Single mothers how do you feel about them?

Avoiding Work

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

you can't tar them all with the same brush. A nice educated hard working girl can suddenly end up pregnant with the man not wanting anything to do with her and she could go on to raise a good kid and when she can i'm sure she will contribute to society again.
On the other hand there are the girls of knackery areas where they seem to want to get pregnant really young and never work their whole lives and we the tax payer are supposed to pay for them to slouch around their houses (and streets) in their pyjamas all day. Yet they still continue to complain about not having enough money even though they can afford new clothes and Xboxes for their little urchin children, Jordan, Dylan, Chardonnay et al.
They should be sterilised at birth.

+1

No one has the right to make that kind of generalisation as all situations are different.
A friend of mine is a single parent because basically she'd rather the children grow up with happy loving parents who dont live together than miserable ratty abusive (I mean verbally and to eachother) parents who do. She works part time while her daughter is in school and struggles to make ends meet with her mortgage / bills etc rather than accept handouts so no, she is not a burden on society.

HOWEVER. I've lost count of the amount of girls I used to go to school with who got pregnant by the age of 17, managed to bag themselves a free house in their hometown without ever working a day in their lives and letting their brats run the streets till all hours rather than putting their free time into rearing their kids; and all the while the rest of us are putting in all the hours we can to afford our homes in commuter towns which add at least an extra hour on to our working day and couldnt afford to have a baby if we wanted one :mad:

So yes I can see where the banker is coming from in that respect but for every waster out there there are genuine single parents both male and female who are doing the best that they can in their circumstances so how can the Government differentiate between the two in order to do something about it without effecting these genuine cases??


Free contraception might be a starting point and realistic programmes to help those with children get back to work without them coming out with less money after childcare because lets face facts here; I have no desire to become one of these "burdens to society" but I can certainly say there is no way I would struggle a full time job with a hectic homelife and have someone else rear my children all for less money than I'd get for staying at home!!

Nodin

Morlar wrote: »

Maybe you should ask the CSO or the dept of social welfare ? They look after central statistics and may have the exact figure you are looking for. Unless you are trying to imply that without an exact figure to hand there is no burden to taxpayers ?

No, I'm implying that knickers are getting twisted when there seems little substance for them to be twisted over.....

hacked

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Ok I've got an idea. We'll send out a letter to all single mothers everywhere telling them they've won a free car or council flat or buggy or something and they'll all turn up to collect it cause they're all a bunch of sponging wenches. And then we can torch the warehouse where they all are and sort them out and sell their kids into slavery and force them to knit shamrocks for Americans for St. Patrick's Day and use the profits to get the country out of the economic crisis and that way we'll have sorted out the biggest drain on Ireland's finances and allowed our politicians (especially you O'Donoghue ya big lug!) to continue on in the lavish style that they're accustomed to. And anyone that we don't like the look of in future or that maybe comes from a less well off background we can sterilise once they approach puberty to stop this horrible crime of motherhood happening to anyone we don't approve of. And if someone does get pregnant by accident and isn't married and strapped down to their man well then we'll build special schools or eh.... let's call them laundries, yeah laundries sounds nice and innocent so it does. And we'll put them in the laundries and make them work until they have the kid and then sell the kid for organs and research and shave the mother's head and tar and feather her to teach her a lesson.

Sounds fair and reasonable?

that made me giggle.

I can't give rep yet...so consider this a thanks.

Morlar

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

I'll tell you what tax burden you should concentrate on.

Ridiculous minister salary's, government expenses, over staffed government departments, 'junior' ministers, 'consultation' fee's, over budget projects, wasted government ment funds (e-voting for one) and I could go on.

These are all a MUCH larger burden on the tax revenue of the country than some single parents who need that money to live.

Focus your attention on the real issues of why the country is fooked, and not pick on the vulnerable and easy targets.

It makes no sense to say in effect 'how can you look at that problem over there without looking at this one here first' Why not do both ? They are not mutually exclusive. And no I am not blaming unmarried/single/parents.mothers etc for all of societys problems.

Ridiculous minister salary's, government expenses, over staffed government departments, 'junior' ministers, 'consultation' fee's, over budget projects, wasted government ment funds (e-voting for one) and I could go on.

so could I go on. And that list above is an indictment of both politics in Ireland and the media in my view. But, if we were to wait until those things above were fully solved first before even discussing addressing other areas in need of improvement then nothing in this country would ever change in either of our lifetimes.

big b

Excellent.

In the last few months, when we've looked for someone to blame for the sh*t we're in & who should suffer most because of it, we've had

bankers
politicians
the rich
the unemployed
unions
the fordiners
developers
landlords
2nd home owners
tax exiles
people from Cork

amongst others,
and now it's the turn of the single parent.
The one sure thing is, it's not the fault of any demographic group I happen to fall into.:rolleyes:

Any day now, there'll be a rant blaming workers who spent a big part of their day on boards, when they should be generating wealth for the country.

Poxy workshy employed, they should be given food stamps & a bus pass & the rest of their wages given to the banks for lending to people who actually do a bit every day.

Dublin_Gunner

Morlar wrote: »

The system in other countries of MAKING fathers accountable works reasonably well.

Beat them? Make them take loans for money they don;t have? Send the heavy's around?

The maintenance should be at a level that can pay for the childs needs.

But the benefits are there for the mothers needs moreso, not the childs. The maintenance in the majority of cases EASILY covers the cost of a child. But when thats gone, there's nothing left for the single parent to pay bills, rent etc - thats why the benefits are there. :rolleyes:

Actually I am not. If anyone here is being narrow minded it is you

I didn;t know I could be narrow minded by being open minded...

Actually it is you who needs to take that lesson onboard.

What lesson is that then?? That the government squanders billions, but you hate people who may have no other choice but benefits, less they end up on the street with their child / children?

You have a very Stalinistic approach to welfare.

Morlar

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Beat them? Make them take loans for money they don;t have? Send the heavy's around?

Um, was this a serious post ? If so the answer is .......................... No.

abouttobebanned

The vast majority of single mothers in this country deserve a lot of sympathy and a lot more help from the government than they are currently getting.

One night stands happen all the time, to men there are very few repercussions. Not always the case for a woman and sometimes a baby is the result. Raising a baby alone is no easy feat, in fact I can only presume that it can be soul destroying at times, your own live as you knew it is gone and you know have to raise a child that does not yet know what appreciation means.

A lot of these single mothers sacrifice so much in order to raise their child, and in many cases if the father is getting involved, it will be on his terms and it probably won't be very helpful.

It sickens me that anybody would have a negative thing to say about single mothers, in my opinion they are heroes, every one of them.

stovelid

The problem with the single mother bugbear is that everyone automatically thinks of some fictional harridan (that they can't provide statistics for, but they always "know") that methodically has dozens of children to land the incredible jackpot of a council house and the remarkable munificence of welfare.

They never say anything about women who have been left with children by some feckless bastard and who are stymied by the cost of childcare or support, either for children or further education.

The comments by that banker made me physically ill. I really hope that he was misquoted; the hypocrisiy of his statments beggar belief.

bullvine

You can't tar them all!

I think theres 2 types of Single mothers!

1. My best mates ex girlfriend has a 2 year old(My God Daughter), shes now a single mother and he contributes feck all to the childs upbringing. She works full time, long days and the kid is in a creche. She has to pay for the creche herself which is around 30% of her monthly wage. She has had to move back home with her folks because of this. But fairplay to her, she could sponge of the state and get handouts but she doesnt.

2. A friend of my sister has 4 kids for 3 different fellas, she pays about 20 euro rent a week. She was given a council house and moving in money of 3k, to buy furniture which she spent and when she asked for more, was given it. Her current bloke is not down as living there even though he does, so hes off earning his wages still down as living in his parents even though hes not.

Dudess

stovelid wrote: »

The problem with the single mother bugbear is that everyone automatically thinks of some fictional harridan (that they can't provide statistics for, but they always "know") that methodically has dozens of children to land the incredible jackpot of a council house

And it'll be a three or four-bedroomed luxury detached one dontcha know...

I worked in housing - the only houses or flats people got as a matter of urgency were ones in a shameful condition (and private landlords would be rightly pilloried for letting dwellings get to that state).

oldyouth

I don't particularily enjoy having my taxes given to single mothers, I suppose there are circumstances that warrant it. However, I despise having to pay it in place of the father of the child. Why can we not force these lads to pay their share? Just because the relationship between the parents might not be a good idea, it should not absolve the father from his financial committments.

And BTW, I stop the payments in full for any single mother who has more than 2 children. That's far beyond being a responsible adult and I ain't picking up the tab

caseyann

trinity troll wrote: »

I'm sick to death hearing about the minority of single mothers who made a genuine mistake and are sorry, what about the vast majority who got pregnant because they sleep around and don't really care if their future children don't get to live with their father.
With the amount of emphasis on safe sex and contraception it's hard to sympathise with the masses of single women getting pregnant.

And don't even get me started on the vile demons who choose single motherhood as a lifestlye choice.

David attenborough once said "where an infant can be raised without the help of the father, polygamy will evolve".
Taxpayers money is going towards helping women raise children without fathers. This is destroying the role of men as fathers. I like to think monogamy was crucial in fostering the cooperation unique to humans that has allowed us to achieve so much. If we continue the way we are going society will collapse. You can see this happening in the poorer areas of america where the fatherless youths join gangs to feel included.

Why should any woman or girl be sorry for having their baby Have you got inside information on how many got pregnant on purpose.So you want all single parents kids to be deemed as a mistake?

You have scum in all walks of life does not make it majority in single parents.From what i know Majority of these women would like to be out working and earning a good wage so they don't have to live on 210 a week i think it is for one child a week to pay food and clothes and bills.
But to blame the woman cause she find herself without any other options is ridiculous.


And this is not America!And that's why luckily we have got these things in place because although it does not make living easy for the women with children,who found themselves alone for what ever apparent reason that maybe abuse abandonment.Makes it least likely for their children to enter such situations as they are been sent to school and been fed and reared with good mothers who do not let them roam the streets.
The ones who look to be in that situation are in minority.

deisedude

As is normally the case those who shout loudest get heard. So the single mothers who are walking baby factories and sponge off the state are stereotyped as being the norm for all single mothers. This of course is far from the truth. You don't hear in the media about the single mothers who just get on with it and play the cards life dealt them because that doesn't make for interesting viewing/reading does it?

indie09

If this thread was about single fathers I think it would be overwhelmingly positive in people's opinions.
I admire many single mothers not all.
My sister is raising her child alone and I really admire her for being a wonderful mother.I hate when I hear rants about single mothers and the thought that she would hear it.
I think single mothers are attacked by people who judge them harshly.Of course there are some who do abuse the system,like all systems some not all will take advantage of them.

chachabinx

The number one problem in this country is contraception...

Can you imagine being 15/16 & having sex, the condom splitting & needing the morning after pill. Your in school. You have no money except the 20 euro a week pocket money you get. Where on earth would you get 60 euro for the MAP? Your friends don't have the money!

If you ask mam how will you explain what you need it for. Your not gonna tell her your having sex at that age. I started having sex at 15 but I still don't regret it to this day. I was in a loving relationship & I protected myself. And also I seen the way most girls loose it. Drunk in a field with some bloke they thought was a "ride" for a few months & too scarlet to say. Dumped the next day.

All contraception should be free. Its hard to fork out 60 euro here & there when your young.

No 2. On rent allowence you can earn 90 euro a week & then the government swoop in & take 3 out of every 4 euro you make?

So if you have a part time job & get 200 euro a week you basically come out with 117.50 so why would you bother working more then twice the hours for **** all extra?
And if your full time you have to fork out between 100-200 euro a week for a creche so your left with 300-400 euro and then the govenment cut your rent & benefits...
Wages: 450
Get the first 90 euro & they get 3/4 of the rest for your rent so they take 270 out of your rent allowence
Your left with 180
Creche is 100-200 euro
Your left with either -20 -> 80 euro

If you have a car thats gettin you to work everyday
30 a week on petrol
say 20 a week on insurance
Tax is another say 10
Not to mention the price of fixing up your car is somethin goes wrong.

Or even public transport is 20 a week.

Feeding yourself and your child

Clothing yourself and your child.


Your better off claiming benefits!

You get 220 a week lone parent about 800 a month in rent allowence, you can care for your child yourself

220
(50) extra money for rent allowance
That leaves you with 170 spending for yourself & child

And then the 200 childrens allowence

HAPPY DAYS!

** this is what I've been told correct me if I am wrong**

trustno1

oldyouth wrote: »

I don't particularily enjoy having my taxes given to single mothers, I suppose there are circumstances that warrant it. However, I despise having to pay it in place of the father of the child. Why can we not force these lads to pay their share? Just because the relationship between the parents might not be a good idea, it should not absolve the father from his financial committments.

And BTW, I stop the payments in full for any single mother who has more than 2 children. That's far beyond being a responsible adult and I ain't picking up the tab

There should be a better system for getting fathers to cough up.. my ex (just for the record - not a one night stand!.. 5 year relationship..) owes me the grand sum of over €12,000 in back maintenance, I haven't received a penny from him and don't think I ever will!.. there was even a warrant out for his arrest and nothing came of it (he was living in Ireland and then moved back to England - hence the delay, apparently the English and Irish courts don't really like speaking to each other!!)..

I just feel sorry for the fathers who are fully committed to their children but for whatever reasons the mothers don't let them see them, I would understand if the relationship had been abusive - but a lot of dads are just told 'no'... it must be heartbreaking.

chachabinx

oldyouth wrote: »

I don't particularily enjoy having my taxes given to single mothers, I suppose there are circumstances that warrant it. However, I despise having to pay it in place of the father of the child. Why can we not force these lads to pay their share? Just because the relationship between the parents might not be a good idea, it should not absolve the father from his financial committments.

And BTW, I stop the payments in full for any single mother who has more than 2 children. That's far beyond being a responsible adult and I ain't picking up the tab

I would say about 1/4 lads don't pay their way... about 3/4 pay their way but the mother claims she doesn't know or see him to get more money... nearly every one of them do it! I've seen it with my own eyes.

AND another thing is most of these cases go to court for custody & maintenance & the payments aren't cross referenced with the social welfare WELCOME TO IRELAND... LAND OF THE SCROUNGERS!

Its one thing being genuinely a single mother & living off the state in a struggle but another gettin greedy.. claimin you don't know the father when he's living with you & sleepin in bed with you every night in your rented apartment paid for by the state & the fella's coming out with about 600 quid a week from working too...

Our parents all had to start young get married & get a house... just because your not married doesn't make you a single mother!

Anto123

bullvine:
1. My best mates ex girlfriend has a 2 year old(My God Daughter), shes now a single mother and he contributes feck all to the childs upbringing. She works full time, long days and the kid is in a creche. She has to pay for the creche herself which is around 30% of her monthly wage. She has had to move back home with her folks because of this. But fairplay to her, she could sponge of the state and get handouts but she doesnt.

Is your best mate the father? If so, how can you be good friends with someone that would treat their family like that?

dyl10

Where's the option for "No, raising kids is a full time job"?

Dravokivich

I'd tap it :cool:

- Drav!

Dudess

caseyann wrote: »

Yes Nodin he was implying basically that all single parents are a burden on Ireland and majority of callers agreed with him.
They painted all single parents with same brush as to been wasters in society.

That banker and those callers sound like *****.

Yet we have non nationals who are getting exactly same as them and not a single one of them nor their families ever paid a tax here in their lives.

I don't think those callers would have anything favourable to say about the above either.

trinity troll wrote: »

I'm sick to death hearing about the minority of single mothers who made a genuine mistake and are sorry, what about the vast majority who got pregnant because they sleep around and don't really care if their future children don't get to live with their father.

How do you know the vast majority got pregnant because they sleep around and don't really care if their future children don't get to live with their father?

wes

Much rather Single Mums get my taxes, as opposed to bloody bankers.

Personally, I think Single Mums need all the help they can get and to call them slappers is bloody nonsense. There are plenty of reasons why a Woman could be a single Mother, the father of her children could be dead, or just a worthless dead beat. Hell, even if the Mother was a "slapper" as some people say, why should there children suffer for something, that is not there fault?

There are a lot of things that we waste our Taxes on, in this country and Single Mothers isn't one of them imho.

PirateShampoo

Yes lets blame single mothers for claiming what there intitled to.

Whos fault is it that they can claim this and that? They dont make the laws, the Goverment does.

And exploiting the system isnt just for the poor, people exploit it on every level, even more so the higher up the ladder you go.

Finally i was raised by a single mother in a family of 5, and if you think fun living in a council house in some **** hole of a estate, wondering if the electric meter will last the night then a poorly deluded sap.

MizzLolly

caseyann wrote: »

Yet we have non nationals who are getting exactly same as them and not a single one of them nor their families ever paid a tax here in their lives.

What has that got to do with the public's view on single mothers? I find that quite laughable and I just can't take you seriously now.

Avoiding Work wrote: »

Free contraception might be a starting point!

You're onto something here. Of course that won't stop people genuinely making mistakes and getting carried away but you've definitely made an interesting point. When I started taking the pill five years ago it cost €9.00. then it went up to €11.00 mark. Then a couple of months back I was charged €12.50 for the same one. And just last week I was charged €14.00 for the very same pill. (in a college pharmacy) I know that €14.00 is nothing in comparison to the cost of raising a child and I've no problem paying for it myself but I can see how it may cause some problems to a 16/17 year old who is still in school and is unable to talk to her parents about these issues.

chachabinx wrote: »

The number one problem in this country is contraception...

Can you imagine being 15/16 & having sex, the condom splitting & needing the morning after pill. Your in school. You have no money except the 20 euro a week pocket money you get. Where on earth would you get 60 euro for the MAP? Your friends don't have the money!

Yup you're bang on too. Ridiculously over priced but also not talked about enough. The amount of young ladies I've spoken to about this who seem to think the morning after pill is totally safe and can be taken as many times you need. So apart from being over priced it is also clouded by a lot of false information. Also, in more rural areas it can be much more difficult to get without visiting a family GP which again, for a 16/17 year old girl in school, is not ideal.

Oh The Humanity

Some of them are bad and crafty, tax gobbling, pram faced, b1tches.

Others are hardworking and never take a penny from anyone while doing the hardest job in the world, alone.

Ye just can't generalise.

craiginireland

Should we all listen to sweeping generalisations by bankers off all people?

I mean it's not like they are all coke headed 104 listening **** who brought this country to it's knees and then got a multi billion euro bailout bonus funded by the tax and VAT of all the rest of the country........

Whilst there are obviously some single mums milking the system the majority aren't. Same as people on the dole, people on sickness, people fiddleing taxes at work, people pilfering the petty cash.....

This is just another unprovoked attack on a so called "minority" by a jumped up asshole. I wonder if he boss was a single mother would he say that to her face.

994

Morlar wrote: »

Who cares what the fathers want ? They should be paying for their kids full stop and not relying on everyone else to pick up the tab.

But, you see, women don't have this obligation.

Woman doesn't want to be a mother - abortion/adoption
Man doesn't want to be a father - tough. Pay up or go to jail.

I've only read till page 4 but I just want to make a quick point:

There seems to be a lot of "ah well sure accidents happen" etc talk going on. Do you all really believe that because someone got pissed and didn't use contreception that they would have the cop on to raise a kid properly? Or in the cases where girls in relationships fell pregnant only to realize that the man didn't want a kid.. Would a discussion on what they would do in such a situation not be what a mature or responsible person would have?

I do understand that it is avoidable sometimes and have the utmost respect for women who go it alone after being abandoned, but really is there any excuse in This day and age for accidental pregnancies? In the era of millions spent on safe sex advertising and the morning after pill? I also think that women should really choose their partners better and should definitely discuss the 'what if' scenario with them.


There is such a thing as personal responsibility despite what a large proportion of people seem to believe...

Electric Sheep

I find it interesting that nobody has a problem with the fathers in question paying no child support. They are 1/2 of the burden, right? So why are they not mentioned at all?

994

994 wrote: »

But, you see, women don't have this obligation.

Woman doesn't want to be a mother - abortion/adoption
Man doesn't want to be a father - tough. Pay up or go to jail.

I'm not being trying to be pedantic here but abortion is illegal in this country so that is not an option for most people. If it was, maybe we wouldn't have as many single mothers.

And I also really don't want to go near the abortion debate, just pointing out a fact.

Dudess

On this thread? They are mentioned.

The flipside of that though is those awfully sad cases where the mother won't allow the father see his child - this can sometimes be met with non payment of maintenance, as a form of protest. However, as one fathers' rights activist I was talking to said, this is only punishing the child ultimately, which is a fair point. It shouldn't be a jailing offence though. Christ, the man's already punished enough.

It's a really despicable thing - not letting a father see his child (and the system is so biased in favour of mothers it's frightening).

Electric Sheep

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I find it interesting that nobody has a problem with the fathers in question paying no child support. They are 1/2 of the burden, right? So why are they not mentioned at all?

We have mentioned it. We've also mentioned single mothers are single regardless of maintenance payments.

Morlar

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I find it interesting that nobody has a problem with the fathers in question paying no child support. They are 1/2 of the burden, right? So why are they not mentioned at all?

They were mentioned throughout the thread. We need a system that tracks them down and holds them accountable. Of course there will be exceptions where they are disabled/dead/out of the jurisdiction etc but that does not apply to the majority. If they are on the dole themself then their money should be cut and the difference applied to the mother directly. One way or another they shoud be forced to contribute, maybe then this will become less of a problem over time. Part of this problem is going to be mothers deliberately refusing to put the fathers name on the birth cert for this very reason.

carolmon

994 wrote: »

Woman doesn't want to be a mother - abortion/adoption

Yeah? Really?

if a state bans abortion surely it has a moral responsibility to the children that are here because of that ban, no good just saying you have to have the child and not offering support

Snowie

CreepingDeath wrote: »

They are a burden on the taxpayer.
Lazy slappers who were used to their parents looking after them and move straight away to the State looking after them.
Expecting free houses and cash handouts, then squeezing out a few more kids to move up the council housing list.

yeah so every woman does that ?


serously ott much ?


Id say so. I know quite a few single mothers wait wait, they all have full time jobs all well payed jobs bright intelgent etc....
Its slightly unfare to cast the branding iron like that

didnt hitler do something similer ?

look where what he got?

maybe stfu in future

I know off one girl who does that and to be honest shes a fuvking moron :rolleyes:

ChocolateSauce

Too general a question. My mother is and always was a single mother, but she paid income tax in the upper bracket and has a masters degree.

Regarding the single mothers who live on state benefits, yes, they are a waste of money and space. It's practically criminal in the worst of cases that they have children at all.

Avenuegirl

All* single mothers who look after their children, (even if it's not as well as you might like) are better than the fathers who obviously left their children. Abandoned in some cases.


*Except for any abusive mothers. Although abuse is just as likely to happen in families with two parents.

Snowie

Avenuegirl wrote: »

All* single mothers who look after their children, (even if it's not as well as you might like) are better than the fathers who obviously left their children. Abandoned in some cases.


*Except for any abusive mothers. Although abuse is just as likely to happen in families with two parents.

dopnt women leave men to with out even mentioning abuse's ?

trinity troll

caseyann wrote: »

Why should any woman or girl be sorry for having their baby Have you got inside information on how many got pregnant on purpose.So you want all single parents kids to be deemed as a mistake?

Either having the child was a mistake or they did it on purpose. Either way it's irresponsible imo (i know there are cases where a completley nice guy suddenly turns into a prick and runs off, but this is quite rare. Most guys who run off were dicks to begin with).

I don't think there's anything wrong with discussing the "what if" scenario before entering into sexual relations. Unless both people agree that they will raise the child together should a pregnancy occur then i don't think those people should be having sex.

Dudess wrote: »

How do you know the vast majority got pregnant because they sleep around and don't really care if their future children don't get to live with their father?

If they really cared they would ****ing make sure their kids had their father around.
They wouldn't break up because they no longer feel in love with their partner (this is natural, if you stayed madly in love with your partner you would not be giving 100% to your kids). And they sure as **** would not have sex with a guy unless they had built up a certain level of trust and knew he would stick around.

If there was a relatively low number of single mothers i would genuinely feel sympathy for them. But it's so common nowadays it's hard to think anything other than "cop the **** on".
To be completely honest, as a guy who hopes to someday be a father and raise his own children, i see what's going on as too much of a threat to feel any sympathy for the women involved, even if some of them do deserve it.

Dudess wrote: »

On this thread? They are mentioned.

The flipside of that though is those awfully sad cases where the mother won't allow the father see his child - this can sometimes be met with non payment of maintenance, as a form of protest. However, as one fathers' rights activist I was talking to said, this is only punishing the child ultimately, which is a fair point. It shouldn't be a jailing offence though. Christ, the man's already punished enough.

It's a really despicable thing - not letting a father see his child (and the system is so biased in favour of mothers it's frightening).

Tbh, i think such cases are quite rare. A lot more common is when the woman sticks with the man for a while and then once raising the child becomes more manageable decides to end the relationship, taking primary custody for herself, but letting the man have something, honestly believing that what they are doing is fair for the others involved. They are the real bitches imo.

hacked

jesus trinity troll. how old are we and have we just started ****ing trinity?

What the ****? Cause if every couple talks about what if i get pregnant and what will we do both parties are totally going to be completely honest about the hypothetical.

Guys are horny, lying bastards. I was supposed to marry mine. Really great guy, i got pregnant....abusive bastard. This isn't how I planned my life...not how I wanted it to turn out. And I'm going to be looked down on you because of what exactly?

god i cant be in this ****ing thread in any more. Too many ****ing morons up their own arses.

MizzLolly

hacked wrote: »

jesus trinity troll. how old are we and have we just started ****ing trinity?

What the ****? Cause if every couple talks about what if i get pregnant and what will we do both parties are totally going to be completely honest about the hypothetical.

Guys are horny, lying bastards. I was supposed to marry mine. Really great guy, i got pregnant....abusive bastard. This isn't how I planned my life...not how I wanted it to turn out. And I'm going to be looked down on you because of what exactly?

god i cant be in this ****ing thread in any more. Too many ****ing morons up their own arses.

Pay no notice to it Hacked. Maybe step outta the thread for a lil while for your own sake. It's what I do whenever I find myself nodding my head in disbelief at some of the idiocy that surfaces occasionally.

It sounds like you're doing a great job as a single mother and you have goals and ambitions. Well done I say. Of course I dislike the 'single mother' sub culture we have where girls drop outta school and move straight into state funded housing and have no goals in life other than drinks, smokes and child benefit. Any fool can see that this does not apply to all single mothers. Pay it no attention.

I actually have a lot of admiration for women/men who raise their kids alone. It must be the toughest job in the world.

hacked

hacked wrote: »

jesus trinity troll. how old are we and have we just started ****ing trinity?

What the ****? Cause if every couple talks about what if i get pregnant and what will we do both parties are totally going to be completely honest about the hypothetical.

Guys are horny, lying bastards. I was supposed to marry mine. Really great guy, i got pregnant....abusive bastard. This isn't how I planned my life...not how I wanted it to turn out. And I'm going to be looked down on you because of what exactly?

god i cant be in this ****ing thread in any more. Too many ****ing morons up their own arses.

You can take comfort in the fact that the only people who can honestly look down on you, are those angels who have never put a foot wrong, never made a mistake, never made a bad decision, and never had anyone screw them over.

Hands up everyone!

hacked

ok... I apologise for getting so angry.

Yes, there are people out there who pop out as many kids as they feel like and take from the system.

You can't judge who they are. You don't know these people.

I have not yet had my child, but I will be claiming benefits for a while. I don't have a choice. I've been looking for work since before I got pregnant and couldn't find a thing, no one is going to hire me now, and the baby is going to need me for a while. But, as I said in a previous post, I'm taking what I'm entitled to and then I'm giving back. I'm going to finish my social work degree and my child and I will be better off.

I agree we need free contraception in this country, and I resent the fact that people are making such harsh comments about unprotected sex.
I was on the pill, triying a new one out and it was seriously screwing with me. I was waiting to see the doctor to try out the coil, and while I was waiting for my appointment the condom split....oops!

There are plenty of ways protected sex can go wrong.

Like I said, my wedding was supposed to be in a few months. He was lovely, he wanted kids. He turned abusive. So after a while of putting up with some horrendous things I had to walk away to protect my child. Now he's only got worse since we split. He's vindictive and cruel, immature and irresponsible. It has got so bad that I have had to cut contact and will not be allowing him near my child.

Do you know how many similar stories there are out there? I was in my GPs office the other day because I've been having panic attacks over this, both he and citizens advice hear the same story almost every day.

And how dare you speak against single mothers if all you have is an image of a council flat waster in trackies in your head? Baby in one hand, can in the other?

Someone mentioned soul destroying a few pages back. That's exactly what it is. Because my life has changed because of an accidental pregnancy. And I love this accidental unborn baby so much it hurts. And I only recently had to call off my wedding because I was getting abused and make the call to cut the father out, and that is breaking my heart. Because every day I have to live with the hurt that he doesnt care about this precious life, and I have to live with the pain and fear of the hurt all of this is going to cause my child as it grows up.

So I will take those benefits that I am entitled to so that I can enable myself to go back to college. So that I can get my degree and go out and have a decent career. So that I won't be sitting still working in tescos in 20 years time still claiming half of those benefits so that I can pay my bills and buy my kid shoes that fit.

And I will not apologise to anyone, ANYONE for any of that.

Dudess

Best of luck, hacked - sorry you're having such a tough time of it.

trinity troll wrote: »

If they really cared they would ****ing make sure their kids had their father around.

What, like hire a private detective to follow him if he does a runner, and then alert the relevant authorities to drag him back?

They wouldn't break up because they no longer feel in love with their partner (this is natural, if you stayed madly in love with your partner you would not be giving 100% to your kids).

There's a big difference between losing that initial loved-up spark and a relationship going completely sour. A couple who cannot be in the same room as each other would be better off going their separate ways, moreso for the child(ren)'s sake than theirs.

And they sure as **** would not have sex with a guy unless they had built up a certain level of trust and knew he would stick around.

LOL
The clue's in your username I suppose...

trinity troll

hacked wrote: »

And I'm going to be looked down on you because of what exactly?

Well making this statement for one;

Guys are horny, lying bastards.

and this maybe aswell;

Too many ****ing morons up their own arses.

assuming that insult was directed at me.

Perhaps you should read my post again;

trinity troll wrote: »

(i know there are cases where a completley nice guy suddenly turns into a prick and runs off, but this is quite rare. Most guys who run off were dicks to begin with).

MizzLolly

Really you don't need to explain yourself to anybody here. Ignore the ignorant comments. You've got a brand new little baby coming into your life and it's gona be great!!

Don't take any of the stupid posts on this site personally, the majority of them would never have the guts to say it to anybody's face. It's easy to get all judgmental when you can hide behind your computer screen. Don't let it get you down at all!

Good luck with the baby

MizzLolly

trinity troll wrote: »

I don't think any relationship can honestly go that sour. Immature selfish ***** is what they are if they do not resolve their differences like adults for the sake of their children.

If a man becomes abusive should the pregnant women stick around for the 'sake of their children'?

hacked

trinity troll wrote: »

Well making this statement for one;

and this maybe aswell;

assuming that insult was directed at me.

Perhaps you should read my post again;

i see trinity are really dropping their standards these days

and wait till you are pregnant someday.

i aint going to apologise for being a hormonal.

besides, most of my points were valid. For the most part that post of yours really was full of ****

have a good one

Dudess

MizzLolly wrote: »

If a man becomes abusive should the pregnant women stick around for the 'sake of their children'?

Wait, I can field this one on TT's behalf: she should have known he was abusive in the first place, therefore she shouldn't have got together with him, so it's actually her fault - selfish bitch! :mad: