Excellent article in the Sunday World Magazine

Klingon Hamlet

MARTINA DEVLIN WRITES : Joe is a hands-on father with a five-year-old daughter named Katie. She is a lively little chatterbox who loves animals, and wants to work in Dublin Zoo she grows up so she can see pink flamingos and giraffes every day.


Joe no longer lives with Katie and her mum – the couple split up when she was only a baby. Their divorce was finalised recently.


But he is divorced from her mum, not Katie, and has always worked hard at playing a significant part in his daughter’s life.


He has her to stay over one night every weekend, and picks her up from school and spends a few hours with her on two other days.


They go on an annual summer holiday together and have weekends away. Anyone who sees them together cannot fail to notice the strength of the bond between them.
Joe and his ex-wife have made a concerted effort to stay on amicable terms for Katie’s sake.


Even when their divorce was going through, they managed to keep the bitterness to a minimum. No doubt there were times when both of them had to bite their tongues.


He found another house near the family home to make it easier to play a regular part in his little girl’s life, and she has her own Barbie-themed room there.


Never once has he missed a maintenance payment, and is generous about buying extras for Katie.


The arrangement seemed to be working – two people trying to consider their daughter’s best interests – until a bolt fell from the blue.


Katie’s mother is Australian and she has decided to return home. She wants her family network near her, and thinks Katie can have a good life there.


Better to make the move when the child is young enough to adjust easily, and not too embedded in the Irish school system.


From her perspective, the plan makes sense. Many women would do likewise in her position.


But it is a sledgehammer blow for Joe, whose life revolves round his daughter: he has no partner, and his relationship with Katie is the most important one in his life.


His ex-wife did not discuss her decision with Joe. She presented it to him as a fait accompli.


To sweeten the pill, and because she is a reasonable woman, she says he can visit whenever he likes and have Katie for holidays.


But visits and holidays cannot compare with living 10 minutes’ drive from your daughter. In an emergency, he can be there in a flash. In daily life, he can be part of her routine.


Of course the world is a comparatively small place nowadays, and phone calls and emails keep people connected. But Australia remains the far side of the moon for the father of a five-year-old girl.


His solicitor advises that he can go to court to object to the move – but at best he can only delay it. He cannot block it. And this course of action risks alienating Katie’s mother, who holds all the aces.


Fathers’ rights are not something you give much thought to – unless you see such a situation at first hand.


And when that happens, it is impossible not to be horrified by how minimal is a father’s entitlement to share a child’s life.


The law here barely differentiates between wastrel fathers, and those who seek to play a meaningful part in the life of their sons or daughters.


If this discrimination was on the basis of colour or religion, there would be an uproar.


But as a society, we accept the falsehood that a father’s role is not equal to a mother’s.

Shame on us.

(I tried to upload a scan of the article but alas, no joy)