RTE STORYLAND 2 Promos

Brendan Canty

Here's the preview episode for our storyland 2 entry - Bugbusters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQVLhFsPoXc
A weapons raid gone wrong leads to the escape of a lethal and vicious Flyman (a part fly/part man phenomenon) who wastes no time finding it's first kill.
Victims of the Flyman quickly become Flymen themselves, and so Cork city is soon riddled with these monsters. With both the Gardai and Army curiously occupied, the Mayor of Cork reluctantly hires The Bugbusters (an incredibly extreme quartet of exterminators) to deal with the problem before the Flymen carry out their plan to seize control of the region's entire supply of sugar.
Armed with their gung-ho attitude, fantastic outfits and heavy artillery, The Bugbusters clamp down on the presence of Flymen in Cork.
However, a failed attempt to capture the original and most dangerous Flyman results in the Mayor taking them off the case, much to his delight.
Down and despondant, The Bugbusters are soon reminded of their place in society and that what they do best is killing bugs. Now as renegade vigilantes, the Bugbusters hatch a plan to lure the Flyman in and finish him off once and for all.

BlitzKrieg

wasnt the deadline only closed last night?

Though the guy with the sniper rifle does look like sparky...

Brendan Canty

Yep. Submitted ours at 11.45 Sunday night!

What do you think?

projectmayhem

Brendan Canty wrote: »

Yep. Submitted ours at 11.45 Sunday night!

What do you think?

Judging by other entrants I think that was the general time people submitted. A lot of 11.59 entries, I imagine.

Anyway, nice preview. Obviously if it gets through the production will undoubtedly change etc., but the writing was spot on. Hammy acting was perfectly suited, and the timing was great.

I just hope it stands up to 7 minutes of film... but so far it seems great.

Good luck during the pitching session!

johnfunk

I just showed it to my girlfriend didn't tell her what it was about just wanted to see her reaction. She hated it, thought it was amateurish and the people responsible had wasted their time. When i told her it was an entry into the storyland comp she replied "well it wont win" luckily my girlfriend doesn't sit on the judging panel isn't it? although she would fit the target audience that rte are looking for.

Brendan Canty

Fair enough...it's not for everyone. May I point out that if she thinks it's amateurish because of the scarecrow, the fake hand, the dubbing...that was intentionally amateurish. And if she doesn't get it than the comedy is not for her. And what did you think of it John?

johnfunk

Ive shown here your post and she is very offended as she reckons she has a very good grasp of comedy and would be a fan of lots of the stuff you reference in your piece, gostbusters, kung fu films, david cronenberg she just didnt think that it would attracted a big enough or wide enough audience to win. thats only her opinion i guess the only opinion that matters is the people deciding which projects get selected

Brendan Canty

Why is she getting offended? I respect her opinion. All I said was the comedy was not for her. I don't find a lot of comedies funny either. That's fair enough, but a lot of people have found it funny so far. But as you said...it's up to the judges next, then the people(fingers crossed afterwards). Now once again...you're the man into film...what did you think of it?

Also our influences were more along the lines of Anchorman, South Park, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace, Father Ted and of course Ghostbusters(but not so much for the comedy style). Never heard of David Cronenberg.

johnfunk

I dont know really, im always wary of stuff that sets out to be bad. i think its cheating

Brendan Canty

Cheating? I don't know what you mean at all. The purposely bad special effects are a comedy technique. Watch Garth Marenghi's Darkplace or even Monty Python to see what I mean. It would not be funny if they were perfect cg effects. They set out to be bad...this makes it funny...to some people that is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnob1BOf7Y0

BlitzKrieg

Brendan Canty wrote: »

Yep. Submitted ours at 11.45 Sunday night!

What do you think?

Mostly a meh from me, some bits where good (the kung fu giving the evil eye cause he has no gun.) and while the amataurish look is intentional, the poor editing works against it. If a piece is made to look amataurish the pacing needs to be really good to make the humour, here its a mixed bag, the opening joke with the girl being approached with what is assumed to be a thug didnt work cause the pace was too fast. The bugbusters intro was well paced enough, but the shooting sequence could have been alot tighter. But when you get into the chase it gets a bit tighter again and works.

In the end my main concern would be the same as projectmayham's would it stand up to a 7 minute slot over six episodes?

johnfunk

I'm aware of both python and garth marenghi's darkplace, in fact i would go as far as to say I'm a fan. i think that you are confusing amateurish with low budget. python works because it was well written and didn't allow itself to be restricted by the fact that they had no cash. they chose inventive ways of telling the story/gags and never set out to make it look meh.

i just worried that your particular idea wont stretch to 6 episodes as all the gags where used in this promo, also the pace of editing is all wrong and it left me wanting

Brendan Canty wrote: »

Cheating? I don't know what you mean at all. The purposely bad special effects are a comedy technique. Watch Garth Marenghi's Darkplace or even Monty Python to see what I mean. It would not be funny if they were perfect cg effects. They set out to be bad...this makes it funny...to some people that is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnob1BOf7Y0

Brendan Canty

BlitzKrieg wrote: »

Mostly a meh from me, some bits where good (the kung fu giving the evil eye cause he has no gun.) and while the amataurish look is intentional, the poor editing works against it. If a piece is made to look amataurish the pacing needs to be really good to make the humour, here its a mixed bag, the opening joke with the girl being approached with what is assumed to be a thug didnt work cause the pace was too fast. The bugbusters intro was well paced enough, but the shooting sequence could have been alot tighter. But when you get into the chase it gets a bit tighter again and works.

In the end my main concern would be the same as projectmayham's would it stand up to a 7 minute slot over six episodes?

Firstly...thanks for the constructive feedback. I completely agree with you about the start. It needs to be slower and better directed(aka...thug needs to be angrier at first) with better sound. We shot that first and I got a bit caught up in trying to be a cameraman, do sound, direct, sort out the shots and keep the camera dry all at once. If we get through and have a budget I'll have others to take care of this thankfully! And it will be shot again. I had two days to edit it and had to work with what I shot. I began to relax and direct more when we got on to the action bits so they came out better.

johnfunk wrote: »

I'm aware of both python and garth marenghi's darkplace, in fact i would go as far as to say I'm a fan. i think that you are confusing amateurish with low budget. python works because it was well written and didn't allow itself to be restricted by the fact that they had no cash. they chose inventive ways of telling the story/gags and never set out to make it look meh.

i just worried that your particular idea wont stretch to 6 episodes as all the gags where used in this promo, also the pace of editing is all wrong and it left me wanting

First of all we never set it out to be 'meh'. We too tried to work around having no budget in a very short time slot.

We have the plot all worked out including character arcs. The humour isn't all like the gags in the preview episode...that's just the angle we took for the fight scenes. I'll let people read the scripts and critique if interested...just pm me.

And again...thank you very much everybody for your feedback. Greatly helpful and appreciated! Keep it coming!

AnonoBoy

The editing needs to be a lot sharper. If you're going for 'bad edit gags' they need to be more obvious. After the guy fires the rocket at the car there's too long before the cut. We should see the car explode immediately and then have the guy strike a pose.

Did you upload your 30 second promo to Youtube too?

Brendan Canty

Yep the car exploding was a bad edit gag People have found it funny. But I know what you mean. I only had two evenings to cut and apply effects to all of this so it naturally would be sharper with more time.

We were cheeky and submitted this as the promo. Heehee! :P

AnonoBoy

Brendan Canty wrote: »

We were cheeky and submitted this as the promo. Heehee! :P

I don't know how strict they are but won't that give them the opportunity to automatically discount your entry?

Brendan Canty

I doubt they would with the effort we put into it. We figured they can choose to watch 30 seconds of it if they wish or the full thing. Hopefully they won't anyway.

littlejohnnyrep

I think with the funding from RTE it'll be brilliant,
considering the zero budget and time constraints with editing etc. it's the best entry promo i've seen up on youtube by far.

AnonoBoy

littlejohnnyrep wrote: »

I think with the funding from RTE it'll be brilliant,
considering the zero budget and time constraints with editing etc. it's the best entry promo i've seen up on youtube by far.

RTE will be going more on the scripts I'd say than the promos and any time constraints entrants had won't concern them.

Brendan Canty

Spot on. But the preview defo helps to show how the script can work especially in the case of comedy. Our scripts our fairly solid and we've got each episode planned out with sub plots that all tie up nicely in the end.

AnonoBoy

Brendan Canty wrote: »

Spot on. But the preview defo helps to show how the script can work especially in the case of comedy. Our scripts our fairly solid and we've got each episode planned out with sub plots that all tie up nicely in the end.

Good luck man.

Brendan Canty

Cheers bud

johnfunk

littlejohnnyrep wrote: »

I think with the funding from RTE it'll be brilliant,
considering the zero budget and time constraints with editing etc. it's the best entry promo i've seen up on youtube by far.

Check these out

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfidRDJ35HY&feature=player_embedded

and

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEzBlwM-ywQ

you have to remember that any time restraints were self inflicted as the competition has been open for over a month

BlitzKrieg

johnfunk wrote: »

Check these out

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfidRDJ35HY&feature=player_embedded

and

www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEzBlwM-ywQ

you have to remember that any time restraints were self inflicted as the competition has been open for over a month

I throw my vote in behind punchline.

Its a good idea. well edited piece for the most part (though as an exclusively internet based one I wouldnt be so keen. Can and has worked on tv and film)

Gets me interested anyway.

Makes me think of King of Comedy though.

My biggest criticism would be the acting is a bit over the top in the preview, a comedy about comedy should be more dialogue oriented then pantomime.

Mariana is the most technically impressive entry by far...Its clear they got a good technical team.

But its premise is a bit meh personnally and the script in the preview doesnt sell it, acting's a bit hammy and the script is very clunky, lots of exposition trying to be sold as clever dialogue which doesnt work.

One thing I must say though, if Mariana doesnt get through, the other teams would be fools not to at least offer crew positions to crew that did the preview.

another entry which is rather strange

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9Yuxd9WyLo

Poor pitch as it simply confuses me as a viewer. (if its even real.)


Good thing I didnt enter in the end, I only found out 2 weeks before deadline, wouldnt have had anytime to get a script etc together in time. Might try next year if there is one.

LilLolaDee

I have to disagree with those that are saying it could not stand up to a 7 minute slot over six episodes. Is it not a bit premature of you to suggest this simply from seeing the promo and not the scripts? I'm sure they would not submit something that wasn't already mapped out over the six episodes.

johnfunk

LilLolaDee wrote: »

I have to disagree with those that are saying it could not stand up to a 7 minute slot over six episodes. Is it not a bit premature of you to suggest this simply from seeing the promo and not the scripts? I'm sure they would not submit something that wasn't already mapped out over the six episodes.

the point of a promo is to engage the audience and get them interested in your idea. Ideally it should leave you wanting more

My criticism of bugbusters is not a personal attack, i simply suggested as a member of the audience that i didn't think that it would hold my interest for six episodes. Any excuse can be put forward as to why the promo looks the way it does but at the end of the day a link was posted and comments were asked for, mine happen to be negative but its my opinion.

look at the other links for promos that Ive just posted, regardless of what you think about the idea behind them you would have to admit that they are well made and convey the idea in a short space of time. that's the idea behind a pitch short, concise and leave the viewer wanting more.

johnfunk

BlitzKrieg wrote: »

Mariana is the most technically impressive entry by far...Its clear they got a good technical team.

But its premise is a bit meh personnally and the script in the preview doesnt sell it, acting's a bit hammy and the script is very clunky, lots of exposition trying to be sold as clever dialogue which doesnt work.

One thing I must say though, if Mariana doesnt get through, the other teams would be fools not to at least offer crew positions to crew that did the preview.

another entry which is rather strange

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9Yuxd9WyLo

Poor pitch as it simply confuses me as a viewer. (if its even real.)


Good thing I didnt enter in the end, I only found out 2 weeks before deadline, wouldnt have had anytime to get a script etc together in time. Might try next year if there is one.

I believe that both promos were made by the same team which is interesting.

I agree lolcano is strange couldnt figure out what was going on.

Now is the time to be getting the ideas ready for next year. let me know if i can be any help.

BlitzKrieg

johnfunk wrote: »

I believe that both promos were made by the same team which is interesting.

Oh gods I retract my support of punchline...Its the crowd that did the roaring twenties by the look of it. I return my support to bugbusters.

Now is the time to be getting the ideas ready for next year. let me know if i can be any help.

I had a friend pitch me an idea or two about following a small irish office of a big multinational introducing chip implants to replace mobile phones and the protesters who oppose it, it had a nice mix of comedy, serious drama and sci fi. Sadly he wasnt able to put two scripts together in time. Would have worked online cause it was going to be done mockumentary style and the advertising for it would have been focused around viral marketing with blogs for the characters and a company website etc.

We talked about it quite a bit. Dunno if I'll be here or the uk next year though.

johnfunk

Whats the roaring twenties?

BlitzKrieg

short lived tv series on rte

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055217230

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055212180&highlight=roaring+twenties

the show itself:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWJhdtwp7Lk


It was pretty bad. For pretty much the same reasons I said I disliked Mariana, the dialogue is woeful for the most part.

In their defence, technically they are quite good. Just it ran thin on appeal very quickly after 3 minutes of listening to the characters in a pub.

LilLolaDee

I agree that it should leave you wanting more. I personally think it does, but thats my personal opinion and you have yours. What I'm saying is that in the pitch to RTE you include your scripts and your promo. They are not relying on the promo alone. As he has mentioned, they have a strong script, which to me sounds promising as he seems very open to constructive criticism and recognises its weaknesses. The thing about this kind of comedy, like any kind of comedy really, is that it won't appeal to everyone. I think they did a very good job and look forward to seeing more.

johnfunk

i disagree

Brendan Canty

johnfunk wrote: »

My criticism of bugbusters is not a personal attack, i simply suggested as a member of the audience that i didn't think that it would hold my interest for six episodes. Any excuse can be put forward as to why the promo looks the way it does but at the end of the day a link was posted and comments were asked for, mine happen to be negative but its my opinion.

I appreciate your opinion John, I really do. And thanks for all the feedback. But I would like if you could focus on some of the positives and what we could be doing better. Feckin hell your first comment was not at all about what you thought...just about how much your girlfriend hated it and how she thought we wasted our time. That's a bit insulting. No one who goes through this amount of effort is wasting their time. For a student run, no budget(€100) preview episode, and a comedy at that (which is a tough skill) I think we've done ourselves fairly damn proud. You seem to throw other preview episodes in our face and go on about how this is how it should be done. Those were made by a production company with a budget, a good technical team with a man for every job. So give us a break and tell us what we should be doing to improve rather than what we're doing wrong. I co-produced, co-wrote, directed, edited, did the sound and was cameraman so obviously it's going to not live up to it's full potential than if it had a budget and a technical team behind it. But the large and great positive feedback we have been getting from people is really helping us and we are ready to drive on!!

BlitzKrieg wrote: »

Oh gods I retract my support of punchline...Its I return my support to bugbusters.

Back of the net!!!

Brendan Canty

johnfunk wrote: »

i disagree

Point proven

johnfunk

I dont think that those other previews where made by a production company.

johnfunk

Brendan Canty wrote: »

Point proven

What point?

Brendan Canty

http://www.eekrebfilms.com/about.html

johnfunk wrote: »

What point?

That you're negative in all your criticism.

Brendan Canty

Take Blitzkrieg as an example. He talked about what he thought did not work but also what did work and gave us pointers about how we should improve. I don't mind negative criticism but it gets to a certain point where you just think you're out to undermine us. We've gotten loads of good feedback from people so we must be doing something right. So focus on the good or what we can do to fix the bad and help us make Bugbusters a success!

johnfunk

You are missing my point I didn't like it, i don't have anything positive to say about it. I thought it didn't work and while other people might have liked it that's their opinion and mine is mine. i think that if it get commissioned that rte will have wasted 16,000 euro of licence fee. I'm not trying to undermine you I'm just stating an opinion. Its easy to make something look bad there is no skill in that, the trick is to make it look good which has been pointed out by other posters.

If you only want positive feedback then just continue showing it to friends and family if you want genuine feedback post a link on a message board and sit back and take it.

Don't let my opinion put you off, stick with it but do learn to respect your audience.

Lazialane

Hey guys, Just been reading up on all the posts so far. Got to say 'Bugbusters' is prob my fav.I thoroughly enjoyed it and I actually got a good few laughs. I reckon with a budget it will definately be a hit. Think its probably one of the most original ideas I've come across and I just want to wish the guys who made it the best of luck!:)

Lazialane

johnfunk wrote: »

Its easy to make something look bad there is no skill in that, the trick is to make it look good which has been pointed out by other posters.

In my opinion you can save the looking good part for when you get commissioned to properly make it! Its more important to get the story across and where it will lead if commissioned! Every entery will have great post production and will look great with a budget.I thought alot of the other entries looked better but lacked imagination and originality! Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed the other submissions and would like to congratulate everybody on their efforts.:)

johnfunk

The budget is only 8 grand per episode which is peanuts, i spent more than that on my college films, by the time you pay people, feed people, hire the odd location spend money on petrol you will soon realise how little it is.

I got more information from the written introduction that accompanied the initial post than I did from the promo.

Listen we will agree to disagree but I would be surprised if this gets the green light

Brendan Canty

johnfunk wrote: »

Its easy to make something look bad there is no skill in that, the trick is to make it look good which has been pointed out by other posters.

Yes there is no skill in making something look bad. But there is a skill in making things look bad on purpose for humour. Again look at Garth Marenghi, who do it brilliantly.

johnfunk wrote: »

If you only want positive feedback then just continue showing it to friends and family if you want genuine feedback post a link on a message board and sit back and take it.

Don't let my opinion put you off, stick with it but do learn to respect your audience.

Have you been reading my comments at all? I've sat back and taken all the good and the bad. I'm insulted by the way you say respect your audience because I've been very respectful and open to constructive feedback.

When I asked you to try and be more helpful and constructive you can't and make me look like I'm being disrespectful to my audience. Complete bollocks! I'm getting frustrated with you because as you said yourself you've got nothing constructive to say and yet you keep on posting negatively about the project. That sounds to me like someone trying to undermine us.

We are very new to this so we want peoples opinions to help and guide us in the right direction. Not someone who's telling us it's **** and a waste of time on a number of occasions.

So I suggest you keep you and your girlfriends non-constructive opinions to yourself or take them elsewhere cause you are no help to us here. And I think we all have made it very clear that you and your girlfriend are not our target audience.

johnfunk

So who is your target audience? Do you understand the term? Why are you only interested in positive feedback?

Like I mentioned before I am a fan of Garth Marenghi they are brilliant at what they do, but to compare yourself to them is ridiculous. I understand that you are only starting out and i respect that, but now is the time to learn how to do stuff properly, walk before you run.

Brendan Canty

johnfunk wrote: »

So who is your target audience? Do you understand the term? Why are you only interested in positive feedback?

Like I mentioned before I am a fan of Garth Marenghi they are brilliant at what they do, but to compare yourself to them is ridiculous. I understand that you are only starting out and i respect that, but now is the time to learn how to do stuff properly, walk before you run.

The target audience to me is all those people who have enjoyed it and have laughed at the jokes. Students and people who just love a bit of silliness.
By positive feedback I mean any feedback that helps me. I probably confused the term. What I want is simple...if you think we are doing something wrong, then tell me and also tell me what could make it right. I keep comparing ourselves to Garth Marenghi because you keep telling us we are making stuff look bad for nothing, that it is cheating. You seem to have latched on to that comment I made about making it purposely look bad. I don't think you got what I meant. When I said that I wanted to make things look purposely bad, I meant it in the same way that Garth Marenghi do, for a joke.

I don't understand how you mean "do stuff properly?". RTE have invited people with no background in TV to enter, even if the preview is off their phone. It's not exclusively for the professionals. If we get through we will get those pro's behind us to enable us to run.

johnfunk

You are right RTE have thrown the doors open to all that to apply for funding for storyland. they do this so they can attract people to the commissioning process who may have felt alienated in the past. they are looking for new ideas and new talent, I'm not arguing that you are not talented you are! but this is not the idea that will get you noticed.

Im not trying to undermine you Im just pointing out that your approach may be flawed.

LilLolaDee

Who the hell spends over eight grand on a college film? Get off your high horse johnfunk. You're coming across as a snob.

johnfunk

LilLolaDee wrote: »

Who the hell spends over eight grand on a college film? Get off your high horse johnfunk. You're coming across as a snob.

Im not on a high horse, I was merely pointing out that 8 grand isnt a lot of cash when making pictures. How does that sound snobby? Dont be ridiculous.

Its not like i spent my own money, it was the cash that was provided by the college to make the projects what was i suppose to do say no thanks.

LilLolaDee

johnfunk wrote: »

Im not on a high horse, I was merely pointing out that 8 grand isnt a lot of cash when making pictures. How does that sound snobby? Dont be ridiculous.

Its not like i spent my own money, it was the cash that was provided by the college to make the projects what was i suppose to do say no thanks.

Unfortunately we don't all have such luxuries.

Brendan Canty

johnfunk wrote: »

but this is not the idea that will get you noticed.

Im not trying to undermine you I'm just pointing out that your approach may be flawed.

Again this is your opinion. I obviously disagree And if this idea doesn't work than I'll try again and again until I do.

Can I see this college film that you spent over 8grand on as a matter of interest?

johnfunk

LilLolaDee wrote: »

Unfortunately we don't all have such luxuries.

now you are being childish