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How to cope with second miscarriage

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  • 13-09-2009 3:59am
    #1
    LaLucy
    Registered Users Posts: 260 ✭✭


    I lost a baby at 12 weeks in june this year and lost another at 7weeks in july 07. The first time it happened I felt suicidal to honest it was such a painful experience and left me feeling like somebody had shaken me. This time I feel like I am forcing myself to stay strong and trying to get on with things even though it hurts I am burying the pain way down. Nobody knew about this pregnancy but they did know about the last one. We have chosen not to tell anyone about this one and just stick together because we know nobody we know has the slightest idea what we are going through. His sister said its for the best and there's loads of time the first time it happened and those kind of comments just blew my mind. It just shows that if you have not been through a miscarriage you have no idea of the feelings of the would be parents. Anyway I am getting little pains in my left lower abdomen every few days and wonder if something is wrong. I got my period back a month after d&e and they are back to 28 days cycles. I am also wondering where should we go to get tests done just to see if we are ok. My boyfriend is worried I will leave him if we find out something is wrong with him which breaks my heart to hear him say. He wants to avoid getting tested but I would rather have a clearer picture of things and inform ourselves of any steps we need to take. I love him to and he is the only person I have ever wanted to have babies with


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    #2
    DetectivFoxtrot
    Registered Users Posts: 1,601 ✭✭✭DetectivFoxtrot


    am so sorry to hear that lalucy, you must be going through an awful time. have no personal experience with miscarriage myself but a few people on here do so it's the place to come for a bit of support.

    maybe the abdomen pain is ovulation pain?

    I think you are right not to tell family/friends this time around. Some people try to be supportive with their comments but it can sometimes end up doing more damage. I think you should get counselling though (you and your partner) because burying it deep down isn't helpful, you need to go through the grieving process

    take care of yourself xx

    p.s. maybe it would be worth telling your mam about it, then ask her about miscarriage in the family history, the more info you have when going for tests the better


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    #3
    Khannie
    Registered Users Posts: 37,485 ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    Really sorry to hear that LaLucy. :(

    We went through two in a row. Believe it or not it's not that uncommon statistically (that's why they generally wont offer to test you until you've had 3 in a row). If you're having any pain that you're not used to I'd strongly advise you to go and see your GP.

    Other than that, I can't really say much except the pain eases with time (or it did for us, and more for me (the fella) if I'm honest). A bit like yourself we more or less kept the 2nd one to ourselves. Not sure if it's a good or a bad idea, but it's natural enough anyway.


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    #4
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭CathyMoran


    I am sending you a pm LaLucy.


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    #5
    xzanti
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 10,439 Mod ✭✭✭✭xzanti


    ^^ snap :)


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    #6
    Novella
    Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    My thoughts are with you. Very sorry to hear of your loss.

    In general, as I think Khannie has said, you will not be offered any tests to determine the cause of a misscarriage(s) until you have had three. I am sure you can look into though if you feel there is definitely something wrong. Talk to your GP about it as this will put your mind at ease.

    Once again, I am very sorry, both to you and your partner.


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    #7
    EKRIUQ
    Registered Users Posts: 4,386 ✭✭✭EKRIUQ


    LaLucy wrote: »
    My boyfriend is worried I will leave him if we find out something is wrong with him which breaks my heart to hear him say. He wants to avoid getting tested but I would rather have a clearer picture of things and inform ourselves of any steps we need to take.

    Hi LaLucy,

     For the male the tests that would have to be done are standard blood tests to investigate how their could be problems, these would include being tested for STD's, HIV, Chlamydia and of course the semen analysis. As you have conceived twice its unlikely to be the semen or unlikely that there's something wrong with your boyfriend so you could be his mind at ease. The tests are no big deal or at least I never worried about them but either way it was never going to effect my relationship with my wife. My wife suffered a miscarriage earlier in the year and we've have just found out she's pregnant again but its very scary this time were nearly afraid to talk about it, but just hoping for the best.


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