Jeff's Journal Part Three

Orizio

Here's your weekly fix:

Team Of The Week:

1. German Olmedo (Conleths)
2. Alberico Poppi (Wondering Wanderers)
3. Rabu Dobos (Scorched Earth)
4. Jared Morin (Dead Hard Fcukers)
5. Vivien Mazurier (Scorched Earth)
6. Cian Coveney (A Lovely Bunch Altogether)
7. Moehan Taro (The Cantankerous Gnomes)
8. Rocky Hayter (music boxers)

9. Leon Barry (Daves Dangermen)
10. Mitch Healy (Munster Mark II)
11. Mark O’Driscoll (The Rebels)
12. Garth Bartman (Dead Hard Fcukers)
13. Terrell Radnage (The Cantankerous Gnomes)
14. Ryan Herlihy (Everyone Likes A Tryer)
15. Carlos Muller (Gideons)

Attack Of The Week: Gideons

Defense Of The Week: Dead Hard Fcukers

Scrum Of The Week: Scorched Earth

Lineout Of The Week: The Cantankerous Gnomes

Top Point Scorer: Cameron McDonnell 17 (Everyone Likes A Tryer)

Player Of The Week: Terrell Radnage (The Cantankerous Gnomes)

Team Of The Week: Scorched Earth

Match Previews:

Wondering Wanderers vs. Munster Mark II

The two ie boards division 2 table toppers here in one of the ties of the round CSR squad levels are comparable, Wondering Wanderers with a slight edge, and both teams doing well in their Division 4 leagues. Statistically, differences are again now blatant - however, Munster Mark II has a better rate of turnovers won, has a lower amount of tackles missed, but the set piece stats suggest the Wondering Wanderers with the advantage in the front row while similarly the team gains far more penalties then it looses in comparison to Munster Mark II, which suggests the Wondering Wanderers plays ‘by-the-book’ discipline effectively, as a good beginner should do. A final point is how the set-pieces line up in practical terms - Wondering Wanderes front and second rows are, very simply, huge and in excellent form and while Munster Mark II is pack isn’t exactly small, it will surely be dominated. Because of this, Wondering Wanderers by 10+.

A Lovely Bunch Altogether vs. The Rebels

Another top of the table clash here. Interestingly ALBA is our only Division 5 team, and has actually managed to rack up two league losses this year, whereas The Rebels are sitting pretty atop of their Division 4 group. With this in mind, it should be no surprise that The Rebels have a significantly stronger squad in terms of CSR then their opponents with ALBA‘ s top player having ‘exasperated‘ energy. The Rebels are more impressive in the breakdown, with a far greater amount of rucks, turnovers and penalties won, although ALBA’ s set piece id statistically superior. In practical terms, both front rows seem relatively equal, but ABLA has an undeniable advantage in height. If The Rebels play at least a ‘normal’ intensity though, this really should be there’s for the taking. Rebels by 5+.

Written by Orizio.

Quotes

we have a strict 'no Kerry people' policy, we (well me mainly) find that the poor personal hygiene and lack of basic manners of your 'people' brings down the general tone of the whole tournament. Maybe you should move to civilisation Cork, and re-apply in a few seasons.
- Orizio, as always very welcoming to new players

One of the good things about having a timid aggression factor is that he puts other players away more often than take the ball on himself.
- Jprender, a great salesman

Ah for ****sake! If I had only have known of this before I made a bunch of illustrated player profiles for my squad, and invested in a whiteboard! FOCK! - Frankiestylee, after finding out abour BRAT

I have 2 Div 4 teams
- Dreamer ire, *Ahem* is that not against the rules?

Reviews groups 1+ 2

Scorched Earth v Ashton 30-0 - Well, not much to say. Five trys, could have been more. Senior not having a good day with the boot. Ashton leave with sweet F.A. Scorched earth score 30 and secure bonus.

Forza Juve v The Cantankerous Gnomes 10-32 - Plenty of tries here with gnomes backs playing all the rugby. Stand out preformance from cian Rabit. Forza Juve will feel hard done. But Gnomes sittin pretty at NO. 2 on the table. Forza Juve still in with a shot if they TNT from here on in.

musicboxers v Curly Sue Death Squad 55-6 - The score says everything really. 9 unanswered tries means musicboxers fly home. There were also two princly ratings. What could CSDS do? Did someone say TNT?

Wondering Wanderers v Lunster 36-0 - Another runaway match here. Five tries without reply. WWs 10 had a fantastic match and unsuprisingly winning man of the match . BP secured. Lunster only come out with some in game training.

Munster Mark II v XaviXI 31-26 - The tightest match so far. Eight tries ment it was a great game to watch. Xavi will feel he could have come away with more but overall the best team won. Ross O'Garvey bagging man of the match and scoring a nice try too. Xavi at least comes away with one. Munster Mark II taking all five.

Everyone likes a tryer v Banner Warriors 42-0 - And another walkover. There have been some differences in intensity this week but ELAT got all they could have wanted including a BP. Only one stand out preformance from the pack in 22 year old No. 8 Jamal Viner. Cameron MacDonnell also played great kicking 4/5. Fans will leave stadium hp happy after a not so great game

By AJeffares

Match Reviews

Div 1

Scorched Earth vs Ashton : 30 - 0

First three minutes of this match leave you in no doubt that Ashton are going to crush Scorched Earth, but we've all seen the scoreline at this stage. Let's watch shall we...

So it gets so bad for Scorched Earth that the Ashton crowd are actually jeering the SE boys. I don't know, such things just ain't rugby.
As if the jeers kicked it all up a notch, Scorched Earth are suddenly on the attack and Ashton are in an avalanche of pain.

The SE forwards are dominating and treating the Ashton scrum like a bunch of American Footballers. Not surprisingly the first SE try comes from an Ashton scrum.Far too many SE tries denied by the TV-Bot and they end up settling for a peno.Nothing but an aggressive SE leaving it 20-0 at the half.

More domination and tries followed in the second half with Ashtown looking like confused gerbils. The final score is 30 - 0 but if half of those disallowed tries were in... we'd be looking at some seriously large numbers ( if you're the type that struggles when playing Tip the Can.)

Forza Juve vs Bart the Gnome and his daring fashion disasters. 10 - 32

You know it's going to be a good match when the commentators start calling it "magical" and commenting on how players are using the aul jiggly wiggly hip trick to get past the oppo.

The end score seems to be apparent in the first minute... the gnomes are majestic magical beasts of surprisingly high stature while the humans of Forza are all about "flapping madly at the passing ball". But we've all seen what happened with the first match, so, let's see what's lurking down the garden path...

First 7 points on the board for the Gnomes in under 5minutes. Something wicked this way comes, as the Gnomes pack is surely the thing of nightmares and consistently try and mess with the Forza crew. Fair play to the Fannyball crew as they stand up to most onslaughts, even doing the crippling on occasion.

Massive bust up ensues with eye-gouging claims and fists flying... did somebody switch on the aggressive attitude option?
The big-boy Gnomes are coming apart as the Forza forwards rip them apart and claim a try back. This is yet another game where the advantage is flipping around like crazy.

All level now until the Gnomes kick a peno in the 24th minute. Minutes later Forza take a shot on goal, hoping to equalize... but it all goes horribly wrong and kicker Anthony is left with a bad case of the "I did a booboo"s.
Brave man that he is, young Anto kicks himself an equalizer and gets on with being outrageously good looking.

All equal at half time, but less than a minute into the 2nd half and a dodgey line-out from Forza allows some well linked Gnomish backs to make those five points. Throwing the ball at the crowd though? Surely this game is too influenced by those excitable Southern Hemisphere chaps.
Oddly the next Gnome try comes from one of their own dodgey line-outs, a definite case of the hooker messing up but putting on a wise "I meant that" face.

A weakening Forza forwards performance, even more violence and dodgey kicking from Gnomes' Rabbit mark the 2nd half.
A missed chance for Forza and another score for the short ones and it's 32 - 10 at the end.

Musicboxers vs Curly Sue Death Squad: 55 - 6

The game gets off to a promising start as the ref blows his whistle in the Vulva. The Vulva is of course Musicboxers' stadium and accessible from Labia station. In the first four minutes Curly Sues seem to be dominating... a sure sign that they're about to get badly beaten in the rest of the match. Like clockwork a try comes five minutes in. Kapow.

Some boot action from the Death Squad closes the gap. Curly Sue lose their star tighthead as the retard-boy O'Casey comes on the pitch as replacement. The next scrum is an obvious issue and the commentator starts calling the Curlies "the harlem globe trotters". If only.That scrum led to another home try in the Vulva.

Musicboxers' scrum is absolutely making a mockery of the Curlie ones and more tries follow. A terrible injury occurs when winger Sex is seen writhing in the Vulva. The replay shows a double team dumped Sex onto the ground, that's right, his head went smacking into the Vulva! Ref won't like that.
Before the half is over it's abundantly clear that there is no Curly Sue defense, infact they've most likely gone to tea at grandmas. There ain't no party like your nana's tea-party. Hey. Ho.

Judging by the scoreline Curly Sues will kick a peno at some stage. This is all rather boring. The second half sees numerous line-outs 5 metres out from the Musicboxers' try-line, line-outs that make the cheerleaders stop dancing around the Vulva and pay attention... line-outs that keep getting messed up by some twat or another. No dice.

Soon after that brief period of "maybe they'll actually get a try" the game is back down in the Death Squad half as the Musos pummel home more tries. At one point the commentator says Curly Sue will have to get the next score to keep in touch... keep in touch with what I don't know, the score is 47-3.
More tries, one more penno from Curly Sue... goodnight lads, it was over long ago.

Division 2 , round 3

Wondering Wanders vs Lunster : 36 - 0

Straight from the off you're looking at the score line and going "oh, well, Lunster lost", but then you're left wondering how could a combination of Ulster and Leinster possible lose?! Ok, so maybe he was going with a Munster/Leinster crossbreed, but with the Wondering Wanders coming form Limerick and kicking multiple shades of ****e out of the Lunster boys, the best they can hope for is some Ulster lovin'.

Somehow the Lunster boys conceed a scrum from their own kickoff. I dunno what's going on, but I have the fear. The WW scrum then pushes Lunster over 8 metres down the pitch... I didn't think such madness was possible, sure why not go for another 22 for the craic like?

It's suddely a "must-watch" match as Lunster not only loses a man to injury within the first few minutes but one of their players manages to "tackle himself" as he goes for a try. I kid you not, even the commentators described it as a moment of pure comedy. Another dodgey near-try by Lunster, more injury woes and a peno well kicked by WW.

Half an hour in the Lunster boys decide not to contest a ruck and it gives Poppie of WW the perfect chance to scoot over the line for a try. Surely somebody should have at least tried to make a convincing defense pose for the cameras. Half time is only 10-0. Plenty to play for boys...

Plenty of chances for both sides at the start of the half, but it takes a bit of football magic for the WW boys to kick it up to 17 - 0. More scoring chances for WW, and a bit of bullying for a certain "Adolph" on the Lunster team.. build them tough where he's from eh, possibly a master race eh? I should say no Coco.

WW run crazy riot fire over the Lunster boys for the last few minutes and come away with 36 tasty points and not a worry for their defence.

By Frankiestylee

Frankiestylee

I actually do not remember writing some of those reports. My drunken workrate has obviously increased over the last while.

Also, yes, I did wonder about my last league match and whether or not the other them TNT'd it... noticed a fair few "dead" players after the match. I WNWIM all the way.

eoferrall

Its got VERY quite around these parts - mid season slump is it?:( hopefully as th season heats up there'll be more discussions!

Gelio

Yea very quite. Only a few people reading jj

JohnButler

Sup all!

Just clicked in there for first time in a few days!

Good job as always guys. I for one appreciate the effort you guys put in, very entertaining!

Oisinjm

Just cause you dont post doesnt mean you haven't read it

Gelio

What I was basing it on was the way the hits have being going down each week