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  • 19-08-2009 11:46pm
    #1
    Splendour
    Registered Users Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭


    Hi guys, I recently went through a divorce where my husband and I both were given joint custody of our two boys. My husband however is the primary caregiver and has day to day control of one of our sons who lives with him.

    This son was over in my house for a few weeks over the summer and I had to bring him to A&E as he had pains in his chest.

    I asked my Ex, who claimed poverty during divorce hearing, if he had a medical card for said child. He didn't, so I have an invoice from the hospital for €100 which I cannot afford to pay. (Maintenance radically reduced during divorce and finding it very tight moneywise).

    I don't mean to sound mean or petty but as my Ex is claiming child benefit/possibly tax allowance and not paying maintenance for this child, could anyone tell me if it's up to me or him to pay.


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    #2
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    It seems to me that this is one of those issues you will need to suck up. The child was with you so you pay. Its as simple as that.

    However, if neither of you have much money you should apply for a medical card for the child and you need to discuss this.

    Why don't you not see if you qualify.


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    #3
    Splendour
    Registered Users Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    CDfm wrote: »
    It seems to me that this is one of those issues you will need to suck up. The child was with you so you pay. Its as simple as that.

    However, if neither of you have much money you should apply for a medical card for the child and you need to discuss this.

    Why don't you not see if you qualify.

    Thnaks CDfm but it's not simple at all. I've been sucking up all my separated life but at the mo I'm behind with my mortgage-never mind this! I won't qualify as my son doesn't reside with me. His Dad has alot of money and €100 is nothing to him.


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    #4
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Splendour wrote: »
    Thnaks CDfm but it's not simple at all. I've been sucking up all my separated life but at the mo I'm behind with my mortgage-never mind this! I won't qualify as my son doesn't reside with me. His Dad has alot of money and €100 is nothing to him.

    Its normal practice for the parent who the child is with to pay and you have joint custody and should apply for a medical card yourself for him and if it is refused appeal.

    He can claim tax free allowance for a dependent children if a child or children stay with him on one night during the year.You can also claim a dependents child allowance tax free allowance.

    You or him also can claim childrens allowance. Normally paid to the mother unless you have a court agreement to the contrary.

    I am sure the hospital is not chasing you for 100 euro.

    If you are having problems meeting your mortgage etc you should talk to MABS.

    Maintenance was worked out as part of the divorce and you had your opportunity to dispute your ex's affadavit of means and didn't do so. It sounds to me like sour grapes and there is a recession on and everyone is hurting.If your ex is recieving social welfare he has been means tested and you are unlikely to be sucessful in a maintenance application.


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    #5
    cvk
    Registered Users Posts: 88 ✭✭cvk


    I know its easy to say but both of you are responsible for your child, regardless who he lives with. I think it should be spilt 50/50. Just because he was with you at the time doesn't really mean anything. YOu both brought him into this world so you are both responsible for his well - being. I no thats SO easy to say and I no how difficult it is to achieve but some common ground with 'once off' payments should be met by each of you.
    I have had this argument with my ex for nearly 2 years. After a long time we reached an agreement. Its a difficult one if you don't get on well with your ex. I would just say try to reach some 'middle' ground. When it comes to Divorce or separation there is always lose ends left over , like your situation. Best of luck , hope it works out well for you.


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    #6
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    I have to agree with CVK

    You do seem to have a few loose ends.

    Have you thought of mediation or at least read up on the services on offer from the Family Support Agency.

    Here is a link.

    http://www.fsa.ie/familymediation/index.html


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    #7
    Splendour
    Registered Users Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    CDfm wrote: »
    Its normal practice for the parent who the child is with to pay and you have joint custody and should apply for a medical card yourself for him and if it is refused appeal.

    He can claim tax free allowance for a dependent children if a child or children stay with him on one night during the year.You can also claim a dependents child allowance tax free allowance.

    You or him also can claim childrens allowance. Normally paid to the mother unless you have a court agreement to the contrary.

    I am sure the hospital is not chasing you for 100 euro.

    If you are having problems meeting your mortgage etc you should talk to MABS.

    Maintenance was worked out as part of the divorce and you had your opportunity to dispute your ex's affadavit of means and didn't do so. It sounds to me like sour grapes and there is a recession on and everyone is hurting.If your ex is recieving social welfare he has been means tested and you are unlikely to be sucessful in a maintenance application.

    I don't get children's allowance for this child as he resides with his father.

    How do you know I didn't disute my Ex's affavadavit of means? Were you there?!!How do you refute when someone lies in court and a judge couldn't be bothered to look at it properly? My Ex is not in receipt of social welfare and has his own business where it was easy for him to hide his accounts. Anyway this has nothing to do with my initial query.
    This is not a case of sour grapes but a matter of money which I don't have.


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    #8
    Splendour
    Registered Users Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    cvk wrote: »
    I know its easy to say but both of you are responsible for your child, regardless who he lives with. I think it should be spilt 50/50. Just because he was with you at the time doesn't really mean anything. YOu both brought him into this world so you are both responsible for his well - being. I no thats SO easy to say and I no how difficult it is to achieve but some common ground with 'once off' payments should be met by each of you.
    I have had this argument with my ex for nearly 2 years. After a long time we reached an agreement. Its a difficult one if you don't get on well with your ex. I would just say try to reach some 'middle' ground. When it comes to Divorce or separation there is always lose ends left over , like your situation. Best of luck , hope it works out well for you.

    I know what you're saying cvk, but I cannot talk to this man at all-or rather I would willingly talk but he won't talk to me. Have gone down the mediation route(pushed on him by the court) but he simply stated how much he hates me and didn't want to be there. There is no 'middle ground' with someone who is so full of hate and bitterness. I had to bring my other son to a specialist a few years back, which cost a fortune, and didn't even mention to my Ex cos I knew there wasn't a hope of him helping with payments.

    Anyway, got in touch with solictor who dealt with divorce and she said it absolutely states that it is my Ex's responsibility.


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    #9
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    CDfm wrote: »
    It seems to me that this is one of those issues you will need to suck up. The child was with you so you pay. Its as simple as that.

    However, if neither of you have much money you should apply for a medical card for the child and you need to discuss this.

    Why don't you not see if you qualify.

    So by your logic if you have the child all the time that you should be footing the bill all the time too?


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