Santa truth

TheCardHolder

I think i cryed when I found out

brummytom

Found out when I was 8. Whinging about my Christmas present, mom freaks out and screams
"It cost a fuckin fortune!"
"How would you know? Santa made it!"
"No he didn't, he doesn't exist"
I cried

They had to take me for a meal at Asda which was a treat at the time. :pac:

Christmas has never been the same since

Cupcake_Crisis

I found out when i was about 7 or 8 when i pretended to be asleep and saw my dad bringing all my presents down from the attic That was a sad year. Kept it going for a fw years though. Fools!

Prof.Badass

Jayce Easy Witchcraft wrote: »

Beat you up?

Even worse, they all got playstations because their parents obviously didn't see £200 (or whatever it was) as far too much for a child's christmas present, whereas mine did .

vinylmesh

vinylmesh wrote: »

Even worse, they all got playstations because their parents obviously didn't see £200 (or whatever it was) as far too much for a child's christmas present, whereas mine did .

I thought you were older than playstations? I had you down as a Spectrum or Commodore 64 kid.

God I'm old.

Vain

7 or 8, drunk parents bring presents down from up stairs = loads of noise = me finding out:rolleyes:

Lollipops23

i was about 9/10, around the same age all my mates found out. i didn't need to be told or anything, i just gradually copped on.

was faaar more distraught when i found out about the tooth fairy.....*bursts into tears*

Corkfeen

vinylmesh wrote: »

I started doubting from about 5 or 6. Every year i would ask for a playstation and never got one, no matter how good i was.

The bold boys at school however.........:mad:.

I was a mature five year old. Asked for duty free cigarettes, drink and women, then I lost all faith.:D

dylano_k

runawaytrain wrote: »

How did you find out and how old were you when you learned that Santa Claus doesn't exist?



ADDED MOD WARNING:
PARENTS! Why would you let your unsupervised ten year old post on After Hours!
Now they know the truth!

AH is for over 10's?? I always thought over we were over 18s. Is that why we still cant say **** **** **** and ****??

Didn't really care when i found out...we only had imagination christmas in my house, i got a hula hoop great fun

genericguy

Deleted User wrote: »

I thought you were older than playstations? I had you down as a Spectrum or Commodore 64 kid.

God I'm old.

what are those??

SwordsRed

When I was 9 I remember a mate told me his dad had told him santa wasnt really. Thats when i started to doubt he was real. I think last christmas was the last year my youngest sister will believe in santa so thats sad.:(

Captain Havoc

Not sure what age I was but I milked it for a year or two more.

Joey the lips

Cant remember the age but remember the day. It was devestating! Yes i did wonder what else I was being lied to about. Like where did my bitch of a sister really come from!

Still devestated! Its amazing how kids will believe that a man will fly down out of the sky and leave loads of presents and yet still dont believe you when you tell them that friggin paint is wet! :rolleyes:

THE PHYSICS OF SANTA AND HIS REINDEER...

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with,thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 78miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times he speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds),the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.We need 214,200 reindeer.This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh -to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same
Fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

Elliemental

I`ve always known it was a fairy story. When my folks tried to tell me a big fat guy in a red suit was going to turn up in my bedroom and leave lots of presents, I was so terrified they had to tell me the truth. God, how pathetic was I?

Joey the lips

^^^^ Ahhh but you have not allowed for the magic dust which slows down time and keeps santa looking young^^^^;)

tallagh O1

Deleted User wrote: »

THE PHYSICS OF SANTA AND HIS REINDEER...

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.There are two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with,thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 78miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times he speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (two pounds),the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see above) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.We need 214,200 reindeer.This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh -to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same
Fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

I know this a little of topic but the above passage reminded me of it

Cold Day in Hell

"Actual question given for a mid-term chemistry exam at the University of Washington:"

Is Hell exothermic (radiates heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic.

"That student got the only A in his term..."

Porkpie

When I was 10 I was in my local shopping centre. Santa was there and there was a big queue of kids waiting. When it got to my turn he said 'hey kid, sit on my lap and let's talk about the next thing that comes up'. I found out the hard way.

Azureus

Cant remember, gonna say about 7 or so, milked it for 2 years after that cuz I was the youngest and felt bad for my parents cause they loved all the santa magic!
Also, ruined it accidentally for a few kids when I went to a shopping centre Santa who happened to be my grandad. Shouting 'Hiya grandad!' led to a few q's from the other kids

crossmolinalad

thats when i fined out that he didnt exist anymore

tech77

Joey the lips wrote: »

Cant remember the age but remember the day. It was devestating! Yes i did wonder what else I was being lied to about. Like where did my bitch of a sister really come from!

Yeah it's weird. I knew beforehand but still cried a small bit when i was told. WTF was that about.
Probably more for being lied to than finding out he didn't exist tbh.




28 years old i was

(^old Stewart Lee gag)