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Expecting guests to pay for meal at wedding??

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    #32
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,653 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    the_syco wrote: »
    The wedding is their day out, and not a financial burden that they must dread, and pay off for the next while. Due to the recession, not as many banks will lend money so easily, so it may not be out of choice.

    Yes. Their day out. Why should I have to pay for a party that someone else is throwing??

    Why would you borrow money for a wedding? :confused: Why not have the wedding you can afford at the time (ie. a very small one) or SAVE and have the big one when you can afford it?


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    #33
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,653 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    whatdoicare wrote: »
    Isn't etiquette nowadays to calculate how much you reckon the meal might be and pay for yerself and guest when giving a cash gift? Like mostly a meal is 55 plus whatever drink, so you give about 150-200? Maybe, she's talking like that, not asking for it but assuming kind of thing? Unless of course she's writing it on the invites- well that'd be rude.

    I thought etiquette is to give a gift of whatever your choosing is. I think b&g's like this urban myth to be circulated so that they are guaranteed that their wedding is paid for by other people. How absurd!

    I agreee what you say about this bride. She may mean she is expecting gifts of money to cover the cost of the meal.

    Either way, imo completely WRONG and in very bad spirit. "Hello, I'm throwing a party to celebrate my wedding. I expect you to pay for this party that I am throwing" :confused: Crazy!

    If you cannot afford to pay for your own wedding don't have a big one. You should not be relying on gifts to pay for your wedding. You should look on a gift as it is intended: A Gift. Not payday for your wedding.


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    #34
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,653 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    the_syco wrote: »
    That's fairly niave.

    Naive to pay for your own wedding??? :eek:

    Naive to have a small wedding because yourself and your other half cannot afford to pay for a big wedding??

    Seems the complete opposite to naive to me.

    :confused:


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    #35
    TheBigLebowski
    Registered Users Posts: 1,465 ✭✭✭TheBigLebowski


    amdublin wrote: »
    Either way, imo completely WRONG and in very bad spirit. "Hello, I'm throwing a party to celebrate my wedding. I expect you to pay for this party that I am throwing" :confused: Crazy!

    If you cannot afford to pay for your own wedding don't have a big one. You should not be relying on gifts to pay for your wedding. You should look on a gift as it is intended: A Gift. Not payday for your wedding.

    I have to laugh at all of these people who are saying it's awful that people have to pay for the meal after being invited. Most of the weddings I've been to, I had to pay for my own drink for the day. People expect you go to their big day and spend the whole day and night there without so much as giving them a drink (not nesessarily alcohol).

    I went to weddings in Australia and it is practically unheard of that people would be invited to a wedding and then have to buy their own drink. They would be as appalled about paying for drink as most people here are about paying for meals.

    From my own point of view, I drink bottles of miller and I'd probably drink 15 or so at a wedding. You can 12 buy bottles of miller for 12 euro in Tesco so that's only 15 euro worth of alcohol. Hardly too much to ask.

    So people, what's the difference? You're still asking people to pay for your party. I wouldn't invite you to my house party and not provide food AND drink.


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    #36
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,653 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    TheBigLebowski wrote: »
    I went to weddings in Australia and it is practically unheard of that people would be invited to a wedding and then have to buy their own drink. They would be as appalled about paying for drink as most people here are about paying for meals

    In Australia is the drink paid for but you pay for the meal?

    Some people don't drink. Everyone tends to need to eat. Weddings are quite long. I'd expect a little bit of sustenance to keep me going!

    I think it is the attitude of some people that is annoying me more than anything. This attitude of: It is my big day. I deserve everything I want. Now please pay for what I want.


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    #37
    PoleStar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 774 ✭✭✭PoleStar


    TheBigLebowski wrote: »

    So people, what's the difference? You're still asking people to pay for your party. I wouldn't invite you to my house party and not provide food AND drink.

    In Ireland, people goin to house parties usually DO bring drink with them.


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    #38
    TheBigLebowski
    Registered Users Posts: 1,465 ✭✭✭TheBigLebowski


    amdublin wrote: »
    In Australia is the drink paid for but you pay for the meal?

    You don't pay for anything. You are a guest.
    amdublin wrote: »

    Some people don't drink. Everyone tends to need to eat. Weddings are quite long. I'd expect a little bit of sustenance to keep me going!

    Everyone drinks at a wedding. As I said not necessarily alcohol but everyone needs to drink something, even it's tea and coffee or soft drinks etc. for the day.


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    #39
    TheBigLebowski
    Registered Users Posts: 1,465 ✭✭✭TheBigLebowski


    PoleStar wrote: »
    In Ireland, people goin to house parties usually DO bring drink with them.

    People often do bring drink out of courtesy but I've never been to a proper party, as in a grown up house party, not a teenage drinking session with the lads, where there wasn't plenty of drink available to those who didn't bring any. It's what being a good host is about.


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    #40
    Yoda08
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Yoda08


    TheBigLebowski wrote: »
    People often do bring drink out of courtesy but I've never been to a proper party, as in a grown up house party, not a teenage drinking session with the lads, where there wasn't plenty of drink available to those who didn't bring any. It's what being a good host is about.

    ah come on... again comparing a wedding of 250 people sitting down to a formal meal to a house party is pushing it a bit!!
    I'm not condoning expecting gifts/guests to pay for meal at all.. this is obscene and beyond rude in my opinion, however to condense a traditional Irish wedding (in my view 150 or greater) to a "party" is naive..

    Different countries have different traditions... I know in England I have attended weddings where the drink has been paid for, but then there isn't the attitude there of "woohoo, FREE DRINK!? Let's order everything on the menu, on the double" that is more likely to prevail at an Irish wedding.
    Note, I'm saying "more likely" not "always". Also, English weddings have been a lot smaller, and therefore it has been the bride & grooms choice to have smaller numbers but more free. Besides, Irish couples usually provide wine at the tables, and a toast, so it's not like they expect you to parch with the thirst.:rolleyes:

    Everyone is aware that they are expected to pay for their own drink, so no need to accept an invite if you aren't prepared to do this. Personally I love a wedding shindig... but would be appalled if a bill was handed to me at the end of the meal looking for me to cough up for my (probably mediocre) meal!! :)


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    #41
    tinkerbell
    Registered Users Posts: 6,423 ✭✭✭tinkerbell


    That's actually shocking :eek: I would not go if I was invited to a wedding like that. If they can't afford to pay for the guests meals then don't invite 100 people and get married in a low key ceremony and have a buffet type meal in your own house / parents house.

    That's actually quite insulting to guests - I'd be surprised if anybody actually bothers to show up.


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    #42
    iguana
    Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 12,916 Mod ✭✭✭✭iguana


    TheBigLebowski wrote: »
    Everyone drinks at a wedding. As I said not necessarily alcohol but everyone needs to drink something, even it's tea and coffee or soft drinks etc. for the day.

    A lot of drink is provided at Irish weddings. At every single "normal" wedding I've ever attended there is tea/coffee/champagne when the guests arrive at the hotel. Wine with the meal, tea/coffee after the meal. A round of drinks as the tables are being cleared away and tea/coffee later on in the evening. So certainly enough liquid sustenance to celebrate the day.
    TheBigLebowski wrote: »
    From my own point of view, I drink bottles of miller and I'd probably drink 15 or so at a wedding. You can 12 buy bottles of miller for 12 euro in Tesco so that's only 15 euro worth of alcohol. Hardly too much to ask.

    No hotel will allow you to do that. They allow guests to bring their own wine, but they charge them €5-20 per bottle for corkage. If the bride and groom have a free bar they have to pay bar prices for each drink. So your 15 bottles would cost them about €60. If they had a free bar it would cost them roughly €10k for 150 guests.


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    #43
    whatdoicare
    Registered Users Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    How Strange wrote: »
    I've read threads on some websites where people ask if it's ok to put their bank details on their wedding invites.
    Are you serious???:eek: That's crazy!
    I'm getting married next June and although it'll be nice to get money gifts I don't expect it. The majority of the wedding will be paid before we even walk down the aisle- (albeit it'll have to be a loan as our circumstances changed since we started booking but still, it'll be me and the hubby paying for it, not our guests- wishing a bit now that we'd eloped to las vegas but ah well, can't be helped haha) My main concern is having a great day and everyone having great food, music and dance. Don't agree with paying for drinks beyond the dinner wine and toast- theres no way we could foot that bill- if it was a house party sure but for 150 people? no way - get yer own.


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    #44
    oceanclub
    Registered Users Posts: 3,411 ✭✭✭oceanclub


    Condi wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Erm, I don't know where you're from, but neither nor most friends have ever invited more than 150 people to any of our weddings.

    P.


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    #45
    ariel05
    Registered Users Posts: 15 ✭ariel05


    Well, - its fine if she explains to people BEFORE they accept an invitation to her wedding. But I dont think it would work very well if she didnt tell anyone in advance and then just said it on the day. You could not invite someone to a wedding and then on the day tell them they had to pay... what if her guests didnt have the money to pay..?? Also, as its traditional in Ireland to be invited to a wedding and get your meal paid for, - why would anyone be expecting anything different and why would SHE be expecting anything other than that from her guests (who she has invited)....???
    I dont think it will happen... she is probably all talk.


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    #46
    bridgitt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 69 ✭✭bridgitt


    how about only inviting 50 people if she is on a budget ?


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    #47
    whatdoicare
    Registered Users Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    bridgitt wrote: »
    how about only inviting 50 people if she is on a budget ?
    Sometimes that's not an option. Most people have family members who assume they are invited as in not asking if they are in a "oh I've my outfit gotten already and yer mam/dad/sister/person on the street says the 18th of June" kind of thing! I've had the experience of planning the wedding list to the minimum only for aunts and uncles and family friends to invite themselves and then mammy going nuts when you try to uninvite them. My wedding list went from 100 to 150 and was heading up to 170 when I had to lie and say 150 was the max would fit in the ceremony place room thing. My mom (and now hubbys mom) is still having a hissy fit about it. 50 would in no way be an option for me there....wish I'd fecked off to vegas now....
    Oh and a warning for brides/grooms to be- my friend just informed me that those who were invited without guest sneaked in their guest anyway- she ended up with a bill for 15 extra people!!!


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