godparents role????

mumto3

Hi,as the name suggests,im a mum of 3,and need help in findng out how the whole 'godparent' thing works!!!i had my first child when i was a young teen,and picked the dads best friend as godfather and mine as godmother.i since went on to have the other two kids,and picked a mix of family and friends,my problem is me and the dad split up a long while back and he married and has his 'own family'now and is no longer in touch with our kids(his choice),which meens im left with 3 active godparents in my kids lives as the others were conected with him and didnt feel the need to pursue their duties!?!
my son had a communion recently,to which i invited his godmother(my best childhood mate)and she couldnt make it,but she never even sent him a card,and hasnt since he was a baby,even tho we are still in contact.
i suppose my 2 questions are what should a godparent be doing?and is it possible to somehow pick new ones..for the likes ofconfirmations ect.

cheers in advance and i hope someone can help:)

PhysiologyRocks

I think they absolutely must send cards and attend events, unless it's impossible. I love my little goddaughter and felt terribly guilty when I missed her birthday because of an exam, but I made sure I went to see her the next week and bring her presents and cake and give her a big hug.

I'm not particularly religious, but I make an effort to spend time with her. My own godparents are great, and have even employed me on occasion! I feel that there is some duty to look after a godchild. Plus, mine's an absolutely brilliant little person!

Unless they're experiencing some sort of crisis, I think yours are behaving badly as godparents! Perhaps you should appoint others to behave in the role, even unofficially. For my confirmation, the sponsor didn't need to be a godparent, but I chose mine anyway. Having someone else should not be a problem.

_ZeeK_

the responsibility of a godparent is to give extra money @ birthdays and christmas...


thats about it the role is the vestige of a bygone age when the Catholic Church ruled the land. sure, its an honour to be picked. but it doesn't mean diddily squat in this day and age.
as long as the childs actual parents are at these ceremonies, he/she will hardly be bothered?

mumto3

well tbh,my sons communion was may gone,and his father,his fathers parents and sisters were all sent an invite,but aparently they all got lost in the post.iv got no number or add for their father,so sent his invite to his parents house,but because iv no contact for him,iv none for his best friend who is the godfather.as far as the godmother is concerned,i invited her but because she couldnt make it,she didnt feel the need for a card with a fiver in it(i supose our lives have went seperate ways)but i would of thought the gesture would of been nice,seen as we have not fallen out!!!!googleing it,it seems you cant change godparent,seems a shame,as my son is at an age(9)where hes asking,but i dont really have a valid answer as i dont want him to feel that over the years people just drift away,without an explanation,its taken him in particular so long to adjust to his father just vanishing!

metrovelvet

mumto3 wrote: »

well tbh,my sons communion was may gone,and his father,his fathers parents and sisters were all sent an invite,but aparently they all got lost in the post.iv got no number or add for their father,so sent his invite to his parents house,but because iv no contact for him,iv none for his best friend who is the godfather.as far as the godmother is concerned,i invited her but because she couldnt make it,she didnt feel the need for a card with a fiver in it(i supose our lives have went seperate ways)but i would of thought the gesture would of been nice,seen as we have not fallen out!!!!googleing it,it seems you cant change godparent,seems a shame,as my son is at an age(9)where hes asking,but i dont really have a valid answer as i dont want him to feel that over the years people just drift away,without an explanation,its taken him in particular so long to adjust to his father just vanishing!

But they do mum to 3... they do drift away.

From Nietzche.

We were friends and have become estranged. But this was right, and we do not want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its goal and course; our paths may cross and we may celebrate a feast together, as we did—and then the good ships rested so quietly in one harbor and one sunshine that it may have looked as if they had reached their goal and as if they had one goal. But then the almighty force of our tasks drove us apart again into different seas and sunny zones, and perhaps we shall never see one another again,—perhaps we shall meet again but fail to recognize each other: our exposure to different seas and suns has changed us! That we have to become estranged is the law above us: by the same token we should also become more venerable for each other! And thus the memory of our former friendship should become more sacred! There is probably a tremendous but invisible stellar orbit in which our very different ways and goals may be included as small parts of this path,—let us rise up to this thought! But our life is too short and our power of vision too small for us to be more than friends in the sense of this sublime possibility.— Let us then believe in our star friendship even if we should be compelled to be earth enemies.

Maybe you could nominate new godparents.

deelite

Are God-parents really necessary at all? From my understanding they are meant to be there (and the parents) for the spiritual aspect of the child's upbringing - I don't know any god-parent who actually fulfills this role to the max.

Anna88

In my family the godparents are the choosen gaurdians incase something is to happen to the parents. Its taken very seriously but this isn the case in all families.

Traditionally its the spiritual guidance thing but my family is in no way religious...well not in a churchy way anyways. My neice and nephew were christenend by a nature priest in there back garden. All four elements were asked to bless the children and watch over them. Was so nice

run_Forrest_run

godparents mean nothing really and if you are only asking because you want to get some cards/money then I'm afraid you are out of luck it seems.

sure every family has the odd bad godparent don't they! My godparents were very good but my sister's godparents were brutal, tis all about luck I guess.

anyway, once you have your guardians sorted in the case of anything happening to you or the child's dad that is the main thing.

kizzyr

_ZeeK_ wrote: »

the responsibility of a godparent is to give extra money @ birthdays and christmas...


thats about it the role is the vestige of a bygone age when the Catholic Church ruled the land. sure, its an honour to be picked. but it doesn't mean diddily squat in this day and age.
as long as the childs actual parents are at these ceremonies, he/she will hardly be bothered?

I totally disagree with godparents being expected to give extra money or extra expensive gifts at Christmas and birthdays. This is not what being a good aunt/uncle and/ or godparent is about.
I am god parent to two nephews (one from each of my older sisters) and I put a lot of thought into gifts to get them for Christmas and birthday and fun days out and generally spending time with them and develping a good relationship. However, I do this with all of my nieces and nephews as I love them all equally and would hate to make more of a fuss of one over another. When it comes to special events in their lives e.g. First Communion, Confirmation and big birthdays (13/18/21) I will do something extra for them then.
OP I think you should look for someone who is interested in your child, who will be there for them as someone outside their immediate family to act as a friend and confidant, someone they can trust. I think this is more imporant that someone who will simply give them a few Euro more than another relative.

ebmma

I think in the "old times" godparents were supposed to look after child's religious education and were expected to be responsible for it if something happened to parents

Kimono-Girl

In our family godparents give only to god children at Christmas (as there are 10 of us grandchildren) and it became too expensive to give to everyone, so we decided it was the best as each of us has an aunt as a godparent but most of us are over 18 at this stage, with the younger ones (about 10-16) they get selection boxes from all and presents from god parents,

as a parent we picked my sister (12) and my oh's brother (19) as godparents (they'll always be around) do you have siblings maybe you could ask to fill in the role?

for the confirmation is the only time you need the godmother but like you my sisters godmother wasn't around, she was told to pick someone to look up to as a sponsor, and she picked her cousin as she's her role model. so you dont need godparents.