Quick 'Uns

Rufus.T.Firefly

Man says to wife

“You’re the double of Cheryl Cole".

She said “do you think so?"

He says "Aye definitely

She's 8 stone and you're 16 stone you fat bitch!"

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Fairy Liquid's adverts have been updated to reflect modern Britain...

"Mummy why are your hands so soft?"

"Cuz I’m only 14, now shut up and eat your pot noodle"

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Woman in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches.

Judge asks "how many peaches were in the tin"?

To which she replied

“There were 4."

He told her that she would serve 1 month for each peach.

As she was being led away her husband shouted from the public gallery...

"AND SHE STOLE A TIN OF PEAS!"

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An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.

All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.

After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.

''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson.

''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says grandpa.

''We're so happy for you.

We were worried that this was the wrong place for you.

You know, since you are a little different from everyone. ''

''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile.

''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old.

He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!

There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old.

He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honour'!

There's a dentist here -- 90 years old.

He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?!

And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me

'The Fookin Arab'

Dravokivich

haha, loved the last 1!

- Drav!

Nikko

Good man Rufus T. - loved the 'peas' one!!

:P

_SONIC_

haha the 2nd 1 was class!!!