybe she'll think she's Boo and will have an amazing adventure in her dreams:)
[I'm a big kid. it is my favourite movie, cannot wait for Disneyland in December!:D]