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Physically attracted to guys, but mentally to girls?

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  • 12-09-2009 2:26am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, so, basically, I'm attracted to both men and women, but different reasons. If I see a hot guy, I just want to jump his bones - just for sex, the thought of a relationship does nothing. However, I'd love to have a girlfriend who I can talk to, open to, cuddle together with, be with.

    My very own sexless marriage.. :P

    I know these days labels are stupid but does this mean I'm bi or something else?


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    #2
    dave98
    Registered Users Posts: 352 ✭✭dave98


    hey, i think it menas your not ready.Go out and experiment with both. Here I am giving advice and i'm in the exact same position haha. But what you were saying about opening up to a girl (and all the other stuff) could you not do that with a fella too?


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,062 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Are you male or female yourself - I'm a gay male myself but I find that in a lot of mixed social situations I end up interacting with the women and finding them easier to talk to - I myself find women easier to relate to then men - I'm not sure if it's the whole macho sporty man thing that I just don't relate to or what

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    shay_562
    Registered Users Posts: 1,764 ✭✭✭shay_562


    dave98 wrote:
    But what you were saying about opening up to a girl (and all the other stuff) could you not do that with a fella too?

    This, basically. What is it about the idea of cuddling up with a guy that you don't like? What scares you about being open with another guy? If it's just that it seems like a weird idea, then it's possible that it's just more 'normal' to you to think about relationships with girls, because almost all societal representation of relationships are heterosexual, and it's just a hurdle you need to get over (without wanting to put it too bluntly) in coming to terms with yourself. One thing you don't mention in your post is whether or not you're sexually attracted to women in the same way that you are with men; from your "sexless marriage" comment, I'm guessing not. If that's the case, then it doesn't sound like you're bi; being close to a woman emotionally is very different from sexual attraction, and doesn't constitute a relationship. Plenty of gay men have close relationships with women; since Will & Grace, it's one of the key gay stereotypes. But if you're only sexually attracted to men, then you're gay. Simple as.


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    #5
    Tricity Bendix
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭Tricity Bendix


    IAmConfuzzled wrote: »
    I know these days labels are stupid but does this mean I'm bi or something else?
    If you were bisexual, you would be attracted to women as well as men.


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    #6
    shoegirl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,018 ✭✭✭shoegirl


    IAmConfuzzled wrote: »
    Hi, so, basically, I'm attracted to both men and women, but different reasons. If I see a hot guy, I just want to jump his bones - just for sex, the thought of a relationship does nothing. However, I'd love to have a girlfriend who I can talk to, open to, cuddle together with, be with.

    My very own sexless marriage.. :P

    I know these days labels are stupid but does this mean I'm bi or something else?

    Not really, you just have different needs satisfied by different kinds of relationships. I have plenty of straight female friends who really enjoy a good snuggle up with another female friend, but are not really interested in having sex with them. They would still be primarily straight (though 2 of the said friends have slept with women in the past and didn't really like it). I wouldn't call it at all unusual.


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    #7
    dave98
    Registered Users Posts: 352 ✭✭dave98


    :cool:
    Johnnymcg wrote: »
    Are you male or female yourself - I'm a gay male myself but I find that in a lot of mixed social situations I end up interacting with the women and finding them easier to talk to - I myself find women easier to relate to then men - I'm not sure if it's the whole macho sporty man thing that I just don't relate to or what
    Im male myself. I also find it way easier to talk to women. But If I was in a room full of people, I'd prob be eying up a fella.


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    #8
    Dark Artist
    Registered Users Posts: 387 ✭✭Dark Artist


    shay_562 wrote: »
    This, basically. What is it about the idea of cuddling up with a guy that you don't like? What scares you about being open with another guy? If it's just that it seems like a weird idea, then it's possible that it's just more 'normal' to you to think about relationships with girls, because almost all societal representation of relationships are heterosexual, and it's just a hurdle you need to get over (without wanting to put it too bluntly) in coming to terms with yourself. One thing you don't mention in your post is whether or not you're sexually attracted to women in the same way that you are with men; from your "sexless marriage" comment, I'm guessing not. If that's the case, then it doesn't sound like you're bi; being close to a woman emotionally is very different from sexual attraction, and doesn't constitute a relationship. Plenty of gay men have close relationships with women; since Will & Grace, it's one of the key gay stereotypes. But if you're only sexually attracted to men, then you're gay. Simple as.

    Exactly. I know how you feel, IAmConfuzzled, because I have been there and thought the same way you do, but the truth is that you probably are gay. I'm guessing you opened this thread looking for an answer, and there you have it. Of course, there is absolutely no shame in being gay and you definitely entertain the idea of being intimate with guys the same way as you described with girls.


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    #9
    DigiGal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,434 ✭✭✭DigiGal


    Hey OP

    I know how ya feel. I see other girls as total sex objects but only enter into relationships with men!


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    #10
    Cabbage Brained
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭Cabbage Brained


    Hi OP, I don't mean to be harsh, but I think you're being quite naive. Firstly, how do you ever expect to have a normal relationship with a girl without sex? Have you thought about how she might feel about this? Living a lie in that way is probably the cruellest thing you can do to somebody. And secondly, have you ever been in a relationship with another guy? If the answer is no, well then you should really try it out before knocking it. What have you got to lose?

    Best of luck


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