Zombies would most likely wipe out humanity if they really existed, claim scientists

Cookie_Monster

Slow news day...

Civilisation would most likely be finished in the event of a zombie outbreak, claim Canadian mathematicians who have calculated the possible devastation caused by an attack by the fictional monsters.

Using models developed to calculate the effects of more plausible pandemics, the team from the University of Ottawa have discovered that unless man struck back quickly and aggressively then they would be doomed.

The scientific paper, which is published in a book 'Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress', looks at an attack by the undead creatures, who infect the living with a bite.

In their study, titled 'When Zombies Attack!', the researchers picked “classic” slow-moving zombies such as those in Dawn of the Dead as models and divided humanity into three: the living, zombies and the “removed” – zombies who had been killed by decapitation.

They concluded there was no point trying to cure those infected or live with them - the best thing was to destroy them as quickly as possible.

“A zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly,” they write in the book

“While aggressive quarantine may contain the epidemic, or a cure may lead to coexistence of humans and zombies, the most effective way to contain the rise of the undead is to hit hard and hit often.

“As seen in the movies, it is imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

Joe Imad, the study's co-author, said: “If you look at it in a more realistic way, zombies are about the same as any other major infectious disease, they get out and we try to eliminate them.

“Modelling zombies would be the same as modelling swine flu, with some differences for sure, but it is much more interesting to read.”

genericguy

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Slow news day...

I was thinking the same thing. is kerry katona not dead yet?

ejmaztec

And who said maths was boring?.................................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz:eek:

bluto63

Imagine spending all those years studying to become a scientist, and once you're finished, you spend your time discussing zombie tactics. Honestly...

genericguy

bluto63 wrote: »

Imagine spending all those years studying to become a scientist, and once you're finished, you spend your time discussing zombie tactics. Honestly...

I fookin' wish that sh1te was all i had to do. :mad:

orestes

What do you mean IF they existed, you don't think those folks in the zombie survivall forum are doing all that for a bit of a laugh do you?

genericguy

orestes wrote: »

What do you mean IF they existed, you don't think those folks in the zombie survivall forum are doing all that for a bit of a laugh do you?

nah, i thought they were all stereotypical interweb geeks.

ejmaztec

genericguy wrote: »

I was thinking the same thing. is kerry katona not dead yet?

Only from the neck up as usual.

Overheal

why do I have to be at work? I need to play L4D now.

orestes

genericguy wrote: »

nah, i thought they were all stereotypical interweb geeks.

Calling people internet geeks over the internet is an instant failure, thanks for playing though

Penn

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/8206280.stm

In their study, the researchers from the University of Ottawa and Carleton University (also in Ottawa) posed a question: If there was to be a battle between zombies and the living, who would win?


Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: "We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.


"We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions."

parker kent

Next scientific breakthrough: If killer robots existed, chances of being killed would increase

boogle

If everyone in the world became zombies, just think of how many more of those terrible Thriller imitation videos would be on you tube.

genericguy

orestes wrote: »

Calling people internet geeks over the internet is an instant failure, thanks for playing though

ouch, ya got me :pac:

Cookie_Monster

Professor Robert Smith?
(the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake)

Why, were his parents not sure or something?

Ulysses Gaze

Just read The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and you'll be fine, if the dead do rise.

Irish Halo

Cookie_Monster wrote: »

Why, were his parents not sure or something?

He claims it's to prevent confusion with Robert Smith (of The Cure).

citizen_p

hmm and the empire COULD strike back.... if it existed
and sauron could have the ring....if it existed

Quint

parker kent wrote: »

Next scientific breakthrough: If killer robots existed, chances of being killed would increase

We could reprogram them to just attack the zombies

komodosp

Well I'm glad someone is thinking about it... I would hate if zombies did rise and we were unprepared...

Walsh

Who pays these 'Scientists'?

Bajingo

Taking this thread somewhat seriously..How could you compare a zombie outbreak to a swine flu breakout.

Swine flu would spread way easier..customs would spot a zombie trying to get on a plane a mile..someone with the flu not so much...

Back to reality now: yup zombies arent really so it was a useless waste of time.

Penn

Irish Halo wrote: »

He claims it's to prevent confusion with Robert Smith (of The Cure).

Surely if anything you'd go for an exclamation mark

What's your name?
Professor Robert Smith!

Ponster

Bajingo wrote: »

Swine flu would spread way easier..customs would spot a zombie trying to get on a plane a mile..someone with the flu not so much...

Zombies can survive underwater so they would, in time, just walk across the atlantic.

ScumLord

Be prepared people! Organise your fort, weapons and kidnap list now or you'll be one of the people I kick in front of oncoming zombies to aid in my escape to safety.

Also be weary of drunks and false starts the amount of drunken bastards I accidently bopped on the head as a kneejerk reaction would be funny of it weren't for all the lawsuits.