To all new parents (Dads)

yogidc26

Just to let you know thats it not as bad as us paernts make out you will have the best time of your life with your kids (and the worst) but that one little look up from them and your hart will melt.

This is more for dads as I'm one my self I used to be a bit of a Jack the Lad out every weekend on the piss with boys. If I was asked if I want childen " No way feck that may be when im 40 ill have one" but here I am with two kids 31 and I love them to bits I would not change my life for all the beer in Germany were all up since 5 30 this morning my wife and me joke that a few years ago we would just be getting in to bed at this time not like now 10pm and were all fast a sleep.

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

When you get to the hospital just try and stay out of the way, help your partner as much as you can ( it wont be much) and let the midwifes do what they do best and in a few hours you will have your baby. Id cry like a baby when our two were born it was the two best days of my life (a part from Leinster winning the heineken cup and Ireland winning the grand slam). After a few hours I thought something was wrong with me I was thinking to my self why dont I love this baby as much as my wife does from the moment they were their she love them like she had never loved anything before but for me it didn't happen like that dont get me wrong I would have done anything for them but I think cause they weren't in side me for 9 months that I didn't have that link with them.

To me anyway a Father love is a bit like a fire that will never go out it will start off small but the more you add the biger it will get and my even take over the world:D

You will never look back and best of all even if you dont know what you doing (like most of us dont) you will get to play with all their toys and have a lot of fun

Best of luck to all new parents

Sorry about the rant just something that was on my mind

Noffles

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

yogidc26

Noffles wrote: »

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

Sorry I just dont see it like that, they way i look at it is life can be bad as you make it if you look at it the wrong way, you have to try and just remember the good times forget the bad and just learn from them

ebmma

yogidc26 wrote: »

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

Hi! I'm a girl and expecting and funny thing is I feel like you do - means nothing to me, even though there's something growing inside me.
I just can't get my head around it, still dn't believe anything is happening. Probably will believe once it's born.

My husband is the opposite though - he accepted it all straight away and seems to understand it all way better.

Noffles

A tad sugar coated for me....

furiousox

Noffles wrote: »

Personally I think it is as bad as parents make out... yes there are "nice" times but they're out weighed... well, initially they are.

Don't get me wrong things do improve, at some stage I'm sure, mine is 14 and I'm still waiting?????

Agreed, the toll children take on a marriage is too high.
l'd take a bullet for my kids but if l had my time over again l would not have children, absolutely not.

ebmma

Noffles wrote: »

A tad sugar coated for me....

sorry for getting into thread for dads, but there seems to be a lot of sugar-coating in parenting. Which I find a bit annoying because it doesn't look like that can be true.
Is that because people think that they are being bad parents if they don't project the rosy sugary picture of their life out?

yogidc26

Hold on a min I'm posting for the hart this is how I feel and how my life is right now may be in a few years ill change my mind. Sorry if a lot of people dont find it like this but a lot of people I know feel the same as me. We are not rich far from it we just want to make our life and our kids the best we can we live ever moment we can to have fun YES we kill each other at time but this is life get and we just get on with it :mad:

furiousox

furiousox wrote: »

Agreed, the toll children take on a marriage is too high.
l'd take a bullet for my kids but if l had my time over again l would not have children, absolutely not.

l'm speakin' from the heart too, for me parenthood is overrated.
We have been in marriage counselling, problem wasn't us we still love each other, problem was the stress the children put on our marriage, counsellor said we needed to put ourselves first for a change not the children.

oldyouth

yogidc26 wrote: »

Just to let you know thats it not as bad as us paernts make out you will have the best time of your life with your kids (and the worst) but that one little look up from them and your hart will melt.

This is more for dads as I'm one my self I used to be a bit of a Jack the Lad out every weekend on the piss with boys. If I was asked if I want childen " No way feck that may be when im 40 ill have one" but here I am with two kids 31 and I love them to bits I would not change my life for all the beer in Germany were all up since 5 30 this morning my wife and me joke that a few years ago we would just be getting in to bed at this time not like now 10pm and were all fast a sleep.

I found that when my wife was having our two that it ment nothing to me for the first nine months it all happens to her so if your feel like this as I know a lot of men do this is normal just tell her what she wants to hear if you dont with all the hormones flying around you wont have long to live:( but read up on everthing thats going on inside it helped me.

When you get to the hospital just try and stay out of the way, help your partner as much as you can ( it wont be much) and let the midwifes do what they do best and in a few hours you will have your baby. Id cry like a baby when our two were born it was the two best days of my life (a part from Leinster winning the heineken cup and Ireland winning the grand slam). After a few hours I thought something was wrong with me I was thinking to my self why dont I love this baby as much as my wife does from the moment they were their she love them like she had never loved anything before but for me it didn't happen like that dont get me wrong I would have done anything for them but I think cause they weren't in side me for 9 months that I didn't have that link with them.

To me anyway a Father love is a bit like a fire that will never go out it will start off small but the more you add the biger it will get and my even take over the world:D

You will never look back and best of all even if you dont know what you doing (like most of us dont) you will get to play with all their toys and have a lot of fun

Best of luck to all new parents

Sorry about the rant just something that was on my mind

Self indulgent crap. Parenting is about seeing it through until they are self sufficient and beyond that if the wheels come off along the road. Give me your wisdom at the end of your journey, not the start

yogidc26

oldyouth wrote: »

Self indulgent crap. Parenting is about seeing it through until they are self sufficient and beyond that if the wheels come off along the road. Give me your wisdom at the end of your journey, not the start

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

metrovelvet

Sorry but this is the kind of hallmark card **** that gives people post natal depression.

furiousox

yogidc26 wrote: »

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

You expressed your experience of parenthood (so far)

So did l

So, do you want honest replies or just the "happy" ones?

mint man

yogidc26 wrote: »

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

thanks mate i appreciate the post,only startin a family now

yogidc26

furiousox wrote: »

You expressed your experience of parenthood (so far)

So did l

So, do you want honest replies or just the "happy" ones?

Sorry your right I just have seen that side yet

oldyouth

yogidc26 wrote: »

I wasn't giving it to you. By the sound of it you have been throught it I was give what little i have to people that have just started out and im a few years a head of them

My be I have posted in the wrong place ill look for happier pople next time

Good luck to all new parents hope it turns out as well as it has for me and my wife so far

On a bad day, didn't mean to knock the wind out of your sails

metrovelvet

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

Voltex

Im a dad of 2 boys..and im 32..so about same age as OP.
So far parenting to me has easily been the hardest job Iv ever done...and its not just about the kids...its about how your lives, as a family are organised aswell. by that i mean..how you, your wife..your parents..inlaws..siblings all involve in your childrens lives and yours.

Iv had more arguments with my wife over my parents over involvement in my kids lives and vice versa....

Im sure Iv spent more time in temple street in the last 2 1/2 years than I ever did or all my brothers and sisters did. Theres the throw your face into your hands moment when you vist the GP only to be refered once again to the childrens hospital cause of this or that....

Then theres the times when they are sick..O.M.G..they are the hardest. You just feel so much for your kids that it actually pains you to the bones to see them upset,unhappy or unwell...and there is nothing you can do...its a total killer!!

Discipline....has any parent got this right?? I just feel like im making a toal ****fest of it. I swore as a new dad Id never smack my kids...but that was i toal load of fantasy crap. we set up the bold step....we put junior on it when ever he was naughty...and then he started putting himself on it cause it was fun!?!...when our second came along he got very very jelous..he was poking the baby in eyes..scraping at his face. In the end I had to sit him down and ex-laine that "Daddy will smack you on the hand if you hurt anyone". Iv since had to smack him id say 5 or 6 times on the back of the hand...now what i would say is that it only happens when he hurst someone and it always has to be in a controlled manner...not in temper or while agitated and only ever on the back of the hand...and it works!!

Look...being a parent..and in particulr a Dad is very very tough..its a thankless job...but i have to say Im so very proud of myself,my wife and my children...and i would do absolutly anything for them,totally...they are the focus and centre of my life...but hey lets be realistic about it all

rachael1987

I totally agree with the op.

Having my kids is the best thing that has ever happend to me and my family . I am a mother of two and a fulltime childminder in my own home for three other children .(Im NOT sugarcoating anything ) I know children are hard work !!!! I work with them everyday ontop of raising my two (3yr old daughter and 5 month old son ) But Being a parent and watching your child grow and learn and knowing that you are the one that has taught them how to walk and talk and get them through each milestone of their life is a joy like no other . It is tough but the good times will always weigh out the bad and when you feel like crying one look at your little one and the smile will be back on your face .:)

For people that say that if they could turn back time they wouldn't have kids ............A child doesn't ask to be born , parents have to be responsible for bringing their children into this world mistake or not! My first child was expected suprise and my second was planned .I don't regret having my children for one sec and never will.:mad:

To new parents don't be scared take each day as it comes and remember that they are only children and that you are in control . Most importantly relax and enjoy each moment of your little ones as they grow up so fast ! Have fun

yogidc26

metrovelvet wrote: »

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

One night on one one off we try to take it in turn and our little lad is still not sleeping through after 6 months. Some nights i could kill him but even at 3 in the moring when he starts laughing I can't help smile at the little fecker

furiousox

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

And what about foreign 'holidays'?

The same stress, annoyance, arguing and bickering...just in a warmer climate!
And you pay 2 or 3k for the pleasure!
Next time you're abroad, check the facial expressions on the guys wheeling buggies around the resort at night-time..looking for the nearest game arcade...despair in their eyes, wondering how their lives came to this.

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
(We might get one weekend in Galway if we're lucky)
lt's liberating, and a reminder of how we used to be, the lives we once had.

Dublin141

I have four kids including twins (all still smallies) and my relationship is stronger than it's ever been. Stress affects you if you let it, any kind of stress can damage a relationship if you don't work hard at that part of your life too. It can be exhausting at times, especially on your first, but so can life - I don't regret a second of it.

Being a parent completely changes your life but there is no reason why it shouldn't be for the better. My house is crazy, between the animals and the kids I'll never have a clean home or even a quiet one but I can honestly say I'm enjoying life. I never felt content or truly happy before I had kids. Not saying it's going to work that way for everyone but it did for me.

VeryBerry

furiousox wrote: »

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

......

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
.

Snap.

My baby is only 3months old and I feel like this. Exactly like this. Being a parent is the worst job I've ever had.

I never wanted to have babies, because I knew that this is how I would feel; that I would resent giving up my own life for my child. And that is what you have to do- the child comes first. Everything else has to be sacrificied; nights out, holidays, your career, friendships.... your relationship with your partner.

I feel like I should say it's all worth it when the little baba smiles...but I'd not really sure I feel like that...

lyoto.machida

ebmma wrote: »

sorry for getting into thread for dads, but there seems to be a lot of sugar-coating in parenting. Which I find a bit annoying because it doesn't look like that can be true.
Is that because people think that they are being bad parents if they don't project the rosy sugary picture of their life out?

Its not sugar-coated at all,im relatively young to be a dad(25),but my little girl is the best thing in my life,you dont know what real love is until you have a kid yourself,trust me.someday youl see what i mean(if you choose)...

Voltex

furiousox wrote: »

For us the price is too high, the rewards not enough.
We can't go to restaurants, cinemas, shopping centres, markets etc because of the children....the stress, the arguments, the bickering...its not worth it.

And what about foreign 'holidays'?

The same stress, annoyance, arguing and bickering...just in a warmer climate!
And you pay 2 or 3k for the pleasure!
Next time you're abroad, check the facial expressions on the guys wheeling buggies around the resort at night-time..looking for the nearest game arcade...despair in their eyes, wondering how their lives came to this.

lt's only when my wife and l are away together alone (no kids) that we are truly ourselves again and not f'ing 'mammy' and 'daddy'
(We might get one weekend in Galway if we're lucky)
lt's liberating, and a reminder of how we used to be, the lives we once had.

Either your an outright liar or your someone who got "caught out" and resents their kids ( the worst type of parent).

How bloody selfish are you?... regardless if you never wanted kids...they are people..human beings with all of lifes potentials...how dare you castigate them to the level beneth yourself!!!

I absolutly idolise my kids...but im not making any bones of it..its hard work..but id never change 1 iota of my life.

have to say..no one who really has kids would say things like you did above!

VeryBerry

Voltex wrote: »

Either your an outright liar or your someone who got "caught out" and resents their kids ( the worst type of parent).

How bloody selfish are you?... regardless if you never wanted kids...they are people..human beings with all of lifes potentials...how dare you castigate them to the level beneth yourself!!!

I absolutly idolise my kids...but im not making any bones of it..its hard work..but id never change 1 iota of my life.

have to say..no one who really has kids would say things like you did above!

Get over yourself.

I'm sure you're one of those perfect parents who planned their kids from Day 1 and took folic acid from the minute you got married and are still breast-feeding at at age 5. But not everyone is as perfect as you.

I believe there are people out there who never wanted kids, and who, despite their best intentions, ended up with them. And who, depite all that, love their kids to bits. Even though it is the hardest thing they've evr done.

Just because you find being a parent exceptionally hard, doesn't mean your a bad parent. In fact, maybe it means youre pretty good at it - because your REALISTIC! Not everything is seen through rose-tinted glassed.

BABY poo still smells like **** y'know...breast fed or not

Voltex

VeryBerry wrote: »

Get over yourself.

I'm sure you're one of those perfect parents who planned their kids from Day 1 and took folic acid from the minute you got married and are still breast-feeding at at age 5. But not everyone is as perfect as you.

I believe there are people out there who never wanted kids, and who, despite their best intentions, ended up with them. And who, depite all that, love their kids to bits. Even though it is the hardest thing they've evr done.

Just because you find being a parent exceptionally hard, doesn't mean your a bad parent. In fact, maybe it means youre pretty good at it - because your REALISTIC! Not everything is seen through rose-tinted glassed.

BABY poo still smells like **** y'know...breast fed or not

The first couple of lines from above says alot TBH...you did get caught out!!..and feeling very resentful towards your children...shame on you!


Of course I PLANNED for kids...i was married and wanted children.
if you fully read my posts youll see that im honest about parenting. FFS I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old...2 very different tyoes of babies...both needing total care but in very different ways...probably the hardest of age splits.What Iv posted is not rose tinted..but honest.
My kids are singally the focus of my life...I cant say that enough...but IMO all parents will say that except the ones like yourself who have some sort of resentment towards their kids.

January

metrovelvet wrote: »

Then you mustnt be doing the nightfeeds because after 4 months of no sleep you will looking for the nearest lorrie to run you over.

WHAT?? Do people honestly feel like this?? I have done EVERY single night feed since my daughter was born 9 months ago, because I am SAHM and my DH works early shifts. I don't think it's fair on him to have to be getting up at 2/3am in the morning to feed a child and the again at 6/6.30am to get ready for work!! I have never once felt like I wanted the nearest lorry to run over me.

I'm not going to lie, my daughter wasn't planned and we discussed every option available to us before we decided to carry on with the pregnancy. To be honest, it's only made me and my partners relationship stronger. Yes, we don't only have ourselves to think about anymore and no, we don't always get to spend time to ourselves. But it's not the feeling of wanting to die!

We've been on nights out to the cinema, the pub, hotel without having to feel guilty. It's not all the time and it might only be every couple of months but I feel it's worth it.

To be honest I don't like the way people here think other parents are sugar coating the way their lives are.

We've had a rough couple of months with our daughter teething, being sick etc and never once have I felt like you felt metrovelvet... It is hard, but it's not THAT hard!

stovelid

If your kids cause you so much grief as to regret them and to complain about it at length on a parenting forum, I suggest that you put them up for adoption or stfu.

furiousox

your an outright liar...

the worst type of parent...

How bloody selfish are you?..

how dare you...

shame on you!

put them up for adoption or stfu...

Do you reckon you guys could express an opinion without using the hysteria and the personal abuse?

Maybe you're not getting enough sleep.......

metrovelvet

adrieanne__x wrote: »

WHAT?? Do people honestly feel like this?? I have done EVERY single night feed since my daughter was born 9 months ago, because I am SAHM and my DH works early shifts. I don't think it's fair on him to have to be getting up at 2/3am in the morning to feed a child and the again at 6/6.30am to get ready for work!! I have never once felt like I wanted the nearest lorry to run over me.

I'm not going to lie, my daughter wasn't planned and we discussed every option available to us before we decided to carry on with the pregnancy. To be honest, it's only made me and my partners relationship stronger. Yes, we don't only have ourselves to think about anymore and no, we don't always get to spend time to ourselves. But it's not the feeling of wanting to die!

We've been on nights out to the cinema, the pub, hotel without having to feel guilty. It's not all the time and it might only be every couple of months but I feel it's worth it.

To be honest I don't like the way people here think other parents are sugar coating the way their lives are.

We've had a rough couple of months with our daughter teething, being sick etc and never once have I felt like you felt metrovelvet... It is hard, but it's not THAT hard!

Well, it was that hard for me. But I have a different scenario to you.

No its not fair to have to get up six times and night and still get ready for work, work being taking care of a baby. but I had to do it.

Im glad you get to get out. I dont. 7:30 rolls around, that's it. Im in the house for the evening. No walks, no popping down to the shops. Nothing.

And yes I honestly did wish a lorry would run me over.

That doesnt mean I dont love my child or that there arent tremendous rewards, its just not all pink and fluffy like people make it out. This pink and fluffy picture is a crock of ****.