Am I alone in thinking this way...

iguana

Monkey61 wrote: »

Well no that is of course not true. I'm a gay girl and I could have sex with multiple men every day of the week but it wouldn't make me straight or bi. I'd still be gay. Sexuality isn't something you do, it is something you feel.

But do you want to have sex with men? Do you seek men out and perform sexual acts with them? Do you enjoy it enough that you go back and do it again? Do you consider going to well known dogging spots for some no strings hetero loving? I'm going to guess that you don't. We all "could" have sex (of some form) with people we aren't attracted to. I've had the opportunity to have sex with other women, I've been curious about it, but when it comes down to it, I really, really don't want to have sex with a woman.

If someone wants to be with people of both sexes that person is bisexual. This isn't even a case of overwhelming curiosity about sexual relations with another man on the OP's part, he has tried it, likes it and wants to do it again. He is attracted to men which means he is either bisexual or gay.

lynnmarie

I'm actually so disgusted with all of his posts i dont no where to start!

you seriously need to sort your head out! If your girlfriend finds out about this, she is going to loose her trust in men forever!. Stop being so selfish and break up with her.. No women deserves to be treated like that, no matter how boring the sex life has become!!.

Get yourself checked out for STD's and let your girlfriend know she needs to aswel.. The gay scene your indulging in is known for being riddled with all sorts of nasty std's...

I pity you really, relationships are meant to be worked on and nourished, not given up on at the first hurdle! Grow up and admit to yourself your gay/bi..

LegacyUser

lynnmarie wrote: »

The gay scene your indulging in is known for being riddled with all sorts of nasty std's

Lynnmarie, while I agree with everything else you've said I must take exception to this one sentence. Gay people are not 'riddled' with anything. Sexual infections happen no matter what your sexual orientation and this is a major generalisation.

OP you need to end it with your other half and then figure out what you want from life. To continue what you're doing is utter disrespect

Irishcrx

1. You are cheating
2. You are gay
3. You don't realize - won't admit you are gay

You need to deal with your issues or you won't be able to stabalize your relationship or yourself. If you choose to have sex with men you are gay no other way around it. Now i am not saying that is wrong or right i am just stating a fact.

I've actually seen this a number of times with people, who claim they are definatly not gay but yet can't stop visiting men majority of the time eventually they are true to themselfs or at least bi-sexual, most of them have an overpowered sex drive that kicks it off to get it in any way they can.

Also a lot of perverts and molesters have used the same excuses, as well as mulitple serial killers and sexual predators of men. Please note I am not in any way saying that you are any of these things I am sure you are not in any form just pointing out from several books I have read this pattern is present in many cases.

lynnmarie

chickensandwich wrote: »

Lynnmarie, while I agree with everything else you've said I must take exception to this one sentence. Gay people are not 'riddled' with anything. Sexual infections happen no matter what your sexual orientation and this is a major generalisation.

OP you need to end it with your other half and then figure out what you want from life. To continue what you're doing is utter disrespect

Lol i have many close gay friends and i go out on the gay scene so i'm not generalising at all.. Sorry if i came across that way.. It's the same with straight people meeting for sex in that way, obviously that sort of lifestyle increases the chances of std's..

LegacyUser

lynnmarie wrote: »

Lol i have many close gay friends and i go out on the gay scene so i'm not generalising at all.. Sorry if i came across that way.. It's the same with straight people meeting for sex in that way, obviously that sort of lifestyle increases the chances of std's..

Lol ok! Got the wrong end of the stick so! Sorry if I came across narky :0)

Monkey61

iguana wrote: »

But do you want to have sex with men? Do you seek men out and perform sexual acts with them? Do you enjoy it enough that you go back and do it again? Do you consider going to well known dogging spots for some no strings hetero loving? I'm going to guess that you don't. We all "could" have sex (of some form) with people we aren't attracted to. I've had the opportunity to have sex with other women, I've been curious about it, but when it comes down to it, I really, really don't want to have sex with a woman.

If someone wants to be with people of both sexes that person is bisexual. This isn't even a case of overwhelming curiosity about sexual relations with another man on the OP's part, he has tried it, likes it and wants to do it again. He is attracted to men which means he is either bisexual or gay.

A fair point. But my argument was directly related to the poster that I quoted stating that if you have sex with men then you are gay or bi. That simply isn't true.

I think in the case of a possible addiction to bigger thrills on a sexual level, enjoyment in the sense that many people mean doesn't really come into it. I also don't think that sexually acts themselves are necessarily linked to sexuality. Once like the Op you have exhausted the avenues of cheating with other women, escorts etc and are so addicted to the thrill that you want to push your boundaries then I could see how him having sex with men might tie into that. Also when it comes to sex it is easy to get a buzz off the situation involved without actually getting the same enjoyment out of the sex that somebody who really fancied the person involved would.

I'd say that if someone wanted to be with people of both genders in a way that was more than just a physical act of sex, then that would possibly make them bisexual. I just don't think that sex alone does that. But I suppose everybody is on a scale of sexuality anyway, so the grey areas are quite large.

Irishcrx

Monkey61 wrote: »

A fair point. But my argument was directly related to the poster that I quoted stating that if you have sex with men then you are gay or bi. That simply isn't true.

I think in the case of a possible addiction to bigger thrills on a sexual level, enjoyment in the sense that many people mean doesn't really come into it. I also don't think that sexually acts themselves are necessarily linked to sexuality. Once like the Op you have exhausted the avenues of cheating with other women, escorts etc and are so addicted to the thrill that you want to push your boundaries then I could see how him having sex with men might tie into that. Also when it comes to sex it is easy to get a buzz off the situation involved without actually getting the same enjoyment out of the sex that somebody who really fancied the person involved would.

I'd say that if someone wanted to be with people of both genders in a way that was more than just a physical act of sex, then that would possibly make them bisexual. I just don't think that sex alone does that. But I suppose everybody is on a scale of sexuality anyway, so the grey areas are quite large.

Yeah its a very big gray area. For me if you have sex with a man you are in some degree gay, if you have sex with a dead body you are in some way a negropheliac, if you have sex with an animal you are commiting beastiality.

You see my point, there has to be some attraction to doing it, you don't just decide to have sex with men in my opinion. Only other way I see it is you are addicited to sex, but that raises the question why with men, why don't you just cheat with women or better yet break up with this poor girl and deal with these issues cause mate you are not stable right now.

Fiend-Foe

Monkey61 wrote: »

Sexuality isn't something you do, it is something you feel.

And why would the OP be doing what he is doing without feeling that he wanted to do it?

kjl

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

I'm sorry but no matter what way you spin it, having sex with other men = gay.

I disagree, are they gay in prison? gay sex is very wide spread in men only situations, the OP is bored sexually and in his mind, this is not cheating, as there are no emotions for people.

People are so stuck up on this subject, Im sure if everyone was true to themselves they would admit to at least on gay fantasy.

Fiend-Foe

kjl wrote: »

I disagree, are they gay in prison? gay sex is very wide spread in men only situations, the OP is bored sexually and in his mind, this is not cheating, as there are no emotions for people.

People are so stuck up on this subject, Im sure if everyone was true to themselves they would admit to at least on gay fantasy.

Eh, no.

Sorry bud, but having sex with men = gay, having sexual fantasy's about men = gay fantasy's (not for a moment saying its a bad thing). Thats the reason that we have the word gay, it simply defines something and defines a behavior (ie sex acts with men). Having sexual relations with other men aren't the actions of a straight man. Simple as, end of discussion.

EDIT:

kjl wrote: »

are they gay in prison? gay sex is very wide spread in men only situations

Yes they are, perhaps only temporally. But thats what gay means! When a man is with another man, it is gay sex. Thats the meaning of the word, thats what it defines. And you answered your own question there, you asked if they were gay in prison and then said gay sex is quite common??!!

Surely we all know that when two men are together it is a gay act, I really could not stress any more that there is nothing wrong with that, except that the OP has a girlfriend. All the open mindedness and modern thinking you can try throw at it never changes the fact that cheating on a partner is cheating and preforming sexual favors for men = gay.

kittenkiller

Hi OP.

Why don't you break up with your current girlfriend and find someone who is willing to join you in keeping the spice in your love life?

There are plenty of open minded people out there who will be eager to share your appetites for adventure.
Find one (or two!).

Monogamy is possible and more popular that you think.
The thing is to be monogamous with the right person!
There's no point in not being with anyone else if you're not that pushed about your partner. That's just time wasting!
Break up with her, she deserves someone who can be straight with her (no pun intended).

You deserve to be satisfied and she deserves someone who respects her.

As a side note:
A guy fooling around with another guy once might be considered as experimenting/curios.
A guy fooling around with another guy more than once is gay or bi.

Best of luck moving on OP.

whiteblueman

It is not as simple as that - very hard to find a g/f who will be into 3somes etc..almost impossible to find it and it could take years. Meanwhile i'd lose my g/f who i actually do love..

i was with another guy recently again and it is starting to dawn on me why i do/did it........ when we were at it the guy says how gorgeous i am etc, admiring parts of me etc - this is common occurance when with a guy whereas i probably dont hear that in the current relationship or just ignore such compliments..

i am going to do my best to stay away from guys etc... it will never satisfy me, if i was with a guy, i'd want two guys, then maybe two guys and a girl etc... unfortunately that is the way i am with most things, unsatisfied..

thanks for the above...:o

Carsinian Thau

whiteblueman wrote: »

It is not as simple as that - very hard to find a g/f who will be into 3somes etc..almost impossible to find it and it could take years. Meanwhile i'd lose my g/f who i actually do love..

i was with another guy recently again and it is starting to dawn on me why i do/did it........ when we were at it the guy says how gorgeous i am etc, admiring parts of me etc - this is common occurance when with a guy whereas i probably dont hear that in the current relationship or just ignore such compliments..

i am going to do my best to stay away from guys etc... it will never satisfy me, if i was with a guy, i'd want two guys, then maybe two guys and a girl etc... unfortunately that is the way i am with most things, unsatisfied..

thanks for the above...:o

The parts highlighted above make it sound as if the relationship with your girlfriend can be salvaged. With a lot of work of course.

JonathanAnon

whiteblueman wrote: »

whats the big deal, we are all adults... only someone who is (a) dillusioned or (b) naive would expect 100% faithfulness

Well as long as you have sat her down and explained this to your partner then I dont see a problem. Have you done this?

And I think have played down the facts that a) you are cheating on your partner and thus unknowingly leaving her in danger of picking whatever diseases you pick up b) you could be gay or at least bisexual.

I dont know any straight guy that got bored sexually and slept with another man. Sleep with another woman, yes, but another man no.

kittenkiller

Cruise around the internet and I'm sure you'll be surprised how many very open minded people there are out there!

Pop along to http://www.nimhneach.ie/ and see if you click with anyone.
(I'm in no means saying that all the people there are into multiple partners etc. It might just be a decent enough starting point.)

I really feel that if your girlfriend is blissfully unaware that you're cheating on her, you need to end the relationship or come clean and let her decide whether or not to end it.
If you *really* loved her, you wouldn't want to hurt her for the world and so wouldn't have started cheating to begin with.
It seems that you're sexually incompatible and need to decide whether or not that's a deal breaker for the relationship, but it's not a decision you can make on your own.
I really feel for your girlfriend, it'll be an awful blow when/if she finds out.

Best of luck.

Reflector

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

I'm sorry but no matter what way you spin it, having sex with other men = gay.

You must be attracted to men on some level in order to get aroused and get an erection.

I dispute this, there is defo a difference between sticking your cock somewhere and your sexual orientation. If you are gay you are emotionally and physically attracted to the same sex, the OP is just having oral sex, probably the risk and the actual activity of cruising is the turn on.
To the OP, obviously you need to spice up your sex life, if you talk to your gf/wife and tell her that you are bored and you'd like for the two of you to explore something together than she might be more accommodating. Also be very safe.

Reflector

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

Eh, no.

Sorry bud, but having sex with men = gay, having sexual fantasy's about men = gay fantasy's (not for a moment saying its a bad thing). Thats the reason that we have the word gay, it simply defines something and defines a behavior (ie sex acts with men). Having sexual relations with other men aren't the actions of a straight man. Simple as, end of discussion.

Really end of, just because you think something doesn't make it so, gay is a label, some people don't like it. It's like saying people are divided into two categories good and evil. It simply isn't true, life is more complicated than that. Gay isn't just a behaviour it is a persons complete sexual preference, if you got hammered drunk and let a guy suck you off, would you be gay? No you'd be a guy who let another guy suck his dick. Just think about it and don't say that it;d never happen I'm talking about if it did.

Oh and the prison remark, they are not temporarily gay, what a stupid thing to say, it happens for many reasons, Power, control, dominance and I suppose boredom and to release but I'm sure as hell that when they get out they aren't delivering flowers to eachother and bringing them out for expensive meals.

Fiend-Foe

Reflector wrote: »

Really end of, just because you think something doesn't make it so, gay is a label, some people don't like it. It's like saying people are divided into two categories good and evil. It simply isn't true, life is more complicated than that. Gay isn't just a behaviour it is a persons complete sexual preference, if you got hammered drunk and let a guy suck you off, would you be gay? No you'd be a guy who let another guy suck his dick. Just think about it and don't say that it;d never happen I'm talking about if it did.

Oh and the prison remark, they are not temporarily gay, what a stupid thing to say, it happens for many reasons, Power, control, dominance and I suppose boredom and to release but I'm sure as hell that when they get out they aren't delivering flowers to eachother and bringing them out for expensive meals.

Listen, I don't want to label anybody.

Having sex with or preforming sexual favors for men on a regular basis is homosexual behavior.

It sounds like I'm against it here when really the only thing I'm against is the fact that the OP is misleading his girlfriend.

ManOfMystery

Reflector wrote: »

Really end of, just because you think something doesn't make it so, gay is a label, some people don't like it. It's like saying people are divided into two categories good and evil. It simply isn't true, life is more complicated than that. Gay isn't just a behaviour it is a persons complete sexual preference, if you got hammered drunk and let a guy suck you off, would you be gay? No you'd be a guy who let another guy suck his dick. Just think about it and don't say that it;d never happen I'm talking about if it did.

Oh and the prison remark, they are not temporarily gay, what a stupid thing to say, it happens for many reasons, Power, control, dominance and I suppose boredom and to release but I'm sure as hell that when they get out they aren't delivering flowers to eachother and bringing them out for expensive meals.

Life is really not more complicated than that.

Heterosexual men fancy women and have sexual relations with them.

Homosexual man fancy men and have sexual relations with them.

Bisexual men fancy both sexes, etc etc.

If you get hammered and let a guy suck you off, that's a drunken mistake which many men would regret. The OP isn't drunk. He has full clarity of mind, but still enjoy sexual activity with other men.

Straight men who are hit by a patch of boredom do NOT find their thrills by suddenly seducing other men; they will have affairs with women, use prostitutes, engage in other activites, but all of which are inherently heterosexual behaviour. If the OP is having sexual activity with other men, he is clearly bisexual - there's no other way to put it, and pretending that isn't the case is simply looking at this with the blinkers on.

Reflector

Fiend-Foe wrote: »

Listen, I don't want to label anybody.

Having sex with or preforming sexual favors for men on a regular basis is homosexual behavior.

.

yes it is homosexual behaviour not OP=gay

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Life is really not more complicated than that.

Heterosexual men fancy women and have sexual relations with them.

Homosexual man fancy men and have sexual relations with them.

Bisexual men fancy both sexes, etc etc.

they will have affairs with women, use prostitutes, engage in other activites, but all of which are inherently heterosexual behaviour.

.

The OP clearly stated that he doesn't fancy men, why is this so hard to believe and the etc etc to me states that it really is a lot more complicated than that.

and I never thought inherent heterosexual behaviour was so kinky.

Anyway I think the term

"I'm straight but I have sex with men is something that people seem to really have a problem with."

In any case OP I believe you.

Fiend-Foe

The OP never said etc, etc.

Having relations with men on a regular basis = gay/bi

Thats why those terms exist. Just like the term "straight" exists, it defines men who don't do that.

EDIT:

They aren't labels, just terms. No need to make it more complicated than it is.

LegacyUser

It is possible that the OP is neither gay or bi. He appears to be seeking out sexual thrills to satisfy his boredom but is progressively becoming more reckless in order to satisfy his urges.

When i was younger, i fooled around with other guys, had sex a couple of times. Why, because i was horny and it was put on a plate for me. I am 100% heterosexual by the way. People will start labelling me as a closet homesexual or at the very least bisexual but i'm not and like the OP i just wanted to experiment with other guys out of curiosity.

To many posters on this thread are too quick to label the guy as gay. To me this means, having feelings for other men. The OP hasn't expressed this in any of his posts so is nost likely not gay.

But, hes obviously in a bad place in his head at the moment and should consider seeing a therapist to try and get to the root cause of his boredom and the potential pain his reckless behaviour is going to cause.