Mad Job Titles

darkman2

So there I was scrummaging through the paper the other day when I came across an add by a company looking for a "floor technician" - or as I call it a floor sweeper. What's with the titles for these jobs? A dish fitter with sky is apparently an "engineer".

10 years ago job titles were just direct and simple. "Window cleaner", "Floor sweeper" etc - what's with all the technical lingo in basic job descriptions nowadays


Have you come across any strange techical descriptions for menial jobs?

Run_to_da_hills

Sanitation engineer = Binman
Door attendant = Bouncer
Kiddy fiddler = Parish priest.

Cookie_Monster

darkman2 wrote: »

So there I was scrummaging through the paper the other day when I came across an add by a company looking for a "floor technician"

Is that not someone who makes and lays floors.

Nail Technician - whats wrong beautition, thats what it always was.

_blank_

My dad is a "Vertical Transport Engineer".

Cookie_Monster

Des wrote: »

My dad is a "Vertical Transport Engineer".

fixes lifts?

Cookie_Monster

Minister for Finance

Keano

Vertical Dance Artist

Dave!

I used to be a 'Data Entry Administrator'... Always thought that made it sound more impressive than it actually was

thomond2006

Minister for Health

thomond2006

Bank Manager= A guy who wants his dirty paws on all our cash.

Hagar

Moderator.

Amberjack

Admissions Consultant = Bouncer

Whosbetter?

Vision Technician; Window Cleaner

3qsmavrod5twfe

Kiinda pisses me off that everone who has to do any sort of manual labour is refered to as an engineer. I had to study for that ****...

Anyway, bizzare job titles...

Retail Vechicle Attendant (shopping trolley collector)

Cookie_Monster

Elisha Melodic Burger wrote: »

Kiinda pisses me off that everone who has to do any sort of manual labour is refered to as an engineer. I had to study for that ****...

That is because in Ireland engineer is not a protected term (unlike most of the world). Here the term "Chartered Engineer" is the protected version

frag420

Im currently a Government Artist

thomond2006

frag420 wrote: »

Im currently a Government Artist

Yeah, you draw the dole!!! :D:D

_blank_

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

fixes lifts?

Used to, but now he's the Inspector in the corpo for all the lifts they own in Dublin.

He's mostly based in Ballymun, but there are several other locations around the city too.

Fizman

Financial Irregulator.

donkey balls

there is a job on irishjobs.ie for a banana ripener wtf

Drummerboy08

Fuel Injection Technician. Or to you and me, the young lad who puts petrol into cars.

Cookie_Monster

Des wrote: »

Used to, but now he's the Inspector in the corpo for all the lifts they own in Dublin.

He's mostly based in Ballymun, but there are several other locations around the city too.

Thats job must have its ups and downs

_blank_

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Thats job must have its ups and downs

You don't know the half of it.

Scumbags do this thing called "lift surfing" where they jimmy open the lift door while it's at the floor below, and jump down onto the lift, and ride it up and down.

He found an dead armless teenager one time, who had slipped as the lift was coming to the floor stop, ripped his arms clean off.

he has also found copious amounts of various drugs, including heroin, coke, blow, ecstasy stashed on top of the lifts.

hobochris

It also works in reverse:

Software developer - used to be someone who Designs and Programs, now, Network engineer, Technical support and Psychic have been added to the original job description.

To most end users the title software developer/ software engineer / Programmer means "I Spent 4 years learning nothing but the detailing workings of Microsoft Office and wish to be asked trivial questions on it".

BaconZombie

My last job title was:

"Senior Network and Infrastructure Support Analyst for ESA".

donkey balls

a company i worked for had guys working in GOCC or global operations control centre

Cookie_Monster

Des wrote: »

You don't know the half of it.

Scumbags do this thing called "lift surfing" where they jimmy open the lift door while it's at the floor below, and jump down onto the lift, and ride it up and down.

He found an dead armless teenager one time, who had slipped as the lift was coming to the floor stop, ripped his arms clean off.

he has also found copious amounts of various drugs, including heroin, coke, blow, ecstasy stashed on top of the lifts.

:eek: That is ****ing crazy

jape

Product Display Engineer = shelf stacker

I used to be a Production Associate.

Good title..

**** job...

rainbowtrout

I've come across Domestic Engineer on a couple of CVs

= Housewife/Homemaker/Stay at home mother.... whatever term you would prefer.

Kalashnikov_Kid

I came across a guy over here who had the title 'Penetration Tester' on his business card - an attempted PC term for ethichal hacker gone wrong!

Pygmalion

Kalashnikov_Kid wrote: »

I came across a guy over here who had the title 'Penetration Tester' on his business card - an attempted PC term for ethichal hacker gone wrong!

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

Adamcp898

Pygmalion wrote: »

Quite a common phrase really. Though it's usually shortened to "Pen. tester" in non-formal situations.

So many times I've bought a faulty BIC

Xiney

Junior Advertising Executive = telesales (selling ads for a ****ty paper over the phone)

Sandwich Artist = working at Subway

Hot Foods Clerk = Chicken wing cook & counter server

orourkeda

Des wrote: »

You don't know the half of it.

Scumbags do this thing called "lift surfing" where they jimmy open the lift door while it's at the floor below, and jump down onto the lift, and ride it up and down.

He found an dead armless teenager one time, who had slipped as the lift was coming to the floor stop, ripped his arms clean off.

he has also found copious amounts of various drugs, including heroin, coke, blow, ecstasy stashed on top of the lifts.

That's beautiful. It's like poetry. Did it mash up his face too? That'd be just too excellent.

orourkeda

education centre nourishment production assistant = dinner lady

eddiehead

Now hiring Senior Executive Banana Bender - Contact Fyffes

Gryzor

in Dell, i was a "Systems Destination Analyst". The line split into two, if the laptop coming down the line was for a certian part of the world, i used all my judgement and let it go by, otherwise i pushed it down the other section...

boogle

Penis Seismologist?

G_R

Customer Focused Sales Assistant
=
Person in Tesco who you ask to point you in the direction of the sugar

mad_physist

Hygiene Manager - cleans toilets

brendansmith

Ghost buster - Grave digger

imported_guy

plumbers are now called engineers lol

Professey Chin

imported_guy wrote: »

plumbers are now called engineers lol

He told me his name was Steve

AnonoBoy

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

That's what we're talking about right?

mardybumbum

Student = Bum

Executive Steve

thomond2006 wrote: »

Bank Manager= A guy who wants his dirty paws on all our cash.

Holy ****, i guess i'm a bank manager!

soups05

my title used to be "MRC/PSG/LSP"

which sounds great till you break it down...

Material Returns Co-ordinater for Production Systems Group to Logistical Service Provider.

what it means is i returned unwanted stock from our factory PSG to our store LSP which was located 16 miles away.

pay sucked,there was always some idiot who would return stock then find they needed it, and the bosses had no clue how to work thier own stock control systems.

thank god i left xerox

still miss my old workmates tho. good people ( some of them)

mikemac

Fuel Technician = young lad working as a petrol pump attendant

admiralofthefleet

my mate used to work on a petrol station forecourt
called himself a 'fuel injection technician'

boogle

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I was a copy writer for Mad Magazine once.

Is Mad Magazine similar to Nuts Magazine?