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Some Funnys

  • 22-09-2009 6:11pm
    #1
    byrner88
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,088 ✭✭✭


    Paddy drags a huge metal box along to the BBC Antiques Roadshow in Dublin.

    He patiently queues to see one of the experts..'where did you get this'? asks the expert "oh jaysus its been in my loft for the last 40 years" replies Paddy I think its some kind of family heirloom"
    i see says the expert and do you have any insurance? no replies Paddy "do you think i should get some"? ' yes replies the expert its your ****ing water tank.

    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
    God asks Jesus to try lots of drugs to help him sympatise with the modern man.

    so jesus asks each of his disciples to find a drug and bring it back to him

    Mark brought cocaine

    Matthew brought LSD

    John brought E

    Andrew Brought Hash
    and judas ?

    well judas brought the drug squad

    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

    One morning Dave's wife comes down and takes one sip of her coffee before spitting it out .

    "this isn't fit for a pig" she says

    "hold on says Dave ill make you one that is"

    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

    A scientist has invented a bra that stops tits bobbling up & down and stops nipples from sticking out in the cold........

    His colleagues have kicked his head in.
    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

    A womens poem before bed:

    i pray for a man who's not a creep,
    one who's handsome, smart and strong,
    one who loves to listen long, one who thinks before he speaks.
    one who will call and not wait weeks.
    I pray he's rich and self-employed and when i spend , wont get annoyed.
    Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
    Massage my feet and help me stand.

    A man's Poem:

    I pray for a deaf mute nymphomaniac with big tits, owns a pub on a golf course and loves it up the arse.
    This doesnt't even rhyme but who gives a ****!


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