Do people look down on you when your in your 30's and don't own a house?

Cuverdindust

Hi Iguana,
Never fear! I'm from Cork, Female and will be 34 soon. I own nothing and thats the way I like it!! My bank balance is healthy and I have a good financial head on me. A cute h**r, as "the fella says!" Ha ha ha!
My friends are the same, got all loved up and married straight after graduating from UCC, some of their divorces should be due soon enough! I never cared about owning my own home. I knew I would buy when the time is right and I honestly don't think I could settle in Ireland either. To answer your question, Yes, I do think people judge if you don't own property in your 30's, but I just smile on the inside. . . I was never stupid enough to commit to an overpriced house thats identical to all the others near it!! How unimaginative!! So, never fear. . Dust is here and you can buzz me for a beer anytime and we'll leave all the couples to fight!!;)

Kipperhell

trish990 wrote: »

I have no intention of ever owning my own home, my parents both became seriously ill in their 30's and had terrible problems for years paying their mortgage, it's a headache I can certainly do without..

What's your plan for when you are on a pension?

While your parents situation might be unusual how much better do you think it would have been if they were renting?

Cuverdindust

Kipperhell wrote: »

No
I repeatedly clarified the property isn't important but what you have been doing with your life is and the property is but one indicator.

Give it up Kipper!! You're giving us a headache. I don't own any property and it's precisely because I have good forward planning! It's a mug's game!

Kipperhell

D3PO wrote: »

Its not funny but its not the way to conduct or try to find a relationship. Oh and Im 30 before you start.

Id give up every penny I own and Id rob a bank if I had to if the situation arose for somebody I love. Given you wouldnt be with somebody unless they had some kind of material wealth I asume you wouldnt.

Whilst somebodies career progression and material wealth might help you assertain their drive, that is a small part of anybodies personality and you clearly cant convince anybody on here otherwise.

so what if somebody is 45 and doesnt own their own house, is getting to know the person and seing how your personalities intertwine far less significant :eek:

Good for you does that mean everybody else thinks like you too? NO!

There are many ways to look for a relationship and your idea of what a relationship means does not make it the only way to look at it. I never said I would not be with somebody without material wealth. I clearly expresses that if I was single in my 40s I would not pursue a relationship with somebody who had achieved nothing and had no plans made for the future. I used property as an indicator and clearly stated that it was lack of progress I see as the problem. If I see drive as an important personality trait then that is no more shallow than wanting somebody with a good sense of humour. Compatibility is important.

So you have assumed incorrectly about me and I am not trying to change anybodies mind. People will judge you on your actions. I started with nothing and together with my wife we achieved some of our goals. I take that as building my character and somebody who hasn't done similar will probably not appreciate the work involved. I wouldn't give my hard earned progress away to somebody who just messed about. There are lots of people who feel the same.

Cuverdindust

TiwstaSista wrote: »

I would look down on myself if I am 40 and have not owned a house.

Hence the name!

amacca

Kipperhell wrote: »

Good for you does that mean everybody else thinks like you too? NO!

There are many ways to look for a relationship and your idea of what a relationship means does not make it the only way to look at it. I never said I would not be with somebody without material wealth. I clearly expresses that if I was single in my 40s I would not pursue a relationship with somebody who had achieved nothing and had no plans made for the future. I used property as an indicator and clearly stated that it was lack of progress I see as the problem. If I see drive as an important personality trait then that is no more shallow than wanting somebody with a good sense of humour. Compatibility is important.

So you have assumed incorrectly about me and I am not trying to change anybodies mind. People will judge you on your actions. I started with nothing and together with my wife we achieved some of our goals. I take that as building my character and somebody who hasn't done similar will probably not appreciate the work involved. I wouldn't give my hard earned progress away to somebody who just messed about. There are lots of people who feel the same.

To be fair, I see exactly what you're saying and agree (at least partially) with it now that you have clarified repeatedly. I just couldn't resist earlier as the original post looked quite mercenary and Ive met girls (I now know you're not one) who perfectly embodied the "I don't want no scrubs mentality" That I found it deliciously ironic going out with them is a subject for another post.

Yes if you're 40 and want to settle down and build some financial security you are not likely to be interested in someone that does not share/have these goals, it did however appear from the original post that you would dismiss a person simply if they did not own a house..........

di2772

Kipperhell wrote: »

What's your plan for when you are on a pension?

That was always a nightmare of mine.
Imagine being old and living in a ****hole because thats all the rent allowance will get you.
Sort your house out while you are young. Or make damn sure you are going to get a nice pension. Better still, do both.

astrofool

If you're not paying off a mortgage, you should at least be putting the equivalent away every month for your retirement, by the age of 30. With life spans going the way they are, you could be 30 years in retirement, and needing to rent for all that length of time (or buy accommodation straight off with the savings).

And that's not including a pension for day to day living.

di2772

astrofool wrote: »

If you're not paying off a mortgage, you should at least be putting the equivalent away every month for your retirement, by the age of 30. With life spans going the way they are, you could be 30 years in retirement, and needing to rent for all that length of time (or buy accommodation straight off with the savings).

And that's not including a pension for day to day living.

Im lashing a hell of a lot of money into my pension now. I could only start to do that once my mortgage was paid off or half paid off anyway. If i was renting all my life i couldnt though.

Duckjob

If I discovered I had been dumped or rejected on account of not owning a property I would consider myself to have dodged a bullet TBH.

Heckler

Duckjob wrote: »

If I discovered I had been dumped or rejected on account of not owning a property I would consider myself to have dodged a bullet TBH.

+1

Like I said. 36, getting married next year, renting a place till she moves back down in a few months (were living together till she moved away for a year for work) and then we'll find a place together. Not a penny in the bank between us. And guess what ? Happy as a pig in the proverbial. This irish property obsession drives me nuts. You could be hit by a bus in the morning. The idea of not being interested in someone who doesn't own their own house in their 30's or 40's is so beyond me as to be alien. Literally from another planet. Rampant materialism is what ****ed up this country in the first place. I'd live in a matchbox with my girl and be happy.

gurramok

Kipperhell wrote: »

What's your plan for when you are on a pension?

While your parents situation might be unusual how much better do you think it would have been if they were renting?

Try Senior Citizen gated complexes run by the Councils. The places are like royalty for just 33quid a week with heating paid for.

iguana2005

Kipperhell wrote: »

People will judge you on your actions. I started with nothing and together with my wife we achieved some of our goals. I take that as building my character and somebody who hasn't done similar will probably not appreciate the work involved. I wouldn't give my hard earned progress away to somebody who just messed about. There are lots of people who feel the same.

yeah you are giving me a headache too...you spend too much time on this I worked as hard as you most probablly but ill health and being single(one income) stopped me reaching material goals....count yourself lucky and stop gloating...you never know when it will end

argosy2006

they'll only look down on you if ur shorter than them,

Duckjob

Kipperhell wrote: »

People will judge you on your actions. I started with nothing and together with my wife we achieved some of our goals. I take that as building my character and somebody who hasn't done similar will probably not appreciate the work involved. I wouldn't give my hard earned progress away to somebody who just messed about. There are lots of people who feel the same.

You know, I do get the whole idea of people with goals and ambitions wanting to seek out like-minded people.

I just think it quite funny that so many Irish people can't see past a pile of bricks when evaluating the ambition of others.

the_syco

Duckjob wrote: »

If I discovered I had been dumped or rejected on account of not owning a property I would consider myself to have dodged a bullet TBH.

Likewise.

=-=

I think kipper picked the wrong item to talk about. In a way I know what he means: if you meet someone aged 40 you want to ensure they're on the same wavelength as you, regarding either on course to buy somewhere, or to already have a house. It's a goal scenario. But other posters must not get so hung up on the house. It's not a thing, as such, but an objective.

It's like having education as a goal. You may want to meet someone who was bettering themselves, as opposed to someone who never bothered to learn anything since they left school. Like the lack of a house, some people wouldn't mind settling down with someone who had no drive to improve themselves, but some people would want that attribute.

The house is but an example, I think.

Duckjob

the_syco wrote: »

It's like having education as a goal. You may want to meet someone who was bettering themselves, as opposed to someone who never bothered to learn anything since they left school. Like the lack of a house, some people wouldn't mind settling down with someone who had no drive to improve themselves, but some people would want that attribute.

The house is but an example, I think.

Having a house isn't the "attribute" though. It's seen by many Irish as "evidence" of ambition and having made something with your life, but this in itself is a fallacy. I know wasters who have inherited or been given a house by their parents - they're still wasters.

Kipperhell

gurramok wrote: »

Try Senior Citizen gated complexes run by the Councils. The places are like royalty for just 33quid a week with heating paid for.

Well as I volunteered for a few years in one of them I know what they are actually like. The places are certainly not like royalty and there are also a limited number of them. If you would be happy living off the state in this way it indicates a fundamental oppositional view, I find that parasitic.

I do think the state should look after people in need but if somebody plans on getting the state to look after them for their future I find that disgusting. To plan to live off anybody's good will is pretty low. Such housing is a safety net for people who hit hard times not for those who squandered their opportunities by choice.

Some of the new one look a lot better but I can't see massive improvements on the existing one. There are going to be a lot of people working past the retirement age just to survive.

gurramok

Such complexes are for the elderly who have low income after retirement, not just people on 'hard times'. They are replacing all the old complexes with new ones.

My own mother is in one, built in the last 10 years. Hope you are not calling her a parasite. :mad:

Kipperhell

gurramok wrote: »

Such complexes are for the elderly who have low income after retirement, not just people on 'hard times'. They are replacing all the old complexes with new ones.

My own mother is in one, built in the last 10 years. Hope you are not calling her a parasite. :mad:

If her plan was to use the state as housing while making no plans for her future then yes I am.

If your plan is to have a low income to have the state need to take care of you I am saying that is parasitic. I would consider a low income to be hard times. Such housing is for those with a need not as a lifestyle choice.

It doesn't sound like your great plan of always renting and then waiting for the state to take care of you is a good one. You will need to be on a pretty low income to qualify by your own admission.

niallo27

Duckjob wrote: »

You know, I do get the whole idea of people with goals and ambitions wanting to seek out like-minded people.

I just think it quite funny that so many Irish people can't see past a pile of bricks when evaluating the ambition of others.

I don't know why people think this, i mean none of the people i know and in my generation care about whether people own a house or not, the older generation might but a lot of them are old fashioned

ionapaul

After all the back and forth, it seems we have an answer to the OPs question:

Do people look down on you when your in your 30's and don't own a house?

Some people do and most of these probably equate your lack of property with a lack of ambition / forward planning and this is the real reason their regard for you is lower; obviously they are entitled to think this way if they wish!

Some people don't care.

Kipperhell

niallo27 wrote: »

I don't know why people think this, i mean none of the people i know and in my generation care about whether people own a house or not, the older generation might but a lot of them are old fashioned

When you are younger it doesn't matter. When you get older it does, it isn't a generational thing but an age thing. It is like telling a young boy that he will care more about girls than sweets, he won't believe you but when he gets older he will be more bothered about girls. (No need for clever banter about maybe he will be gay:P) Nobody stops growing up but people do it at different rates

iguana2005

ionapaul wrote: »

After all the back and forth, it seems we have an answer to the OPs question:

Do people look down on you when your in your 30's and don't own a house?

Some people do and most of these probably equate your lack of property with a lack of ambition / forward planning and this is the real reason their regard for you is lower; obviously they are entitled to think this way if they wish!

Some people don't care.

Nicely put...however after lengthy thoughts and discussions have reliazed that Ireland and its mentality is not the country for me...decided to head back down under next year...hope I dont come across as 'lacking ambition' but I do fancy myself when older living in a warm climate...the OAP's downunder have a good life and are a lot more social orientated...some job offers have come in already...

jmayo

Kipperhell wrote: »

So to answer the OPs question you have personally met somebody who judges people on their progress through life? I don't see why people think it is so funny that I personally would judge anybody by their current progress. It really doesn't sound like many of you have reached 30 yet so probably don't really know how things change.

Yes I have met peope who look down on you because you haven't got a house.
Also find these people also tend to be the same people who turn their nose up because you drive a 7 year old Japanese car, rather than say a newish BMW.
Of course I tend to buy my cars for cash, and thus I own them rather than getting a loan to buy a depreciating asset that looses money the moment it leaves the forecourt.
BTW I am sadly a bit older than 30

I do agree people do look for someone that is liked minded and I would say honestly most people would look for someone that isn't a waster or a comlete leech.
But not having property doesn't necessarily mean you are one of the above.

I think the way you initially made your point is what has got most peoples goat around here.

Kipperhell wrote: »

...
I wouldn't give my hard earned progress away to somebody who just messed about. There are lots of people who feel the same.

Then I guess you are anti NAMA, because that is where your hard earned taxes are destined to go, to a bunch of wasters who messed up BIG TIME.

Hrududu

Just do what's right for you. Some people really want to own their own property. Others don't feel the need to. As long as you are happy with your decision then it doesn't matter what other people think.

Calina

jmayo wrote: »

...
Then I guess you are anti NAMA, because that is where your hard earned taxes are destined to go, to a bunch of wasters who messed up BIG TIME.

But who were, all the same, considered to be the movers and shakers in this country and because they have houses and comparatively decent salaries - I'm talking about some of the senior banking people for example - will not be disparaged as much as people who decided to have lives instead of mortgages.

I must confess that it may be because I don't take a blind bit of notice of people who judge others on material items or I hang around with the wrong sort but still...judging people on their material success is a rather shallow way of doing things. A lot of people have houses, mortgages and commuting hell. Do I want to be them? No. Should I want to be them? Well some of Kipperhell's posts would suggest that I lack ambition for not aspiring to it.

But frankly, given a choice between the lives some of my homeowning/children having acquaintances and my life I would choose mine every single time. Not because you could be dead tomorrow which is one reason that was voiced but because when the time comes for me to shuffle off be it tomorrow or in 50 years time I want to have a lot of life to flash before my eyes and that's what I am aiming for.

In a way, our generation has been lucky. We have had huge opportunities compared to the generation before us. We shook off the shackles of the Catholic Church but we didn't shake of the shackles of needing to judge people obviously. I think that's a pity.

After that, OP, my experience is that some of that judgementalism can be linked to envy. I have friends who have ignored advice on my part to wait before buying and who now tell me that had they listened, they would not have seen 100KE fall off the value of their starter apartment. 35% value loss in 3 years in an apartment out of which they would have to move if they have a family. That's a lot of money. I have friends who tell me I am lucky that I can move and am fairly free given the current economic situation. Comparatively, they are well off having bought 10 years ago and still not been wiped out. But their options are slightly limited compared to me.

These people, they don't envy me because they know and I know why they made the decisions that they made and that I made. I will say this though. A lot of other people that I know looked down on me for refusing to buy into the property trade here for oh, most of the last 8 years. Until 12 months ago and now they are sheepishly saying to me "you were right then not to buy."

In the meantime, I've rent shared which can be hard. I've spent 15000E on one hobby and 6000E on another hobby. Would I be happier with 21KE in the bank?

No. Anyone who's seem what happens when I am without a camera for any length of time will tell you that it's not pretty.

We have different lives and different criteria by which we judge them. No one I know judges their friends by economic success. Those people I've met who do tend not to be the happiest.

I know the value of happiness. It's worth more than the most expensive house in the country.

Would I buy a house? Well if I saw one at a price that matched what I was willing to spend and in a location I was willing to live, then yes. But there hasn't been any such thing in this country since I moved here in 1999.

Irishcrx

I'm 22 and I own my own house , but I don't and never saw it as the be all and end all, I'm in a relationship but not married, don't particulary want kids , I did it because I fell into a good situation and it made financial sence for me aka only half a mortgage and I rent out rooms that pays that off, lets me save up money and have nice holidays etc. Then maybe one day i'll sell it on and have fun with the money and go back to renting like I did before...maybe i won't depends what I'm doing...but it certainly isn't the be all and end all it's just personal circumstances and choice.

Tech3

Irishcrx wrote: »

I'm 22 and I own my own house , but I don't and never saw it as the be all and end all, I'm in a relationship but not married, don't particulary want kids , I did it because I fell into a good situation and it made financial sence for me aka only half a mortgage and I rent out rooms that pays that off, lets me save up money and have nice holidays etc. Then maybe one day i'll sell it on and have fun with the money and go back to renting like I did before...maybe i won't depends what I'm doing...but it certainly isn't the be all and end all it's just personal circumstances and choice.

In the next few years it will be half what it's worth now. How do you own your home as you have a mortgage? The banks owns it. You wont be guaranteed to sell it as there is so many empties and that will go up every month.

Kipperhell

Calina wrote: »

But frankly, given a choice between the lives some of my homeowning/children having acquaintances and my life I would choose mine every single time.

Your whole post is you standing in judgement of other peoples' choices. If you actually read what I posted you would see what I am judging people on and that I would in a certain situation not entertain a relationship with somebody. I think people are free to make as many bad choices as they like but I certainly think they were foolish as you seem to be doing.

For it to be a choice you really should be aware of the possible outcomes. I have quite a few friends who have nothing yet the same income as me over the years. Great friends but I know and they know they are rejected for their lack of planning which is certainly combined with their general immaturity. Both male and females friends also complain of the complete wasters they meet in their 30s. If all you own by that age is equivalent to what a teenager would buy if they had a little bit of money you need to grow up.

I don't go around pointing and condemning people I compare their lives to mine as most people do.