Why is it not ok to want to be single?

Odaise Gaelach

kelle wrote: »

I would never, ever ask anybody why they weren't in a relationship ... it's the height of ignorance.

I wouldn't actually mind that much if someone asked me. I like being single. I don't feel the need to fall in love with anyone. I have my friends and we have fun together. I enjoy my job, pursue my hobbies... I'm not content, I'm happy.

Though what gets on my wick (and the OP's too, I'm guessing) is when someone goes on about it again and again and again and again and again... I think that would get on anyone's nerves!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Most people want to be in relationships so its assumed everyone does. Might as well learn to deal with others thinking this, its not gonna change

sam34

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Most people want to be in relationships so its assumed everyone does. Might as well learn to deal with others thinking this, its not gonna change

it's just a pity that those who assume this don't have the cop on, maturity and humility to recognise and accept that not everyone wants the same thing they do.

squonk

Married smugness... they're happy so obviously without a man you can't be happy. Yes, it's infuriating. Has happened to me on a few occasions, like being single must be a major problem for me and I automaticaly have to be interested in friends of friends who come along on nights out because I'm a single guy etc. Very annoying yes, but the way I look at it is that I really enjoy my life and have more fun and independence than my married friends. It has it's downsides too but I'm not too bothered by that at the moment at all.

sunnyside

sam34 wrote: »

but you're not merely saying that. you're going so far as to say that people cannot be truly content or "fully developed" if they do not have a partner:

I have no problem with people choosing to be single but I do think that people who have NEVER had adult sexual relationships can be emotionally immature. I don't know of any reason for it but I have noticed it in some people. Singles who have had past relationships or who have f**kbuddies never seem to be like this.

I have chosen to be single in the past because I was devestated by a break up.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am married and have a child, but have always been convinced that I could have been very happy to have stayed single.

I'm a man with a low sex drive. I enjoy sex but its just not such a big thing for me. I love my wife but I was always happy when on my own (but happier now!!)

Many people fear the thought of growing old on their own and thats why they think that they must settle. They cant believe that others dont feel that way too. I have a quite a few friends in crap marriages that are going nowhere.

Best of luck

mood

sunnyside wrote: »

I have no problem with people choosing to be single but I do think that people who have NEVER had adult sexual relationships can be emotionally immature. I don't know of any reason for it but I have noticed it in some people. Singles who have had past relationships or who have f**kbuddies never seem to be like this.

I have chosen to be single in the past because I was devestated by a break up.

I have never had anyone (apart form VERY close friends who I have know years) tell me 'Hey, I have never had a sexual relationship' or 'Hey, I have a f**k buddy'. I assume most people would be the same. So how can you decide who is immature based on their sexual experience when you may know nothing about it?

Bottle_of_Smoke

sam34 wrote: »

it's just a pity that those who assume this don't have the cop on, maturity and humility to recognise and accept that not everyone wants the same thing they do.

Completely agree. Though these people are often mature and have humility in other areas. Its just cop-on/open-mindedness isn't all that prevalent in humans.

sunnyside

mood wrote: »

I have never had anyone (apart form VERY close friends who I have know years) tell me 'Hey, I have never had a sexual relationship' or 'Hey, I have a f**k buddy'. I assume most people would be the same. So how can you decide who is immature based on their sexual experience when you may know nothing about it?

Some people, girls much more so than guys will openly admit to never having had a boyfriend and other people if you meet them a lot you'd know who they go out with, etc and from that it's obvious they've never had a boyfriend.

It's usually people who have had relationships in the past who decide they want to be single, usually due to past experiences. People who have never had relationships are usually curious to try it and see what it's like.

scanlas

Amy07 wrote: »

I'm a 33 year old female and single by choice, literally everybody I know apart from my brother has a major problem with this.

I went out last night with a married friend and the conversation was completely dominated by her about the fact that I want to be single. She refuses to believe that anybody could be happy on their own, and that my basically my whole life is an act. I mean how insulting can somebody be? She doesn't have children, how would she feel if somebody told her her life couldn't possibly be fulfilling because she doesn't have kids?

It's the same at work, people constantly drone on about how hard it must to be meet somebody these days, etc, etc. What is so strange about somebody wanting to be single? I honestly can't see anything positive about being in a relationship, surely there are others who feel the same...

Why must it be so hard to meet people these days compared to any other days? What's the difference.

ztoical

RealEstateKing wrote: »

I dont mean actual rules written down by someone. I mean that there are a few simple core things that ALL human beings need in order to be truly happy, in the same way in which a dog needs to be walked. I don't beleive that these things are negotiable: They are actually an essential part of what being a human being is.

Our ordinary everyday likes and dislikes may differ from each other, but once our basic food, shelter and security are taken care of: ALL of us need:

(1) Friends and relatives that love us.
(2) Fulfilling work that we are good at that means something to us.
(3) An adult sexual relationship with another human being.
(4) A sense of belonging or identity to things larger than ourselves.

You are entirely free to like/dislike whatever you want in order to find your path to happiness, but it is impossible to be happy in the long term without at least giving these things your best shot.

Of course you might bit never find these things, and many human beings never do. But if anybody here really has the attitude that they NEVER want to be in a human relationship as long as they live, we can categorically say that that is an unhealthy attitude to being alive.

What utter rubbish you are posting. Where the hell did you get those rules from? Certainly no psych book or anthropology study I've ever seen, they look more like your own personal views on life and you should know what works for you doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone cares about being part of something larger then themselves, that honestly sounds like some messed up religious cult talk to be honest, not everyone gives a **** about their work. Some people forum close relationships with a small core of people while others will have less close relationships but with a larger groups of people. Sexual relationships are about a base need to pass on your genetic makeup by making babies. Some people feel if you don't make babies your life is meaning less yet there are millions of people on this planet who never make babies....your life, your choice, if the OP is happy being single then she is happy being single and there's nothing wrong with that.

We are social creatures and should interact with other humans but that does not mean we need to forum romantic relationships with one person. You can have very close relationships with friends and family that fills your need for human interaction....the OP didn't say she wanted to be a hermit, just that they weren't interested in pairing off with someone just cus that's what some people think your meant to do.

LegacyUser

I suspect I may be delusional because I find myself CONVINCED I have just seen a shrink post perfect common sense.

Apart from which...

RealEstateKing wrote: »

I am simply stating, that it is extremely mentally unhealthy to want to be celibate and loveless for the rest of your life (if that is indeed what anybody here is advocating) - I am not saying that you can't be happy when you're single. I am merely saying that it is uhnhealthy not to be open to the possibility of being in a relationship some day.

Life, all human life, is about individuals, in individual circumstances and compromise rather than "ideals". Making healthy choices depends on what your realistic options are. Sometimes a firm decision to remain celibate and loveless, while pursuing fulfillment in other areas, IS the healthiest choice a specific individual can make, however sadly, or otherwise..

mise23

If the OP wants to stay single and is confident she's making the right decision for her, I can't see what the problem is.
In terms of theories Erikson's stages of psychosocial development would be more descriptive than Maslow's hierarchy of needs