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Mixed bag
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01-10-2009 5:18pm#1From the American Association Of Retired People
Questions and Answers from AARP Forum
Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under fiction .
Q: What can a man do while his
wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy . If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement . When you're done you'll have a place to live .
Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in
the bible . Is that true?
Where can it be found?
A: Yes . Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt . . "
Q: How can you increase the heart
rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant .
Q: How can you avoid that
terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses .
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless . It will usually pull them out .
Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car .
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem .
Q: As people age, do they sleep More soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon .
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads .
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
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Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
....Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
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A new ending for an old fairytale
The big bad wolf said "i'll huff, and puff and blow your house down
The little pigs said "FCUK OFF OR WE WILL SNEEZE ON YOU!!!"
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