In a relationship? Male? Watch out!!

Will

Didn't know whether to throw this in here or The Ladies Lounge.

Anywho, found this in new scientist;
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn17619-its-true-all-the-taken-men-are-best.html

Women: do you have a man? If you do, better beware. Chances are that some lone female has her eye on him.

A new study provides evidence for what many have long suspected: that single women are much keener on pursuing a man who's already taken than a singleton.

"The single women really, really liked the guy when he was taken," says Melissa Burkley of Oklahoma State University in Stillwater, who conducted the "mate-poaching" study with her colleague Jessica Parker.

They asked 184 heterosexual students at the university to participate in a study on sexual attraction and told the volunteers that a computer program would match them with an ideal partner. Half the participants were single and half attached, with equal numbers of men and women in each group.

Meet Mr Right

Unknown to the participants, everyone was offered a fictitious candidate partner who had been tailored to match their interests exactly. The photograph of "Mr Right" was the same for all women participants, as was that of the ideal women presented to the men. Half the participants were told their ideal mate was single, and the other half that he or she was already in a romantic relationship.

"Everything was the same across all participants, except whether their ideal mate was already attached or not," says Burkley.

The most striking result was in the responses of single women. Offered a single man, 59 per cent were interested in pursuing a relationship. But when he was attached, 90 per cent said they were up for the chase.

Men were keenest on pursuing new mates, but weren't bothered whether their target was already attached or not. Attached women showed least interest and were slightly more drawn to single men.

Stamp of approval

Burkley and Parker speculate that single women may be more drawn to attached men because they've already been "pre-screened" by other women and found to be satisfactory as a mate, whereas single men are more of an unknown quantity.

Burkely said that similar mate-poaching strategies have been reported in birds and fish. But previous studies of people had only asked whether participants found other potential partners attractive, so she designed hers to specifically probe whether participants would pursue a relationship.

"The next question is why," says Burkley. So in further studies, she plans to further explore women's motives for pursuing "taken" partners. Apart from the explanation of "pre-screening", another possibility, she says, is that in US society, women are socialised to be competitive, so they derive self-esteem by mate poaching from rival women.

Other researchers say the study provides interesting insights into mate poaching. "It tells us something about the role of social desirability in mate preference," says Fhionna Moore of the University of Abertay Dundee, UK, whose own research has shown that richer women are more choosy about mates.

Journal reference: Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, DOI: 10.1016/j.jesp.2009.04.022

Personally speaking when I'm in a relationship I always get more female attention. Thought it was Murphy's law though and never really put much thought into it.

However now it seems that those of us with significant others are instantly more appealing than if we were single.

Thoughts? All very interesting but a bit un-settling too :-/

hightower1

Wow thats very good, I too always thought it was gods way of messing with our heads but def noticed it. When you walk into a bar you get a lot more looks if your with a girl than alone. I think a lot of it is jealously, they do it with everything. Women always want what they cant have.

starbelgrade

hightower1 wrote: »

Women always want what they cant have.

And when they get what they want, they no longer want it. There's no pleasing them.

Will

Lets not turn it into a women bashing thread

Red Hand

184 is a pretty small sample size, tbh. Plus, you got a specific demographic, ie 17-25 year olds involved in the survey which may be a big factor...like, are people more or less likely at that age to poach someone from a relationship with maturity being a factor?

LightningBolt

There's some substance to their findings. In my own experience I've had a lot more interest from women when I've been attached. I think part of it comes down to myself though because there's no way these random women would have known I was attached, perhaps subconsciously I give off a more relaxed vibe to the other sex when involved with someone?

Novella

Maybe it's like a subconscious test! The woman wants to see how badly exactly the man wants her and to what extent he'll go to have her, ie will he end a relationship he is already in for her. Just a thought!

Mackman

LightningBolt wrote: »

There's some substance to their findings. In my own experience I've had a lot more interest from women when I've been attached. I think part of it comes down to myself though because there's no way these random women would have known I was attached, perhaps subconsciously I give off a more relaxed vibe to the other sex when involved with someone?

+1, exact same thing happens me. I think they can tell when a guy's not looking for someone, we are more relaxed and that attracts them.

r3nu4l

Novella wrote: »

Maybe it's like a subconscious test! The woman wants to see how badly exactly the man wants her and to what extent he'll go to have her, ie will he end a relationship he is already in for her. Just a thought!

It could be. Another explanation I've heard is that when a woman knows that another woman already considers this man to be 'relationship material' it removes some of the initial fears over whether the man is a psycho or just a player etc. Of course, if the man then cheats on his current partner, if that theory stands, then the act of cheating really should remove that comfort feeling but we often see that doesn't happen. Whatever the answer, it's complex, that's for sure

giddybootz

LightningBolt wrote: »

perhaps subconsciously I give off a more relaxed vibe to the other sex when involved with someone?

My OH says since getting with me other girls hit on him way more even when they have no idea he is in a realationship and we put it down to him just being more relaxed and not 'on the prowl'.

Khannie

Maybe it's just me, but nobody's really batted and eyelid at me since the wedding ring went on. I had heard that some women found it attractive, but dismissed it as bollox 'til I just read this. Interesting find there Will.

Novella

r3nu4l wrote: »

It could be. Another explanation I've heard is that when a woman knows that another woman already considers this man to be 'relationship material' it removes some of the initial fears over whether the man is a psycho or just a player etc. Of course, if the man then cheats on his current partner, if that theory stands, then the act of cheating really should remove that comfort feeling but we often see that doesn't happen. Whatever the answer, it's complex, that's for sure

Yeah, I agree with you there too. Sometimes things are more appealing when we know that others think that they're appealing too, if that makes sense.
I have never really thought, "He's in a relationship, that means he isn't a player" though! I mean, if he's in a relationship but flirting with me or whatever, I wouldn't think of him as being the sort of guy I'd want to be with. At least not in a long term sense. I know a lot of women think, oh, he'd never cheat on me though, but I'm way too pessimistic to be one of those girls!

It is a very complex thing though.

Khannie wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but nobody's really batted and eyelid at me since the wedding ring went on. I had heard that some women found it attractive, but dismissed it as bollox 'til I just read this. Interesting find there Will.

Hmm, I wouldn't be tempted by a married man, I have to say. Marriage is a big thing and I would never, ever want to put myself in the position of getting in the middle of one or breaking one up. I can't understand why any woman would make her interest in a married man known and clear. It's unfair. He has committed himself to someone else and it should not be seen as any kind of "challenge" to win him over. That's my opinion anyway!

Wibbs

It's fairly evident in the real world that kinda thing. I certainly know far more women who have had a fling with a married man(about 10+), than the other way around(I dont know any). I've always gotten more attention when I've been involved with someone and they've seen them or know about them.

I think the preselection by other women is defo a part of it. In general a guy at a party with three women around him is more attractive to other women than a woman with three men around her is to other men.

Women have more to lose by getting tangled up with a loser. Pregnancy, physical danger etc, so if other women reckon hes a good bet it does take out some of the guesswork. Seems logical enough.

Some do see it as a challenge though. An ego boost, especially the more socially competitive types.

Another selection test Ive noted is women with BF's. If you ignore that when they tell you and just keep chatting away as if they've never told you, that can rev some women up too. Maybe they're checking to see how much self confidence you have and are attracted to that, even if they do nothing or have no intention of cheating.

There are alot more subtle things going on with women comapred to men in the dating game IMHO. A slightly diff way of doing things

Others would never think of going for an attached guy either, lest we forget that too.

katiemaloe

This is all very interesting. I have always been put off by guys that have had little or no previous relationships. Seems like some kind of weakness and makes you wonder why they haven't been with someone before, like are they commitment phobic, selfish, a player, not kind to girls or just unlucky.

I would probably agree with that pre-screened theory. I also think people in relationships are more confident and don't have that "desparate" vibe. Obviously, these generalisations don't apply to everyone...

I have been attracted to a married guy before but I have never or never will be with another girls fella... I'd be gutted if it happened to me. I think confidence is the most attractive quality in someone and maybe taken guys tend to be a little more secure and confident in themselves... and therefore more attractive????

Will

I think it's all down to social status once again, as was said a few times in TLL threads on some topic or another (name escapes me atm).

Basically the jist of the thread was along the lines of men in positions of power regardless of their physical attributes always had a gorgeous woman on their arm.

Same sort of thing here, a guy with a lady has higher social standing than those without a partner. Maybe the woman see's the guy and that he's attached, the girl figures she's better looking than the current girlfriend and decides 'i will have a bit of that thank you very much"

It's an interesting thread and would be eager to hear from more ladies on the matter

starbelgrade

Will wrote: »

It's an interesting thread and would be eager to hear from more ladies on the matter

I wouldn't. Go to the birds forum if you want that.

Will

Animals and Pet Issues has no place in this discussion.

pikachucheeks

Khannie wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but nobody's really batted and eyelid at me since the wedding ring went on. I had heard that some women found it attractive, but dismissed it as bollox 'til I just read this. Interesting find there Will.

I batted a virtual eyelid, if that helps? :pac:

I think a lot of women - and men - do like going for people who are taken. I'd say it has a lot to do with wanting to feel desired. If you can appeal to someone who's committed to someone else, it is going to make you feel like a vixen, on some level!
I think people like the chase as well - trying to seduce and snare someone who's off the market.

ChewChew

Khannie wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but nobody's really batted and eyelid at me since the wedding ring went on. I had heard that some women found it attractive, but dismissed it as bollox 'til I just read this. Interesting find there Will.

Maybe you're at a very comfortable point in your relationship that you don't notice the opposite sex checking you out?

I know a few woman who have no problem going for a married man purely for the thrill and excitement. It's a challenge to see if they can break the man down because we all know, when it comes to sex, most men are weaker and eventually give in to what a woman puts on the plate!

Will

i will have to hand in my man badge for this, but i've been offered sexy times before and turned it down due to being in a relationship chewie

ChewChew

My ninja edit was faaaar to late! lol.

shellyboo

I think there might be an element of added safety in choosing a guy in a relationship to pursue - I know that sounds arseways, but here's how I see it.

You pick a single guy, he either wants you, or he rejects you because he doesn't want you.

You pick a guy with a gf, he either wants you - or rejects you because he has a gf.

There's no knock to the self-esteem, and if you actually get the guy, it's a huge boost to the self-esteem, to think that you bagged a guy who already has someone.

I think this kind of behaviour is more exhibited by women with very low self-esteem - people who can't take being personally rejected. Also, no woman with an ounce of self-respect would settle for a bloke who cheats, or is also sleeping with someone else.

giddybootz

katiemaloe wrote: »

I also think people in relationships are more confident and don't have that "desparate" vibe. I think confidence is the most attractive quality in someone and maybe taken guys tend to be a little more secure and confident in themselves... and therefore more attractive????

I really belive this is what it is. I don't think the majority of women out there are 'men-stealing wh0res'...they are just attracted to a confident man who isn't all nervous chatting to the opposite sex.

ok...go ahead and call me naive now

LightningBolt

God you are so naive, the majority of women are men stealing whores. In the interest of fairness when making generalisations the majority of us men are bastards too.

Khannie

ChewChew wrote: »

Maybe you're at a very comfortable point in your relationship that you don't notice the opposite sex checking you out?

Maybe. Everyone likes to feel attractive whether they're married or not though, so probably not. I like checking out the ladies and I like it when I think I've been checked out. Of course though I'd find specific women attractive, I'd never actually pursue them with the intention of trying to get my rocks off. The thoughts of carrying that burden around with me for the rest of my days (whether you're caught or not) actually scares the sh*t out of me.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I batted a virtual eyelid, if that helps? :pac:

Young one...you bet your ass it does.

Will: Interesting that you know married men that have cheated. I don't know any! (though I know people in relationships that have cheated, just not married men). Only know of one extra-marital affair and it was a lady with a man that wasn't married. I think affairs are probably rarer than people expect. Hell...I genuinely don't have the time for one.

Will

Khannie - where did I say that? Looked over my posts and don't think I've mentioned it. However, yes I do know men and women a like who have cheated on their husband or wife.

I'm just trying to understand why some women find attached men more attractive, and also why some men take women up on their offers.

In a relationship I had a few years back I cheated. :eek: Was home on a holiday in Ireland and out on the lash with a college mate. Got very drunk, made it quite clear to the women we were talking to that I was attached, mentioned my then girlfriend numerous times and they even asked about her and what she did. One thing lead to another and I kissed one of them. Instantly knew it was a mistake, very hungover trip back to France the next morning was unbearable. Wracked with guilt.

Why did I do it? Honestly couldn't tell you, it was there, it was offered, threw my morals to the wind and kissed a girl, drink was involved and am 100% sure I wouldn't have done it otherwise. Not a very proud moment at all.

So yeah, there's one vague yet possible reason. Alcohol. :-/

Khannie

Will wrote: »

Khannie - where did I say that? Looked over my posts and don't think I've mentioned it.

I think I misread this bit....

Wibbs wrote: »

I certainly know far more women who have had a fling with a married man(about 10+), than the other way around(I dont know any).

as being you. Sorry man. Those b's caught me out. I blame the concussion.

Will

Ah the aul "l" and "b" switch, i know it well

A Primal Nut

Wibbs wrote: »

Another selection test Ive noted is women with BF's. If you ignore that when they tell you and just keep chatting away as if they've never told you, that can rev some women up too. Maybe they're checking to see how much self confidence you have and are attracted to that, even if they do nothing or have no intention of cheating.

So this is a bad idea then:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66aySW4le8

On topic, I know the best way of making a women attracted to you is to talk about other women. When women make a list of dating rules; they always say "don't talk about your exes." Lies! Maybe they hate it, but it still makes them more attracted to you if you've had a few relationships or have other women interested in you.

Besides every girl I've been with talks about their exes, and after a while start asking questions like how many women you've slept with, when you lost your virginity, etc. My guess is they are trying to find out how desirable you are to other women; which is why men lie and say double the number of women they've actually slept with (think that was from American Pie!)

pow wow

..scribbles Will off dating list. :rolleyes:

I think it's to do with the guy already having another woman's seal of approval so to speak, and implies, assuming he doesn't jump in the sack with every chick who offers, that he isn't averse to relationships and 'settling down' (or at least just being with the one person for a while) which a lot of women would find attractive.

Now, where's Khannie

Will

Foiled again by my bare faced honesty >.<

Little Acorn

shellyboo wrote: »

I think there might be an element of added safety in choosing a guy in a relationship to pursue - I know that sounds arseways, but here's how I see it.

You pick a single guy, he either wants you, or he rejects you because he doesn't want you.

You pick a guy with a gf, he either wants you - or rejects you because he has a gf.

There's no knock to the self-esteem, and if you actually get the guy, it's a huge boost to the self-esteem, to think that you bagged a guy who already has someone.

I think this kind of behaviour is more exhibited by women with very low self-esteem - people who can't take being personally rejected. Also, no woman with an ounce of self-respect would settle for a bloke who cheats, or is also sleeping with someone else.

I agree with Shellyboo.

Alot of psychology articles that you come across agree with this theory.

I've heard it described before that some women have such low self esteem that they feel they don't "deserve" a commitment from men.

This was used to describe women who are mistresses who have ongoing affairs for years with men,who will never leave their wives and/or families for them.

It was their own way of subconsciously re-enforcing their own sense of worthlessness or "not being good enough" for a man to commit to.

There are some women though who see married men for years and don't expect/want them to leave their wives.
That to me just sounds like a fear of commitment.

After these 2 types of women are excluded,maybe some women are just bitches,
and maybe some happen to fall in love with someone married and can't help it.

Apart from a drunken one night stand(which I still wouldn't accept),
I can never get my head around people who have ongoing affairs behind their partners back's.
I know there might be issues that I couldn't understand,but I just can't see why someone would just not break up with their partner,if they wan't to be with someone else.
It would hurt them,but would hurt them more in the long run if they discovered they had been cheated on.

I would never want a man who had a girlfriend/wife,because it would always be in the back of my mind,
that if he cheated with me,then he would cheat on me.

pikachucheeks

I was once involved with a guy who had a girlfriend.
Why did I do it?

A) I knew he had a thing for me - he told me. Knowing he liked me made me feel good about myself -especially considering he was taken and shouldn't have been "liking" other girls. I felt special.

I found the idea of being the 'femme fatale' quite sexy. I liked the idea of having the power to seduce him and make him want me, whenever I wanted.

C) I had feelings for him. I liked him and genuinely thought there was a connection. It got to the stage that I thought he'd actually break up with his girlfriend for me. He didn't and I ended up being the one who was burned.

From that experience, I know I'd never do it again. He's still with his girlfriend, who has no idea of what happened. Knowing that he cheated made me respect him less. Knowing I was involved with cheating made me respect myself less.
There is an appeal to being 'the other woman' but I'd never go there again.
It felt like something from a film, except in real life, there is no film-like 'happy ending'.
I thought he liked me - and he did. He liked me enough to hook up with me a few times, but not enough to leave the comfort of his long-term relationship. I was just a pawn.
I compromised my morality for something that really wasn't worth it and even now, I'm disgusted by the whole thing.

If I ever liked someone who was involved again, I'd respect the boundaries and just be friends. The guilt you feel is almost unbearable - worse than that, is the hurt you feel when it ends - and they go back to their OH and act like nothing ever happened.

Little Acorn

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I was once involved with a guy who had a girlfriend.
Why did I do it?

A) I knew he had a thing for me - he told me. Knowing he liked me made me feel good about myself -especially considering he was taken and shouldn't have been "liking" other girls. I felt special.

I found the idea of being the 'femme fatale' quite sexy. I liked the idea of having the power to seduce him and make him want me, whenever I wanted.

C) I had feelings for him. I liked him and genuinely thought there was a connection. It got to the stage that I thought he'd actually break up with his girlfriend for me. He didn't and I ended up being the one who was burned.

From that experience, I know I'd never do it again. He's still with his girlfriend, who has no idea of what happened. Knowing that he cheated made me respect him less. Knowing I was involved with cheating made me respect myself less.
There is an appeal to being 'the other woman' but I'd never go there again.
It felt like something from a film, except in real life, there is no film-like 'happy ending'.
I thought he liked me - and he did. He liked me enough to hook up with me a few times, but not enough to leave the comfort of his long-term relationship. I was just a pawn.
I compromised my morality for something that really wasn't worth it and even now, I'm disgusted by the whole thing.

If I ever liked someone who was involved again, I'd respect the boundaries and just be friends. The guilt you feel is almost unbearable - worse than that, is the hurt you feel when it ends - and they go back to their OH and act like nothing ever happened.

I think it's very brave of you to admit this here.
You learned the hard the way that most men will never leave their wives/girlfriends for their bit on the side,nomatter how attracted they may be to said person.
I just pity the girl who's still with that dick,he's probably still cheating on her. At least you are well rid of him.
Don't keep beating yourself up over it,you made a mistake and he obviously was leading you on.
It doesn't mean you are a horrible person.
I think you come across as a nice person,just someone who made a mistake and won't ever do it again.
:-)

The Corinthian

Interesting thread that covers something that most men either figure out or begin to suspect by thirty. I suspect there are numerous factors attached, other than those already mentioned, men in relationships are 'safer', that it they are not necessarily on the hunt and thus a woman may be less guarded upon first meeting them and develop an emotional connection faster.

r3nu4l wrote: »

It could be. Another explanation I've heard is that when a woman knows that another woman already considers this man to be 'relationship material' it removes some of the initial fears over whether the man is a psycho or just a player etc. Of course, if the man then cheats on his current partner, if that theory stands, then the act of cheating really should remove that comfort feeling but we often see that doesn't happen. Whatever the answer, it's complex, that's for sure

From an evolutionary perspective the paradox you raise could be similar to the one that the mutation accumulation theory seeks to explain; animals are not immortal, we age and die. Needless to say it would be an evolutionary advantage if we were (population issues aside) - so why did we not evolve out of mortality? Theory goes that it's not an issue as we reproduce before it becomes one.

Similarly, a woman may become attracted to a taken man, seduce him and then lose interest as the quality of fidelity that was originally so attractive has been lost, but by then the deed is done.

Wibbs

Another part of it could be with some women that they have the need for sex, but consider a one nighter or FB situation dirty or unfulfilling for them. Or they've had the FB arrangement and the guy become all lovey dovey and she didn't want that.

Along comes the attached guy, better yet married. They get to have the excitement, the romance and the sex(without the boring relationship bits), but know deep down he won't leave the wife. They're getting what they want in the way they want it and they feel more in control. They don't want him to leave the wife/GF. Ive seen "other women" bail right after the guy drops the wife/GF. More than once.

pikachucheeks

Little Acorn wrote: »

I think it's very brave of you to admit this here.
You learned the hard the way that most men will never leave their wives/girlfriends for their bit on the side,nomatter how attracted they may be to said person.
I just pity the girl who's still with that dick,he's probably still cheating on her. At least you are well rid of him.
Don't keep beating yourself up over it,you made a mistake and he obviously was leading you on.
It doesn't mean you are a horrible person.

Thanks
I just wanted to be honest.
I was talking to Will about this topic on msn, after he posted the thread, I said I'd gather my feelings on it and post, so the above is my two cents on why I did it.

At the end of the day, cheating is a horrible thing - it shows a complete lack of respect towards your partner.
It's not sexy, it's not cool and it just makes you out to be a selfish idiot.

I'm sitting next to a good friend right now, he's been going out with another one of my friends for a year. I have so much respect for him, because I know he'd never cheat.
When we're out, he'll have a laugh with other girls, he'll give us compliments, say we look nice - but he'd never overstep the mark and he'd never be stupid enough to risk the great relationship he has.
He truly appreciates what he has and I think that's how it should be.

Novella

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I was once involved with a guy who had a girlfriend.
Why did I do it?

A) I knew he had a thing for me - he told me. Knowing he liked me made me feel good about myself -especially considering he was taken and shouldn't have been "liking" other girls. I felt special.

I found the idea of being the 'femme fatale' quite sexy. I liked the idea of having the power to seduce him and make him want me, whenever I wanted.

C) I had feelings for him. I liked him and genuinely thought there was a connection. It got to the stage that I thought he'd actually break up with his girlfriend for me. He didn't and I ended up being the one who was burned.

From that experience, I know I'd never do it again. He's still with his girlfriend, who has no idea of what happened. Knowing that he cheated made me respect him less. Knowing I was involved with cheating made me respect myself less.
There is an appeal to being 'the other woman' but I'd never go there again.
It felt like something from a film, except in real life, there is no film-like 'happy ending'.
I thought he liked me - and he did. He liked me enough to hook up with me a few times, but not enough to leave the comfort of his long-term relationship. I was just a pawn.
I compromised my morality for something that really wasn't worth it and even now, I'm disgusted by the whole thing.

If I ever liked someone who was involved again, I'd respect the boundaries and just be friends. The guilt you feel is almost unbearable - worse than that, is the hurt you feel when it ends - and they go back to their OH and act like nothing ever happened.

I know it all too well!
Did the "other woman" thing for a good long time with a guy. I was crazy about him and in the beginning, he didn't have a girlfriend. I thought we were going somewhere but then he started dating someone else.
After a few months, he told me he missed me etc and we started to hang out again and of course, one thing lead to another. This went on for months and months.
I saw his girlfriend out one night and she looked so happy and carefree and I felt like such a bitch because I knew that if she knew what he was doing behind her back, it'd really upset her.

If someone wanted you (for more than sex), they wouldn't expect you to be second best to anyone else.

johnathan woss

Wibbs wrote: »

It's fairly evident in the real world that kinda thing. I certainly know far more women who have had a fling with a married man(about 10+), than the other way around(I dont know any). I've always gotten more attention when I've been involved with someone and they've seen them or know about them.

I think the preselection by other women is defo a part of it. In general a guy at a party with three women around him is more attractive to other women than a woman with three men around her is to other men.

Women have more to lose by getting tangled up with a loser. Pregnancy, physical danger etc, so if other women reckon hes a good bet it does take out some of the guesswork. Seems logical enough.

Some do see it as a challenge though. An ego boost, especially the more socially competitive types.

Another selection test Ive noted is women with BF's. If you ignore that when they tell you and just keep chatting away as if they've never told you, that can rev some women up too. Maybe they're checking to see how much self confidence you have and are attracted to that, even if they do nothing or have no intention of cheating.

There are alot more subtle things going on with women comapred to men in the dating game IMHO. A slightly diff way of doing things

Others would never think of going for an attached guy either, lest we forget that too.

Yes; 10% apparently.

minidazzler

Hmmm, this brings back memories of my first relationship that lasted longer than 3 times kissing.

It was the Autumn of 2007 and i had been away with the reserves for my recruit camp. I had kissed and done some stuff, but not had sex with, a number of the girls there. Nature of the organisation really.

I had been flirting for the entire 2 weeks with one particular girl, we'll call her "K". K was cool, we had fun she was the only one from her unit there and she had huge boobies, (I was 18 cmon!!), Well anyway We had fun, on the bus back me and her did some things that I shouldn't mention. I knew then that she had a Boy Friend for a long time. I didn't care because I thought that would be it.

We got back said our Goodbyes I had her number she had mine. We met up in town a few weeks later hung out a bit, and I met her Boy Friend when he was in town and text her. I instantly judged him to be a pillock, I didn't really like him at all, he was not good looking and a bit of an A-hole.

So I made a decision to break up their relationship for kicks, to see if I could. (I was young and I knew she wasn't really happy with him.) A few days later she texts me and tells me that her BF had asked her Dad for her hand in Marriage, her dad agreed and to keep things simple, so did K.

I met up with her then where she comes from and we did more dirty things, but I never had sex with her, We met up a fair bit and eventually she decided to tell her BF she didn't wanna marry him and she had allusions that I would be her new BF. Well I had these very same thoughts as I was interested anyway.

A few weeks later I invited her to my Grads, she said yes.

The Day before she calls me, She is Pregnant, she asks do I still wanna bring her to my grads, I say "Well, if I can't get someone else then definitely" I got someone else.

7 months later she gave birth to a kid.

I haven't seen her since the week before my Grads although I have talked to her online on Occasion.


So The point of this story, it's not only women who chase people who are taken. Although my own reasons were not entirely selfish, yer man was a pillock and she was engaged at 17!!!!

Do I regret breaking it up now that I know there is a Kid involved? Hell No. She is actually much happyer now with a new Beau so I think I did her a gavour.

I do feel bad her kid will grow up without her dad there all the time, but in the end I think the decision to break it up was not a bad one.

I will say in my defence though that I didn't know there was gonna be a kid when I broke it up.

So, not only women will chase taken people, although women it seems more likely to leave there partners than men are. This I garner from other experiences from friends family and other people I know.

musky

I believe that women chase attatched men because its a form of sport for them, just like they dress up to outdo each other.

From experience when you are in a relationship you (excuse the phrase) are not going out looking with a 'loaded gun'. I think you don't come across as needing a woman so the women are curious and want you to want them.

Its quite amusing when some girl is all over you and you are able to say sorry no thanks I have a gf.

Also could you imagine the grief of having to listen to two women whine and moan about irrelevant stuff, one is bad enough.

How many times have you had you bread and thought to yourself ' now that i can think clearly again what the hell am i doing here'

monagamy is not a human trait. - it's invented to control our hedonistic nature and so that when we produce offspring we take care of them.

How many marriages / relationships fizzle out? a hell of a lot.

Now that catholic guilt is well and truly put back in its box we do what our moral compass tells us.

Wibbs

Like minidazzler I've ended up with women who were attached. Most one nighters or short affairs I've had were women who were attached. I only found out later in the majority of cases and stopped at that point(if it was more than a one nighter).

I've gone out with women who left guys to pursue a relationship with me and I've had women leave me to go straight to someone else. I think attractive people tend to be in relationships more than not, so if you restricted yourself to purely single women, the dating pool would be much smaller. And IMHO women can stay in a long term relationship that's long dead rather than be single and will jump ship only when an escape route shows up.