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Few Funnies

  • 15-09-2009 9:52am
    #1
    Rufus.T.Firefly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 159 ✭✭


    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for her birthday.

    After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said,

    "I thought she wanted one of those luxury vehicles."

    "She did," he replied.

    "But where am I going to find an imitation Mercedes?"


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

    She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

    She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,

    "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

    Her mother replied,

    "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

    The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

    "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.

    The owner asks the clerk,

    "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

    The clerk says,

    "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.

    I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

    The owner says,

    "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

    The clerk says,

    "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.

    He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

    The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,

    "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.

    What does he think this place is ... an auto parts store?"

    "No," the cook said.

    "Three flats tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices crisp bacon."

    "Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

    She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

    The trucker asked,

    "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

    She replied,

    "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up."


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