My Son

LegacyUser

9 Relationship with a girl just ended..... she has a 5 year old son by another guy(during a year apart away working) who has wanted nothing to do with him since he found out she was pregnant...

i was her initial childhood sweetheart and decided to stick by her and treat her son as my own. i was present at the birth, been there right through his life, hospital, creche, school, do it all and love every minute of it... he calls me dad, has a great relationship with my family, etc

problem now is that after all these years his mother and i have gone our seperate ways( after a few unsuccessful attempts at breaking up and re-uniting she has decided that a clean break from her and her son is best for everyone) i suppose in the past we have got back together due to me still playing an active part in his life.

i can see both sides of the argument here and am just looking for guidance. i suppose realistically i have no rights but whether or not im his "real" dad i think we what we have counts for more than a title....i dont want him growing up thinking he's been abandoned twice. im torn up by this and know he's missing me but just doesnt understand whats happening yet!!!

should i walk away for his sake or do i fight to keep what we have???

Nevyn

Unfortunately unless you adopted the boy or were made a guardian of him you have no legal right currently what so ever.

I don't think it's fair to deny a child contact with the person to whom they consider to be a parent, hopefully over time she will come around.

LegacyUser

I have no intention whatsoever of going down the legal route, i did not mean to give that impression at all!!!

eviltwin

All you can do is talk to her.

I hope for the sake of the child she does let you have some degree of contact. I know its probably going to be hard for her to see you so maybe get a third party who knows you both and the child to act as a go between so you can have your contact with him but keep your distance to her?

At this stage its probably too raw for her to think straight but if you just wait around for her to contact you she might misinterpert that as you having washed your hands of the child. Maybe write her a letter telling her how you feel, how you want to respect her need for space but you really want to have a relationship with the boy.

I know legally you havent a leg to stand on but it shouldnt have to be an issue. If she loves her son and can see that he misses you she should be able to put her feelings aside and focus on whats right for him.

PullOutMethod

By the sounds of it the boy will clearly benefit from having you in his life.
He's only 5 now but will be well able to express himself going forward - he'll want to hang out with you.
His mother will surely understand that.
Maintain contact and enjoy each others company as the boy grows.

ash23

Give her some time maybe. Tell her that you would really like to stay in contact with your son. Offer set access.

I was with someone from when my daughter was little until she was 5. I would never have even thought of severing the contact they have. He isn't great and only wants her when it suits, has let her down a few times and generally isn't great at his "responsibilities" but as far as she is concerned he is daddy for all intents and purposes.

PS on an aside, I hope your son knows you aren't his biological father. It's important that he knows the truth.