adopting a 2 or 3 yo child- any experiences?

Gonzales

I'm interested in hearing the experiences of adoptive parents of 2 or 3 yo old children, in particular seperation anxiety & settling in experiences.

Thanks.

The_Conductor

Hi Gonzales, sorry you haven't had a response.
I've no personal experience- but would like to point you in the direction of some helpful books such as:

Gregory Kecks book- parenting the hurt child
Deborah Gray - Attaching in adoption: Practical tools for parents
Melina- Raising adopted children

What you have to consider when proposing to adopt an older child- is there is a very high likelyhood that they may have experienced early childhood trauma, neglect, abuse and certainly- abondonment. You need to prepare yourself to recognise the signs and sympthoms, and equip yourself to try and help your child as best you can.

Adopted children vey often do have specific needs, that are wholly alien to children who have not been through the adoption process.

Along with reading material- it would also be very helpful to attend some preparatory courses, or sitdown and talk with adoptive parents who have been down the road you are thinking about. Norah Gibbons in Barnados used periodically run some very good courses (its been years since I was talking to them though- so give them a ring- they will be able to point you in the right direction).

Best wishes,

Shane

Gonzales

Thanks Shane,
the points you highlight are my very concerns, I'll take a look at the material. Thanks.

class1comp

smccarrick wrote: »

Hi Gonzales, sorry you haven't had a response.
I've no personal experience- but would like to point you in the direction of some helpful books such as:

Gregory Kecks book- parenting the hurt child
Deborah Gray - Attaching in adoption: Practical tools for parents
Melina- Raising adopted children

What you have to consider when proposing to adopt an older child- is there is a very high likelyhood that they may have experienced early childhood trauma, neglect, abuse and certainly- abondonment. You need to prepare yourself to recognise the signs and sympthoms, and equip yourself to try and help your child as best you can.

Adopted children vey often do have specific needs, that are wholly alien to children who have not been through the adoption process.

Along with reading material- it would also be very helpful to attend some preparatory courses, or sitdown and talk with adoptive parents who have been down the road you are thinking about. Norah Gibbons in Barnados used periodically run some very good courses (its been years since I was talking to them though- so give them a ring- they will be able to point you in the right direction).

Best wishes,

Shane

Thanks for the book list I am also in a similar situation

ET3

Hi,
I have just joined this forum so hence the late response. We have recently adopted a 3 year old child. We were prepared for the worse...researched the subject like mad! Our new son actually transitioned very well. We had a gradual transition...only way it should be done,in my opinion.He had been very well prepared for the move by his carers and knew us by straight away when we arrived at the orphanage.Older children do arrive with their own little rule book and it is a difficult age to be moved at...3 year olds are starting to strike out on their own a little and all of a sudden their whole world changes. I think our little boy is incredibly brave.Initially he was very focused on my husband but that soon changed once we got home and I was with him 24/7. We kept him at home for weeks on end with no visitors,just to get him rooted. He was indiscriminately friendly to strangers and that is something we are working hard on but he is improving greatly. We told family and friends NOT to pick him up..as advised by SW.Most pay heed,one or 2 don't and it is infuriating.His orphanage gave us all his clothes and even though we had lots of new ones for him,we dressed him in his orphanage clothes for a good few weeks as they had a very distinctive smell. For a long time he would only allow me to settle him to sleep and became very distressed if my poor husband tried to do it.So we just went with what he was comfortable with and gradually he is allowing my husband to settle him to sleep.In the first weeks we had lots of baths,carried him everywhere(still do...my back is really sore!),lots of gentle touches,stroking his face,back rubs etc.He still sits on my knee to be fed and he loves this.We did try to put him back on a bottle but that didn't work so now we use a sippy cup.We try to do regressive parenting as much as we can and as long as he is okay with it.He needs to be babied..he gets a lot emotionally from that.He hasn't shown any signs of grief and that bothers us as he was very well cared for...I think we still have a lot to discover about him.Hope this helps,any questions just shoot!

pink100

you can get a lot of information through Ireland Adopting website..most of the families in that group are very helpful with answering questions..best of luck