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Maintenance Payments - Worth pursuing?

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    #32
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    You would want your kids to eat beans and chips for 29 days out of the month.

    I really dont know what to say to that.

    ANd PEnneys, beans and sausages for 29 days still add up.


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    #33
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    You would want your kids to eat beans and chips for 29 days out of the month.

    I really dont know what to say to that.

    ANd PEnneys, beans and sausages for 29 days still add up.

    Metro - you are missing my point - it is much better for OP her children and for her ex to try for mediation and a co-parenting arrangement arrangements as I feel it could pay dividends for her.

    The Court is supposed to be the last option not the automatic choice when you exhaust the other options.


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    #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CDfm wrote: »

    Just reading the tread with comments like he showed it down the pub (which I for one find hard to accept) and he went on holidays and comments like do on-line snooping and badmouth the guy in court.

    OP if you are serious about co-parenting and working out arrangements you should be initiating Family Mediation rather than court.

    http://www.fsa.ie/ or look to do a co parenting course with http://www.onefamily.ie/ . That involves treating the other partner with esteem and working out who does what.Also you should be looking at the benefits and supplementary payments you are eligible for.

    I know it is tough and the nature of relationship breakdown is often "tit for tat" squables which exactly is what seems to be going on here.

    That the ex is on a CE scheme means there is little if any money available.So even if you do get a victory it is likely to be a pyrric victory and worth nothing.I am actually very surprised at the content of your post as you seem to be enjoying the court appearences.

    As much as I sympathise -there is a recession on and things are set to get worse and you shouldnt think your situation is unique as lots of people are hurting.

    CDfm,
    I take offence to these comments - I certainly DO NOT enjoy any court appearance - Where do you get this idea?? I have spent Years supporting my kids alone - I have never asked for help or support - it's now only that I am now unemployed for the past year and have tried all other avenues of getting some assistance from their father; which he refused. Times are hard enough - I certainly do not need the added stress of going into court and having all my incoming & expenses scrutinized.

    Court appears to be my only option at this stage - And at that; I posted to get other's people's opinions/experience on these matters. It is out of pure necessity for the welfare of my children that I am forced to take this action and certainly not as you say "tit for tat" squables?? IF that's how you; as a man see's the situation of a mother/parent trying all they can to survive / support and ensure her children are fed etc - then god help us all. I gave examples of his behaviour up to now-I cannot understand how you could make such an statement? This can only be your own personal issues/griefences with your own situation you are venting.

    Also you implied that I lied by saying that my ex showed my statement of means to his pals in the pub - this is an insult. I have no reason to come on to discussion board like this genuinely looking for advice and lie! what could I possibly gain from this?? the facts are bad enough as they are. You don't know my ex or what he is capable of.. unfortunately my children and I do.

    Also if you read the post correctly - I did not mention persuing shared parenting - my ex has decided he does not want to help raise my children or even stick to the agreed access - but thank you for posting this link - hopefully it will be of use to those parents that may need it.

    Thanks to all other's who's advice was very helpful.


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    #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was awarded 80 euro in court last month for 2 children and my ex husband is on the dole,so if he is willing to pay 50 per week if i were you i wouldn't accept outside court i would go in and let the judge hear the whole case and let him decide how much you are entitled too!


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    #36
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Thats all very well fiona 1978-if the guy cant afford to live and keep a roof over his head and pay maintenence -will you accept that he may end up either homeless or he can be commited to jail for non payment.

    Given that - you should seek a mediated settlement

    http://www.fsa.ie/

    You should only ever consider court when all else has failed.


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    #37
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Why should this ladies innocent children have to suffer,when it is very clear that this man would rather spend his cash on fancy holidays and drinking than on his kids.My ex is the same, there is a court order made (which he looked for)that states he take the kids every 2 weeks,and so far this year he has seen them 3 times since last christmas because he would rather spend his money on going out at weekends than being with his children.


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    #38
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    ^ Bench warrants were put on hold for a while. Are they back in place?


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    #39
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    fiona1978 wrote: »
    Why should this ladies innocent children have to suffer,when it is very clear that this man would rather spend his cash on fancy holidays and drinking than on his kids.My ex is the same, there is a court order made (which he looked for)that states he take the kids every 2 weeks,and so far this year he has seen them 3 times since last christmas because he would rather spend his money on going out at weekends than being with his children.

    Well I dont do that.

    What I am saying is thast you will have an in built bias towards your ex. I have.

    I am suggesting if when looking at it and he is on the dole and probably getting a single persons allowances.

    As much as you want the person to get what you think they deserve you shouldnt lower your standards and use the childrens needs as an excuse.Thats my opinion.If your objective is to leave the guy destitute then go ahead. IMO its not good karma.


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    #40
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    I guess you'd prefer she and the child are left destitute.


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    #41
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What planet are you living on?So are you saying all us single parents should just sit back and not look for any maintenance towards the upkeep off our children.Its not as if i get a kick out off going to court with my ex,I dont have an in built bias towards my ex like u think i do.We decided together to bring these children into this world together and why should i let the children go without just because he decides he wants to live the single life again!


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    #42
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    I guess you'd prefer she and the child are left destitute.

    I think you know what I mean.

    If a father is on the dole he recieves a single mans allowances and benefits as a single man - if a mother is on benefit she recieves a lone parents allowances and payment for the children, rent allowance, medical cards.childrens allowance etc etc.

    If the income is not there -it is not there- and pursuing it for the wrong reasons and if it means a guy cant make ends meet is just malicious.


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    #43
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    If he can afford to go on holiday he's not doing too badly. My husband and I couldnt afford to at the moment thats for sure!!

    Bottom line is when you are a parent your children's needs have to come first. I'd love to be able to spend my money on myself but my kids are more important and making sure they are okay is my number one priority. People like this bloke dont deserve the title of father if you ask me


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    #44
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    It already been made clear that is is making more money on the black market so not only is he not paying maintenance he is also practising welfare fraud and tax evasion by not declaring it.

    And you're defending this guy.


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    #45
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    eviltwin wrote: »
    If he can afford to go on holiday he's not doing too badly. My husband and I couldnt afford to at the moment thats for sure!!

    Bottom line is when you are a parent your children's needs have to come first. I'd love to be able to spend my money on myself but my kids are more important and making sure they are okay is my number one priority. People like this bloke dont deserve the title of father if you ask me

    I don't think he is a nice guy either.

    From what has been posted he borrowed the money to go.

    What I am saying is that the dole would provide a minumum level lifestyle for a single guy. It seems harsh that someone seeks maintenence from a dole payment. If the guy was working it would be different.


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    #46
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    What I cannot get is the parents with the attitude of "Well I can only pay €50 (as an example) a week because I need to live too" Thats great, but the parent who is actually rearing the child regardless of their own needs has to sacrifice for the child, I spend at least €50 a week on my son on food, nappies and other basic needs, but I had to bring him to a consultant last week, if his father was one of those parents who didn't cough up for his 10 minutes of fun, that would all have come out of my pocket!


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    #47
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    CDfm wrote: »
    I don't think he is a nice guy either.

    From what has been posted he borrowed the money to go.

    What I am saying is that the dole would provide a minumum level lifestyle for a single guy. It seems harsh that someone seeks maintenence from a dole payment. If the guy was working it would be different.


    Hang on a sec. He borrowed the money to go - so thats okay then ?????

    FFS if he is borrowing money for anything it should be to provide for his kids dont you think????


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    #48
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    It already been made clear that is is making more money on the black market so not only is he not paying maintenance he is also practising welfare fraud and tax evasion by not declaring it.

    And you're defending this guy.

    Thats conjecture.Maybe he is but its probably not proveable.

    I know that when I was going thru my family law crap I often hoped the ex was run over a bus.

    I am suggesting that the OP not put herself thru a headwreck like an episode of Hells Kitchen.

    I am pointing out that maintenence default can leave some being commited to prison. It didnt happen to me but I have seen a guy arrested for 20 quid.

    So you would need to be 100% sure.


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    #49
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Would serve the prick right to get his ass in jail if you ask me

    I dont care if you are with your kids or seperated, if your spending money on your own selfish needs and your children are going without you're not fit to be a parent


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    #50
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    What I cannot get is the parents with the attitude of "Well I can only pay €50 (as an example) a week because I need to live too" Thats great, but the parent who is actually rearing the child regardless of their own needs has to sacrifice for the child, I spend at least €50 a week on my son on food, nappies and other basic needs, but I had to bring him to a consultant last week, if his father was one of those parents who didn't cough up for his 10 minutes of fun, that would all have come out of my pocket!
    eviltwin wrote: »
    Hang on a sec. He borrowed the money to go - so thats okay then ?????

    FFS if he is borrowing money for anything it should be to provide for his kids dont you think????

    OK - life is hard and there is a recession on.

    And of course 2 into 1 wont go.

    I am not saying he is a nice guy but even not so nice people need a minimum standard of living.


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    #51
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Please keep things civil as per the charter.


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    #52
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    CDfm wrote: »
    OK - life is hard and there is a recession on.

    And of course 2 into 1 wont go.

    I am not saying he is a nice guy but even not so nice people need a minimum standard of living.


    Yeah cause having your two weeks in the sun is vital to one's survival right?

    CD I cannot believe you are defending this guy. If his money was only just covering his rent or his bills or his food fair enough I'd say cut him some slack but how can anyone justify him wasting money on a holiday?


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    #53
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    CDfm wrote: »
    OK - life is hard and there is a recession on.

    And of course 2 into 1 wont go.

    I am not saying he is a nice guy but even not so nice people need a minimum standard of living.

    Mothers on One parent get the same as the dole and they are paying maintenance to their kids with that. They get child benefit also to go on the child, which is about 40 a week. You can bet your bottom dollar she is contributing to top op in that 40 a week.


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    #54
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    eviltwin wrote: »
    Yeah cause having your two weeks in the sun is vital to one's survival right?

    CD I cannot believe you are defending this guy. If his money was only just covering his rent or his bills or his food fair enough I'd say cut him some slack but how can anyone justify him wasting money on a holiday?

    Hes defending him because he is a man. Oh no scratch that. Its because the OP is a mother.


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    #55
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CDfm wrote: »
    I don't think he is a nice guy either.

    From what has been posted he borrowed the money to go.

    What I am saying is that the dole would provide a minumum level lifestyle for a single guy. It seems harsh that someone seeks maintenence from a dole payment. If the guy was working it would be different.

    Why shouldn't a person have to make some payments out of their dole.We all know that with childrens comes sacrifices.I have to make alot of sacrifices for my children.I work full time so im not entitled to rent allowance medical card etc.
    Every penny I earn and the maintenence goes on paying bills and putting a roof over my kids head.


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    #56
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    eviltwin wrote: »
    Yeah cause having your two weeks in the sun is vital to one's survival right?

    Maybe his Mum paid for it. I changed my car last year as a result of an insurance claim and my ex whinged to the kids.

    Maybe he is just keeping a brave face on it.
    CD I cannot believe you are defending this guy. If his money was only just covering his rent or his bills or his food fair enough I'd say cut him some slack but how can anyone justify him wasting money on a holiday?

    He is on the dole.

    What I am saying is if a person is wound up and determined to be vindictive. I would hope the OP doesn't act that way.

    You get crap relationships and communication when relationships break down and when people are strapped for cash they can drop their standards but sometimes there is no solution and there simply is not enough money to go around.


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    #57
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    It doesnt make a difference where the money comes from. If I was lucky enough to get some money from a parent it would go towards the kids and making sure they are okay.

    I dont see why because this man is a seperated father he should be let off from his responsibilities. Kids always have to come first when you are a parent no matter what your relationship with the other parent happens to be.

    I totally agree with you 100% about not persuing someone who literally cannot make ends meet, that is wrong and a parent shouldnt be forced to compromise paying their rent/esb or whatever but the idea of a bloke on the dole using my tax to go on holiday when I cant afford to take one makes me sick


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    #58
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    fiona1978 please sign up for an account.

    Please note that post which break the forum rules and thesite rules will not be approved.


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    #59
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    metrovelvet wrote: »
    Hes defending him because he is a man. Oh no scratch that. Its because the OP is a mother.

    Thats not why I am posting. Its because there may be a different explanation to how the OP sees things just now.

    The OP sounds nice and genuine and I do like to see the best in people. That said the OP has tough choices to make, some of which may have dire consequences for her ex.

    So when we make decisions for good reasons or bad we have to consider the effects oin others. So I am trying to add balance. I would also like to think that the OP can be fair and do things for the right reasons.


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    #60
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    There are always two sides to every story but if people come here to vent and get advice they dont want to be cross examined.


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    #61
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CDfm wrote: »
    Thats not why I am posting. Its because there may be a different explanation to how the OP sees things just now.

    The OP sounds nice and genuine and I do like to see the best in people. That said the OP has tough choices to make, some of which may have dire consequences for her ex.

    So when we make decisions for good reasons or bad we have to consider the effects oin others. So I am trying to add balance. I would also like to think that the OP can be fair and do things for the right reasons.

    Hi All,
    Thank you for the responses so far on this: - I have an update which i'd like to share but firstly - I need to clarify something AGAIN for CDfm:-

    I have read and re-read your posts; and cannot believe you. Firstly you implied i enjoyed court and then implied that i lied about him bringing my statement of means to the pub! now you are saying; oh he borrowed from his mum for his hols, so that makes it ok.. U sound exactly like him(shame on you) You are the one missing the point here... so let me clarify this (AGAIN)... I am NOT persuing my ex for maintenance for any "wrong or malicious reasons" the ONLY reason for is I need to support; ie feed my children - as stated on numerous occasions and this course of action is a LAST resort - I have supported my children alone for the past 8yrs or so these included : communions/christmas'/birthday's/confirmations. None of which my ex contributed to. You say my persuing him could have "dire consequences for my ex... what about the dire consequences its having on his children by not getting support from him?? e.g.. Freezing weather before x-mas and i have to go to SVP to get some oil while their father is out and about celebrating x-mas with the lads??? how's that fair??

    But CDfm - believe this - the last thing i want is interaction from this "man" but I CANNOT SURVIVE; whilst he affords himself a great lifestyle as previously mentioned. I came onto this forum genuinely seeking help and advice - not to have my integrity quetioned by the suggestion that my reasons for seeking maintenance were malicious - So please do not waste anymore time defending this guy or wasting time posting unhelpful off topic posts please. The situation is as it is unfortunately; i have struggled so far without his help and was happy to support our children (when i could) but now with my current circumstance I cannot provide for my children.it's 6am and i'm up, cannot sleep, worried about how to keep roof over our heads so it is as serious as it gets.


    Anyway The update is this: we had our day in court; and produced evidence of all my incomings and outgoings.. and proof of his boasting about his numerous holidays/drinking sessions and w/ends away etc.. (from his bebo page - which was accepted by the judge)...of course he denied this was his page, but i was awarded €80pw; (which by the way hasn't affected his social life as he's been out on the lash all x-mas (again boasting on bebo) however; he is now appealing district court decision - so i am awaiting a court date for the circuit court - to be honest i'm very worried about this in case his appeal is successful.
    Again thanks to all helpful inputs so far

    kind regards
    lone parent


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