Home truths for the 25-45yr old

trustno1

1. . More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own
story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

2. . Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

3. . I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks
when they've invented the lighter?

4. . I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

5. . Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

6. . There is a great need for sarcasm font.

7. . Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

8. . How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

9. . I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

10. . I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

11. . I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

12. . Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

13. . How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

14. . I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong

15. . Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

16. . I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

17. . Bad decisions make good stories.

18. . Why is it that during an icebreaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a
problem....

19. . You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

20. . Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

21. . There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

22. . I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

23. . "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
ever.

24. . As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

25. . Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

26. . I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

27. . I wonder if cops ever get P*ssed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

28. . The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone
at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and
then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat b*stard before dinner.