Top 30 Most Annoying English Football Phrases :P

Redzer7

A football match is not complete without a television commentator driving you up the wall with his, or her (remember the disastrous lady on BBC's Match of the Day) truisms and bizarre analysis. Occasionally it is so bad that some viewers opt to watch games with no sound. In light of the below, we can see why.

30) It's a six-pointer

No, it's worth three points like every other game.

29) Away Goals count double

So if you win 4-0 away, and lose 2-0 at home, the aggregate score is 8-4 in your favour?

28 ) He earns every bit of his money

Come on now. I doubt that any athlete on the planet truly deserves to be paid millions of pounds, euros, dollars, etc.

27) Back of the net

If that were true, it would not be a goal. To be pedantic, if the ball hit the back of the net it would have had to have been a wild shot rebounding off someone's face in the crowd.

26) That shot was Beckham-like

What, it curled?

25) Oh, they don’t have the pace they once did

Said about any foreign player over the age of 30, even if the commentator hasn’t seen them play for five years.

24) Oh that one has gone into row Z

How can a commentator see where Row Z is from their press box?

23) Goals win games.

Oh...well that explains everything. We're not adopting Wenger's points for pretty football system then? Where the delicate Wenger boys can swan around and wait for Mike Riley, Phil Dowd and Co. to raise their numbered place-cards every time they complete a through-ball.

22) Czechoslovakia are a dangerous team

David Pleat is surely old enough to know that the country split into two in 1993.

21) Peter Crouch has a good touch for a big lad

Zlatan Ibrahimovic does, Marco Van Basten did, but Peter Crouch?

20) The traditional curtain raiser

Used to describe every English Charity shield since 1908.

19) If he'd done that [tackle] on the street, he'd be arrested

Yes, generally if someone runs at full pelt down the High Street before going in two-footed on an old woman they're going to do time.

18 ) The Wall did its job

Or maybe the free kick taker was Frank Lampard.

17) Ashley Young is as good as Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo

Andy Gray of SKY Sports. This was perhaps only said the once, but it is too good to leave out.

16) They scored too early

Of course they would have preferred to fall behind in the first 10 minutes.

15) He [Paul Scholes] is not renowned for his tackling

Yes, we have known that since Clive Tyldesley first said it back in 1994.

14) This is becoming a cricket score

It's 6-0, not 248/6.

13) He certainly knows where the goal is

I'm sure that most people in the world, even without getting paid ludicrous amounts of money, wouldn't find it too hard to see two stationary objects always in the same place at the end of each pitch.

12) It’s a game of two halves

Are you sure about that? I never truly understood what was going on at half time.

11) He was in acres of space

Yep; all 4046 square meters

10) 2-0 is a dangerous lead in football

How many managers in the world would turn this advantage down if offered it before the game?

9) Newcastle supporters deserve better

The same supporters who cheered when Kevin Keegan returned from 50 years out of the game.

8 ) You can’t afford to slip up at this level

So it is perfectly okay to under-hit a backpass, miss-kick a clearance or score an own goal at Sunday League level, but in the World Cup or Champions League it’s a hangable offence.

7) If that was on target, it would have been a goal

If Paris Hilton hadn’t made those videos, she would be a virgin.

6) It was a good cross, but no one was in the box

Why cross the ball then?!

5) Arsenal need a holding midfielder

Yes, we all know. Except Wenger, that is.

4) The Makelele position

NO! Claude Makelele (pictured) was not the first player in 120 years of football to play in the holding midfield role, so stop making out like he was.

3) English managers are never given a chance

How about because they are just really bad? An English manager hasn’t won the Premier League for 17 years, the current top six are all bossed by outsiders, while England are coached by an Italian. Blimey, it’s all because they are not given a chance. Bring back Sir Steve McClaren.

2) Another special European night at Anfield

Yes, we all know that Liverpool are bloody hard to beat at home in Europe, especially when Franck De Bleeckere awards a penalty every game. We also recognise the sheer power and beauty of ‘You'll Never Walk Alone’, but do the commentators have to use that same line every time?

1) Never write off the Germans

It is true that Germany have produced numerous impossible comebacks over the years, but when they are 5-1 down in Munich with just five minutes to go, I think it’s safe to count your chickens.

_blank_

31) How are/will United cope without ronaldo.

Redzer7

And I Done All That On My Phone :rolleyes::cool:








pfttt copy, paste, copy, paste :P.

Namlub

Increasingly, Man United win a game/play well-"Ronaldo who?", Man United lose/play badly "Oh, how they miss Ronaldo."

"TAKE A BOW, SON!!!" Well, most things that come out of Andy Gray's mouth actually...

Zonal marking
Rotation

And anything Jamie Redneck says

OPENROAD

Redzer7 wrote: »

A football match is not complete without a television commentator driving you up the wall with his, or her (remember the disastrous lady on BBC's Match of the Day) .

I want them to bring her back

Redzer7

OPENROAD wrote: »

I want them to bring her back

Lol .

OPENROAD

Redzer7 wrote: »

Lol .

When I first heard her, I thought she was a 12 year old boy.


She is not too bad looking as it goes.

mink_man

pretty bad list!

Rekop dog

32) Anyone who pronounce Juventus as jewventus

currythis

Sundays being called Grand Slam Sundays!

Every player being interviewed using the phrase 'at the end of the day'

curry-muff

Redzer7 wrote: »

19) If he'd done that [tackle] on the street, he'd be arrested

Yes, generally if someone runs at full pelt down the High Street before going in two-footed on an old woman they're going to do time.

LOL

ziggy

This post has been deleted.

mike65

The lad done well.

keano_afc

"He's done well to win a penalty there".

Said by commentators when an English player dives to win a penalty.

CHD

Border line offside.STFU Andy Gray.

Diabhal Beag

A lick of paint away :mad:

JerryHandbag

Rekop dog wrote: »

32) Anyone who pronounce Juventus as jewventus

Yep. That would be Trevor Welsh, TV3 "commentator". :rolleyes:
Also pronounces Real Madrid as you would see it in english, not as "ray-al".

Frisbee

I loved this one last week:

"THEY MISS ALONSO!"

fkt

Anything to do with Ryan "still going" Giggs.

Quint

rarnes1 wrote: »

And anything Jamie Redneck says

"He's a top, top player":mad:

Redzer7 wrote: »

And I Done All That On My Phone :rolleyes::cool:

Medal on it's way:)

Glico Man

Love the David Pleat line by the way, he does seem as though he's completely out of touch with reality "Well passed up front by the young lad Clinchy" - I'm sure he meant to say Clichy

My most hated phrase is from the one Andy Gray, "That is unstoppable, even two keepers couldn't have saved that" - yes, they probably could have

OR

"They've come and parked the bus in front of the goal". - if they did, how come I can't see it?

OR

"That was only just a whisker away". - when replays show it was a good 3 yards wide

razorblunt

"what was the referee thinking?"

I dont know Andy Gray but I presume he hasnt seen the replay 14 times slowed down to a level where you can practically see the stubble on the players chins growing, before he made his decision.

Quint

"He doesn't miss those"
They say that when almost any striker slots one from close range. Usually, (especially when someone like michael owen) he's missed one about 5 minutes ago

JPA

"He could have 4 or 5 today"

Ya, because that ever happens.

well, extremely rarely anyway.

Xavi6

"Great touch for a big man"

Anything by Andy "Fizzed" Gray

Slash/ED

Redzer7 wrote: »

30) It's a six-pointer

Don't get why people get annoyed at this, of course it's worth 6 points, the 3 you win and the 3 they drop. If you're level and win you're ahead by 3 points, if you lose your behind by 3, thats a swing of 6 points. Of course all games will have a 6 point swing but they'll be largely irrelevant if you're competing in different parts of the league

Zebra3

Redzer7 wrote: »

1) Never write off the Germans

It is true that Germany have produced numerous impossible comebacks over the years, but when they are 5-1 down in Munich with just five minutes to go, I think it’s safe to count your chickens.

The most annoying phrase is when people describe someone producing an impossible comeback.

If it was impossible how did they do it?

:rolleyes:

inforfun

Redzer7 wrote: »

1) Never write off the Germans

It is true that Germany have produced numerous impossible comebacks over the years, but when they are 5-1 down in Munich with just five minutes to go, I think it’s safe to count your chickens.

In Holland a manager (Wim van Hanegem) once said about the Germans: You can only be sure to have won against Germans once they are in the bus back to the hotel.

Since that day it used by basically every commentator in Holland in any match against Germans.
So i guess this a global thing.

What annoys me more though is the complete ignorance of sport commentators on tv here.
Although cycling related, the last gem i heard was last week when i watched cycling.
A Dutch guy was in the lead of some climb and the following was said:

"ah well, the guy is from Delft, that is in the south of Holland where there are quite a few hills so he knows how to climb a bit"

No, you muppet, Delft is close to The Hague and it is as flat as a pancake over there.

Malice

Andy Gray's phrase of the moment seems to be "asking questions of". He said it at least three times during the Arsenal v Man Utd game yesterday e.g. "Robin van Persie is asking questions of the Man Utd defence"

Chardee MacDennis

razorblunt wrote: »

"what was the referee thinking?"

I dont know Andy Gray but I presume he hasnt seen the replay 14 times slowed down to a level where you can practically see the stubble on the players chins growing, before he made his decision.

and Andy still manages to get it wrong a lot..

Redzer7

mink_man wrote: »

pretty bad list!

Not my list mate feel free to add more .

MagicMarker

''He was never gonna score from there''.

Say's fúcking who? Has no one ever scored from ''there''?

Soby

Redzer7 wrote: »

And I Done All That On My Phone :rolleyes::cool:








pfttt copy, paste, copy, paste :P.

Number 4 kinda gave that away..And there was me looking for his picture:o

glanman

"take a bow son, take a bow"

Bubs101

Redzer7 wrote: »

7) If that was on target, it would have been a goal

If Paris Hilton hadn’t made those videos, she would be a virgin.

.

The list was flawed but this was great

DundalkDuffman

If you don't buy a ticket then you won't win the lottery.

Used generously by Gray usually when describing Lamps or StevieGs 18th attempt on goal from 25 yards.

Unearthly

"Anticipated contact"

Used by english commentators to defend the likes of Gerrard/Rooney etc diving.

lordgoat

T'fiffic / Top Bloke / Top player

Anything that little squirt Jamie says. He gives me the rage.

Redzer7

lordgoat wrote: »

T'fiffic / Top Bloke / Top player

Anything that little squirt Jamie says. He gives me the rage.

+1 Don't Like Him Atal.

flahavaj

Anything Ron Atkinson says about Marcel Desailley.:pac:

joe123

Generally the way Redknapp and especially gray act as if they are enlightning the rest of the population on whats really going on. Its awful kind of andy to explain the mysteries of football to us every weekend :cool:

He annoys me...and that look he keeps giving down the camera every few minutes.:mad:

CountryWise

clive tyldesley at every Man Utd european game

"That unforgettable night in Barcelona in 99"

Yes Mr Tyldesley it was fantastic but even us man Utd supporters have moved on!

Pro. F

CountryWise wrote: »

clive tyldesley at every Man Utd european game

"That unforgettable night in Barcelona in 99"

Yes Mr Tyldesley it was fantastic but even us man Utd supporters have moved on!

heh heh, I met a german lad who turned out to be Bayern supporter the other day. He started moaning about 99 so i gave him a bit of stick good times..
Then we got on to talking about Hargreaves

Good list Redzer and fair play on the epic mobile phone usage.

Bandit12

Fabio Capello (or whoever the England manager is at the time) will take note of that. Seriously who the hell cares.

iregk

The best one in recent times was on TV3 during the Arsenal -v- Celtic game. Possession stats on screen show 60%-40% in Arsenals favour.

Commentator: "Yeah you can see there its pretty 50-50"

Benedict XVI

My favourite is 'Gazza style face mask'

Back in the early 90s whne Paul Gascoigne got his jaw broke he had to wear a face mask while playing, so anyone how had to wear a face mask suddenly had a 'Gazza style face mask',

In news items if an old lady was beaten up in her flat by some low life, we were informed that she 'may have to wear a Gazza style face mask as she recovers from her ordeal'

shane86

"Now heres ROOONNNAAAEYYYYYYY oooh!"

Can be used if Wayne touches the ball anywhere between 2 feet and 3 miles from the opposition goal in any international. ITV are awful for it.

gucci

iregk wrote: »

The best one in recent times was on TV3 during the Arsenal -v- Celtic game. Possession stats on screen show 60%-40% in Arsenals favour.

Commentator: "Yeah you can see there its pretty 50-50"

Haha classic.....

I'm surprised for an English football phrase list there is no reference to how they won the world cup in 1966, dont ya know? Even though many of the people saying it weren't born or too young to remember it.

premierstone

''I've seen em given'' generally spouted anytime Rooney or Gerrard enter the oppositions penalty area.

Tomthepost

'My word, he had no right to shoot from there'

Well he did and scored!

'A good shot stopper but not a great keeper'

What is the most important thing for a keeper to do?