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boyfriend

  • 22-09-2009 2:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi everyone, this is a bit embarassing but if i cant ask it here where can i ask. Am about 10 weeks pregnant, was in shock for the first few weeks so was mid august before told my boyfriend. He was delighted to my surprise and relief anyways got lots of hugs and kisses for the first few days, not other bedroom activity but since then what was a very active sex life has become almos null and void and when he does make an effort (sorry about this) He fakes it but he dosen't cum. this week he hasnt even bothered to put the effort into this.
    I dont even know how to approach a conversation about this i dont really want to hear that he dosne't find me attractive or my new body is repulsive. im feeling so down at the moment when i should be over the moon. I just cant face another 7 months or more of this coldness


Comments

  • #2
    Khannie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 37,485 ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    It's a tough one for lads sometimes. To be honest I was crapping myself that I'd damage the baby on our first. I just couldn't get into it. I knew that I was being stupid, but I couldn't rationalise it.


  • #3
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    As Khannie said, it could be that he is "afraid" of harming the baby in some way. I know my boyfriend was when I first got pregnant. A lot of men get this and it is very hard to rationalise also.

    Maybe just... get him a book! One specifically aimed at men. There's a few out there, but I can't remember the titles unfortunately.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way. I don't think your boyfriend finds you repulsive, he wouldn't be having sex with you, faking or not if he tought you were.


  • #4
    Corcaigh abu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭Corcaigh abu


    Would agree with the above get him a book so he gets to understand your biology. Also maybe stop focusing on actually doing the deed and settle for cuddling up for a while to let him get comfortable with your new body. I also treated myself to some nice silky cami tops and knickers in Debenhams. No point splashing out on bras just yet as you'll probably have to buy bigger ones soon. I found that I just felt sexier and less self conscious of my 'blossoming' bod while wearing a nice cami. Especially now early when your begining to spread but no big noticeable bump. Good luck with it. Don't focus too much on it and enjoy the cuddling up and take your time :)


  • #5
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    It could be what the others have said or it could be the transformation from lover into mother is sinking into his psyche.

    I hope for your sake he snaps out of it. Pregnancy can be an insanely horny making time for a woman.


  • #6
    ebmma
    Closed Accounts Posts: 631 ✭✭✭ebmma


    Hey, you hardly would have much of a "new body" at 10 weeks! And 'repulsive'? Pregnancy is a manifestation of your (and his!) fertility and health, don't even think that he might find you repulsive - if you think of things like that long enough especially on top of all the hormones and worrying you might start believing that.

    He might be a bit scared of damaging you and the baby - but tell him it is very well protected and unless your foctor will tell you to, there's no reason whatsoever to change your sex life.

    Didn't work out so well for me - my libido went well down with pregnancy :(


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Agree with the other posters my gf is 15 weeks pregnant and i'm a "horn bag" supposedly before hand but then it went a bit cold after she told me she was pregnant. I told her that I was afraid of squashing or damaging the baby (I lived in a bublle where i thought my member was big enough to poke the baby in the head or something)................stupid i know but that's typical male education about what goes on when a woman becomes pregnant. after we discussed it a done a bit of research I found lately it has been the best for a long time.

    But do give him time dont pressure him cause then it could just blow into an arguement.

    best of luck


  • #8
    Darthhoob
    Closed Accounts Posts: 339 ✭✭Darthhoob


    my OH was exactly the same when i was pregnant with our last baby, for him he was worried about having sex when i was pregnant...he knew sex could help bring on labour when a woman is due so didn't want to take the risk. just didn't feel right in the early stages for him. once i hit about 20 weeks (i didn't know i was pregnant till i was 14 weeks sex life was fine again...and sex DID bring on labour at 40 weeks LOL
    This time he knows it is ok and safe, so it's been fine...except when i felt off for a few weeks in the beginning.

    he is more than likely just feeling uncomfortable about either hurting baby...or the fact there is 3 in the bed now not 2 (some men take a while to get used to that) you are only 10 weeks though things will change :)
    seeing as you are 10 weeks your body will be barely (if at all) show any change...so i really really doubt it is that :)


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