I had a run in with some scumbags that has left me shaken and nauseous

shamblertine

I was walking home across a large green that overlooks the back of my house, it's sits just inbetween two sides of a busy main road so I always cut across it after jumping off the bus.

I had managed to make it virtually the whole way across unobstructed when some young whipper snappers barely cocked kicked a ball over in my direction, now I'll be the first to admit I ain't no Robbie Keane when it comes to the art of soccer but I like to think I have enough skill to be confident enough to dribble and score a point with minimal effort. Still even with this fact in mind I pretended I hadn't seen the ball roll pass merely yards ahead of me and carried on walking but froze when one of the charlies shouted in my direction. "Hey miiister kick it back." I **** myself and also pretended not to hear this plea for assistance from the young youth. I had only taken four more steps however when he shouted again. "Oi prick, pass it back you ****." The **** that had resided in my pants had now doubled in load at the thought of a 15 year old skanger calling me names in public. I then looked around as if only just realising the little man had meant me and ambled over the the tatty old football that had been kicked over near the edge of the green. So dressed in my office suit and shiny shoes I started silently praying to God that the kick wasn't as awful as it destined to be, I expected at worse that I would only manage to boot it a few yards away from me and they'd all laugh and call me a nancy... I could live with that, but today it seemed God was either not at home or the possibilty that my suspicion of the fact that the **** ain't real could infact be true because after spending 5 seconds lining up my kick I then proceeded to make a run and scuffed the ball with the side of my shoe which went almost at a right angle to my left and flew into the busy road, if matters couldn't get worse in then got run over by a Tesco's delivery lorry and made a load pop that also deflated my arsehole as I stared back at the now angry youths. Before they had a chance to come after me I turned and legged it as fast as I could across the busy road almost getting run over in the process and didn't stop running until I was in my house, I then spent the next 10 minutes peeking through my curtains praying they didn't see what house I had run into.

dreamers75

lol good one


humour forum >>>>

MizzLolly

You need to get out more!

partyatmygaff

Solution:
Learn how to kick a ball.

WeeBushy

I had a run in with a thread that had no paragraphs, and it has left me shaken and nauseous...

ParkRunner

Their underground network knows where you live, there's no escape

super_furry

TL;DR

stovelid

Robbie Keane.

"Soccer"

Dribble.

Score a point.

Computer says no.

MagicMarker

Goal, you score a goal.

Nozebleed

lol..sap! funny tho!!

Epic Tissue

I lol'd

Elliemental

I love the utter pointlessness of all this....

admiralofthefleet

dan



dan



dan

RonMexico

I guess we all know who Trappatoni will draft into midfield now for the play offs.

skippy15

WeeBushy wrote: »

I had a run in with a thread that had no paragraphs, and it has left me shaken and nauseous...

ha ha quality- was I meant to find this thread so funny....they prob just thought what the hell and started laughing...:p

TheZohanS

shamblertine wrote: »

I had a run in with some scumbags that has left me shaken and nauseous

Nah you burst some young fellas ball.

From your story they seemed sound enough 'til you ignored them and killed their ball.

Skid

stovelid wrote: »

Robbie Keane.

"Soccer"

Dribble.

Score a point.

Computer says no.

You forgot "Whipper Snappers", In what Century did all this place?

kelty

Thats the funniest post ive read in ages

Jako8

RonMexico wrote: »

I guess we all know who Trappatoni will draft into midfield now for the play offs.

Andy Reid?

Hang on OP are you Andy Reid?

admiralofthefleet

leave the op alone!!!!

Euro_Kraut

SkidMark wrote: »

You forgot "Whipper Snappers", In what Century did all this place?

Whilst preambling this very morn I came across the most unruly bunch of scallywags....



OP, next time throw the ball over to them.

tech77

shamblertine wrote: »

I was walking home across a large green that overlooks the back of my house, it's sits just inbetween two sides of a busy main road so I always cut across it after jumping off the bus.

I had managed to make it virtually the whole way across unobstructed when some young whipper snappers barely cocked kicked a ball over in my direction, now I'll be the first to admit I ain't no Robbie Keane when it comes to the art of soccer but I like to think I have enough skill to be confident enough to dribble and score a point with minimal effort. Still even with this fact in mind I pretended I hadn't seen the ball roll pass merely yards ahead of me and carried on walking but froze when one of the charlies shouted in my direction. "Hey miiister kick it back." I **** myself and also pretended not to hear this plea for assistance from the young youth. I had only taken four more steps however when he shouted again. "Oi prick, pass it back you ****." The **** that had resided in my pants had now doubled in load at the thought of a 15 year old skanger calling me names in public. I then looked around as if only just realising the little man had meant me and ambled over the the tatty old football that had been kicked over near the edge of the green. So dressed in my office suit and shiny shoes I started silently praying to God that the kick wasn't as awful as it destined to be, I expected at worse that I would only manage to boot it a few yards away from me and they'd all laugh and call me a nancy... I could live with that, but today it seemed God was either not at home or the possibilty that my suspicion of the fact that the **** ain't real could infact be true because after spending 5 seconds lining up my kick I then proceeded to make a run and scuffed the ball with the side of my shoe which went almost at a right angle to my left and flew into the busy road, if matters couldn't get worse in then got run over by a Tesco's delivery lorry and made a load pop that also deflated my arsehole as I stared back at the now angry youths. Before they had a chance to come after me I turned and legged it as fast as I could across the busy road almost getting run over in the process and didn't stop running until I was in my house, I then spent the next 10 minutes peeking through my curtains praying they didn't see what house I had run into.

Yeah i fcuking hate those young youths.

Jesus Juice

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

dan



dan



dan

Nah he cant hear me...

DAN

admiralofthefleet

naaahhh he cant hear me

dan

Bonavox

I want that three minutes of my life back

admiralofthefleet

has to be done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2D3-FkoXNU

Jesus Juice

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

naaahhh he cant hear me

dan

Got it before you!!

ejmaztec

shamblertine wrote: »

The **** that had resided in my pants had now doubled in load into.

SkidMark wrote: »

.

You were obviously both there.

greeno

In fairness they were hardly scumbags, couple young lads playing ball and ask for it back when it goes astray and low and behold the op manages to burst the bloody thing!

Paddycrumlinman

Man, when I seen the title of this thread I was waiting for the same old story of some scumbags directly attacking you.

To Summarize,

Lads playing football...

Ball comes your way.....

You completely over analyze the situation and panic over what?

You ignore them and they call you names..

You decide to kick the ball back and it gets run over....

Sounds like you lack confidence especially in this situation..

What should of happened:-

Ball comes your way. Fair enough you can't play ball. Anyone can toe-poke a ball. You should of hit it as hard as you could with your big toe, laugh at where it goes and told the lads, I'm no Robbie Keane... Sorry lads.

Due to your indecision you kicked the ball in a panic and the van burst it.

Kicked it first time and laughed, you would of be fine.

I think your fine in anyway...

Chill out man... buy a new ball, toe-bog it to them next time you seen them and say laters boys.


End of story..

I thought you got stuck with a needle or something...

You're alright..

Skid

OP needs a visit to bluffball, it'll smooth those awkward references to dribbling, scoring points and Robbie Keane.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpjYGjSeLoE

greeno

Bono Vox wrote: »

I want that three minutes of my life back

it took 3 minutes to read that?

mattfender

hahah thats feckin gas:pac:

SoWatchaWant

Shamblertine IS Mark Corrigan

docdolittle

Grow a pair? :P

admiralofthefleet

Jesus Juice wrote: »

Got it before you!!

i was replying to you:D

gurramok

OP sounds like Mr. Bean there.

redout

LoL

That was brilliant.

Soby

I.T Crowd football
Haha Op this is so you
Embedded is disabled sorry guys:)

RMD

Well, I wouldn't call this a run in with scumbags, I'd hate to see what you'd call running into 3 Marlborough street lovelies with spikes and all.

I hope you bought them a new ball or something, you bully.

stovelid

WeeBushy wrote: »

I had a run in with a thread that had no paragraphs, and it has left me shaken and nauseous...

...

Kersh

Priceless, i laughed lots.

ScumLord

I really hope this is a joke, I'd expect a 4 year old girl to have bigger balls than that.

robbie_998

you know, you didnt even have to kick it back,

pick it up and throw it ?

buy them a new ball or you'll be hearing from us very soon :cool:

Celly Smunt

anyone?

kyp_durron

This is the best thread

Gary ITR

dreamers75 wrote: »

humour forum >>>>

Yeah.. eh... Don't think so

Shryke

I think the secret, in this situation OP, is not to run away like a girl from a bunch of kids that didn't discover masturbation before the ****ing millenium hit.
Should have just pretended you meant to do it. Got home. If they followed you, kick some heads. And do it in your suit, with a switch of bamboo and a bar of soap, only to make it a bit of a challenge for yourself. You are a grown man?
Say it with me now, GRRRRRRRRRR!!! :P

orestes

Am I the only one who read the op as a blatantely obvious piece of satire on the over-reactions of members of certain sections of society when confronted with what they consider to be "scummers" based on their own ignorance and pre-conceptions?

Actually quite a clever piece of writing if you ask me.

CHD

orestes wrote: »

Am I the only one who read the op as a blatantely obvious piece of satire on the over-reactions of members of certain sections of society when confronted with what they consider to be "scummers" based on their own ignorance and pre-conceptions?

Actually quite a clever piece of writing if you ask me.

Go to Bed.

orestes

CHD wrote: »

Go to Bed.

Sigh