Should I tell her?

LegacyUser

So basically I was with my ex for 2 years. I met him when I was at a very low point in my life, worried about my health, and I was thrilled to have a boyfriend finally. There were times I thought it was bad for me, but I always convinced myself I was better off with him than without him. He went on a 3 week holiday without me last year where he cheated on me. I felt suspicious and asked him when he returned and he got very angry and told me of course not. I saw a text in November confirming he had. And even worse, he'd been corresponding with the girl about it ever since, saying he missed her and he wasn't happy with me. I went mental, as I had let down all my barriers with this guy and couldn't believe he'd screwed me over. He said he hadn't told me cos he'd realised how much he loved me and he knew I'd dump him if I found out. Needless to say, I did dump him. We were in contact for a few months after that, regular dinners together, he tried to kiss me a few times, I stayed at his house one time and he begged me for a blow job. I cut contact after that and only talked to him again in April when he told me he'd started seeing someone, a girl I'd met as a friend before we broke up.

Well, I googled her out of curiosity and found a blog she writes. It seems like he was flirting with her (at the least) while he was still with me, before I found out about the cheating, and they started going out in November. We had broken up but he swore blind he wasn't seeing anyone, and as I wrote, he tried to get head off me in February when they definitely would have been together! It made me sick to read all her gushing about him, how she knows they'll make it work long distance (she's Canadian and he's staying in Ireland), how sweet and understanding he is. I am very confused about what, if anything, he told her about me. She obviously fell hook, line and sinker for his Charming Irish Man act. He's not all bad but like he did with me, he's given her an impression of himself that just isnt true. He cheated on his ex twice, he cheated on me and lied about it, and he would have cheated on her in February if I'd let it happen. I doubt she knows any of this.

From reading the blog, the girl sounds remarkably like me - anxiety issues, never had a relationship before, she writes about how reassuring he is - exactly how I felt when I started seeing him. He seems to go for this type of girl that he can mould and control and I'm afraid the same will happen to her as it did to me. Should I try to warn her?

snowy2008

just cut contact with the guy, what a loser! seriously, you knwo what hes like, why prolong the agony, kick his sorry ass to the curb and get out there and meet someone worthwhile coz he is worth nothing, hes cheated before and hes still doing it, i think you've answered your own question here

snowy2008

no dont tell her coz shes going to find out anyway, you'll just look like a jealous ex

Xephon

Hi op
First of i'm sorry to hear you had to put up with the pain of being cheated on and i'm happy you managed to get away from this guy.

In regards to the warnings, I wouldn't recemmend it, nor would i recemmend even being curious as to what he is up to.
Tbh you need to cut the cord altogeather with this guy and focus intirely on yourself.

Guys like that are best avoided and I'm sure this new girl will learn that for herself when she finds out herself how horrible this guy actully is.
You getting involved at this point will only have it ending up turning on you.

shellyboo

Don't get involved. She most likely won't believe you anyway, and you're only getting caught up in someone else's mess.

Move on with your own life and stop worrying about your ex.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

From reading the blog, the girl sounds remarkably like me - anxiety issues, never had a relationship before, she writes about how reassuring he is - exactly how I felt when I started seeing him. He seems to go for this type of girl that he can mould and control and I'm afraid the same will happen to her as it did to me. Should I try to warn her?

Why are you still involved with this guy's life ? Why are you not moved on ?

This is unhealthy for you and you should stay away from him and out of his business.


All the best.

Oh The Humanity

Nope, don't bother trying to warn her.

She won't believe you and will just assume its sour grapes.

Forget about him, you're well rid of it!

RossFixxxed

No.

Get on with your own life. Stop dragging up bad times and memories and do your own thing.

seahorse

In your position I would tell her, yes, just for the pleasure of returning the kick in the bollocks to him. Then I would move on with my life and give neither of them another thought.

davej

Anonymous message on her blog ftw!

Seriously, as nearly all the other posters have said, just leave it. If you tell her then you are only prolonging your involvement with him. You'll be wondering what effect your warning has had etc..etc

davej

LegacyUser

OP here. I can see why people are saying it's none of my business. Thing is, a few days ago, she made reference to me on her blog, saying something along the lines of 'his ex must have been crazy, her loss is my gain'. It really angers me that she's writing this online - her name is on the blog so anyone who knows myself and the ex would know it was about me. God, she is gullible, believing the tripe he must have fed to her about how it was all my fault. He did that about his ex to me, but I wasn't stupid enough to believe it (he had cheated on her but still managed to play the victim card). I think she has a bit of a cheek writing that. But if I were to comment, she'd know it was me and think I was stalking.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. I can see why people are saying it's none of my business. Thing is, a few days ago, she made reference to me on her blog, saying something along the lines of 'his ex must have been crazy, her loss is my gain'. It really angers me that she's writing this online - her name is on the blog so anyone who knows myself and the ex would know it was about me. God, she is gullible, believing the tripe he must have fed to her about how it was all my fault. He did that about his ex to me, but I wasn't stupid enough to believe it (he had cheated on her but still managed to play the victim card). I think she has a bit of a cheek writing that. But if I were to comment, she'd know it was me and think I was stalking.

You ARE stalking.


Why do you still care about your ex and his life? Wasn't he a complete asshole to you? So why are you spending time, effort and energy investigating what he's up to now?

It's a bit sad, OP. Stop looking at the blog, erase him and her from your life and just get on with living your life for YOU and not for other people.

RedOG

Honestly, I would just put the whole nasty situation behind you and move forward with your own life. I can understand you wanting to warn this new girl off (obviously you being a decent person, you don't want her to get hurt like you did) but from her blog, it sounds like she would never believe you anyway. What's more, you will end up looking like the crazy ex who never got over him as it'll be obvious that you had to Google her name to get in contact in the first place no? You don't owe this girl anything, especially when she's publicly slagging you on her blog (who does that anyway?!). She'll find out the real him soon enough and by that time you'll be well over the whole situation.

Best of luck!

meditraitor

Forget about him and move on. He is a waste of space.

LegacyUser

Well, she writes articles for newspapers and the blog is under her real name and connected to her Facebook, Twitter and numerous other sites. Many friends of mine (the ex and I had many mutual friends) are subscribed to her blog and Twitter, so it would be entirely possible that someone linked me if she were badmouthing me. As it is, many of these people would have read that and known it was about me. I did have someone hint at it a few weeks ago, but assumed they were talking about her Facebook page or something. Since she IS writing about me online, I think this is sort of my business, tbh. I think she wrote that assuming I'd never see it. It's just so annoyingly condescending to make assumptions about me based on crap my ex told her. And I still can't believe he would have had oral sex with me when he was with her. This poor girl thinks they can last long distance, he can't even stop cheating when she's in the same city!

LegacyUser

As much as I can understand you not wanting to see him get away with his cheating antics anymore, I would just leave it. I dont agree that your a stalker thats a bit bloody harsh, is she camped outside his door? Is she following him to work? NO. Anyways If I was you I would walk away, because trust me, every woman at one point in her life comes in contact with a cheater (regardless if the know or not). This girl is obviously a grown woman and she wont appriciate you telling her how bad and horrible her boyf is, even though your tellin the truth, you are gonna look jealous, just walk away knowing that her comment of "Her loss is my gain" is gonna bite her in the ass and forget about both of them! Get out there and enjoy yourself!!!!!

LegacyUser

First of all your not a stalker, anyone in your position would check the blog out of curiosity probably once. Just dont make a habit of it!

To be honest OP i was going to recommend u avoid saying anything, but after the comment she made about you being crazy or however she put it I would go for it. Its probably completely immature, but to be honest if I was in your position an someone said that about me on the internet I dont think I could help myself!

Also what is she like putting stuff up about her "relationship" like that on the internet in teh first palce what age is she 12?